Zack and Sephiroth…..M.D…….!
Disclaimer: Square Enix owns the characters, I just play with them.
Warning: Language, some gross medical stuff as they get "edumacated".
AN: What if Zack had been able to save his General from falling off the deep end at Nibelheim? The great war with Wutai was over, so now what? The powers that be decide these two merit a special education….off to Shinra Medical School!
Chapter 4 - Anatomy Class
Despite the constant bitching, Zack thought his friend had settled quite well into the new routine. As usual, Sephiroth was able to memorize quickly and master difficult concepts with ease. Unfortunately, the sheer volume of information thrown their way was too much for even his genetically enhanced brain to handle. It was like getting hit with an information fire-hose every morning.
In the afternoons, they were scheduled for Anatomy Lab. There, each group of students got to dissect a human cadaver, in order to learn anatomical structure. In their pristine white lab coats, Zack Fair and General Sephiroth waited just outside the lab for class to begin. The doors opened, and with his usual exuberance, Zack rushed in.
The stench of formaldehyde immediately assaulted his senses. Reflexively clapping a hand over his mouth and nose, Zack turned and fled. He ran straight in to his friend. The General fared no better.
Sephiroth's eyes and nose were in complete revolt. Genetically enhanced senses didn't always give him an advantage. He started to drool, almost gagging with the overpowering smell. He looked about ready to faint, vomit and sneeze all at the same time.
"Here." One of the lab techs shoved a yellow gas mask in his face. After a few minutes, his nose and eyes adjusted. He stood rigid, with a huge yellow face protector covering his elegant features and mussing up his hair. He looked absolutely ridiculous.
Zack collapsed in to a fit of giggles. "Whoa, Seph. You okay?"
"Fuck off, Fair." His congested voice could barely be understood through the thick respirator.
"What was that?"
Sephiroth flipped him the bird, and seriously considered jamming it through his eye.
"Wow! That's a first! I thought all docs got jaded after dealing with the living." The two looked towards the head of the class as the professor began to speak.
"Okay class, you may begin!" The lab director looked suspiciously like Hojo.
Zack, Sephiroth and three other classmates opened the steel box containing their cadaver. It was obvious the man had been morbidly obese in life. Zack turned white, then green. "How the hell are we going to get through all that!"
"Crack and amphetamines, asshole." His classmate didn't even look up.
"Excuse me while I throw up…."
The three other students immediately began dissecting. Fat flew everywhere. Unfazed, they continued at a frenzied pace. Zack's pristine white coat was now covered with bits of fat, skin and drops of formaldehyde.
"Give me a scalpel." There was no mistaking the authority in that voice.
"Uh…Seph? Is that such a good idea?" The General shoved a squawking student out of the way, took his scalpel, and went to work. He wielded the little knife as expertly as the Masamune; his cuts were clean, accurate and very, very fast.
"You're not following the dissection protocol!" The other students were wailing indignantly.
Sephiroth now crouched on the steel table, straddling his victim. There was a wild light in his eyes. He continued to slash with legendary control.
"That's a kill….that's another one….there's a kill….that one would eventually exsanguinate…another kill..."
The lab director stood by, watching. "Easy there, kiddo. You don't want to disturb the brachial plexus." He took Zack's pen, and poked some unidentifiable structure amidst a bunch of similar-looking, unidentifiable structures. The man really did look like Hojo. Sephiroth stopped long enough to glare. The effect was lost through the dirty glass of his mask.
"Hmmm….clean cuts, good control….not bad for a first try! Excellent! A budding surgeon!" The other students continued to clamor resentfully.
"First try….?" Sephiroth stood over the cadaver and the entire class. The scalpel glinted menacingly in a clenched fist. "Do you know who I am?"
Zack sidled up to the director, and whispered. "He's the guy with the 6-foot sword."
"Yes, well, I'm sure everyone has overcompensation issues. Still, I think he's done very well for a first year student." The lab director looked up at the General again, and frowned. "Some advice – you might want to tie your hair back next time. Things can get a little messy in here." He handed Zack his pen.
When the afternoon was over, both of them desperately needed a shower. Zack used this opportunity to stuff his friend into the U-Shinra Medicine hoodie he had bought. He hoped the ladies were noticing as they sat down at the coffee shop to go over what they had just learned. Instead, they got looks of disgust; everyone wrinkled their noses in aversion. Pretty soon they were surrounded by empty tables.
"What's wrong with everyone?" Zack was dumbfounded.
"I think it's the hoodies, Zack." There was sarcasm in the General's voice. Actual sarcasm.
Zack Fair heaved a huge sigh. "Never mind. Let's get to work." He pulled out his anatomy text, his pen, and an assortment of colored highlighters. He immediately began scribbling in the margins. Sephiroth noticed he was doodling pictures of…genitalia. With a dreamy look, Zack nibbled the end of his pen.
Sephiroth waited for the inevitable. He wished he had a camera.
Zack's face screwed up in confusion. His tongue lolled out, and his expression turned to one of revulsion. "What the….?"
He had nibbled on the "Anatomy Pen".
"Oh, fucking GROSS!!"
AN: That was not taken from actual experience. Honest. Some advice, pls - should I skip over the next couple of years (mostly developing book-smarts) and dump them straight into clerkship? Nothing like realizing two years of information overload means absolutely nothing on the wards. Or should I pull a few more lecture-hall stories out of the hat? You decide...