hi hi hi guys! I wrote like a madwoman to get this chapter out to you :) I wanted to prove that I'm not really a late updater...
Ahem. So, thanks to my FOUR-count them, FOUR-reviewers! You have no idea how happy you made me with your reviews. So thanks again, to: OnceUponATime170, blinding-rainbows, Shellys01, and My Jacob! You made my day.
So writing this chapter was tough, but fulfilling. It was hard because I needed to capture Bella's feelings exactly right... Be sure to tell me if I did a good job! :D
Yup. So i own my shiny earrings. Not Twilight...
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Bella Swan
I was dreaming.
I walked through a dark, forbidding alley into a movie theater, where I calmly sat down to watch what was playing. There was Jake, with a blush underneath his beautiful russet skin, looking downwards towards his feet. He was 6 foot something, with chin-length black hair and a hair tie around his wrist. He looked a little nervous. "Bella, I really like you. Will you be my girlfriend?"
Will you be my girlfriend?
Will you be my girlfriend?
I really like you. Will you be my girlfriend?
"Yes," I had said, now blushing too. He looked at me with nothing but joy in his eyes, a grin adorning his face. "You've just made me the happiest guy ever."
"The happiest ever?"
Jake had wrapped his arms around me, leaning down to kiss my forehead sweetly. "The happiest ever. You are amazing, Bella. I will never let you go."
I will never let you go.
I will never let you go.
You are amazing, Bella. I will never let you go.
Then why did you?
"Bella. Bella!"
I awoke with a jolt, Emmett having shaken me out of my sleep. His normally smiling, dimpled face was instead frowning at me with some concern. I looked up at him, fully aware of the tear tracks I had made down my cheek in my sleep. He seemed as though he wanted to say something, but was unsure of how to word it. I focused instead on his ruffled tank top that showed off his impressive muscles and on the patchwork quilt that my mother had made so long ago. Finally, Emmett spoke.
"Um…Bella, it's Monday and we have school. Hurry up and get ready if you want to come with me, Rose and Jasper…We're stopping to get coffee and I know you're gonna want to get some!" His attempt to act perfectly normal almost made me cry; instead, I smiled at him and softly asked, "Aren't you getting ready?"
Emmett was puzzled. "I am ready. What are you talking about?"
I raised an eyebrow. "You're going to go to school in a wife beater? Are you crazy?"
Emmett looked down, apparently embarrassed. "Rose likes it," he muttered. I started grinning. He was crazy. "Come again?"
"Rose likes it!" He said loudly, grinning himself. "And besides, it's comfortable like you wouldn't believe… You should try it sometime. No, wait! I take that back. Don't you dare leave this house in only a wife beater!" He started rambling, to which I laughed.
"Okay, Emmett, but can you leave, please? I need to get ready…" He started backing out of the room. With a last "no wife beaters!" he left to wait for Rosalie and Jasper in the living room, leaving me to brood about my dream.
So, Jacob cheated on me. That hurt, but logically speaking it wasn't like we were married. I didn't love him; that much I knew. I was fractured, possibly broken, but realistically I would survive. I was never one to be a drama queen; I wouldn't start now. Me and Jake had some good times (many, many good times). It was hard to come out of a three year relationship without some fond memories of the previous chunk of your life. Would all that be canceled out because of some petty, high school dilemma? Would my memories of Jacob caring about me become stained?
There are some questions that can't be answered. I wouldn't die; but I wouldn't ever forgive Jacob, either. This was a decision I had made yesterday. I couldn't forgive Jacob because I couldn't forgive myself. I couldn't forgive myself for being too boring to keep his interest, and not being woman enough for him (as Leah eloquently said that night). At least my friends cared about me. I remembered the events of yesterday with a painful smile:
I was sitting in my room, taking turns between crying and just staring at the ceiling and trying to forget everything. My life was over, my heart was broken. I was, in a sense, being the exact drama queen I had always despised. I tried to hate Jacob's guts for being such a two-timing jerk, but I couldn't. Every time I tried, Leah's words slashed through me like an invisible dagger: you're not woman enough for him. You're not woman enough. You don't deserve him.
How could I hate Jacob when it was put like that? How could I blame Jacob for wanting more than the little I could offer him? I was just starting to cry again when I heard Rosalie downstairs, demanding to see me. I listened closely, only half caring about Emmett's quiet reply. I honestly felt bad for Emmett; he had been a pro at beating Jacob up in the parking lot of the restaurant, but when it came to comforting his broken baby sister he was at a loss. He had been pacing the hallway outside my bedroom all day; I heard him, but didn't care quite enough to either come out or invite him in.
Whatever Emmett said, though, must have pissed Rosalie off because she exclaimed right outside my door: "THAT'S ENOUGH! BELLA, STOP MOPING OR—
I wrenched the door open, looking angrily at my brother's girlfriend. "Or what, Rosalie?" My anger faded as Rose looked at me in horrified concern, taking in my sallow face, the tears dried in my hair, and my clothes from last night. Emmett and Jasper had followed behind her, both gazing at me like my pain had caused their hearts to break, too. It was those faces that broke me. I started crying, now angry at myself for causing my friends such misery.
"Oh, Bella, Bella baby, don't cry," Rosalie crooned, "I'm sorry. But you need to understand, Jacob isn't worth all this. He never treated you like the stubborn princess you are. It's his loss, not yours."
"I…was never woman…woman enough for him!" I managed to blubber out. Jasper now swooped in, hugging me too. "Bella, don't you dare take Leah Clearwater seriously. She just said that because she's an evil, lying b—person, don't believe her, Bella please. You are woman enough; you're more woman than any girl I've ever seen. I'm a man, I should know…"
Jasper stopped at the very obvious cough Emmett let out behind him. Emmett stared pointedly at Jasper's hand, which was now holding mine. Jasper let it go hastily. "Aw come on Emmett… you KNOW we're just friends…"
Emmett was perhaps going to say something brilliant and intelligent, but we never found out. Rosalie smacked him behind the head, hard. "OW! Rosie, that wasn't nice…"
I stifled a small laugh. Emmett looked round at me, now grinning. "Our point is that Jacob didn't deserve YOU, Bella, not the other way around. Anyone who doesn't know that is either mentally retarded, or mentally blind."
Rose smacked him again. "Mentally blind, Em? You can't BE mentally blind…"
"Sorry, Rosie!" Emmett said, totally distracted.
This time I giggled. I stood up, suddenly having an epiphany. "I'm so sorry, you guys. You're right, I shouldn't be moping around. Look at the people I have that care about me…" I looked, and my heart swelled at what I saw: Loud, beautiful, loving Rosalie; Muscled, sweet, dimpled Emmett; and quiet, blonde, loyal Jasper. Screw Jacob! I was blessed. I didn't have to be woman enough for the people in the room, and nothing could make me happier.
"Bella? Bella, are you READY YET? We're leaaaaaaaavingggg!" Emmett and Rose sang. I snapped out of it, grabbing my bag and running. I didn't need love when I had such great friends by my side.
Edward Cullen
Forks is not too much different than everywhere else I've been. I had dressed in my most impressive green emerald sweater that Alice insisted 'matched my eyes' and my best corduroys in hopes of Alice's prediction to be right, but it wasn't necessary. After the first five minutes it was obvious that no girl would be interested in me here. No girl was interested in me anywhere. As usual, eyes slid right by me without seeing me, resting instead on my pretty pixie sister. With her short black hair, warm gray eyes, confidence, and fashion sense, she was the belle of the ball. I was proud of my sister, only slightly disappointed about the whole love-of-my-life thing not being possible.
I was worrying about every guy hitting on her, but it wasn't necessary. As soon as we stepped out of my silver Volvo, me trying to push my glasses up my nose without dropping my handful of books, Alice had let out a squeal. "That's him, Edward, that's him!" I looked at where she was pointing, my eyes finding a huge, intimidating-looking guy in nothing but a wife beater. Then I saw the curvy, gorgeous blonde on his arm. I groaned. "Alice, if HE's the love of your life, you've really got your work cut out for you..."
Alice smacked my arm, nearly causing my textbooks to fall. I stumbled, struggling to balance it all. "not HIM, stupid! Him." I saw who she was talking about, and smiled. Next to the blonde was another tall blonde, male this time. He was quiet and broody-looking, leaning against a jeep with his hands in his pockets looking affectionately at who was obviously his sister. To a girl, he would be handsome. Before I could say anything, though, Alice had skipped off in his direction, obviously intending to introduce herself. I hastened off behind her.
Alice skidded to a stop right in front of him, nearly giving him a heart attack. She stuck out her hand. "Alice Cullen, the girl of your dreams. And who are you?" I internally smacked myself, embarrassed, wishing she didn't always have to be quite so confident. I had to give the guy credit, though. After a moment, he smiled at Alice, taken by her beauty, too. He shook her hand. "Jasper Hale, at your service."
"You've kept me waiting a long time, Jasper."
Jasper looked at my twin with a tender, loving expression in his eyes. "I'm sorry, ma'am" he apologized. It was then I knew that he was the love of Alice's life. He hugged her sweetly.
"Yo, what the hell?" The big, scary-looking one had come over, with the blonde looking at Jasper and Alice with a confused expression on her face. Jasper looked over. "I'm sorry, I didn't introduce you," He said to Alice. "This is my sister Rosalie Hale, and her boyfriend Emmett Swan. And over there is his sister Bella…Where's Bella? Oh, she must have left to class already…Okay, you'll meet her at lunch I guess. Guys, this is Alice Cullen." He said my sister's name with a reverent expression on his face. Emmett and Rosalie were looking at my sister, awed too. I smiled, so distracted I didn't notice some guy bump into me, knocking my books to the ground. I flushed, embarrassed as the three of them looked over at me curiously.
Emmett moved first, walking towards me, bending over to help me pick up my books. I instantly revised my impression of him; he wasn't as scary as he looked. "Emmett Swan, nice to meet you."
Alice smacked her forehead. "I'm so sorry, guys! This is my twin brother Edward. He's a little shy, but you'll all be great friends with him in no time!" Her excitement rubbed off on both Emmett and Rosalie. Rose advanced towards me with a smile on her face, her hand out. "Rosalie Hale. I love your green sweater; it matches your eyes, did you know?"
"I TOLD YOU, EDWARD!" Alice squealed, literally jumping up and down. Rosalie laughed, her head thrown back. "Jasper, I really like her! Don't let this one go or I'll kill you!" she threatened affectionately. Jasper laughed too, also saying hi to me. I was confused at the attention; was it only because Alice was my sister? Jasper, Emmett, and Rosalie were all looking at me expectantly, waiting for me to speak. "Uh, um, hi guys. I'm Edward." I stammered out. "uh, well, I have to go…" I intended to speed walk off to the school, but i unfortunately tripped on the way there. I dropped my books again.
Emmett chuckled, walking over to help me with my books again. "You're very nearly as clumsy as Bella, my sister. She's always falling over things, hurting herself…you should meet her, Edward. Sit with us at lunch. You'd like her…" I flushed again, thanking him. I walked off to my first class, finding it easily, lost in my thoughts.
For the first time ever, someone who was so obviously above me treated me like an equal. Three people, even. I felt a glimmer of hope; maybe the love of my life was here. Maybe it was this Bella, who Emmett said I would like. I looked forward to meeting her at lunch.
My classes rolled on by, too easy for me. I settled into the rhythm of being invisible again. Fourth period, I received a slight surprise: Jasper was in my Pre-calc class. He smiled when he saw me, walking over to sit next to me. "Hey, Edward. How do you like your classes so far?" I smiled. "Fine. How do you like my sister?" I challenged shyly.
Jasper laughed. "Point taken. I really do like Alice, Edward. Actually, if you don't mind, I'd like to take her out sometime. If it's okay…" He trailed off, suddenly looking less sure of himself.
"You're asking my permission?" I asked, mystified. Jasper nodded, looking hopeful. "Jasper, of course you can ask Alice out! You don't need to ask my permission, really. She wasn't kidding when she said she was waiting for you a long time." Jasper relaxed, apparently honestly worried about my answer.
"Thanks, Edward. I don't know why, I feel like my world's been flipped upside down since I first saw her…" He shook his head, snapping out of it. "Well, what about you? Do you have a girlfriend?"
I looked down, embarrassed. "No. For obvious reasons, really…"
Jasper looked puzzled. "What obvious reasons? Are you gay, or something?" I smiled in spite of myself. "No, I'm straight. I just…no one likes me, really. I'm a dork." I shrugged, trying to play it off as nothing. Jasper surprised me by looking exasperated, and a little angry. "You're just like Bella, both so unconfident in yourselves! Jesus Edward, if you don't have a girlfriend it's not a big deal. It just means you haven't found the one yet." I tensed up; this was the second time I've been compared to this Bella. Jasper misunderstood my sudden tension, visibly deflating.
"I'm so sorry for blowing up on you there, Edward. It's been a hard couple days, and between you and Bella, I could shoot myself." I smiled.
"No, it's okay Jasper."
The bell rang then, interrupting our talk. I stood up, hastily piling my books on top of each other while Jasper easily slung his messenger bag over one shoulder. "Lunch next!" He said happily. "Come on, Edward, you need to meet Bella!" I trailed behind him. "Slow down, Jasper, I know your not THAT excited for me to meet Bella…" I teased. He laughed. "You caught me."
We walked into the lunchroom, Jasper leading the way to where Emmett, Rosalie, and Alice were already sitting. Alice lit up when she saw Jasper. I sat down at the table next to Jasper, who was already talking to Alice quietly. "Hey guys," I said. "Hey Edward," Emmett and Rosalie chorused. Emmett suddenly looked over my shoulder. "Bella, hey!"
I turned around, and my eyes met…perfection. Her long hair was the most gorgeous shade of brown, with natural red in it. She was medium-heighted, with curves in all the right places. She had a smile on her face, showing off her straight, white teeth. Her eyes were full of depth; I got lost in them for a while. This couldn't be Bella. Jasper said Bella was really unconfident, and Emmett said that Bella was really clumsy. This girl looked graceful and I could not for the life of me think of one single reason why this perfection would be unconfident. No, this wasn't Bella.
Then the woman stumbled down right next to me, hugging Emmett slightly. "Hey big brother, how are things?"
This was Bella.
Jasper nudged me. Close your mouth, he mouthed, grinning from ear to ear. Alice giggled. I snapped my mouth shut, reddening. I hurriedly grabbed a book from my pile, hiding behind it. Someone knocked on the cover. I lowered my book hesitantly.
"Hey, Emmett says your name is Edward. My name is Bella, and do you know you're reading your book upside down?" Her voice was like wind chimes; I was officially in love. I blushed redder; everyone laughed. Alice spoke up.
"Don't mind him, Bella, he just really likes you…" I wanted to kill my sister. I looked over at the beautiful Bella, horrified when she stiffened and turned her back on me. I blinked, trying to keep tears out of my eyes. Alice's eyes were wide, obviously not expecting Bella's reaction. Stupid psychic. Jasper was looking at me in concern; Rosalie was looking between me and Bella, her eyebrows furrowed. Emmett, bless him, didn't notice a thing and was shoveling down food. I stood up, needing to get away from this heartbreakingly gorgeous creature.
"Um, I have to go," I mumbled. I left, finding a nice deserted stairwell to read in. Five minutes later, Rosalie walked by, sighing in relief when she found me. "Listen, Edward, I am so sorry about Bella. She just—"
I sighed, not really wanting to hear about how I was undesirable. "No, Rosalie, it's fine. I'm really not offended."
Rosalie looked angry. "Like hell you're not! Listen, the normal Bella would have laughed with a fucking twinkle in her eye when Alice said that. She would have flirted with you; she would have never been so rude. As it is, she just broke up with her ex-boyfriend two days ago because the jackass was cheating on her. She's not over it yet, do you understand me? It's not you, it's her. Emmett and Jasper are talking to her now."
I flushed. "They don't really have to do that, really I—"
"Yes, they do. Bella was rude to you and now your hiding in a stairwell, I think that deserves a reprimand," Rosalie interrupted again. The bell rang. "Oh, we better go to our next class. I'll talk to you later, Edward, okay?" She swooped down and kissed me on the cheek, chuckling when I blushed. She left me to go to my next class. I went to Biology, hesitating when I saw that I shared the class with Bella. She caught my eye and gave me a sad smile. I took a deep breath and walked over to her, fidgeting in my backpack to make it look like I was busy.
Bella spoke. "Hey, listen, Edward, I'm really sorry about lunch." I straightened up and sat next to her, trying to maintain at least a small portion of my dignity.
"Oh, it's fine, Bella, it's no big deal really." I cursed mentally; I was not the best liar around. Bella looked even sadder.
"Edward, you're a really nice guy. I shouldn't have been such an idiot, I'm sorry. I've just had a long day, that's all." I was astonished to see that Bella was even worse a liar than I was. I smiled.
"You've had a long day?"
Bella flushed. "So Rose told you? It's okay, I don't care!" she said hastily when I was about to apologize. "I'm just surprised…well, yeah, so Jacob cheated on me. It's not a big deal, though, it was my fault."
My eyes widened. "How is someone else cheating on you your fault?"
Bella shrugged defiantly. "I wasn't good enough for him. I'm not good enough for anyone." She whispered. She looked shocked, obviously not intending to tell me that.
"You're wrong," I whispered, not sure if she had heard me. "You're perfect…"
Mr. Banner started class then, and I was lost in my thoughts. Bella had her notebook out, keeping her head down. I thought I saw a tear fall down on her paper, but I wasn't sure. I felt a surge of anger towards whoever this Jacob was. I now understood why Jasper said she was unconfident; but what kind of person would cheat on Bella?
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You see what i meant by Bella's feelings being kinda tough to decipher? She's a mature woman; so she wouldn't be like slit-my-wrists upset that Jacob cheated on her. At the same time, she now believes that she isn't good enough for anyone, but doesn't like to show anyone because she loves her friends so much...
And I love Edward SO much in this chapter. I didn't want to make him too much of a sissy or anything, but at the same time it was needed to be said that this is a different Edward than in the real books and other fanfics. In others i've read, even if Edward is a dork everyone falls for him. I wanted mine to be a little more real.
I really hope you liked it!