Happy Halloween, everybody! Today is actually kind of my "fanniversary," as I got re-interested in Invader Zimlast year when I looked up the Halloween episode on Youtube. It actually wasn't as good as I had remembered...I mean, for an episode that takes place almost entirely inside Dib's brain, we don't seem to get a lot of psychological insight into him, other than "this kid's got some real issues." But anyway, my sojourn into fanfiction soon followed.

Unlike the first two chapters, this one is supposed to be funny. Originally my idea was to end the story where the last chapter left off and just make it an angst fic, but I didn't want to end it with Zim seeming like such a jerk. Anyway, hope you all enjoy.

Part III of III

The door burst open. "WHOOOOO!" Professor Membrane cried, coming in and wiggling his fingers in a spooooky manner. "Happy Halloween, son! I'm here to take you to your costume contest. I---"

CRACK.

Membrane looked up; Dib was sitting on the couch, looking morose. He had the bowl of trick-or-treaters' candy in his lap, with empty candy wrappers littered all around him. He chewed something in a depressed sort of way, swallowed, then tossed another jawbreaker into his mouth, using one vampire fang to break it with another loud CRACK!

"Why, son! Why the long face?" Membrane asked, putting his hands on his hips and looking concerned. Or he would have been, anyway, if his face were more visible.

Dib chewed, silent for a moment, then hesitated before answering. "No reason."

"Well, get up, son! You don't want to be late for your COSTUME CONTEST, do you?!"

"No."

"Then get up!"

"No, I mean, no, Dad. I don't want to go!" He threw the candy bowl down onto the coffee table, sending a few of the empty wrapped around him falling to the floor. He crossed his arms, glowering like a petulant child.

"What?! But why not, son?"

Dib didn't answer. Instead he just reached down and tossed another jawbreaker into his mouth.

"Come on, son! Let me help you."

Dib muttered something about "Zim made fun of me."

Ah. It was his little foreign friend again. Those two always were getting into fights, it seemed. "Well, son," Membrane said dramatically, raising one finger, "you cannot allow the mockery of others to get in the way of what you want to do. Why, if I had done that, I would have given up on Super-Toast the first time those fools were complaining about exploding toasters and butter burns!" His voice momentarily flared up in anger before returning to its usual affability. "The point is, even if your little foreign friend made fun of your costume or something, you must go and compete, to prove your ideas to the world!"

Dib was silent for a moment, chewing on the last few bits of candy in his mouth. The thought of going to the Halloween party at skool was dead depressing, and the possibility of running into Zim there made his face burn with shame; but now his hands balled into fists, and he suddenly had a strong urge to go to spite Zim, and, if the opportunity arose, to punch him right in the nose. Or the blank spot on his face where his nose should have been, anyway.

"Yeah. Okay, Dad." He wiped a few candy wrappers from his lap and jumped off the couch, still looking moody and sullen.

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"Stupid, stupid Dib-hyuman!"

Zim kicked angrily at a can on the sidewalk, fuming. GIR trotted beside him on a leash while Minimoose floated beside his ear. Or where his ear should have been. Again, you know what I mean. Already the earliest trick-or-treaters were out, but he passed by them without looking; his eyes were on the ground, only looking up every few moments for another wild gestural move.

"How dare he throw disgusting fishy water at me and break my spine. HOW DARE HE! Who does he think he is?"

"Squeak," Minimoose said, bobbing down near to Zim's shoulder.

"Pffft. So what?! He is just jealous, that's all. Jealous that the amazing Zim! had managed to trick-or-treat him with my amazing Zimmy powers of...er...I AM ZIM!"

"Squeak."

Zim's head snapped around to glare at him. "What do you mean?!"

"Squeak."

"'Too far?' Is your brain filled with cray-zees?! How on Irk did I 'go too far?'"

"Squeak!"

"So what I made fun of his stupid not-alive-no-more parental unit? Big deal! Why shouldn't I?"

"Squeak," Minimoose said, in a very significant tone.

Zim sputtered. "Whah---I don't see---leave her out of this!"

"Squeak!"

"Alright, fine! I would not like it if the Dib-hyuman made fun of my beloved cold, unfeeling robot arm, but that's beside the point! That's---completely different!"

"Squeak!"

"WHAT?! A-POL-O-GIIIZE?!" Zim stopped walking and spun around to face him; GIR, not noticing, kept walking and fell down when the leash pulled him back. "You are filled with crazies! I will not apologize!" He crossed his arms and turned away.

"Squeak!"

"No!"

"Squeak!"

"NO!"

"Squeak!"

"Nuh---" He spun around to face him, but suddenly his eyes went wide. He took a shaky step back. "Uh...Minimoose...wh-what are you planning to do with that...?"

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"Hey, great costume!"

"Oh, wow, what are you supposed to be?"

"Neat!"

Dib leaned sullenly against one wall of the skool gymnasium, which had been decorated with spiderwebs, black streamers, and a Halloween mummy which Dib couldn't help but think looked suspiciously real (not to mention a lot like the guidance counselor who had served before Mr. Dwicky). "The Scary Smash" was blaring from speakers by the stage on the other side of the room; to Dib's right were tables set up with food, punch and candy, while the other side had Halloween activities like apple-bobbing, face painting, and conversations with Ms. Bitters about one's future careers. Kids were running around, laughing and talking and admiring each others' costumes, while Dib stayed off to the side, still feeling gloomy.

"Hey, Dib buddy!"

He turned; Keef waddled up to him, grinning (as always) and wearing a large Jack-o-lantern outfit. His tuft of red hair was covered by a little stem-like hat held on by a rubber band. For some reason he also had a black eye, but given his annoyingness that was hardly unusual.

"That's a great costume!" He grinned enthusiastically, his teeth covered with bits of chocolate and candy. "Are you gonna enter the contest?!"

"Er---I guess," Dib muttered. The idea of twenty-eight pounds of candy now seemed a lot more sour than it had a few hours ago.

"Well, you should!" Keef said, nodding vigorously. He looked around. "Anyway, I gotta go---I'm supposed to be watching my little brother. He gets REAL hyper if he has too much candy! Bye!" And he scurried off, barely able to move in his puffy orange costume.

The music stopped for a moment; Mr. Elliot, dressed up in a purple wizard robe covered in stars, had taken up a microphone on the makeshift stage.

"Alright, kiddies! It's just a few minutes 'til the costume contest! All participants need to line up by the stage so the judges can get ready to see your nice little outfits."

He walked away; "Cyclops Cannibal Monster Thingy" came back on, and kids began to rush forward to be judged.

Dib stood to go join them, hesitated, then sighed. He really wasn't in the mood to go up on stage and try to impress anyone with his "Count Dibula" routine. Shoving his hands in his pockets, he turned and began to walk through the crowd towards the door, thinking of spending the rest of the Halloween party moping in the hallway. He squeezed himself between Frankenstein-Chunk and Bodybuilder-Torque, nearly got bowled over by an insane little blue-haired boy running around in his underwear with a beady black nose, whiskers and a candy bar in each hand, and was about to push open the door when he heard a voice calling from behind him.

"Uh-uh---Dib-stink!" TSSST! "YOW! I mean, uh---Dib! Halt your walking!"

He turned; Zim was scurrying across to room to him, standing out even more than usual for his lack of any kind of costume. (Well, unless his usual lame disguise counted.) He was dragging what appeared to be a green dog behind him by a leash; the dog was sliding across the floor on its backside and seemed to be rather enjoying the ride. Floating by his head was a small toy airplane. With antlers. One of which had snapped open and had a ray gun sticking out directly at Zim's head.

Zim reached Dib; he froze, then hesitated, casting a quick look between Dib and the moose. "So, um-uh...Dib. A-hem." Zim looked significantly away. "...Horrible weather we've been having, isn't it?"

The moose-plane squeaked, and the little ray gun drew closer to Zim's head. The alien's faux eyes widened and he quickly turned back to Dib, a nervous, forced smile on his face. Dib glared. "What do you want, Zim?"

"I would like to...er..." His eye began to twitch dangerously; Minimoose pushed the gun barrel even harder against his temple. "I would like to apologize for what I did earlier," Zim spat out, very quickly and apparently with great effort, a disgusted look upon his face.

Dib gaped. "You what?"

"I said I would like to...a-pol-o-giiiize," Zim repeated, sticking out his tongue for a moment as if the words had left an unpleasant taste. "I did not realize that looking up a photograph of your very-sadly not-alive mother, creating an inflatable automaton version of her and convincing you it was her ghost would upset you so much. Please, er...forgive me...or something."

He shot a quick look at Minimoose, wondering if that would be enough to satisfy the insane little thing. Dib just glared, arms crossed over his chest. When he spoke, it was in a surprisingly calm, deadpan voice. "You didn't realize that making me think my dead mother's spirit had returned from the dead to speak with me, and then having it expand to mammoth size and explode in my face, might be upsetting to me?"

Zim scoffed. "Well, how was I supposed to?"

Dib was silent for a moment, his closed mouth moving as if he were chewing his tongue, and when he spoke it was still calmly, but with a powerful undercurrent of barely-suppressed rage. It reminded Zim horribly of Gaz. "You're a real bastard, you know that, Zim?"

"Whuh---I'm apologizing!" he cried, putting his fingers to his chest.

"You call this an apology?!" Dib screamed, now taking on his usual yelling-at-Zim tone.

"I said I was sorry!"

"You're only apologizing because a robotic moose is holding a gun to your head!"

"That's beside the point! Now accept my apology!"

"No!" Dib yelled, pushing Zim hard in the chest.

"Accept it!" And Zim pushed him back.

"No!" Push again.

"Accept it!"

"No!"

"ACCEPT IT" And Zim pushed him back.

"NO!"

"GAH!"

"Squeak!"

Minimoose was thrown through the air as Zim and Dib leaped at each other---the dog leash fell out of Zim's hand and GIR went off running through the crowd, giggling insanely, oblivious as the two combatants fell to the floor and began to wrestle furiously, punching and scratching and kicking at any part of the other they could reach.

"Hey! Dib and Zim are fighting! ...Again."

"Yaaay!"

The fighters rolled around on the floor, snarling furiously at one another, as a few of the closer kids, ignoring the costume judging up on the stage, turned to watch the battle. Assorted cheers rose up for each combatant, along with far more cheers of general approval at the idea of them fighting, but the two were mostly ignorant of anything around them---they seemed more enraged at each other than any of the spectators had ever seen them before.

"Accept my apology!"

"NO!"

A few of the kids thought they saw, very briefly, something long and metal-looking snap out of Zim's backpack and stab at Dib---Dib felt the powerful and sudden electric shock the PAK-leg shot to his skin, but he didn't release Zim, but instead, in a sudden flash of inspiration, bit down, hard, on Zim's shoulder with his vampire teeth---the alien let out a yelp and jumped back, temporarily half-knocking Dib off him, but he stayed on, kneeing Zim in a place that, if he were a human, would have hurt a lot, though Zim seemed strangely immune---Zim let out a scream and managed to throw Dib off, sending him flying into the refreshment tables, toppling them, sending candy and little weenies flying and splashing Dib with blood-red punch---

"Um, excuse me!" Mr. Elliot called from the stage; Jessica, who had been explaining the features of her faux-Pharaonic crown, scowled. "What's going on back there?" He craned his neck trying to see over the throngs of students to whatever was causing such a commotion.

PUNCH! Dib pounded Zim in the face, causing him to stumble back---kids let out cries and scattered as he staggered on his feet, and Dib was running at him again, but Zim's PAK-leg shot out---once again, too quickly for any pitiful hyuman onlookers to get a clear view---and with surprising strength it sent Dib flying through the air---kids shrieked as he landed on top of them, but jumped up almost immediately to head-butt Zim in the stomach, slashing at him with his hair-scythe (which, of course, had not managed to stay down in all the tumult)---

"What's going on down there?!" Ms. Bitters cried, swooping batlike down from the stage.

"YAAAH!"

"AAAGGGHHH!"

Zim went flying through the air, knocking Ms. Bitters witch hat off, and crashed onto the stage---Mr. Elliot jumped aside as the contestants scattered, and Zim crashed into the wall behind the stage before falling to the floor. With a cry of rage Dib had leaped onto the stage after him, and as Zim tried to stagger to his feet Dib shouldered him hard back against the wall---

"Kids! Kids! Stop it, stop it!" Mr. Elliot cried, rushing forward as the other teachers and contestants looked on in shock.

"No---get---ah-ha!" Zim cried, managing (despite Dib's barrage of punches) to pull something out of his pocket. "Be repelled, filthy hyuman vampire thing!"

"That's a Star of David, you idiot!" He punched at Zim's face again, but the alien held up the strange hyuman relic to block the blow---to his growing horror, though, the Dib-monkey could not be dissuaded, and his fist flew around his face, pounding him where his ears should be and knocking him to the floor---Zim felt something fall from his face onto the floor---

"YAAAHHH!"

"Stop it, you two!"

Dib let out a roar and rushed at Zim's fallen form, but felt himself freeze in midair---he kicked and punched impotently like a beserker, but Mr. Elliot was holding him up by the scruff of his neck and he was unable to reach his target. Mr. Elliot's other hand (wow, Dib thought vaguely, he's stronger than he looks) had pulled Zim off the floor by the collar of his red shirt-tunic-thingy, and he held the two combatants, one battle-mad, the other drawing back a bit fearfully, as far apart as he could.

"Now, kids, this is not appropriate behavior! Now, I want you two to---" He suddenly blinked, staring at Zim. "What...?"

Zim froze, looking over to the audience, who were also gazing at him. His antennae rose slightly in surprise, and he---

Wait a second.

His hand slowly moved up to his head, and touched, not hair, but the tops of his two antennae. The hand slowly moved down to his eyes, and he could tell by touch that the occular implants had fallen out---he could even see them now, on the floor, through beetle-like eyes visible to all the pitiful stink-beasts in the audience and stage.

"Uh-oh."

"Let me---let me go, Mr. Elliot---gah-sklah-shmeh-doom---" For once Dib was not taking an opportunity to shout out Zim's obvious alien-ness to the world---he was still thrashing and swiping at the air, trying desperately to tear Zim's real eyes out to join the fake ones on the floor.

"Oh, I get it!" Mr. Elliot said suddenly, chuckling to himself. "You two are entering the contest together!"

"Hyeh?" Zim said, rising one exposed red eye. Dib simply continued struggling against Mr. Elliot's hold on his neck in his attempt to get at Zim's.

Mr. Elliot laughed. "It's like that new movie, Alien vs. Dracula. You two were acting it out. How clever!"

"KILL!" Dib screamed, eyes bulging, arms held out and clawing the air before him. "Kill-slash-maim-doom-die-weasels-slaughter-PAIN!" Again Zim couldn't help but notice the resemblance to Gaz. Except for the complete and utter lack of any control, of course.

"Well, I think costumes this creative deserve first prize!" Mr. Elliot cried, releasing the two---fortunately for Zim, Dib finally stopped trying to kill him, but glared at him with a look worthy of the real Dracula. "Let's all give a big hand for Dib and Zim, everybody!"

A huge cheer came up from the crowd---less for their "costumes" than for how awesome they all thought the fight had been---while the actual contestants looked shocked and furious. Mr. Elliot bustled away and returned a moment later with two cheapy store-bought blue ribbons, while two other teachers came behind him carrying the huge twenty-eight pound bag of candy between them, dropping it down between the two winners.

"Heh-heh." Zim gave an awkward little wave to the cheering crowd as Mr. Elliot attached the ribbon to his shirt, then shot a look at Dib, whose hands were still balled into fists at his side, face down and glaring. His outfit was dirty and torn, his hair even more disheveled than usual, the white shirt under his suit stained with punch. Zim knew he probably looked even worse. "Well, I, uh...guess we shall call it a tie, Dib-hyuman?"

Dib didn't speak for a moment. Zim frowned. Finally Dib growled, "Let me have your half of the candy and we'll call it even."

"Agreed," Zim said quickly. He couldn't eat that filthy hyuman sugar anyway.

Suddenly the bag of candy shook. Everybody on the stage looked up, startled. Then it burst open, and along with an avalanche of sweets came a screeching, giggling little green dog that was stuffing the candy, wrappers and all, into its mouth. Minimoose seemed to be half-buried in the treats himself, hiding or eating Dib couldn't tell.

"CANDY!" GIR cried, tossing handfuls into the air and rolling around with utter delight.

Somebody screamed.

"Aaaggghhh! It's that horrible monster-dog that attacked us all last Halloween!"

"RUN!"

Everybody ran screaming towards the door, leaving a terrified Zim, glaring Dib, hiding Minimoose and insanely happy GIR on the stage.

And so we end with ZADF...sort of. ;-) If I was going to name this chapter, I think it'd be "Dib Goes Crazy and Stuff."

Whoo! This chapter wound up being a lot longer than I expected. Thanks for reading! And so ends the story "Tricked-or-Treated." And yet I haven't labeled this fic as Complete. Interesting...

Please leave reviews, and Happy Halloween everybody!