Chapter Nine
The Red Raven was a sleek trading ship that plied the unofficial trading lanes out between Sectors Five and Six. She was beautiful and built for speed. It was the most manoeuvrable craft Jenna had handled since the Liberator.
"Let's see how good you are, Jen." Captain Tern Atton was as sleek as his ship. He was a man who exuded confidence and success. His clothes were functional but richly made, and leaned towards various grey tones. His crew were hardened free traders; all experienced in the art that was smuggling.
At first, Jenna had been apprehensive about the interest Atton had shown in her. She didn't know why a successful man like this, would look at a pilot that only had a reputation on an old trading ship; a pilot that insisted on having no history.
Redden had come through for her though. He explained that Atton had been his protégé at one time. The man considered him a mentor. On the strength of their relationship, Atton had been willing to give Jenna a try. The rest was up to her.
Jenna was sitting in the co-pilot's seat. The pilot next to her was a dark complexioned man named, Kotar Prex. The way Prex had been eyeing her since their introduction, Jenna knew that she would have to do something spectacular to prove herself to his satisfaction.
Jenna asked Captain Atton, "What did you have in mind?"
"We have an important shipment to deliver and we're tight on time. I want to go through the debris field in quadrant 15." Atton gestured to the navigator, a red-haired woman named Edina. The woman touched several controls on her navigation panel and brought up a grid view of Sector 6. She zoomed in on a large cloud of irregular shaped meteors that spanned almost the entire quadrant.
Jenna studied the objects on the screen, and then she turned to look at the captain and said, "That debris field is a death trap." She wondered what kind of people she had gotten herself involved with. Redden had said that Atton was successful and very wealthy, that was what Jenna had wanted. He hadn't said anything about Atton being slightly crazy.
"Only if you don't know what you're doing," said Atton. "Redden said that you did."
This was her test. It would determine whether they would accept her or not. Jenna nodded and said, "Give me the coordinates." Jenna wondered what they were carrying that justified this amount of risk.
It made her uncomfortable for having to take this step. She had always considered herself a free trader, despite Vila's constantly irritating assertions that she was a smuggler. Smugglers were only in it for the profit, they didn't care who could be hurt by the cargo they traded in or helped ferry for others.
Then what does that make me now? She hated Avon for making her do this but at least she could console herself that it was for a good cause.
With grim resolve, Jenna took over the controls and moved the Raven towards the debris field.
**********
A satisfyingly tired Argus and Reya had fallen asleep in each other's arms. Reya woke up first but didn't try to get up. She didn't want to disturb him and she loved watching him as he slept. Reya regarded her sleeping soldier with fondness as she ran her fingers through his mussed hair. She couldn't imagine loving anyone else as much as she loved him. They were both strong-willed and provided constant challenges for each other, but neither one could survive without the other, not anymore.
This situation with Sester was causing great stress between them. Reya knew the man was dangerous. She had no illusions about that. The others on the ship considered him a deceptive and manipulative enemy. She knew this also and recognized the truth of it, but Reya always had good instincts about people. It was what had made her an exceptional security officer for her brother. She had saved his life numerous times; several times being the only one who recognized danger from people others had deemed harmless. Her instincts told her that Sester was not all bad, that he could be saved from himself.
Even though she wished it wasn't true, Reya knew that Sester's feelings for her were genuine. It made everything more complicated and confusing.
Are Argus and the others right? Am I being a fool? Reya knew that she had lost her objectivity in matters concerning Sester but she couldn't believe that she had also lost her professional instincts. Her feelings towards this man were conflicting. On the one hand, she wanted to believe him. On the other hand, she still maintained a natural scepticism about everything he did.
For Sester, manipulation was a way of life; it was the way psychostrategists related to the human puppets they saw as their life's work. But Reya believed that Sester was changing; she could see it in him. Would I still be thinking this way if we hadn't shared that time together as prisoners?
She and Argus had to resolve this somehow.
Argus stirred. When he opened his eyes and saw her, his face brightened. "Good morning. How long have you been up?"
"Not long. I didn't want to disturb you."
"You always disturb me," he said with an impish smile. "But in a good way." He hugged her.
Reya said, "Argus, I know that you would prefer torture to talking about Sester, but I think we need to."
Argus's smile turned upside down into a frown. "You're right. I would prefer to be tortured."
"I don't want him to keep coming between us," said Reya.
Argus sighed. He knew she was right. "I don't want that either, but if you want to tell me to give Sester a chance, you can save your breath. You've already said it."
"But you haven't listened," said Reya.
"No. You're the one not listening, Reya. I keep telling you that he's dangerous and you keep thinking that he's harmless."
"I never said that he was harmless," said Reya.
"You believe it."
"I know what he is, Argus and I know who he works for."
"Do you?" asked Argus with a note of disbelief.
"I know we should be wary of him in most things, but I also think that he is capable of some good."
"That's what you want to believe," said Argus.
"You don't know him like I do." The moment she said it, Reya realized it was a mistake.
"Yes, I don't know him like you do." The anger flared within Argus. The energy and tension from the day before was building up again along with the anguish as he remembered what he had promised Servalan.
Reya put her hand on his chest, "Please, Argus. Don't be like this."
"Why do you always take his side?"
"I don't."
"You came in here yesterday, accusing me of doing something to Sester."
Reya felt guilty. "Yes, I jumped to conclusions, and for that I'm sorry, but I couldn't think who else would have hurt him."
"I didn't." Argus had a twinge of guilt. He may not be to blame right now, but he knew what he was about to do.
Reya said, "I know. I'm sorry for accusing you of lying before. It was wrong of me to do that. I do believe you. I know you would never lie to me." Her words made Argus feel even guiltier. He hated that he had to keep what he was doing with Servalan from her and the others.
Argus said, "You never told me what happened with Sester. Why did you think that I had hurt him?"
"Well, I came across him in the corridor…"
"A corridor?" Argus asked suspiciously, remembering Sester's other corridor encounters with Reya.
"It wasn't like that this time."
Argus was still suspicious but he kept listening.
Reya continued, "I came upon him in the corridor, someone had hurt him badly. He could barely walk."
"So you automatically thought of me?" Argus asked.
Reya said apologetically, "Yes. I'm sorry. He wouldn't tell me what happened and I couldn't think of someone who would hurt him like that. And it's not as if you haven't hurt him before. You did in the gym."
"He had full padding on," said Argus defensively.
"But only because I insisted that he wear it," said Reya.
"There are many people on this ship who might have confronted Sester. Avon and Cally for instance," said Argus.
"Yes, but I can't imagine Cally hurting an unarmed man. And Avon is too weak physically at the moment to do that kind of damage."
Argus asked, "Are you sure that Sester was even hurt? For all you know, he could just be playing for sympathy, trying to manipulate you. He's very good at that. Just ask Cally."
Reya looked troubled. "I know he is capable of doing it."
"But you don't want to believe it."
She said unhappily, "I…I know you think I'm a fool for wanting to believe that he can change."
Argus hugged her. "I will never think you're a fool. You're a good woman, Reya, but I think that Sester has proved how dangerous he is. He has been able to get past your guard somehow. Normally you're so careful."
She held him tightly. "I'm sorry for letting you down."
"No, Reya. Don't say that. You could never let me down by being you. I will try to find out what happened with Sester."
"Be careful. I don't want you to fall into the same trap that I did."
Argus doubted if that would ever be possible. As they talked, Argus hated Servalan even more. It was because of her that Sester was in their lives at all. One day he would have to thank her personally.
**********
Sester was in the process of putting on a navy-coloured shirt when his cabin door slid open suddenly. The smile he directed at the door turned to surprise as Argus entered.
He said wryly, "I don't suppose it would do any good to put a lock on that door myself?"
Argus snarled, "You could try. I'm sure Vila would find it amusing."
Sester had an amused look on his face. The other man's hostility was almost comfortingly predictable but there was something else this time. It instantly put Sester on the alert. His normally active brain sharpened in attention.
The intensity with which Argus was staring at him made Sester apprehensive. Argus was normally a physically quiet man, but now he was clearly agitated and there was dark violence in his eyes. Sester's voice still contained a light charm but he was also wary. "What do you want, Argus? I can't imagine that you're here to inquire after my health?"
Argus's voice had the quality of sharpened steel. "I'm here to give you a warning." With that declaration, Argus grabbed Sester by the collar of the shirt he had barely put on and shoved him hard against the wall.
Oomph. It knocked the wind out of Sester. He was panting for breath as Argus held him there, nearly lifting him off his feet. Sester grabbed onto Argus arms. He had no expectations of freeing himself; he was just trying to hold on.
Argus's voice contained a controlled anger. " If you use Reya again, the way you used her against Vanora, it will be the last thing you do on this ship." His eyes were like deadly lasers that would bore holes through his enemy.
Sester said in a strained voice, "I was wondering when this would happen." First Avon and now you.
"Don't try to be clever, psychostrategist. It won't help," Argus said in a harsh voice.
"I don't have to be smart to know that my admission of guilt in the Vanora incident would come back to haunt me."
Every time that Sester spoke, it fuelled the rage in Argus. He formed his right hand into a fist and delivered two punches in quick succession to Sester's mid-section, causing him to double over. Sester was straining to breathe again. The only thing keeping him standing was Argus's continued hold on his collar, now twisted like the look on Argus's face. Argus yanked Sester back up. "Anything to say?" he growled.
Sester wheezed as he tried to speak. A psychostrategist, who no longer had the ability to communicate, was at a severe disadvantage.
When Sester could not manage to say anything, Argus said, "Nothing to say, psychostrategist? You usually have so many words to share. Especially to Reya." Argus punched him again. Every blow was like being hit by a heavy metallic object. "I forgot to thank you for that, by the way." Argus was relentless; punctuating every sentence with another blow. Sester's knees buckled; he was in severe pain.
Argus pulled him back up again so that he could continue hitting him. "You're not very smart for a psychostrategist. You should never have tried to take something that's not yours. That will never be yours." He stopped hitting him and put his face close to Sester's and said, "If you do that to her again, it will no longer be just a friendly warning." Argus's tone would have frozen anyone's blood with fear, but Sester was no ordinary man. He was a psychostrategist; he knew when he needed to be afraid, and when not.
Sester looked straight into Argus's eyes without flinching. He knew that this man was capable of killing him without much effort, but Sester could see that he had no intention to; at least not this time. This was simply a warning; an Alpha male marking out his territory. Sester was very familiar with this kind of dynamic. He straightened up as best he could, trying not to wince at the pain.
In a voice that would have been more effective if the act of speaking wasn't a struggle, Sester said in challenge, "You should stick with making promises you can keep, Commander. You know that it's not up to you to get rid of me." It was not the wisest thing to say if he wanted to avoid a further beating but Sester knew that nothing he could say would stop Argus from delivering his 'message'. The look in the other man's eyes told him that. With an Alpha, one could never be seen to back down. Sester knew that only too well, being one himself; but for Reya's sake, he would not push Argus too far.
He said, "I do not take orders from you, Argus, but I assure you, neither one of us wants to see Reya hurt. I do not regret killing Vanora. I expect that being a military man, you would also have seen the necessity of what I did. The one thing I do regret is my method. I should never have used Reya in that way. It was wrong of me. That is why I'm willing to accept what you are doing to me now. But make no mistake about this, Argus. This is my choice, not yours. And it is for Reya's sake, not yours."
"You're very good at acting," said Argus with a sneer of cynicism. "You almost sound like you meant that. Is that what you did yesterday with Reya? When you pretended that you were hurt? Out in the corridor?"
Sester though, Of course she told you. Reya must have been angry and confronted you about it. That would explain what you're doing now. Despite his pain, Sester was filled with happiness. It meant that Reya cared about him. At least enough that she would not let anyone get away with hurting him, not even Argus.
Sester said in a stronger voice, "You can believe whatever you like, Argus." The only one I want to believe me is Reya. He smiled to himself. And she does.
The unprovoked smile on his antagonist's face made Argus even more irritated. He said, "Then you admit that you were just playing for sympathy?"
Sester said, "I admit to nothing."
"Or you're afraid to admit it," said Argus.
Sester said with a sneer of his own, "As I said, you can believe whatever you like, Argus. There is only one person I'm interested in, and she already believes me, doesn't she?"
Argus tightened his grip on Sester's collar and pulled him forward, preparing to slam him angrily against the wall again. He stopped.
Servalan's message had already been delivered and no matter how much he hated this man, he would not hurt him further. Since beating up Sester, the tension inside Argus had disappeared. The anger no longer clouded his instincts and his ability to think. He was starting to feel ill at what he had done. Argus let go of Sester suddenly, as if releasing something that was burning his fingers.
Sester sank to the ground and groaned. Argus stared at him, as if he was in shock. One would have thought that someone had just done something terrible to him too.
Argus thought in denial, This isn't me. I don't do this. I don't beat up unarmed people. Avon would have a good reason to do this, I don't. This makes me no better than the Federation torturers. A familiar self-loathing filled his guts and threatened to make him sick. This is me. It was the part of himself that he hated; the violent part he was too weak to control. Argus bolted from the cabin, as if some nameless horror were chasing him.
**********
An hour after Argus had delivered his punishment; Sester was lying flat on the ground, trying not to move. He had tried to crawl to the bunk but had not been able to manage it. All he could do was collapse on the ground.
He was still in considerable pain and every breath hurt from the pain in his chest and ribs. Even though Argus had confined the damage to his torso, Sester felt as if his whole body was one big bruise.
The buzzer of his cabin announced a visitor trying to gain entrance. It had to be one of the few people on this ship who didn't want to see him dead. This person actually used the buzzer rather than overriding the door controls and barging in. It had to be Reya or Vila.
Sester didn't want Reya to see him like this. It wasn't just a matter of pride. He knew that Reya would be angry if she found out what Argus had done to him. Sester was surprised at himself, but he didn't want her to be angry with Argus. Argus had just been trying to protect Reya and Sester respected that. He would have done the same in his place, and perhaps even worse.
The buzzer sounded again. Sester gritted his teeth and with a gargantuan effort, rolled over and crawled to the bed.
**********
Vila stood waiting outside Sester's guest quarters. There had been no answer to his first buzzer. Vila had checked with Zen before coming here, Sester should have been in his cabin. He activated the buzzer again. "Sester, are you in there? It's Vila."
When there was again no response, Vila went to the comm panel embedded into the corridor wall. "Zen, locate Sester."
Zen immediately answered, "Sester is located in his cabin."
"Then why isn't he answering his buzzer?" wondered Vila aloud.
Zen responded, "There is no information."
"Great lot of help you are," said Vila. You're either in there, or not, Sester. There was only one way to find out for certain. Vila removed a tool from his pocket and set to work on the door panel. It didn't take long before the door slid open. Vila stepped inside hesitantly.
When he saw Sester lying on the bunk, Vila asked, "Don't tell me you're still sleeping. Do you know what time it is?"
Sester only moved his head to face Vila. He could barely keep his face from contortion with pain. Even that little movement seemed to be difficult. He said in a tight voice. "I like keeping irregular hours."
Vila could see that Sester was trying to hide something and not doing it very well; which was so unlike him. There was also no friendly and easy manner about him. This was highly unusual. Vila also noticed that other than for his head, Sester had not moved. He had a suspicion and said, "Avon wants to see you and he said not to take no for an answer."
Sester grimaced. A summons by Avon was something he didn't want to ignore, but he couldn't try to get out of bed without revealing to Vila that he was hurting. Besides which, he doubted if he could. He said, "I'm not feeling well, Vila. Tell Avon that I can't come right now." Sester knew that this sounded inadequate but the pain was hampering his efforts to think.
Vila wondered what game Sester was playing now. "Then we should have Cally take a look at you. There are drugs in the medical bay that can cure almost anything." He took Sester by the arm and shoulder and tried to encourage the man to get up.
Sester couldn't help himself from groaning at the pain this movement cause. At this sound, Vila dropped him in shock, causing Sester to groan again.
Vila said apologetically, "I'm sorry." There was instant concern on his face. Sester may be the enemy, but Vila didn't like seeing people suffering. "You're not just sick, are you?"
Sester admitted hoarsely, "No." He grabbed Vila's forearm. "Don't tell anyone, Vila."
"Why? Who did this to you?" It was clear to Vila that someone had roughed Sester up. Vila wasn't happy that neither Avon nor Argus had said anything about any plans to beat up Sester.
Vila thought, It has to be Argus who did this to you. Avon can't.
Sester kept his grip on Vila's arm, "I can't tell you. Please don't tell anyone. Especially not Reya."
It has to be Argus then, thought Vila. He said, "Alright. I won't. But I can't leave you like this. I know! I'll get some supplies from the medical bay. I'll be right back." He headed out.
Chapter Ten
Vila came back with the medical supplies; an analgesic patch and a tissue regenerator. He had been fortunate that Cally had not been there, otherwise there would have been lots of awkward questions as to why he needed these things. Sester had not moved and his eyes were closed when Vila re-entered the cabin.
Vila put the things down beside the bunk and asked, "Are you asleep?"
"Just resting."
"He should never have done this to you," said Vila.
Sester turned to look at him. He wondered if this was all part of the act. With Avon and Argus roughing him up and Vila coming to provide help, it was a very old tactic. He expected something much cleverer and more creative from Avon.
If you're doing this so that I'll let my guard down and trust you, then you're mistaken. At the moment, Sester didn't care if the caring was genuine or not. He knew that he needed help, and a false concern was better than none at all.
Sester said, "I don't know who you're talking about."
"You can't fool me. There's only one person who could have done this to you. It has to be Argus."
A stab of pain caused Sester to grimace. He said, "Don't get involved, Vila."
"Yes, I know. It's none of my business." Vila wondered what game Sester was playing at this time. Regardless of what Sester's intentions were, Vila didn't like Argus beating him up like this. He said, "At least let me help you and give you something for the pain. Unless you think that's none of my business too."
Sester said, "You won't leave until I let you help me, will you?"
Vila said, "Not a chance."
Sester said reluctantly, "I suppose I don't have much of a choice then."
Sester hadn't managed to fasten his shirt up and it was only draped across his torso. Vila reached for it but hesitated and looked at him.
Sester nodded. "Go ahead."
Vila carefully spread open the shirt. His face contorted in sympathy as he saw the deep bruises that were turning black and blue. Argus has to have a reason why he did this. Maybe Sester provoked him. He still didn't like it though.
Sester said jokingly, "I would like to say that I feel better than your face looks right now, but then I would be lying."
"He really shouldn't have done this to you." When he saw that Sester was about to say something, he said, "Yes, I know. It's none of my business." Vila unpeeled the backing from the analgesic patch and applied it to Sester's neck. "That should help with the pain."
He picked up the palm-sized device. "I'm going to use a tissue regenerator. It should take care of the bruises." He turned it on and slowly rolled it over Sester's chest. "It won't fix any internal injuries if you have any. You really should have Cally take a look at you."
"No. I don't want any else to know." Sester grimaced. "How long does this patch take before it works?"
"Shouldn't take long. Give it a few moments." He continued moving the tissue regenerator over Sester's body.
Even before Vila had finished speaking, the pain had disappeared and Sester breathed a sigh of relief. "I don't like pain."
Vila said, "I don't like pain much either." He did feel a bit of sympathy for Sester. It was hard not to, seeing the other man like this. Just the look of the bruises made Vila wince.
Vila didn't know if he was just feeling sorry for Sester because Argus had beaten him up. If that had been Sester's plan all along, then Vila knew he had to be careful.
Sester said, "I suppose you think that this is justice of a sort? I did torture Avon."
The mention of torture helped remind Vila who this man was. "I didn't know that psychostrategists did that sort of thing."
He finished with the regenerator and turned it off. There was something he felt he needed to understand about Sester. Avon had never wanted to talk about it, but Vila could tell that Sester had done something terrible to him.
"They don't normally," replied Sester. He looked down at himself and saw that the bruises had indeed disappeared. "That's impressive medical technology."
"Then why did you?" asked Vila. He helped Sester up so that he could sit leaning against the wall.
Sester replied, "When one works for the Federation President, you do what is necessary."
"You mean, she made you do it?"
"No. It was required of me and I didn't refuse." Sester grimaced as he remembered what the lack of refusal had cost Avon. "I don't want to talk about this, Vila." He was about to repeat that this was none of Vila's business but said instead, "You probably won't believe me, I know Avon and Argus don't, but I do regret what I did to Avon." Sester didn't know why but he wanted Vila to believe him in this.
The others are right, you are dangerous, thought Vila. Sester sounded as sincere as anyone he had ever believed in. Of course, all of them had let him down in one way or another too.
"Well, I'm not the one you have to convince," said Vila.
"No, but at least with you, I have a slim chance of being believed."
"I didn't say I believed you," said Vila.
He gave Vila a wry smile. "I suppose I deserve that."
"I didn't say that I didn't believe you either," said Vila.
Sester sighed. "Do I have to add you to the list of people I have to prove myself to?"
Vila hadn't considered this because it was such an unlikely idea. He knew that Avon and Argus had good reasons to be biased against Sester, which was why they had asked for his help. Vila knew that if he had the same reasons as they did, he would probably feel the same way. He knew that he should, at least for Avon and Cally's sake.
He said, ""No. Why should you have to prove anything to me? You don't owe me anything."
"True. Are we done now?"
Vila replied, "Yeah."
"I don't know why you're doing this, but thank you, Vila."
"Well, not all of us want to see you dead," said Vila.
"That's good to know." An easy smile returned to Sester's lips.
**********
After taking over from Vila on the flight deck, Argus sat at his flight station. He stared blindly down at his control panel. Other than doing the standard checks to begin his shift, he hadn't been able to concentrate on anything else. He rubbed his fist absently and shook his head. His stomach still felt sick after what he had done. When he shut his eyes, he could see Sester reacting in pain to every strike of his fist on the other man's body. Argus opened up his fist and placed his palm flat on the panel. He stared at it. What am I doing? Why do I lose control like this?
No, that wasn't right. He had been in control. When he hit Sester, every punch, every measure of force had been carefully calculated. Enough to cause considerable pain but no more than that.
He was trained to get the job done and he did it exceptionally well. Including beating up defenceless people! Argus hit the panel in anguish and frustration. In the Federation military, he had managed to avoid it. That was why he had resisted being assigned to the Death Squads. There had been considerable pressure for him to join one of their elite units but he had become very ill at one point and they had stopped asking him after that.
Other than the incident at Zircaster, he had always found a way to get around his orders; to achieve the same result without doing something against his conscience. He would have gotten in trouble many times if he hadn't been so successful. The men under his command loved him but Argus knew that the other commanders considered him a fool. Even Travis had told him to be reasonable, to think about his career. Travis, the man who was supposed to be his friend.
Thoughts of Travis brought about great sadness for Argus. They had been good friends once, idealists who thought that they were serving the greater good. Both believed that order had to be maintained if humanity was to survive. I was such a young fool.
Argus shook his head of the memories of the past. He had something more important to think about now, he was supposed to report in to Servalan. She had ordered him to, after he beat up Sester for her.
**********
"You have done me a great service, Commander," said Servalan from the main view screen.
"Spare me the congratulations, Madame President," said Argus with a snarl, making the pronunciation of her title sound like something very unpleasant. "I'm not interested."
"Don't tell me that you didn't enjoy doing it," said Servalan with an ingenuous smile.
"I'm not a thug like you. I do not enjoy inflicting pain."
"Perhaps not pain in general." There was a conspiratorial twinkle in her eyes.
"Are we finished?" asked Argus in annoyance. The screen flared and Argus winced at the brightness. "I would like to get back to more important things." Why do I keep forget to tell Avon about this?
Servalan smiled at his insult. That irritated Argus even more as the screen flared again. He put a hand to his temple and rubbed it. His head was starting to hurt.
"Is something wrong, Commander?" she asked sympathetically.
"Nothing," said Argus with greater force than he intended. His hand went to the back of his neck and he began kneading the muscles there. They were tight with tension and were starting to bother him. "Leave me alone."
Servalan asked with mild surprise at this unexpected outburst, "What did you say?"
Argus's tried to concentrate but the pain was building in his head. "I…I said leave me alone."
"I haven't done anything to you, Commander," said Servalan. "How could I? We're sectors apart."
"Yes…" Why… am… I…having…problems thinking?...Something's wrong. Something... The screen flared again. There was something he should remember… It finally dawned on him what it was. Argus shouted at the woman on the screen. "Servalan! Stop trying to manipulate me!"
She smiled down at him from the screen. There was a mixture of satisfaction and pity in her eyes. "I see that you remember now."
Yes! He remembered everything that he should remember, including the knowledge about the conditioning.
It was the conditioning.
Argus wanted to believe that he would not have thrashed Sester that badly if Servalan had not been playing with his mind. It made him feel better, but only slightly. He couldn't shake off the feeling of responsibility. It had been his decision to do what Servalan had asked.
Argus said angrily, "Why did you do this? I already agreed to beat up Sester for you."
"You seem to think that you can contact me anytime that you wish, Commander. I do not like being ignored. It puts me in a very bad mood, as you've just discovered. This lesson wasn't only for Sester; it was also for your benefit."
"You mean your benefit!" Argus said with venom.
"You know me so well," said Servalan. "Now let's get down to business. You will report in to me regularly regardless of what you're doing. Once a week should be sufficient for now."
"I do not work for you, Servalan. I will decide when I make contact, not you," said Argus.
Servalan said, "Do we really have to go through the whole tiresome business again? You do not have an option to refuse. I am not asking you to do anything against your conscience. I only want you to make regularly contact in case I need to use your services. At the moment you are gaining much more from our arrangement than I am. I only seek to redress the imbalance."
Everything Servalan said sounded reasonable. She was making it seem as if he was taking advantage of her.
Argus said, "You're such a liar, Servalan. This is about control. Your control."
Servalan was very pleased with herself. "As I said, Commander. You do know me so well."
Something had been nagging at the back of Argus's mind. "Perhaps not pain in general." He wondered why she would say that. Specific pain? Sester's? Why would she think that I would gain any pleasure from torturing Sester? Because of what happened to Avon? Or something else?
The way she had said it, Servalan had made a clear insinuation about something.
No! She could not know about Reya.
Servalan had been watching him carefully. She had followed the flashes of emotion across his face. "Is there something you want to ask me?"
Argus directed a look of pure hostility at her. "I want nothing from you except for you to get out of my life."
"Unfortunately, I can't do that. And to answer the question that you're too afraid to ask, yes, I do know about Commander Reve."
In a voice of anger and fear, Argus choked out, "No! Leave her alone!"
There was a look of triumph and sympathy in Servalan's eyes. "And now, you will forget that knowledge and everything about this conversation that I do not want you to remember. Until the next time."
Argus said in helpless anguish, "No!" He reached towards the screen in a futile attempt to reach the woman who had done this to him.
The screen flared again and Servalan said, "Stand down, Commander."
Argus's voice became a strangled whisper as various barriers fell across his mind like a trap doors. "No!" Reya!
Memories and feelings disappeared, leaving only disgust at himself and anger at Servalan.
Servalan watched Argus carefully as the mind blocks fell into place. The look on his face changed from anguish to displeasure.
She said to him calmly, "You will report to me once a week as agreed."
Argus almost growled with distaste as he said, "Yes."
He didn't know why he had agreed to this. I need to do something to regain control. She's taken too much of it already. Argus looked down at his clenched fist. He didn't remember closing it.
**********
Jenna was happier than she had been in a long time. The freedom of piloting a good ship under challenging conditions was a joy. No killing, no destroying, no treacherous people, just her and the ship in full communication. It was an exhilarating experience. She missed the old days when she had her own crew and plied the trading lanes. Things were much simpler then.
There was a pleased smile on her face as she twisted her wrist quickly to swerve the ship past another meteor. The adrenaline was pumping through Jenna's body, her mind was sharp and her reflexes were quick. Jenna was good and she knew it. She had a reputation of being the best once; it was good to know that she still was.
She noticed that Prex, the pilot, no longer had his hands poised over his own flight controls, just in case she didn't prove up to the task. He was leaning back now, enjoying the ride.
Captain Atton said, "I think she may be better than you are, Prex." He actually thought that Jen was better than Prex, but he was not about to aggravate his old friend.
"Yeah, she'll do," said Prex grudgingly.
"I think he's jealous," said the red-haired navigator with a smirk.
Prex was getting irritated, "Why don't you shut up? What do you know, you're just the navigator."
They all grabbed onto something as Jenna executed a series of fast intricate manoeuvres to avoid a dense cloud of debris. Everyone seemed to be holding their breaths as barely brushed past one meteor only to be directly in the path of another one.
Atton shouted, "Watch that one!"
Jenna did a quick lateral drop with the ship and said calmly, "I saw it." She turned to look at Atton.
Atton was about to say, "Shouldn't you be looking at the screen before you get us all killed?" But he only got as far as, "Shouldn't you…" He stared at the screen in shock. "We're through?" Atton could hardly believe it.
Jenna grinned. Her face was flushed with the excitement of what she had just achieved. "How was that for time?"
Atton looked down at his flight panel. "We're almost three hours ahead of schedule. How?"
Prex said reluctantly, "She picked the fastest route."
"But I thought you said that it would take longer than this," said Atton.
"It would have been, if she didn't choose a more dangerous route," said Prex with consternation.
Jenna reminded Atton, "You did say that we were tight on time. I just proved that it isn't dangerous." She repeated Atton's challenge to her before, "As long as you know what you're doing."
Atton's laughter filled the flight deck of the Raven. He said with an appreciative smile, "And you have proven that you do. You are welcome on my crew, Jen."
Jenna said, "If you don't need me further, I'm going to crash in my cabin." Now that it was over, she suddenly felt very tired.
Atton said, "Of course, you must be tired. You've earned the rest, Jen. We'll talk later."
**********
Avon was in his lab, working on a program to break the encryption from the files he had downloaded at the alien research facility. Occasionally he glanced over at Cally who had her back to him and was reading intently from the screen in front of her. From what he could tell, she appeared to be studying molecule diagrams today.
When they were alone together, he felt relaxed and at ease but not today. Avon focused his mind so that she would only get an impassive impression from him; concentration on his task and little else. It was something he had learned to do long ago, when he realized that she could 'read' him. It wasn't perfect, it could not prevent her from sensing when he had strong emotions, but it was sufficient for normal purposes. Avon hadn't done this in a long time and for some reason, it made him feel uncomfortable.
Avon needed to think. There was a decision that he had to make. It was something that troubled him. Avon tried to push his own emotional reactions to the side, he would not be able to present a neutral front to Cally if he allowed them to affect him.
Think dispassionately. Factually. He was normally very good at it, it had been something he had done most of his life, but what he was struggling with was by its nature, emotionally charged. Avon put his hand over his vest pocket, he could feel the extra medicinal patch that would regulate the unwanted feelings of panic that came over him. He hated that he wasn't strong enough to control his own mind when the memories came. His heart was already beating faster as he thought about this; involuntary feelings of helplessness and anger that were never far away. He breathed deeply, using the calming exercises.
Avon was torn with indecision. He wanted to do this, but an almost incapacitating fear was stopping him. His stomach twisted in pain. I have to defeat this. I can't let Servalan win.
He lifted his head and looked at Cally. A barely visible smile touched his lips as he regarded her back. "Cally."
She turned around. "Yes, Avon?"
"We need to talk."
"Alright." She came over and sat near him at the table. Cally had been aware of Avon's struggle despite his attempts to block her from sensing what was going on inside him. She hadn't said anything because she knew that he needed the space to come to decisions on his own. If she didn't, he would begin to feel trapped and controlled; and that would have brought remembrances of the detention centre. What he needed the most was encouragement and support. "What did you want to talk about?"
Avon dipped his hand into his vest pocket and brought out the patch. "I used this before I went in to see Sester."
"You didn't want him to give him any advantage," said Cally with understanding.
"I know that wasn't the use you intended for these." He nervously fingered the patch.
"That's true, you have to be careful with them. They're very effective but they're not meant for long term use. Sometimes I'm nervous about prescribing you any drugs because of the ones you're already taking."
His eyes searched hers. "I want to use one now."
"What are you thinking of doing?" She was alarmed when a pained look appeared on his face.
His words came out in a half-whisper, like a man who did not want to disturb the peace. "I want to talk about Servalan."
"Avon, are you sure?" She knew that thinking about their enemy caused great stress for him.
For Avon, every word took great effort. "I want to do this. Servalan has already taken away too many things from both of us." There was grim resolve in his eyes.
"We should go back to our cabin," said Cally, moving to get up.
"No." He put his hand on her arm to stop her. "Not there. I can't do it there."
Cally put her hand gently over his and sat down again. "Alright. We won't."
Silence fell between them as Avon struggled with what he wanted to say.