When she knew he was in that state of dreaming awakeness, she asked him everything she could. Howl didn't sleep in any conventional sense of the word. Sophie learned early on that they could have deeply personal conversations and in the morning, he had no idea what they had talked about, or that they had even talked.
It was like he was dreaming with his eyes opened. That was what most of his life was like. It was wonderful and terrifying all at once.
"Where do I find the Beauty witch?"
"Where a river starts and a mountain dies. Where a star fell and flowers grew."
Sophie remembered a cavern they flew over, surrounded a meadow with a deep pit in the middle, where Howl said something fell from the sky and left its mark, a deep bowl shaped crater. Flowers bloomed all over it.
"Will she hurt me?"
"No more than you can hurt her."
"What will she do to me?"
"What you will ask. What dreams are and what life is." He was answering the question of someone in his dream. Someone she couldn't see.
She kissed him, unable to stop a tear from descending and making everything seem so bittersweet.
She did not say goodbye to Howl that morning. She snuck out through the cellar, praying Markl and the Witch of the Wastes, (Sophie still couldn't think of her as anything but), stayed sleeping.
It was early and she knew if she saw Howl she couldn't bear the thought of leaving. She knew she'd look into his eyes and she wouldn't have the heart to be alone.
Before, when she had no one, loneliness hadn't felt like this. She stopped, a handful of yards from where the castle was temporarily, and wept.
She cried until she felt as though she had no tears left in her life. While her mother breezed about and her sister made countless dollars in tips, Sophie had been the reasonable one.
She had set aside loneliness, disappointment, and above all else, love, to keep the hat store in business. It made her feel closer to her father, though she knew he was dead, to keep his dream alive.
But that day, the day Howl put his arm around her and flew her away, she felt as though her heart had begun to beat for the first time in her short life.
Now, the thought of a life without love was like a life without food. She couldn't imagine living without Howl.
That was why she so desperately wanted to assure herself that he would never leave her. That she would never lose his interest. And she would never feel safe until she was beautiful.
The first night was agony. She couldn't cry because her heart simply hurt too much. She and Howl had slept in the same bed every night since the war ended and without his even breathing and assuring presence, she managed to sleep only from sheer exhaustion.
In the morning, she unpacked the mirror she secret from his pocket and the compass Markl had given her on her birthday.
She still couldn't bring herself to open it, to look at herself.
As well as she could remember, the crater-valley was far to the East. So she began to walk.
It was no more difficult than her journey to the wastes, but she still felt tired. Despite her aching feet, she walked until she reached a shaded grove.
There, she rested for the night.
In the morning, she managed to reach the edge of the crater. Looking into it, she felt a profound emptiness she couldn't explain. It felt very familiar, and she stood there, among the waist-high wildflowers, and looked down, into the center.
"I wonder if the ground burned," she said aloud. "When the star fell."
"It did," a smoky voice replied. It was so light and faraway she was sure she had imagined it. The valley and crater, though richly flowered, were quite desolate. It was eerily still.
Sophie looked all around. She was frightened, and with good reason. She remembered what Howl had said when she suggested a picnic.
"There? Are you sure, Sophie?"
"Don't you think it would be lovely, hiking over to the center and having a lunch?"
"No, darling. That crater isn't the sort of place for you. It's not really the sort of place for me, either."
"Why's that?"
"Old magic, creeping things…Sophie, that crater is full of dangerous creatures."
"You don't need to be so protective! Need I remind you who saved who's life?" it was a cutting remark, but she took most of the sting out by simply smiling.
Howl had grabbed her, pulling her so close that she felt his heart. It sped up.
"I don't want anything to happen to you."
Sophie had felt bad for picking a fight.
"I love you, Howl."
"I love you to, Sophie."
She was sitting alone, on the edge of a massive crater, when she should have been with that sweet, eccentric man. That magic man with thin hands and bright eyes.
But he could stop loving her, couldn't he? She felt quite sure he wouldn't but each time she passed a woman more beautiful than she, her hand tightened on his. Just a gentle squeeze to remind him she was there.
Thinking of him, and his hand laced through hers, she thought she imagined the tightening of something around her wrist. But she felt a tug on the other wrist, and on each ankle.
Looking quickly at her extremities, she saw scaly vines wrapped around her extremities.
She suppressed a scream and attempted to remain calm. Breathing deeply, she slowly pulled first one, then the other, wrist from its binding.
Carefully, she eased the coils off of her ankles and began to run. It was far more difficult than she would have first thought, for the surface of the crater was rippling and unleveled.
She tripped soundly, smacking the ground hard. Her eyes watered, feeling her knee and right hip throb warmly. She managed to get to her feet and tested her ankles with a few short steps. Her knee ached, but was moveable. Her hip was sore, but not dislocated.
She knew she had to get to the Beauty Witch before the sun set, for she could not imagine trying to spend a night in the crater.
She walked on, feeling as though she made no progress. It was like the land was stretching away, making her travel twice as far to get to the horizon.
"How odd," she said.