Chapter 2: She Never Cried in Front of Me

"Seven thirty-five

She's someone else's wife

I can get on with my life

And that thrills me"

Mac stands outside of her apartment building, looking up at it to see if she is home. He had made a big mistake and needs to talk to her. Although after what he had said to her, she will probably never talk to him again.

He sees that her lights are on and recounts for the third time to make sure he has the right apartment. Unsure of what to do now, he stands there for a few more minutes, weighing his options. He could go up and talk to her… or he could wait until work Monday morning… or he could just hope they could forget it ever happened and still be friends.

Finally, he enters the building and gets into the elevator. After all, what was the worst she could do to him? Tell him to go to hell and slam the door in his face?

Mac reaches in his pocket to look for the key to her apartment in case she decides to be stubborn on him. While fishing for his keys, he finds he has an extra wallet in his pocket. He pulls it out: it is Stella's. She had asked him to carry it for her to the party. But if I have her wallet, how'd she get home?

The elevator doors open, and he exits, walking down the hall to her door. Taking a deep breath, he raises his hand and knocks. A few moments pass before the door slowly opens.

"She married him today

Her daddy gave the bride away

I heard a tear roll down her face

And that kills me

'Cause now I can see why

She's finally crying"

"Stella," he takes in her appearance. Her eyes are red and puffy, and she refuses to look at him. "I, um, never pictured you a penguin person," he comments on her pajamas, trying to make her smile.

"I don't want to talk to you, Mac."

"I thought you might need this," he hands her her wallet. "How'd you get home?"

"I borrowed money from one of the young officers." She moves to shut the door, not in the mood to talk.

"Stel…" he puts his hand on it to keep it open. "Let me explain."

"No, I get it. You just don't love me back. It's okay," she sniffles, looking down at the ground.

"It's not like that. I…"

"Just go, Mac. Things are already tense between us. Let's not let it get any worse."

He nods, realizing she is right. He'd give it a few days to blow over before approaching her. They never stayed angry at each other for long. "I guess I'll see you Monday."

"Night, Mac," she moves to close the door.

"I'm sorry," he whispers right before the door clicks shut. He assumes she didn't hear or ignored it and is glad – he doesn't know what else to tell her. After all, he is a guy. How was he supposed to know she'd been flirting with him all along?

"How was I supposed to know?

She was slowly letting go

If I was putting her through her hell,

Hell, I couldn't tell"

Monday comes, and Stella walks right past his office without a second glance at it. He frowns; she came to see him every day when she got to work. He must have really screwed up this time.

When Stella enters the break room, Danny and Lindsay are already there. "Good morning, Stella," Danny smiles brightly at her.

"What's your problem?" she glares at him.

"Nothing. I was just… curious about what happened on Saturday evening… with Mac."

"First, Mac and I are fine. Nothing is going on between us. Second, mind your own business, Danny."

"You didn't talk to him this morning," he points out.

She is about to respond but Hawkes walks in, closely followed by the man in question.

"Lindsay and Sheldon, you are with Danny," he hands the younger man a file folder. "Stella, you're with me. Meet me by my car in ten minutes."

Once Mac is gone, Lindsay pulls Stella down the hall towards her office. "You have some serious talking to do. What's going on? You two obviously aren't okay."

"You heard our conversation the other night… he thought it was a big joke."

"You can't just not talk to him for the rest of your life."

"Obviously he can."

"Stella, you need to fix your relationship with him. You two are going to be so lost without each other… You don't have to be more than friends, but you both depend on this friendship. I mean, you've got the firefighter after all…"

"That relationship's messed up too."

"What did you even expect Mac to do? He's too clueless to realize you were flirting with him."

"She could've given me a sign

And opened up my eyes

How was I supposed to see?

She never cried in front of me"

"Are you going to ignore me forever?"

"Yes."

"We work together; we have to talk to each other. You can't do this."

"I can if I want."

"Why do you have to be so difficult, Stella?" he mutters quietly to himself.

"Me? You're the difficult one, Mac."

"I'm not the one who wants to be more than just friends. I was perfectly fine with what I had. And now… we have nothing."

"I wouldn't have had to ruin our friendship if you weren't so oblivious."

"How the hell was I supposed to know you loved me? You never said anything."

"I shouldn't have to! Most people would have gotten the hint."

"What hint?" Mac yells.

Don starts to head over to them, having finished his interview. "Hey, I've got a possible suspect -"

"I practically told you twice. And I walked into door because I was looking at you. And I kissed you too many times to count," Stella lists, holding up her fingers in counting.

"On the cheek. You've done that since Claire past away."

"I'm going to just… wait over there," Don says, slowly walking away from the arguing couple.

"Maybe I've loved you since then."

"You know what? I really don't give a damn if you love me. I'm your boss, and we can't be together without getting fired. So… go ahead and be mad at me, but I've actually done you a favor."

Furiously, Stella storms off, leaving him to process the scene alone.

"Yeah, maybe I might've changed

It's hard for me to say

But the story's still the same

It's a sad one"

Don slowly walks over to Mac after giving him some time to cool down. "Women expect too much from us sometimes."

Mac looks over at him, "She can be so frustrating at times."

"Go after her, Mac. She really cares about you."

He shakes his head, "I have a job to do right now. I'll deal with her walking away on the job later."

"Mac, you can't do that. Then you're really going to lose her."

"I just… don't know what to do."

"Do you love her?" Flack asks.

"What does that matter? She knows we can't be together in that way."

"I'm sure you two could find a way around it. Sometimes you just have to fight for what you believe."

"At this point, that doesn't even matter. There's no way she's ever going to go out with me. I thought she was trying to be funny. I didn't believe her," Mac sorrowfully looks at Stella's kit that sits on the ground next to the body.

"Yes, she will… if you get on your knees and beg her to."

"What about that firefighter? She said there were others that would be happy to go out with her if I wouldn't. I bet they've already started dating."

"You have too many excuses, Mac."

"Okay, if you're such an expert, how do I apologize?"

"And I'll always believe

If she ever did cry for me

They were tears that you can't see

You know, the bad ones

And now I can see why

She's finally crying"

"I can't believe I ever loved him," Stella rolls her eyes at the thought of Mac.

Brendon pulls her closer to him. "He'll never know what he's missing out on."

She rests her head on his shoulder. "He'll probably fire me tomorrow for leaving the crime scene."

He kisses the top of her head. "I love you, Stella."

After sitting on the couch with him for a little longer, she sits up. "I should get going. It's late, and if I wait longer, I'm going to be too tired to drive home."

"You can stay here," he offers.

"No, I… I can't go all the way across town tomorrow morning to get ready for work and then come almost all the way back here for work."

"You're welcome to stay here anytime. But if you insist… I'll let you go," he walks her to the door. Brendon holds her coat for her to put on.

"I'll see you… tomorrow?"

"Dinner?"

"Okay. Good night," she kisses his cheek.

He cups her cheek and kisses her lips, pressing her back against the door. He keeps their lips pressed together until he feels he should let her breathe. "Sure you don't want to stay?"

"Brendon…"

"I know… we have to take it slow."

"So pick me up at the lab at six?"

"Okay," he gives her one last kiss. "See you tomorrow."

"How was I supposed to know?

She was slowly letting go

If I was putting her through her hell,

Hell, I couldn't tell"

Mac knocks gently on her office door the next morning. "We should talk."

"Are you firing me?"

"No, of course not. You're an excellent CSI, Stella."

"But I left the crime scene yesterday."

"I… I'll take the blame for that. I brought the topic up, and we shouldn't have been discussing our… personal issues on the job."

"Thanks," Stella attempts at a smile.

"I, um… stopped by your apartment last night to tell you this, but you weren't there."

"I was… with Brendon."

"Oh… are you two…?"

"We're… dating I guess you'd say. Since you… don't have feelings for me and even if you did we're forbidden to be together. So… he's a nice guy… and… he agreed to take things slowly."

"As long as you're happy and he's not going to hurt you, it doesn't matter to me."

"So…"

"I guess we should get to work."

She nods, "I… I'm sorry for walking away yesterday."

"It's okay." He desperately wants to apologize for not believing her and tell her that he loves her too but holds it in. She already had found someone else… he had no chance. "I apologize for… being a lousy date at the party. I… had never thought about us… together in that way so it was kind of a surprise when Sinclair… thought we were going out. I didn't want anyone else to see us that way."

"I understand. You aren't very outgoing with your emotions and didn't want any rumors to start. Which happened anyways."

"I… yeah."

"I accept your apology."

"She could've given me a sign

And opened up my eyes

How was I supposed to see?

She never cried in front of me"

"So how'd it go with Stella?" Flack asks as the two men are on their way to interrogate a suspect.

"She… wasn't home. I… she said she was with the firefighter. And they're dating now."

"So you two are back to friends?"

Mac shrugs, "I really don't know. I told her she still had a job and that I was sorry for being a lousy date at the party… I never did say I was sorry for what I said to her."

"Well, you're at least speaking to each other."

"But it doesn't really matter anymore. We don't have a chance if she's with Brendon. I just… wish that I'd told her when she told me. I mean… we can't ever act on it, but at least she'd know…"

"So what's this firefighter like?" Don asks, not wanting his friend to be hurt again.

"I've never met him. She said she did a background check… and she trusts him so we should too. And she's been friends with him for a few months; it kind of sounds like she's almost as close to him as she is to me."

"Maybe this relationship won't work out, and you'll have a chance to tell her."

"What's the point? If we did manage to hide our relationship and it actually worked out between us, we'd never be able to get married or anything." Mac's phone rings, "Taylor."

When he hangs up, he says, "Stella said the judge wouldn't give us the warrant. She's going back to the lab."

"Mac, I still think you should tell her."

"I don't know how. How do you tell someone you love them but you can never be together?"

"Without a doubt

I know now

How it ought to be

Now she's gone

And it's wrong

And it bothers me

Tomorrow I'll still be

Asking myself"

"How was work?" Brendon asks, cutting the last of his steak.

"Okay."

"I guess you still have a job."

"Yeah." She isn't really in the mood to talk.

"Is something wrong?"

"No, I just… it was a long day, and we didn't get any closer to catching this guy."

"Oh… we can leave if you're done…"

"Are you sure? You didn't finish your dinner."

"It's okay. Besides, if I eat anymore, I don't think I'll be able to get up if there's a fire tonight."

"I don't understand how you can go running into a burning building. Having to get out of one was bad enough."

He chuckles, "Well, I don't know how you can look at dead people all day."

"I do not look at them all day. In fact, I don't think I saw one today. Anyway, your job is more dangerous."

"Mine? You're the one who chases murderers down… murderers with guns. There aren't any guns involved in my job."

"Just an unstable building that could fall on top of you and kill you. And smoke."

"Okay, I give up; both of our jobs are dangerous," Brendon concedes.

Stella shakes her head at him as he gets out his credit card to pay. "Thank you for dinner. It was good."

"You're welcome," he puts his arm around her waist as they walk out. "Do you want me to drop you off at your apartment?"

"Sure. I can get a ride to work tomorrow morning."

Fifteen minutes later he stops outside her building. "I can walk you up if you want. But I can't stay. I have to get to work."

"That's okay," she leans over to kiss him good night. "Be careful."

"Good night."

"How was I supposed to know?

She was slowly letting go

If I was putting her through her hell,

Hell, I couldn't tell"

She opens the door to her apartment, finding Mac on the other side. "What are you doing here? It's getting kind of late." She closes the door behind him.

"Stella…" he sighs, not sure how to begin. "I need you to know something. I was a jerk the other night. You deserved someone a lot better than that. And I'm glad you have… the firefighter."

"Mac, I know you were uncomfortable. You don't have to apologize again."

"Yes, I do. I don't know why I didn't believe you. It was just… I never thought you'd feel that way about me."

Stella interrupts again, "It was inappropriate. I know that. I don't know why I even thought I had a chance with you. Especially since you're Mac and you don't break the rules."

"I think I knew all along how you felt. I was just… denying what it really meant because I didn't want to admit to myself how I felt about you. I didn't want to have to deal with my feelings because I knew we could never be together. And I didn't want to act on the feelings and give you hope when it could never happen."

"I… I understand, Mac. It… just can't happen, even if we both want it to."

Mac gently takes her hand in his. "I just want you to know that… I do love you, Stella. And if we wouldn't get in trouble, I wouldn't mind trying to take our friendship further. But… I can't ask you to leave Brendon. And I can't ask you to leave your job just so we can be together. I don't know that I'd do this job without you beside me."

"I love you too, Mac."

A tear trails down her cheek, and he quickly wipes it away. "Maybe since we can't be more we could… make the most out of our friendship. Maybe… you'd like to have breakfast with me in the morning?"

"Sure, Mac. I… my car's still at the lab though."

"Okay, I'll pick you up at seven-thirty then," he turns to head out the door.

"Good night," she says quietly. "I… thank you for telling me all of this."

Slowly he leans in and gives her a quick kiss on the lips, which he immediately regrets because he wants her more than ever. "I… sorry."

"It's okay. Nobody has to know about it."

"Sweet dreams, Stella," he smiles at her one last time before heading down the hallway.

"She could've given me a sign

And opened up my eyes

How was I supposed to see?"

"Mac, we need to have a talk," Sinclair walks into the detective's office.

"About what?" Mac sighs, not wanting to deal with the chief of detectives.

"I've heard some things about Stella and… the party Saturday."

"How many times do I have to tell you that we went as friends? We're just close friends. Last time I checked, there's nothing wrong with having a best friend of the opposite sex."

"Stella said she loves you."

"No, she didn't," Mac tries to protect her.

"Mac, people overheard your conversation. And you know how people talk around here. I need to hear the story from you."

"I refuse to talk to you. That conversation was personal. Stella and I aren't violating protocol."

"Don't make things more difficult for you and Stella. Just tell me what happened."

Mac shakes his head, rejecting further conversation with the chief of detectives.

Sinclair sighs, "You leave me no choice, Mac." He stands up and walks out of the office and down the hall.

Ten minutes later Stella enters his office. "How did he know?"

"Who know what?" Mac looks up from his paperwork.

"Sinclair knows what I said to you the other night."

"I didn't tell him a thing, Stella."

"Someone did."

"You weren't exactly whispering. It could have been anyone." She sighs, frustrated. "What did he say to you?"

"He told me not to bother… coming to work tomorrow."

"How was I supposed to see?

She never cried in front of me

Hell, I couldn't tell…"

A/N: So... this is a Toby Keith song. One more chapter to go... I'll post Wednesday, probably in the evening. I'm getting kind of bored... I must go back to reading. Tomorrow I want to finish my book if I don't do so tonight. And I need to work on that scarf that I finally got more yarn for. And I want to start writing my next story. I don't think anything exciting has happened between now and since I posted the first chapter... Well, you guys should be excited for the next chapter. Will they end up together or not? Plus I throw in some more Christmas stuff. Please review. Thanks.