I planned this whole God-damned story on 3 little bits of paper. I lost them, but thankfully I can remember sort of what happens. Except in one chapter. But I have an idea so... I wonder how many people read these notes. I think they give an insight into the author's head! LOL.
As I was writing this, I was stuck in an elevator at work!

An Unexplainable Truth

Rolan huddled in the corner of the room, sulking. He was being childish, he knew, but he was shocked. Alviss had been so different.

Nanashi stood at the window watching the rain fall, lost in his own thoughts. Rolan waited for the man to comfort him, but he was no Alviss. So Rolan pulled himself together. He stood to his shaky feet, rubbing his backside where he had fallen hard.

"Where would Al have gone?" he asked Nanashi quietly.

"Dunno really..." the unusually silent man answered. "Do you love him?"

Nanashi's questioned confused Rolan. "I... don't know. These feelings... I used to feel them for Phantom... But..." he stared off into the distance.

"The damned conceited fool," Nanashi muttered. "He'd never admit that he loves ya to bits."

Rolan felt shocked. He gasped and looked over at Nanashi, speechless. He didn't know how to react to this. He searched his heart, trying to find the answer. Did he love Alviss? What he felt for the man, was it love?

"Al loves me?" Rolan repeated, blinking hard. "That's strange..."

"It's so obvious. He cares for ya too much. But he has such a big head that he'd never admit it."

"I'm going to find him," Rolan said resolutely, moving to the door after Alviss. He expected to be stopped, and part of him wanted to be stopped, but Nanashi didn't say a thing, so off he went into the rainy streets.

The river below was swollen, bursting its banks and flooding the bush that grew beside it. Debris as big as logs were being swept effortlessly downstream by the fast muddy waters. Standing on the bridge, hair dripping into his tear stained eyes, was Alviss.

Just moments before hand, he had wanted to jump. He had wanted the water to carry away his troubles and pain. But that would be admitting defeat. He promised 16 years or so ago that he would never kill himself and be defeated by Phantom. Even though it had been 10 years, the zombie still affected his life. The Zombie Tattoo was long gone but he still felt it burning him. He closed his eyes to shut out the destruction below, only to see the look of terror on Rolan's face. He felt sick with guilt and dread. It was he who had caused that look...

He wanted to know why. Why was he feeling so guilty about pushing Rolan? It was about time that the man learnt to grow up. He was starting to get annoying. Always clinging and being needy. Alviss was sick of filling Rolan's every need, tired of the bathing, the feeding, the dressing, the clinging...

But he knew deep down that he liked it. He liked caring for the man; he liked being the only person that he wanted. It made him feel good. It felt good knowing that he was the only one that could make him smile.

I love him? he thought. Thinking such things didn't make him feel convinced enough to believe them, so he muttered the words out loud, "I love him." The only thing hurt was his pride. The rest of him felt pretty good about it.

The problem was that if he admitted it to that Nanashi, he'd never hear the end of it. He hated being proved wrong more than anything on the face of the Earth, and being proved wrong by that fool... He shuddered. Maybe it was better to be safe and secure in the closet.

He then thought of Rolan. For 10 years the man had been shunned by society. He was, in no doubt, the loneliest man in all of MARHeaven. Alviss had told him that he wasn't lonely; but in actual fact, sometimes he was. Sometimes when he woke in the morning, his heart ached and his body yearned to be held. He would ignore his body's protests and continue his day without any complaint. Only a few times he would have to take care of the problem himself, but only in the shower. He hated to do it in his bed, the thought of all the mess turned him off anyway.

He blushed when a thought crossed his mind. Does Rolan do that? The obscure image of Rolan getting himself off was slightly arousing. Alviss had never thought of someone like this before, it was strange. He felt a bit like a pervert, but at the same time he actually wished he could see it or even better; be the one doing it to him.

Alviss had never had a gay thought before in his life. Sure he had a few suggestive dreams about other men, and yeah, he didn't fancy girls. But he never thought this was because he was gay. Asexual that was it. Unlike some guys he knew, he wasn't driven by sex.

But now was different. He wanted to do it. Not just with anyone, he wanted to do it with Rolan. He wanted to hold his tiny frail body to his chest, he wanted to feel his skin against his, and he wanted to kiss those soft pink lips and most of all he wanted to hear those lips utter his name. He wanted to be the cause Rolan's happiness.

He hit his head. Of course he loved Rolan. He was just being a conceited bastard; there was nothing to fear. On realising this, he rushed back home, pushing his pride to the side. This time there was no turning back.

He made it to the apartment in a heartbeat. He flew up the drive and got inside quickly. He looked about the house, but couldn't find Rolan anywhere. Panic stricken, Alviss asked Nanashi where he was.

"He went out looking' fer ya," Nanashi replied. Alviss's mouth dropped open. He went to go find Rolan, lingering in the doorway.

"Nanashi..." he started, anxious to leave and not really wanting to say what he had to say.

"Ya dun need to apologise," Nanashi coyly, "Just go find him." Alviss smiled appreciatively and left in a hurry back out into the rain. A smirk cracked Nanashi's face in two. "I told ya so," he said with a chuckle.