Hey guys Okay first off, thanks for all of the encouraging words. I love this story…it's my baby and I'm glad you guys are loving it as much as I do. So thank you for the amazing feedback. Secondly, this is the longest chapter I have ever written in all of my stories, so I'm very proud. Thirdly, there are some intense scenes in this chapter, so this is a warning. Any who I hope you enjoy this chapter : D
Disclaimer – I don't own One Tree Hill or anything that has to do with One Tree Hill.
Flashbacks are in italics
What is Love? – Chapter 5
BROOKE'S POV
When I saw Lucas pulling away from Tree Hill Ballet Company, I smiled a genuine grin and waved to his retreating figure. After he disappeared into the setting sun, I ran into the building, changed into my pink tights, black long sleeve leotard and new pink Pointe shoes. I tied my hair into a bun and made it just in time for class to start.
"Ok Ok, socializing hour is over! Everyone take a place at the bar and we will begin with pliees." Madame Barton said in her thick Russian accent.
Everyone stopped what they were doing and grabbed a place on one of the cylinder shaped wooden bars screwed into the plain white walls, or one of the many metal floor bars placed in the middle of the room. Grabbing my usual spot of one of the bars, I scooped my stomach in, straightened out my back and place my arms in second position, as I got ready for our usual pliee combination. I closed my eyes, concentration on the beautiful sound coming out of the piano, as our pianist played the soft white keys to a familiar melody. Our class consists of bar work, doing combinations across the floor, working on pirouettes and other type of turns and finally at the end working on our recital piece.
After three hours class was over and I was exhausted, I knew my legs would be aching tomorrow, but I was fine with it because this is what I want to do. I grabbed my school backpacks, which was carrying all of my clothes and made my way through the old wooden door, leading into the lobby of our studio. I made a sharp right turn after passing the front desk and into the dressing room, taking off my sweaty dance leotard and tights, and putting my clothes I had on during school again.
"Hey Brookie!" I heard my very cheerful friend Bevin says in a singsong way, while walking into the dressing room. "How are you?"
"I'm good Bev, thanks for asking," I reply as I chuckle at how happy she is.
"I'd say you were more than fine, I saw you with that total blonde hottie outside the window." She giggled and continued, "So how did you meet him? I've never seen him around before?"
A light pink color tinted my cheeks as she mentioned the blond haired boy that had come into my life so quickly. "Um, his name is Lucas and he's new here." I replied to her earlier questions as I started to feel a tingly feeling as soon as his name came out of my lips.
"Oh a new guy, huh. Damn Brooke you sure have good taste in men. Well I will see you later girlie, but I want to know more about this Lucas guy soon. Love ya," she said with a small laugh and a skip to her step as she exited the dressing room.
I sat on the brown, carpeted floor and placed my slender fingers around my ankles as I slowly untied the satin that was laced around my ankles and slid my Pointe shoes off of my blistered feet. I put my worn Pointe shoes into a mesh bag and stood up, slipping the black leotard off of my shoulders and down to my hips, leaving my chest bare as I stand alone in the cramped room. Taking a deep breath I then push the piece of black fabric past my hips and its slides down my legs, hitting the floor, not making a sound. I loop my thumbs under the pink elastic around my waist and in one quick motion slipped them down my toned legs, just like my leotard seconds before. Soon I stood completely naked in the dressing room, my feet pressing into the worn out carpet as my hands skillfully untied my bun and let my chocolate brown locks run down my back. I ran my hands lightly over my hip bones as I felt the many horizontal scares perfectly placed along my creamy skin, up my stomach to my arms in which I winced as I felt a bruise starting to form around one of my wrists. One single tear began to roll down my cheek as I thought back to the last time Dan abused me and made me feel like I was worth nothing.
As soon as the tear hit my cheek I quickly wiped it away with the back of my hand and pushed all thoughts of Dan out of my head. I opened my backpack and found my underwear, bra and now crumpled black dress I wore to school today. I slid them over my body and pulled my converse onto my feet, lacing the black and red star patterned laces and zipping my black and white skull and cross bone jacket up. I stuffed my dance clothes into the little room left in the bag and pulled out my cell phone, dialing the number I always do around this time, Haley. It was ringing for quite a while until I heard Haley's voice, "Hey Brookie, I'm waiting outside for you in the Volvo. Just come on out whenever you're ready."
"Thanks Tutor Girl, I don't know what I would do without out you. I'll be out in a few," I reply as my pearly whites are shown in a smile that makes its way across my face. I stuff the rest of my clothes into my backpack and sling it over my shoulder, while pulling the wooden door open harshly and jogging to the front of the studio, where I was with Lucas earlier that day. I push the glass door opening to the outside and see Haley sitting in the black Volvo while bouncing her head to the music I can hear, cause she is playing it so loud. I latch my fingers under the hand of the car door and pull it open, throwing my bag on the floor of the car and sliding into the grey leather seat, the sound of The Wreckers filling the car.
"Let's go Haley Bop," I say with a little giggle at the end, while slamming the car door shut. She turns the ignition on and pushes her foot on the gas pedal.
"You got it Tigger."
We make it to my house in about fifteen minutes and Haley pulls into my driveway and turns the car off. She usually comes in for a little bit so I don't look suspicious of anything. Walking up the gravel driveway and onto the concrete path leading up to my red door, our arms our linked together and I push door open. When getting inside the house I try to close the door quietly, but it ends up making a loud slam, like it always does. I should probably just stop trying. The whole house is dark, that either means everyone is asleep, or only Dan is home and he is waiting for me. I see Nathan coming from the kitchen, with a worried look on his face; he comes over and pulls me into a tight embrace.
"Um, Nathan, not that your hugs aren't great or anything, but there not necessary," gosh he is so overprotective, sometimes it drives me insane.
"Brooke you don't how scared I was, it's so late and I thought you got hurt or something," he said looking intently into my hazel eyes, a little bit of anger making its way into his eyes. After a couple of seconds he looks behind my shoulder and sees Haley standing there, "Hey Hales."
"Hi Nathan, um Brooke I'm just gonna go, I'll see you tomorrow at school." With that Haley slipped out through our front door and back into her car.
"Nathan, I know you care about me and that is great that you're protective of me and everything, but it's getting to the point where I can't breathe. You're kind of smothering me and I don't know why it just started now, I mean did I do something wrong to make you not trust me?"
"No, gosh Brooke I'm so sorry it's just you're my little sister and I don't want you to get hurt or anything. And it's getting around the anniversary of mom's death and I know you took it extra hard two years ago and I just want to make sure you're not going to do anything stupid. Brooke I just want to keep you safe," he replied while looking intently in my eyes, stepping closer to me and rubbing my arm with his large hands.
I look down at my scuffed converse as silent tears start to make there way down my tired face. I don't even bother to wipe them away seeing as how I know I can't stop them. A small sob escapes my lips and I feel Nathan wrap his strong arms around my petite body. My body starts to shake as my crying becomes more intense and Nathan just squeezes me tighter, while whispering, "Everything's going to me alright, you're going to make it through this," into my hair.
As soon as I pull myself together, Nathan brushes his thumbs underneath my red, puffy eyes, wiping away my black tears. "Thanks Nate," I said with truth to my voice.
"For what Brookie?"
"For protecting me from everything and not giving up on me these past two years. I really don't think I would be here if it weren't here. You saved me."
"Brooke, all of that is just in the job description of big brother. And I would do it all again in a heartbeat no matter what the cost. You can always count of me, always."
We hugged one more time and he kissed my forehead. I then made my way upstairs to my room, throwing my school bag on the loveseat by my window and turning on my stereo to one of my Modest Mouse CD's. I closed my eyes and pictured my mom, Deb. I could still smell her scent and here her soft voice singing lullabies.
Flashback to three years ago (Brooke and Nathan were in 8th grade)
"Hey Brookie, guess what day it is?" Deb's sign song voice echoed through my room. She comes over and runs her lotioned hands up and down my arms, trying to wake me from my deep slumber. I don't even budge as she tries to wake me. Within seconds I feel my body being bounced around and my mattress moving up and down. I turn to face the commotion and see my mom jumping on my bed; her expression bore that of a child on Christmas.
Even through my tired expression I manage to smile, she could always make me smile. "Mom what has you so jumpy this early in the morning?" I question her while sitting up in bed and rubbing my eyes with my balled up fists.
"Well Brooke today is a very special day, because my beautiful daughter is turning 14 and I have her favorite breakfast downstairs. But if she is too tired, maybe I should just eat it myself." By now she has stopped jumping on the bed and is now in fact sitting Indian style on the messy bed. Once I hear that she made my favorite breakfast, I suddenly become much more alert.
"You mean peanut butter and banana pancakes with loads of maple syrup!" I say excitedly.
"You betcha baby girl. And I have some presents for you downstairs as well. So get dressed and come downstairs so we can start this morning birthday celebration. Nathan is already downstairs waiting for you. I'm pretty sure he wants to open his presents too, so you better hurry up missy." With that she tapped my leg and skipped gracefully out of my bedroom.
I jumped out of my bed practically tripping over everything in my room as I sprinted into the bathroom and took the fastest shower ever. I blow dried my hair and straightened it, put on a minimal amount of makeup and throw on my birthday outfit, my black Stuart Weitzman pumps, shortest Abercrombie and Fitch light wash jean skirt, Dolce and Gabana studded black tank top, with my Burberry tote and Chanel sunglasses placed on top of my head. I squirted myself with Prada perfume and skipped out of my room and down the winding stairs. When I reached the kitchen I saw my entire family, Nathan, Deb and even Dan sitting around the table. Nathan had chocolate chip pancakes in front of him, while Deb and Dan had plain pancakes drenched in blueberry syrup on their plates and a huge stake of peanut butter and banana pancakes covered in maple syrup sitting on a plate in front of an empty chair. I threw my bag on the ground and ran around the table, pulling my chair out and plopping myself into it, grabbing my fork and knife. I dove into the delicious pancakes covered in peanut butter and maple syrup with chunks of bananas in the pancake batter. "Mhm," I closed my eyes so I could get the full effect of the pancakes, "Ma, these are probably the best pancakes I've ever had. WOW"
"Well Brookie Cookie, I'm glad you think so. Now when you finish up we can open your present, but only when you finish your breakfast." She stood up, taking her and Dan's empty plates over to the sink, while Nathan and I scarfed down the rest of our breakfast. Deb handed me a small aqua colored box with a white bow tied around it and Tiffany & Co. stamped on the box. I untied the bow and found a bangle with BSP engraved on the outside. I lifted it up to look at it under better light and saw there was also an engraving on the underneath side of the bracelet. It read, "To my beautiful baby girl, with all of my love." I could feel tears start to well up in my eyes, because I had never received such a heartfelt gift before.
"Wow, it's beautiful, thank you so much." I stood up and gave Deb and hug and reluctantly gave Dan a kiss on the cheek, knowing that the gift was only from Deb.
Nathan got a shoebox size present and when he tore through the paper I saw an orange box with a black Nike swoosh on the lid. Opening the box was a new pair of basketball shoes that had #23 sewn on the back of the shoe, and Scott sewn on the top part of the tongue of the shoe. They were black, royal blue and white. "Awesome, just what I wanted. Thank you so much." He was like a kid on Christmas and I looked up to see my mother's smiling face, while watching her son try on his new shoes. That was one of the best days of my life.
End Flashback
Tears again started to flow down my face. I could not stop them as a heart wrentching sob escaped my mouth for the second time tonight. I sat up in bed and tried to stifle the sobs coming of my mouth. I wiped my eyes with the sleeve of my sweatshirt and stood up, almost mechanically as I tried to compose myself. I turned up my stereo so that my windows started to gently shake with its mighty sound. I walked over to the room to my door and locked it. Turning around quickly, I walked into my bathroom briskly, slamming the black painted door shut.
Once I closed door, I leaned my back against it and closed my eyes. My breaths because ragged, my limbs felt weak, and the pain in my heart felt unbearable, I felt like I was losing control. I looked over at my generic, candy pink toothbrush. I pushed myself off the door, placing both of my hands a little bit wider than shoulder width apart on the counter and leaned into it, making my arms push up slightly and my head hand limply. I looked at the toothbrush again, it so enticing I couldn't focus on anything else. So I picked it up with my right hand and bent over the white toilet, leaning on my left hand for support. I jammed the toothbrush down my throat, forcing myself to gag, but I was only dry heaving, so I pushed it down further to the point where more tears were spilling out of my eyes, blending in with the toilet water as the pain in my throat almost became unbearable to the point where I almost stopped. Almost. I quickly pulled the toothbrush out of my mouth as I felt acid make its way up my throat and escape through my mouth. I didn't bother pulling my hair back as I puked up my entire insides. Puke got on my hands and in my hair, so I turned the shower on, took off my silver bracelet and stepped inside with all of my clothes on.
The water was beating down on my skin, like bullets, but I was so numb that I hardly even felt it. Little bits of food that were once in my hair, on my face and arms were making their way down the drain as I sat in the shower for hours. My heavy black makeup is no longer on my eyes, but stained on my cheeks and my clothes, that were already skin tight, have become a second skin. I stare at the white tiles on the floor, almost in a daze, a trance, you could say. Nothing could take away the pain in my heart, the whole that is now there where my mother once was. It's been there for 2 years now and nothing can fill it. I jump up slightly when the opaque curtain is pulled back and I see a very concerned Nathan looking down at me.
He leans over the steaming water and turns the facet so that the shower is now turned off, but small amounts of water still drip from the shower head every once in a while. He climbs into the shower and takes a seat on the wet floor. I don't look at him, though his gave never leaves mine. I pull my knees into my chest and start to rock back and forth like a little baby. I feel Nathan's gaze shift away from my form, but his large hand moves up my back and rubs it in smooth, calming circles. Soon, my rocking comes to a halt and I yawn, while letting my legs unfold and leaning my head onto Nathan's shoulder. The hand that was rubbing my back is now around my shoulder pulling my body into his. I can feel Nathan become stiff as he is trying to figure out what to do with the situation. A silence is come over us, but is interrupted when Nathan starts to speak. I can tell he's trying to hold back his emotions, to be strong for me, but I can hear the shakiness he has in his voice and it breaks my heart.
"Brooke, you have got to let me in. You have got to let me help you through this. Ever since mom died two years ago you have been in a downward spiral and I'm afraid that soon you're going to crash and I won't be able to save you. God, Brooke I need you in my life. Please, help me, help you."
When he finishes I'm still in my stoic state, but I heard everything he said, I'm just trying to process it all. I never really had any idea that my actions hurt Nathan as much as they did. I feel so guilty for putting him through everything that I have over the past two years. So, that's when I decided that I was going to be a better sister towards him and have a more positive outlook on life in general. I thought about it and I have to do this for him. Even if my happiness is only a show, I have got to try so he won't worry about me as much as he does. So I respond to his heartfelt cry for help, "Alright, Nathan I'll let you help me."
I feel him kiss my head and within a couple minutes I'm fast asleep on his shoulder. He then stood up in the shower, being gentle so he wouldn't wake me and laid me down on the tiled floor. He grabbed a red towel out of my closet in my bathroom and wrapped me in it, trying to keep me from catching a cold. He carried me into my room, took off my shoes and placed me on my bed. Pulling my sheets up to my chin, he brushed the hair out of my face and kissed my head again. He pulled back from my bed, walking around it and to the door that led to the hallway outside my room. Nathan pulled the door open and looked back over his shoulder at my bed and said, "What are we going to do with you, baby sis, what are we going to do." With a sigh, he reached up and turned off the light so the only light that was in my room was that of the full moon shining through my window. He closed the door and left to weep in his room for the feeling of helplessness invaded his body.