A/n: yeah sorry about the super long update time… I had it done but then I deleted it on accident and I never even though about it . I'm so sorry and then I found my self too lazy to rewrite it.

I----------------------------------------------------------------------I

"Sesshoumaru?" Rin said while walking into this bedroom. "I've come to say I'm sorry I didn't mean to react like that." She said while pushing open the closet door to look for him. "Sesshoumaru where are you?" She said while looking under the bed. "Why would he be under the bed? "She asked her self slowly standing up. "Why would he be in the closet?"

Rin slowly walked across the room to the balcony and opened both of the doors. Looking left she didn't see him but noticed something out of the corner of her eye. "What is this?" Rin said while picking up a bottle of alcohol that was surrounded by many other empty bottles. "Does he drink?" Rin thought becoming slightly frustrated.

"Sess…" She said turning around only to notice a hand lying out of the bathroom door. "Sesshoumaru?" Rin rushed over to the man that was lying down on the floor. "Sesshoumaru!" She said while slapping his face a little. "Sesshoumaru you better wake up right now!"

"What is your problem!" He said in a slightly angered voice. "You died! Go away!" His voice was slightly slurred.

"How many bottle of alcohol did you drink?" She said while looking at the pile of strong alcohol laying out side the balcony doors.

"What is it to you! You don't care about me?" He said while pulling himself away from her. "I can handle myself."

"Sure you can Sesshoumaru…" Rin said while getting up and patting her hands on her pants as if she was done. "You're a big boy, you can handle yourself right?" She said feeling a little hurt from his words. "I came to say sorry and all you give me is a bunch of crap. I'm the only one that cares for you, as a friend! Just throw it away ok!"

"Wait…" He said softly before she could exit his sight. "I'm sorry…" His voice seemed normal. "About yesterday… I didn't…I don't want to hurt you…" He said while holding onto the door as he tried to get up.

"Sess…you know I care about you, but not in that way. I know you want me to feel for you the way you feel for me but I just can't. You're like a brother to me." She said while walking over to him and hugging him only to receive a hug back.

She felt her self blush, Sesshoumaru had held her tight and snuggled his face into her neck causing little soft breaths to tickle her neckline. "I'm sorry." She felt something wet hit her neck. I'm so sorry…" She felt her heart break like the few times before that she had witness him present sadness.

"It's ok…" She said hugging him a little tighter and running her hand along his back. "Here let's lay you down, it's probably the best after all that alcohol you drank."

"No…" He said not letting go. "Please just wait."

"Lets go to your bed and I will stay there with you until you calm down." She said while feeling him release a little. Pulling his hand she dragged him over to his bed and allowed him to lay down while laying right neck to him.

"Why won't you love me…?" Sesshoumaru asked, out of curiosity. "Is it because I was a nerd?

"No… Sesshoumaru, I don't really know why. If feels as if something won't allow me to, it's kind of strange." Rin said beginning to rub Sesshoumaru's arm. "In a way for me to explain it, don't be offended, but when I think of you it's like looking at a brother I've never had. So I could never imagine us being together." She said feeling a sigh pass though Sesshoumaru's chest. "But that's only the feeling, I know that's not the reason, there's something else to it. Maybe I'm afraid." She said now speaking to a sleeping Sesshoumaru.

Brushing his hair from his face she smiled. "Maybe it's because I really love you but am really afraid. Because I can't describe the feeling I get when you kiss me, I've never know real love and the real reason is that I have this feeling that I know you from somewhere else and it scares me because maybe it's trying to tell me something. Every time I'm around you I have this déjà vu like feeling that occurs." She smiled and shook her head. "It's strange but I've been having dreams and I know it's about us but I can never remember the dreams."

"How did you ever become such a weak man…" Rin said looking at his state. "What happened to you to make you this emotional about people and so closed in.

Slowly sitting up she began to move her self from the bed when she felt her arm being held by Sesshoumaru. Looking at him she noticed his eyes open and him in a panting like motion.

"Why do you lie to me Rin?" He then pushed her away slightly while sitting up in bed. "Why?"

"What are you talking about?" She said fearing that he may have not been really sleeping.

"You're no different then the other Rin's." He said, causing her to be in shock.

"Other Rin's? Do you stock other women by the name Rin? Do you have an obsession with the name?" Rin said while backing away.

"I'm tired of this… no one will have be as good as my Rin. MY RIN!" He yelled while knocking over the lamp in the room to the ground, causing the room to become dark. "Why'd she have to die?" He said in an anger silent voice.

Rin could imagine him gripping each of his hands and tear running down the side of his face. Rin paused confused about what was happening until something struck in her mind. Her dream… she was finally remember a part of it like déjà vu!

"I…I know who you are!" Rin said trying to play along hoping this would stall his mono toned anger. "She didn't leave you, you left her!" She yelled at the top of her lung hearing his walking come to a halt.

"What do you mean…?" He said in a soft voice, looking at the woman in front of him being outlined by the moon light from the balcony.

"You left her in a village…you pushed her away from everything…you pushed her away from your life and now I understand why I cannot love you!" She said quietly

"Why…" She could hear the sadness in his voice.

"Because I am her… and the last words she asked before you let her live with the humans were…" Rin said the image replaying in her mind.

"This Rin Promises…She promises to stay away…if Sesshoumaru tells her he hates her." Rin said while looking down.

"I hate you, and I would rather kill you than ever love you…" He said looking her straight in the eyes.

"This Rin will no longer bother you, this Rin will disappear from your life forever." She said while turning towards town and walking her way there.

She replayed her dream through her words causing Sesshoumaru to back away. "This is why I cannot love you, because a part of me still remembers that you hate me and would rather kill me than love me…maybe there's more to it but this is all my heart and soul it telling me…" She said feeling her heart break now. She finally realized why it hurt so much to try to understand her feelings.

"Rin…"

"I do love you, I've found that out now…but I can never use those feelings now because of this grudge my former self and many former selves must have and still is holding." She took in a breath when she felt the warm hand of Sesshoumaru on her face.

"But do you remember how so I wept when my Rin was dead. When I could no longer watch from afar as she tried her hardest to smile and be happy with the people around her. When I could no longer watch her pick flowers from the very nature she loved. When I could no longer be able to have the chance to tell her that I really did love her…" He said quietly. "Do you remember when I stole you away from that loved you so much, I took you to a patch of flowers and held you as I wept. I took you somewhere that only I knew you would love, but I wept because I knew you would never realize that, that is where you were." He said while bringing her face closer to his. His breath grazed her lips causing her to sigh.

"Sesshoumaru…"

"But I knew you would remember because the fact was you were dead, so you would never have understood that I loved you and didn't really hate you although you told her you still loved me always." Rin felt her self slightly melt when she felt his lips touch hers and felt tears come to her eyes.

"Sess…" She tried to muffle in between but felt him wipe away her tears and kiss her gently. She felt more tears arise when he wrapped his arms around her waist and squeeze her as if he'd loose her forever. She couldn't help herself but she found her hands go up to his face and cup his cheeks while crying into the kiss they shared.

She paused as she had another dream memory float into her head

Through instinct she found herself pushing her young fragile body against her lords mature manly body. Her eyes fluttered as she felt him wrap his arms around her waist and pulled her towards him.

"Sesshoumaru…" She felt him pull away from the kiss and felt herself wanting more. She made a grunting noise when she felt her self lifted up and thrown onto the bed. "Stop…" Rin could hear herself mumble… "Wait no… don't!" She said feeling him rub up against her while kissing her neck making trails down to her breast. And then it stopped, "Sesshoumaru?" Rin asked while touching his hair.

She noticed he had passed out, looking at him she didn't feel disappointed. Running her hand through his hair she wondered if he would even remembered what happened in the morning. All she knew now is that she knew why she didn't love him at first.

A/N: Heh haha yeah kind of weird… . I hope you forgive me for not updating in so long . Review please it makes me very happy.