chapter iv
-
When Alice came out of the big house, she was even paler than normal. Edward was staring out at the green pine forests, slowly and systematically pulling apart the leg of an iron chair, and didn't seem to notice her appearance on the back veranda.
"I bit her," she said.
Twist, snap. Another useless scrap of metal came off the chair. "I know," he replied. "I heard her screaming."
"She'll be fine," Alice said, sounding remarkably assured, though her thoughts couldn't help but betray her words. "Got her in the pulmonary veins, straight into her heart. It shouldn't take too long now."
"I know," Edward said again.
Alice put her tiny hand on his shoulder, squeezing briefly, and added, "Carlise is looking after her. I know she's going to be fine. We all pulled through, didn't we? And we were all in much worse shape than she is."
"I know," Edward said for the last time.
Bella's screams echoed out of the open door, and the metal in Edward's hands snapped in half.
-
The kiss doesn't last long. It was short by nature. Like a camera flash, quick and unexpected, then dying away into the darkness. Scene set, moment captured.
Surprisingly, it's Jacob who pulls away first. Edward stays where he is, watching him, waiting for his next move. It feels like he's watching this unfold from a great distance, from underwater, like he's not even there at all.
He sees the hard muscles of Jacob's back flex when he turns over, and sees him slip out of the bed, heading towards the bathroom. Edward props himself up on his elbows. "Where are you going?" he asks.
Jacob shoots him a glare. "Out."
"Where?" Edward repeats.
"Looking for Bella. That's what we're supposed to be doing. It's why we're even here in the first place." Jacob pulls on his shoes without looking up at Edward, fingers sharp and vicious on the laces.
"It'll be dawn soon," Edward points out.
Good thing I'm not a vampire, then. "I don't care."
"Jacob—"
"I'm not talking about this right now, all right?" Jacob snaps, standing up.
Edward sits up completely on the bed, watching Jacob go to the door. "Why not?"
"Why even bother asking?" Jacob counters., and for the first time, Edward sees the hurt underneath the anger.
"Because I want to know."
"Read my fucking mind then, and see if you can figure it out, because I have no fucking clue," he says, and slams the door so hard it splinters on the frame, breaking around the hinges. The shards of wood gape open slightly, splaying orange light from the streets across the frayed carpet.
Edward stares at the sliver of night between the door and the frame. He doesn't move. From what feels like years away, he can hear Jacob jump off the railing and hit the ground running, and he only realizes what it means after Jacob's already long gone.
He wishes they were on the road again.
-
"Hi Edward, it's Alice. I'm getting more visions, I'm positive Bella's in Phoenix now. I think something bad is going to happen, but I can't tell anything else, it's too murky, but I'm almost sure that...well. I think someone's going to die. Check up on her mother again, although I'm getting the feeling she's a dead end, it never hurts to be sure. Call me back when you get this, all right? I love you. Bye."
-
"It's Alice, again. You should pick up your phone more often. I think the Volturi have figured out where Bella is, too, so I know Felix at least will be in Phoenix in a few days. Call me. I love you."
-
"Edward. Are you there? If you are, please pick up. I'm getting worried."
-
"…Edward, please, everyone's really worried, I can't see you or the werewolf or Bella or even the Volturi, I just know someone is going to get hurt, maybe even die, I don't want anything bad to happen to you. Call me, please, I love you."
-
Out of a mutual lack of success, Jacob and Edward set out near the strip malls at one in the morning, footsteps oddly loud on the cracked sidewalks. Everybody else in Phoenix is either drunk or asleep.
They don't talk to each other. Not at first.
Eventually, though, Edward stops and sniffs the air, uneasiness prickling in the back of his mind. Jacob pauses as well, head cocked to the side.
"I can smell another vampire," Edward says. "It's not Bella, but…it's familiar."
Jacob raises an eyebrow. "How many bloodsuckers do you know?" he retorts.
"Not too many. That's why I'm worried."
Jacob reaches down and pulls off his shoes, almost absently, and Edward recognizes it as part of a preparation for a fight. "Just the one vampire?" he asks.
"Yeah." Edward has no blood for adrenaline to run through, but he feels the phantom chill of it anyways, stealing along his dried-out veins. He can hear Jacob's heart pounding from a few steps away.
Focus, he reminds himself, and reaches out to the vampire's mind, connecting to their thoughts.
Then, a second later, he says, "Fuck."
"What?" Jacob asks, looking slightly unnerved.
It feels as though his entire body has seized up. If it's fear or just shock, he can't tell. Edward inhales forcefully, dragging a breath of gasoline-choked air into his non-responsive lungs. "It's one of the Volturi."
…Bad smell, must be a werewolf, don't know what one of those is doing around here, thought they were all hunted out…werewolf and a vampire? Curious…Aro said to keep the Cullen alive, wanted him for some purpose, but he wouldn't mind it if I took out the werewolf…
"It's Felix," Edward says tightly, reaching back to Jacob's mind instinctively.
"Not the cat, I assume," Jacob says, snickering quietly to himself before recovering when Edward glares at him. "Is he a danger to us?"
"He wants to kill you."
Jacob grins. He hasn't changed into a werewolf yet, but already his eyes are feral. "Excellent. I've been wanting to kill a vampire for a while now."
"Don't kill him. We need to find out what the Volturi are planning to do."
"We have Alice for that, don't we?" Jacob pulls off his shirt as well, socks, and then his jeans, leaving him in nothing but his boxers. "I'm going after him. Stop me if you can."
"Fuck," Edward mutters again. He's not going to be able to stop Jacob without hurting him. A month or so ago, that wouldn't have been a problem.
He sees Jacob grin, teeth bared like a snarl, and then he explodes out of his skin and into a massive wolf. Edward can do nothing but run after him down the street, hoping he doesn't die.
-
Felix is smart enough to realize that a werewolf is coming for him, but not smart enough to know to run away. So he stands his ground.
Jacob launches himself straight at the vampire, no bullshit, hackles up, and they collide with an impact that cracks the pavement beneath them. Late at night, no cars or witnesses, and that's something to be grateful for. They break apart, both snarling.
Felix is, at first, eager for the challenge—and maybe on another night he would've come out of this triumphant and unbroken—but tonight Jacob is fueled by rage and the vampire stands no chance against his fangs and claws.
When Felix leaps forwards, hands outstretched, Jacob ducks to the side easily, bloodlust gleaming in his eyes. He chases after Felix, and despite the speed of their movements, Edward sees it perfectly when the werewolf leaps onto the vampire and rips out his throat.
There's no spray of blood. Felix chokes anyways, reaching for the part of his neck that's no longer there, and Jacob takes a chunk out of his thigh while he's distracted.
It's hard to be consumed by pain as a vampire, though, and Felix recovers too quickly, knocking Jacob into a shop window. The glass shatters.
"Fuck," Edward hisses to himself. A second later, Jacob is back on his feet, growling low and threatening, and circles Felix again.
There isn't any blood when the fingers go as well. Felix bites off a howl of pain. Already Jacob is up, spitting out the fingers still in his mouth, moving in a tight circle around Felix. The vampire is beginning to look desperate, but any attempts to run are abortive; Jacob is too fast, too caught up in his anger, to let his victim go.
The fights ends when Jacob gets under Felix's guard again, ripping open the chest cavity. The only blood is Jacob's and the only breathing is his, harsh and loud in the night, but Felix is the one who's dying.
Edward stands to the side, watching them fight, watching the vampire slowly being ripped apart.
-
Eventually, the flames die down, and all that is left of Felix are a few wisps of ashes and the smell of burning venom. There is a slow hint of dawn on the horizon.
Jacob is covered in a hundred quickly healing scratches from the glass window, has a badly broken wrist, and what's probably a mild concussion. He is also very naked. Edward very pointed stares straight ahead.
"So how much are the Volturi going to hate us now?" Jacob asks, pulling on his pants and doing up the buckle with his good hand.
Edward tries looking for Felix's ashes, but only sees the road, grey and clammy in the night. The darker patches of more recent pavement are visible even in the low light. He exhales roughly.
"They're going to kill us."
Jacob looks strangely cheered by the thought. "We're so fucked," he says.
"We are," Edward agrees morosely.
"Well, now that it's official, want to keep looking for Bella?"
Edward reaches for his cell phone, feels the faint flash of the red light against his fingers. "In a minute," he replies, and dials Alice's number.
-
"Hi, Alice. I'm still alive. Jacob killed Felix, though, hopefully that's who you saw being hurt in your visions. I'll talk to you soon. Bye."
-
The night slides into the dawn. Edward and Jacob walk down the cracked sidewalks near the stripmalls.
They don't talk at first. The silence is peculiar; it's both awkward and easy by turns, broken only by the occasional passing car speeding past the traffic lights. Their footsteps are oddly loud.
Eventually Jacob clears his throat. "Hey," he says.
Edward looks over at him, eyebrows raised.
"Are you pissed at me?" Jacob asks.
The smell of fried food is pugent in the air. Edward closes his eyes, head tipped back, and replies, "Why would I be?"
"Because I kissed you. Because I killed that vampire. Hell, maybe because I broke my wrist, I don't know, there are plenty of reasons."
"There are."
It's not an answer, and they both know it. Jacob waits a few steps before demanding, "Well, are you pissed or not?"
Edward opens his eyes again. They're walking by a row of shops, clothing stores and coffee shops and groceries and tourist traps, moving at the upper limits of human speed, and Jacob is glaring at him. It's enough to make him smile a bit.
"I'm not mad at you," he says.
If anything, Jacob's eyes only narrow more. "So? Any questions? Comments? Do you have anything you'd like to share with me, or do you just have no opinion on this at all?"
"I wish you hadn't killed Felix, but I don't hold it against you."
That just makes Jacob look even angrier. "What about when I kissed you?" he demands. "What's your opinion on that?"
Edward looks away."I don't know how to explain it to you."
"Yeah, well, figure it out."
He's starting to walk too fast, fast enough that a passing jogger is giving them both a strange look. Edward sighs and reaches out to Jacob, grabbing his wrist and forcing him to stop. "Jacob."
"What?" the werewolf snaps, twisting out of Edward's grip.
"I'm not indifferent to you. I didn't want you to kiss me, but it's not because I didn't want it. Is that what you wanted to know?"
In the middle of a step, Jacob abruptly slows and stops, then turns to look at Edward. "What?" Jacob says. His eyes are wide, like old burnished coins, and vulnerable enough to remind Edward how young he really is." Yeah. I thought…well, never mind, you know already."
"Probably," Edward agrees, and looks at the Phoenix skyline. The sun is rising.
-
In the paper the next morning, the headlining story is about three young women coming home from a nightclub, brutally murdered at two in the morning, blood drained from their bodies; there was a picture of them beside the article, eyes drunkenly bright, a moment of life captured minutes before their deaths.
Edward crumples up the paper and throws it at the door, then rests his head in his hands, trying to control his shaking hands.
They're still nowhere near Bella.
-
"She's not in Phoenix anymore," Alice says into the cell phone.
It's just a routine call. There's nothing unexpected about it, but for a second, all Edward wants to do is see his family again, see Esme and Carlise and all his adopted brothers and sisters. He grips the edges of the phone tighter, and the thin, blunt sides crumple beneath his hands. He forces himself to let go.
"She's going back up to Seattle," Alice says. "She's coming back home."
The road beckons to them, stretched over hundreds of curving miles. Languorous under the hot sun and the purr of the car's engine. Wheels stuttering over the asphalt. It's like they've never been away.
And so they go on.
-
It's in yet another motel, baked under the cruel rays of the Californian sun and just off an exit from the interstate, that they stop at for the night. The Volvo lurches into the parking lot. Jacob cuts the engine.
"I can drive during the night, you know," Edward says, looking at the flickering neon lights of the motel, the vacancy sign beneath it.
"I know," Jacob says.
They sit in their separate seats for a moment. The windshield is dusty enough to be nearly opaque, and Edward makes a note to get the whole car tuned up when they get back home.
"So do you want to sleep? I'll take over…"
Jacob shakes his head before Edward can even unbuckle his seatbelt. "That's not why I stopped," he says, and leaves it at that.
Hands paused in the act of getting out of the car, Edward looks over at him, and sees only a tentative hope masked behind a raised eyebrow. "Why'd you stop, then?" Edward asks.
"For fuck's sake," Jacob says.
"What?"
"Can't you read minds?" Jacob snaps, rolling his eyes, and then.
Then he's shifting over from the driver's seat, foot colliding with the gearshift and the parking brake before he finally lurches to a stop on top of Edward. Involuntarily, Edward grabs his arms.
Jacob is suddenly close to him, one hand braced against the headrest of Edward's seat, the other on the dashboard. Close enough that he can feel Jacob's ragged breaths ghosting along his own face, like secondary breathing, close enough that he can see the golden tint in Jacob's irises. The world is a different place than it was a second ago.
"Do you…" Jacob begins.
Edward leans forward and kisses him.
After a moment of surprise, Jacob makes a pleased noise and shifts forward further, taking his hand off the headrest and curling it around Edward's neck. Jacob kisses with a certain kind of intensity, where he's a bit too sloppy and forward and when he bites Edward's lip, it's almost strong enough to break the skin. It's the first time Edward's kissed anybody who's taken charge the way Jacob has.
He presses Edward back until they're awkwardly piled against the passenger seat door, arms and legs tangled together. Edward winds his fingers through Jacob's hair and pulls.
"Fuck," Jacob breathes, and then licks Edward's lips before kissing him again, and again, and again.
The sun has set completely by the time Jacob pulls away, eyes dark and lips slick, and they're both panting. Edward doesn't even need the air. He can't help but to reach out and touch Jacob's face softly.
Jacob manages a smile. "Do you want to do this?" he asks, face carefully blank. His thoughts are a stream of pleasepleaseplease.
Edward has had sex with Bella, when they were married and going to the University of Alaska. The sheets had been cold. Afterwards, Bella had claimed that she was fine, but when Edward stayed awake for long enough, she started shivering. When the sweat cooled and the afterglow faded, all that was left for her was a cold bed and a colder lover.
Jacob is not Bella.
It's an argument both for and against; Edward shouldn't be doing this with someone else, but he shouldn't have been with Bella like that, either.
Jacob is watching him carefully, the hope beginning to sink in his mind, and he says as casually as he knows how, "You don't have to…"
Breakable. Edward shouldn't be doing this. Not with him.
"Yes," Edward says, and Jacob's eyes darken when he smiles.
They manage to book a room, with the woman at the front desk only raising her eyebrows pointedly before handing them the keys, and as soon as they stumble through the door Jacob pins Edward against it, pulling at his shirt, nipping at his jaw.
"Why do you wear such fucking preppy clothes, man," he mumbles against Edward's lips, struggling to get it over Edward's head.
Edward shoves Jacob away and tugs the shirt off by himself, throwing it in the corner. Even the bland air of the room feels warm to his bare skin, the smell of dust and mildew suffocating, even with Jacob radiating heat and werewolf musk in front of him.
Jacob smirks at him, like he knows what he's thinking, then pokes him in the ribs. "You're a skinny bastard," he observes.
Edward grabs Jacob's hand. "I was dying of the flu when I was turned," he retorts.
This is not a new feeling, having someone look at him appreciatively and think, he's beautiful, but somehow it feels different when it's Jacob, who just raises his eyebrows and meets Edward's eyes, half-smiling. "Poor you," he says.
"We can't all be built like brick houses," Edward says, and then, "Have you ever done this before?"
Jacob shrugs and sits on the bed, kicking off his shoes and socks. "With girls, yeah. Guys…not so much." Above his head, the light from a passing car lights up the wallpaper, then disappeared into the distance. "C'mon, get over here."
The bedspread smells a bit like old blood, and Edward sits on it gingerly, hunger kindling deep in his chest despite the fact he wouldn't be able to drink Jacob's blood. "You shouldn't be doing this with me," Edward says.
He feels, rather then sees, Jacob rolling his eyes. "So you've said. Several times, even."
"It's true."
Heated fingers press on the underside of his jaw, forcing him to turn towards Jacob, and Edward finds himself meeting his gaze.
"I want to do this with you," Jacob says. It has the weight of a command, of a final statement, and he ducks his head and kisses Edward fiercely like it will erase all his doubts.
It doesn't, but Edward lets Jacob do it, lets himself be pressed back into the bedspread and opened up, pieces to pieces, skin to skin.
-
After the act is over, Jacob rolls over rests his chin on top of Edward's head. "How're y'feeling?" he mumbles, words blurring together with exhaustion.
"Fine," Edward says.
Jacob presses closer, winding their fingers together and kissing Edward's knuckles. "D'you regret it?" he asks.
"No."
"Me neither," Jacob says, eyes slipping closed, and Edward feels slightly sick from self-loathing. He squeezes Jacob's hand once, twice, then gets up and sits outside, staring up the hazy night sky.
-
Edward tries to avoid it the next night, tries to keep driving by all the seedy places off the highway, but Jacob shoots him a questioning look when the sky darkens and they still haven't stopped.
There is only so much rejection Edward is willing to serve, especially to Jacob. He pulls over at the next place they come across, and out of the corner of his eye, he sees Jacob smile.
-
It starts off much the same, with kissing and then falling onto the bed, working up to tugging on the buttons of their jeans and moving ever-faster, quick, sharp touches that would break anybody else's bones. It's part of why they're together like this. They can finally let themselves go.
Edward had to always be so careful with Bella. One careless movement, forgotten in the act of passion, could crush the tiny blood vessels in her skin and open up yawning bruises over her body. She'd said she didn't mind, but people began to give them strange looks, whisper about them behind their backs. That was part of the reason Edward gave in and let her be turned. Not because of the people, but because he couldn't stand hurting her anymore.
Looking back, it's just another moment of irony, another way Edward can hate himself for being so blind.
There's a sudden release of pressure from his arms, and Jacob falls onto his back beside Edward, breathing heavily. Edward looks over at him, surprised.
"What's wrong?" he asks.
At best, Jacob's glare is half-hearted, and mostly he just looks worn out. "You're not into this at all, are you?" he accuses.
Edward doesn't reply.
"Are you thinking about her?"
When faced with the truth, Edward is unable to deny it, and just swallows around the lump in his throat.
Sighing, Jacob rolls off the bed and heads for the bathroom, rubbing his eyes. "I thought so."
"Jacob, wait," Edward says, but it's too late, it's too soon.
"I don't know how many times I have to tell you I'm not her, Edward," Jacob says. The fact that he says it so simply, like he's simply stating the facts, is far more cutting then anything else he could say. "I'll just be a minute. You don't have to wait."
He goes into the bathroom, and Edward hears the lock click in the door, then the sound of the shower starting. The covers are slowly cooling down beneath him, leeched of Jacob's warmth.
Edward stares up at the white stucco ceiling. The nights seemed so much shorter when he could sleep.
Eventually, after several minutes of forgotten seconds, Jacob comes back, hair dripping water onto the floor. He hesitates. Then the mattress beside Edward dips, and he can't help the wash of relief that goes through him.
"Hey," Jacob says quietly.
"Hey."
"I would say I'm sorry—I am—but what I said, it's the truth." Jacob has his jaw set, like he's expecting an argument, but Edward is too tired to give him one.
"I know. I'm the one who should be sorry."
The tense energy in Jacob's body leaves him, and he slumps, hair hanging in front of his face. "You are pretty sorry, man," he cracks weakly, but it falls flat in the silent room.
The fact that he can't see Jacob's eyes bothers him, so he looks away, gazing at the cheap pine molding and air vent in the floor without really seeing any of it. "I want to do this right," Edward finds himself saying. "I just don't know how."
Jacob's hand creeps over to his, and his big hands encircle Edward's wrists. "You think I know what's going on with this?" he retorts. "For fuck's sake, I'm not even gay."
"I think having sex with another man makes you gay, Jacob."
"Asshole. You know what I mean."
Edward snorts quietly into his pillow, and he can feel Jacob's answering grin on the back of his neck.
"We don't need to figure it out right now," Jacob says. "It's not like either of us are going anywhere."
"Yeah," Edward breathes, nearly silent into the still air, and Jacob kisses the back of his neck. He can feel Jacob's eyelashes brush his skin when he closes his eyes.
It's only much, much later, in the darkness where Jacob is firmly asleep, that Edward says, "I can't do this."
Jacob is sleep-heavy and warm, unseeing eyes turned towards the future, heart beating strong and fast.
Edward is only cold.
Just a small note regarding the sex: I wrote as far I was I was comfortable (being female means I have no first-hand experience with gay were/wolf vampire sex, so, there's that), so I'm sorry if anybody wanted to read about some hardcore anal penetration, but...not going to happen. Sorry. (They did have sex, though, in case that confused anyone. If anything, it was missionary position, where they gazed lovingly into each other's eyes and came at the same time. Edward was the bottom. True factz!
Per the usual, thank you to you all who reviewed, faved, etc, I feel so loved! I hope you enjoyed the chapter. I'll see you next time!