Title: Let Love In
Author: Rayvin813
Chapter: 5/6
Summary: The rescue attempt was a success, but he knows something within her has been broken...and it's something he's not sure if he can fix.
Pairing: John/Elizabeth
Spoilers: Adrift/Lifeline.
Rating: PG/PG-13 (to be safe)
Warnings: Maybe tissues. ;)

Let Love In

He watches her in silence from the doorway to her quarters as she rocks back and forth on the far side of her bed, glancing out into an unfamiliar ocean with a troubled look on her face. She knows he's there, and she's okay with it. She knows that he knows, but despite how much she wants to, she doesn't say a word. She can't.

Not yet.

Weeks had passed since they'd rescued her from the Asurans, but there was still something off in her behavior. At first, Samantha Carter had been worried that it had to do with the nanites inside of her, that they had somehow been reprogrammed, but after Rodney and John's repeated pleas not to send her back to the SGC, and the IOA's hesitant okay, she had allowed the negotiator to stay. She had conducted the tests herself, with a few seldom assists from McKay, since he had been the one to reprogram them in the first place, and had determined that there was no danger from the tiny machines coursing through her veins.

Elizabeth Weir's disconcerting behavior is completely within her mind, and she knows that it tears John apart inside to see her like that. She knows that he wants nothing more than to wipe away every worry that she feels, every tear that falls down her face, but she won't. For some reason, she can't even bring herself to allow him even the slightest of touches.

She can hear him cry at night, and she knows that every tear is for her, for what could be between them.

John Sheppard is a man who never cries in front of others, who is afraid to show his emotions, yet his tears still fall because of her, and that, more than anything, tears her up inside. She visits his dreams every night, telling him how sorry she is for everything. She wakes up every morning, saddened that another night has ended, and retreats back into her self-contained enclosure. Each day he casts her a glance of silent thankfulness that she allows him to share any time at all, and she gives him a small smile, full of promises that one day she will return to him.

She wishes she knew when it would be.

"Lisbeth," he almost whispers, stepping inside her room. "I know...that you don't want to talk about it. But I've seen the way you act around Keller..."

Her eyebrow arches at the name, as if she's trying to remember it, to attach a face to it.

"Jennifer...Dr. Keller," he whispers, reminding her, and he feels her mind touch his, searching for a face. It's an odd sensation, a slight tingling in the memory center of his brain, but she makes it quick, finds what she's searching for and leaves his mind. He almost cries out at the sudden absence of her mind in his. It's the most contact she's allowed him since he helped her into the jumper in the Asurans' city, and he's learned to relish every bit of contact she allows him, metaphysical or otherwise.

"Lisbeth, I'm worried about you," he continues, his voice rising to a quiet rumble. She shudders at the sound as it slithers down her spine, and a brief smile crosses her face. "You jump every time someone touches you, every time a needle touches your skin. I know that..."

He pauses, trying to find the words, "...I know that they did horrible things to you, but dammit, Elizabeth, you need to let us help you."

His cursing isn't helping matters, but she tries to keep in mind that he's frustrated. Everyone is frustrated with her, but they all know that she isn't the Elizabeth Weir that they've grown to know over the last three years. They know that she might never be that same person again. He apologizes quickly, and her eyes dart up to meet his. The sheer panic in her eyes is enough to make him reach out to her, attempting to cup her face with his palm, but she jerks away and stares back out into the ocean.

His hand falls to the mattress and he sighs. She hears him run a hand through his trademark unruly hair and mutter another apology. She knows he's trying, and she wants him to know that she's grateful...but for some reason she can't find a way to tell him, so she just sits there in silence hoping he knows. She hangs her head and turns to him, opening her mouth to speak, but closes it just as quickly. He looks up at her expectantly, hoping she'll say or do anything to let him know that she's in there, that she's still with him.

She looks down at her hand, and suddenly it doesn't seem like hers. It doesn't feel like her skin that flexes over her fingers, the back of her hand, as she reaches out to him and places her hand over his. No matter what it feels like to him, he grips it tightly, and his eyes well up with tears. He knows how much this one simple gesture has cost her, and he loves her all the more for it.

A tear streaks down his cheek and she reaches up with her free hand to wipe it away without thinking about it. For the first time since she's been back in Atlantis, back home, the thought of touching him feels right. She lets her hand linger over his cheekbone longer than necessary and he smiles at her, nuzzling her hand with his cheek. He chokes on his tears as she expects him to do and a sorrowful smile crosses her face. The look in her eyes says how sorry she is.

He knows. He always knows.

She takes a deep breath and leans forward, braving her fears as she touches her lips to his. He kisses her back softly at first, letting her get used to the touch of skin, the intimate dance of his lips over hers. Then he presses harder, running his tongue over the slight curve of her bottom lip. She whimpers as she opens her mouth to him, tasting him and inwardly smiling against the fierceness in his kiss. And the taste that lingers on her lips as he pulls back slowly to gaze into her eyes makes her smile even wider.

Damned if he doesn't taste like sugar.