A/N: Yay...time to pick it up. lol like it's even a good story. I'm gonna go on and on about how this is only FOR FUN, so please don't flame this thing. It's one of those things where you have to write it or plot bunnies will never leave your side...they might start multiplying, and something else like this story isn't a good idea lol. (Even though I have an idea for a better, funnier one.) By the way, this is just a slice of the cake that I might serve as a full fanfic. Damn straight. (even though everyone uses it lol)

Chapter Three: Magical Wand Warpedliness

"This makes no sense." Said Hermione. "He doesn't recognize us. It's like we're different people."

"We all look like ourselves though." Ron stated smartly, though it wasn't really that smart.

Harry mumbled, "Actually, Ron, you've turned into a spider."

Ron quiverred.

Quirrell stood with a grin on his face. "Welcome to Hogwarts. Please move over so the big troll can come in and wish everyone a Happy Halloween. Dumbledore doesn't know it's a set up to make his party even more entertaining. You can join us if you wish."

Hermione nodded, "We'd love to join you. Our broomsticks broke down and we have nowhere to go. Until our owl gets some help for us, we can stay."

"Grand! Now," Quirrell's smile faded, "get out of the way."

Harry, Ron, and Hermione followed Quirrell to the front of the Great Hall. Professors were situated very calmly in their seats. Albus was clueless as to why there wasn't much commotion.

"I'm satisfied with everyone's self-control, but this is rediculous." Dumbledore sighed.

Suddenly, and with over-dramatic slow-motion effects, the Great Hall's doors opened to reveal the very large, very ugly troll. He stompled through the entrance and swung his arms every which way.

"Why is everything in slow motion?" Ron asked stupidly.

Harry said, "I'm pretty sure it's just a side-effect from you breaking the turner."

"Pfft." Ron mocked, "It's just a side-effect to how fugly my scar is."

Hermione scolded, "Boys...Let's not kill each other. Not in the past, anyways. That would cause too much trouble."

"Haappppy Hallllloweeeeen!!" The troll bellowed into the hall. Everyone cheered and clapped for such a wonderfully nightmarish surprise. (Even though it made no sense why a troll would wish everyone a good holiday.)

Albus stood up and clenched his heart, "Quirell! You silly ass! You pulled a trick on ol' Albus. Well done."

Quirrell bowed, "I couldn't have done it without Voldemort's evil soul possessing me. Thank you, thank you."

Harry and Hermione sideglanced at each other again in shock. Ron picked his nose.

Instantly, the troll began to sing and dance while magical background music was heard.

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard. Damn right it's better than yours. I could teach you, but I have to charge.

"You may leave now, Milton." Quirrell called to the troll, "It's all over now."

The troll stopped singing and the music haulted. He groaned, "I want candy. Trick or treat."

"No, you have to go."

"Fine," The troll turned around to exit the hall. "But I'm not going until I get a peek in the girl's bathroom on the second floor. I hear Moaning Myrtle is a real scream."

Albus ignored the troll and cleared his throat. When he got the respect and attention needed, he spoke clearly and happily. "As it is Halloween, I'm willing to let you in on a little secret this year. Now, you all know about Sevannah Snape, but she has a real treat for you tonight."

"Who the hell is Sevannah Snape?" Ron furrowed his brows.

"I don't know, Ron," said Hermione, "Just listen."

"...and so, we will pass the time until Sevannah comes out. Let's party!" Albus threw his hat off and pulled McGonagal out of her seat.

Her hair was down, spilling over her shoulders. McGonagal looked twenty years younger in a slimming black dress. Dumbledore took his robes off to reveal a shimmering gold muscle shirt and matching pants. As professors got out of their seats, they took off their robes to reveal a variety of vibrant colored clothes and daring ensembles. Even Filch, who had Mrs. Norris dressed in a tutu, was wearing silver suspenders and a tight blue shirt.

Students were suddenly dressed in similar clothing, but more risque. Boys wore tight fitting clothing and fishnet stockings. Girls had corsettes on with either mini-skirts or short shorts. Their makeup was glossy and seductive. Guys even had eyeliner to some extent.

Hermione gasped, "What in Merlin's Spellbook just happened? They're all skanky and skimpy and scary and-"

"Sexy." Ron blurted.

"Silky." Harry said.

"Sensuous." Ron backfired.

"Sinful." Harry added.

Ron laughed. "Sado-masichistic."

"Excuse me!" Hermione snapped the men back to the real world. "Look at yourselves!"

Harry noticed his attire. A white t-shirt that was practically see-through sat on his upper body. As for the bottoms, nothing but plaid boxers were on.

"You whore!" Ron yelled playfully at Mione.

She had on a white bra and a white skirt slip. Nothing more, nothing less. Her bare feet felt cold against the marble floor. She checked her pockets to make sure the Time-Turner was still with her, and was happy to feel its chain.

As for Ron, he had a black mesh shirt on. His pink glitter pants stood out more than the fat lady's horrid voice.

"Alright, let's not comment on each other. There are more important things to deal with right now." Even though Hermione was scantily clad, she still kept a smart head on her shoulders.

"Yeah," Ron commented, "Like why we aren't in here right now. Where are our younger selves?"

"I'm not sure, Ronald." Said the puzzled know-it-all. "Maybe its another effect from the broken Time-Turner. You did mess it up quite a bit. I mean, no real man should ever sweat that bad."

The three of them were completely distracted when the Professors began to sing. (Hermione, Ron, and Harry just watch in confusion.)

Filch: It's Amazing. Time is fleeting. Magic takes its toll. But listen closely-

Trelawney: As the power gets stronger.

Filch: I've got to catch that troll. I remember, doing the Wand Warp, (kick kick) casting black magic again. The Dark Lord would hit me,

Trelawney and Filch: Death Eaters would call him-

Students and Faculty: Let's do the Wand Warp again! Let's do the Wand Warp Again!

Flitwick: It's just a swish and a flick!

Students and Faculty: And then a zap to the right!

Flitwick: Just a curse is the trick

Students and Faculty: It'll blow 'em out of sight. And it's Albus we trust, who will keep us all sane!

Let's do the Wand Warp again! Let's do the Wand Warp again!

Trelawney: Life's so dreamy. Oh spirits please free me! Let us all forsee, the future of all. In another dimension, with Voldemort-istic intension, let us view him, with my crystal ball.

Filch: With another tight wand grip

Trelawney: We're ready for any slip.

Filch: And we know, this won't be any game.

Trelawney: It's a psychic sensation

Filch: It deserves celebration!

Students and Faculty: Let's do the Wand Warp again! Let's do the Wand Warp Again!

Ginny Weasley: Well I was sittin in the pub, butterbeer for a drink. When a Snape of a guy gave me an evil wink. He showed me his arm with the Death Eater's sign, he had a story of bad luck from the darker side. He sneered at me and seemed so deranged, but time did prove that he had changed.

Students and Faculty: Let's do the Wand Warp again! Let's do the Wand Warp Again!

Flitwick: It's just a swish and a flick!

Students and Faculty: And then a zap to the right!

Flitwick: Just a curse is the trick.

Students and Faculty: It'll blow 'em out of sight. And it's Albus we trust, who will keep us all sane!Let's do the Wand Warp again! Let's do the Wand Warp again!

It'll blow 'em out of sight. And it's Albus we trust, who will keep us all sane!

The song ends

"What," Ron was the only one to find his voice. "What... What the shit was that!?"

"The Wand Warp." Answered Harry with a smirk on his face.

Hermione finally spoke, "At least the song is done. And the odd dancing."

Random Narrator Jumps in: Yes, the song was done. But . . . was it really? Join our next chapter to find the answers to many questions. Like: Who is Sevannah Snape? Is Dumbledore a hippie? And . . . Will my milkshake really bring all the boys to the yard? We shall see. We . . . shall . . .