Zack and Sephiroth…..M.D…….!

Disclaimer: Square Enix owns the characters, I just play with them.

Warning: Language, some gross medical stuff as they get "edumacated", and in this chapter, smashed.

AN: What if Zack had been able to save his General from falling off the deep end at Nibelheim? The great war with Wutai was over, so now what? The powers that be decide these two merit a special education…off to Shinra Medical School!

Chapter 6 - Paint the Town

Zack was dead tired. Six weeks of hospital work had sucked the life out of him. He was looking forward to his first weekend off in almost two months. Despite living in adjacent Shinra apartments, Zack had seen little of his friend in the last few weeks. Life was just so goddamned freakin' busy.

Using another pirated swipe card, Zack crept in to the General's quarters. It was eerily silent. Sephiroth slept like the dead; the green glow of his half-lidded eyes was visible from his bedroom door. Like a grinning panther, Zack pounced on him.

"SURPRISE!!"

Under normal circumstances, no one, not even Zack, could have blindsided the Silver General, even in his sleep. The fact that he simply groaned and slid under the covers was painful evidence of his exhaustion. Sephiroth curled up in to a ball. His face stuck to his pillow; he drooled in his sleep. Clothed only in black pants consisting of some soft material, Zack nevertheless noticed a pair of Chocobo boxers. He filed that important piece of information for later use.

"Wake up, Princess! Time to go out!"

"Mmmmhmmgphhh…" Zack Fair jumped up and down on the bed as hard as he could. Sephiroth cracked an eye open. Still grinning, Zack jumped off and flipped the mattress. The General landed like a cat, green eyes blazing. Even though only half-awake, he was fast. And very dangerous.

"Zack….you have ten seconds to get out of my sight."

"Next time, I'll fill your mattress with Rice Krispies and soak your hand in warm water." He dodged a rather wicked-looking throwing knife, which lodged into the wall behind him. "Fine. Guess you don't want these." He flashed two tickets he'd been hiding behind his back. "VIP passes to Sin. The hottest nightclub in Midgar."

"Who did you kill, fuck or blow to get those?" Stunned, Sephiroth was rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

Zack gasped. "The General said a BAD WORD! Honestly, Seph, you've developed quite the repertoire since becoming a hospital scut monkey. The profanity - it's turning me on." Zack threw him a wink. Sephiroth glared.

"To answer your question – I stole them. I was trying to prank the Dean's office again, after the Tonberry incident, and I saw these. I figured they'd just go to waste; I bet they have age requirements at Sin, and he's way past his expiry date. Anyhoo, nobody's noticed yet, so we're going to fill in. You've got twenty minutes to get ready. Hup-to!"

"I trust you are not giving orders to a superior officer, Fair."

"Piss off, we need a night out. We work hard, no pay, and no play. Let's go have some fun." Sephiroth padded off towards the shower, his silver mane sticking up in every direction.

"How long until you finish at the hair salon?" Zack ducked as another knife flew from the bathroom. "Seriously, you could make a mint on those internet auction sites, just for the hair balls stuck in your drain."

Sephiroth emerged from the washroom. He looked like a runway model gone rockstar chic.

"Aw, for fuck's sake, Seph! How am I supposed to score with you looking like that?!"

The former General smirked. "What's the backpack for?"

"Secret weapon." Sephiroth didn't trust the sneaky look in Zack's violet eyes.

Sin was the premier hotspot in the city. Not even SOLDIER elite could get in without either a very long wait, or VIP passes. The place was packed. The waitresses had a vamped-up appearance that was meant to be sexy. To their trained eyes, they looked anemic, wasted and far too thin. The Silver General turned every female head in the room; even most of the men couldn't take their eyes off him. Sephiroth was used to being stared at, but he still didn't like it. He was almost too tired to think.

"Hey, aren't those some of our classmates?" Zack pointed to a group of young people in the VIP lounge.

"Leave them be, Zack. They're assholes." This particular group had no respect for authority. Sephiroth had to exert self-control in extremis around this bunch. As far as he was concerned, they were lucky to still have their guts in the right places. Zack Fair simply couldn't turn down a challenge, and strode towards the table. With a sigh, Sephiroth went after him.

"If it isn't Cracker-Zack and the Psycho! Who let you two out?" There were giggles from around the table.

"Howdy, turds! Nice drinks – lemme guess - they're rated PG-13? Of course, you folks need as many neurons as possible; you don't want to jeopardize your careers as proctologists. Your liver thanks you!" Zack offered a mocking bow, and then cocked an eyebrow at his audience. "Pussies."

"We'd have you under the table in five, jackass."

"Yeah, in your wet dreams, sucker. Nobody out-drinks SOLDIER." Zack shoved them over. Sephiroth found a chair opposite. No one could meet his gaze for long.

Zack reached in to his knapsack and pulled out several vials loaded with a green substance. Mako. "Mixers, on the house. Care to join us?" The emerald glow tinted the faces across the table. There were little "oh's" of wonder.

Sephiroth shot him a warning look. Mako infusions were dangerous, even to SOLDIER. Who knew what would happen if they were mixed with alcohol, let alone given to a bunch of insane medical students? Zack blithely passed around shots of the green stuff. "Rated R, folks!"

"What are you doing!?" Sephiroth's urgent whisper could only be heard with Zack's enhanced ears.

"Don't worry! If one of them croaks, we know what to do!"

"Call 9-1-1!!" The entire group replied in unison. They downed their shots, Zack among them. Sephiroth shrugged, and then his expression turned devilish. Grabbing the nearest mako vial, he poured in an indecent amount of hard liquor. Within seconds, he poured another. His eyes glowed as bright as fire.

"Holy crispy crap!" Zack could hardly keep up. "Hey, listen – they're playing that song, the one that goes 'I'm Bringing Sephy Back!'"

"I think it's supposed to be 'Sexy', Zack." He couldn't bring himself to say "Sephy". Either way, he was starting to slur.

"Doesn't matter - same thing!" Zack bounded towards the dance floor. The last thing the General remembered was being dragged along with him and the rest of those assholes.

Sephiroth was feeling pretty good.

The drinking and debauchery that ensued was legendary. Sephiroth woke up the next morning, in somebody else's bed. He quickly scanned the room and disentangled himself from a few sleeping bodies. He noticed they belonged to his female classmates from the night before. He stared hard at one of them, who most definitely was not. He groaned.

Fuck! He hated losing control. This was complicated by the fact that he had likely reviewed some pelvic anatomy with his own colleagues. He couldn't remember anything. He heard snoring from a nearby room. These were Zack's quarters.

Zack Fair was sprawled on the floor in his birthday suit. With an evil grin, the General decided to experiment. He didn't know what Rice Krispies were, but he did have warm water at his disposal. With all his stealth, he slipped Zack's hand into a bowl. Creeping quietly to his apartment to sleep off the rest of his hangover, he wrote it off as having been "working on his sense of humor". Thoroughly pleased with himself, he drifted off to sleep once more. He didn't even wake when the screaming started.

AN: Everyone knows doctors work hard, and play hard. This is doubly so for the medical students. At least the playing part. This was really just an excuse to get those two trashed, they're going to need it for the hell that's coming up...SURGERY!