Thanks to PatrickDempseylover, michelle1203, BlackxValentine, Salamara, and Phantom-Roses for the reviews!
And this is where I truly fail Genesis, where I can no longer take the screaming of his voice in my head, and bend to his will. Our will.
The next four years of my life were the hardest. It seemed like bills were popping up everywhere and we barely had money to pay them. We saved money by only using cell phones and not relying on landlines, but that wasn't enough. And we were always in a rush. We had classes to get to and jobs right after. It was Hell.
The only good thing I can say about this time, is that this is when I proposed to her and married her. One of the most costly things our money went to was money for my meds. Someone, I don't remember who, commented that the cost of them could also by a decent ring and that got me to thinking…
Genesis always deserved better than me. She deserves a man who doesn't listen to an imaginary voice in his head and who had the National Guard called in to evacuate the city because of him. Though, I will admit, I do want a war waged against me. That was close enough! At least she wasn't on the civilian ferry. I think she was on a book tour then. I don't remember, wasn't that important.
She deserves nice things and I've always put her before myself (though, now, I know I'm being pretty selfish by doing what I do and leaving her at home alone. I just don't care. I can't care somehow.) and that meant that I would have to skip out on my meds to get her a ring.
I loved the time I wasn't on the meds. It was, what's the word? Freeing! Maybe I was meant to be this way! Maybe being insane was the way the human race was supposed to be! Maybe, long ago, everybody was insane and sane was insane to them. Maybe someone who was sane was in charge said 'This is not the way we should be' and everybody went on meds and it got encoded into everybody's DNA and here we are today! Boringly sane! Everything seemed to make more sense without the meds.
Most men are pansies when it comes to proposing to their girl. They get too nervous and mess it all up. It's embarrassing for them, and their potential fiancée. I just waited until the perfect moment.
It was raining, but still sunny outside. I led her to the park across the street, had a little mud fight, and proposed.
"Jack! Where'd you get the money for that?!" She exclaimed.
"Don't kill me or nothing, but I used the money for my medications to buy you this." I said hurriedly. Ok, I'll admit, I was dreading that part and hoped she wouldn't ask.
I looked up into her smoky brown eyes. I can't forget about what I saw in her eyes. They still haunt my dreams. I saw the disappointment, anger and frustration. I had let her down and I knew she expected better of me, to actually work for the money to buy the ring.
"I know that look. You're mad. Look, Gen, I know times are hard for us right now, but I want you to have nice things. You deserve so much better than what we already have. Hell, you deserve a man who doesn't listen to the imaginary voices in his head…." I said, feeling like a giant idiot. People were even starting to stare, wondering if she say yes right along with me.
"Oh Jack." she said, sitting down on her knee. She put her arms around me and hugged me tightly. "I will marry you." she said.
"Oh thank god!" I exclaimed and I held her cheeks in my hands and kissed her. I vaguely remember a small crowd cheering us, but I wasn't focused on them.
Gen even deserved a better wedding, I keep asking her if she wants to redo it since we have a ton of money now thanks to her, but she always says no, that she likes our wedding. No one was at our wedding! 'Cept for the minister and his daughter who was our witness. If she said she wanted to redo our wedding, hell, I'd wear a frickin tux and wait until the green washes out of my hair and not wear the war paint so no one would recognize me for her! The last time I did that someone thought I was Heath Ledger! I wanted to tell the person I was, but Gen was there, so I couldn't. Damn it! That would've been fun!
After one hell of a wedding night, a plan started to piece itself together in my mind. If I could get together enough people and I died my hair and wore something on my face, they wouldn't know who I was and we could rob a bank! I would kill my 'helpers' after the job was done so all the money would go to me and Gen!
I chose to look like a clown because a lot of people are afraid of them. I want people to be afraid of me and they are and I like it. I tookcoulrophobia that day I robbed my first bank and I liked it too much.
I never thought Gen would ever find out about the bank. I half expected to be shot by cops, that was why I told her I loved her and to not watch the news that morning I left. It was also the day she heard from publishers about her book. For me, it was one of the days I remember the clearest.
My helpers kicked open the doors to the bank and were the first ones in. I still remember the wonderful screams of our victims at the sight of our guns.
"I got a riddle for all of you lucky people! I say lucky, 'cause you're going to be the first people murdered by The Joker! How do you kill a circus act?" I ask grabbing a pen from someone's desk.
"By going straight for the jugular!" I exclaimed and stabbed a bank teller in the neck with the pen.
People screamed and scrambled about, trying to find a way out like caged rats. This was awesome! I caused all of that mass hysteria and fear.
I saw how people begged me for their life's and I basked in that power, the power to choose between who lives and who dies. But then, there were those annoying little insects of people who tried to bribe me. It was disgusting and they were the first to go. I somehow knew that if Gen was in that sort of situation, she wouldn't be that low. Everybody and his granny can be bought on this planet, except her and I wanted to prove that.
Everything I do, is for her.