When I first walked into the room, I was first aware of how bright the room was. I could see every detail possible. I could see a crack in the corner. I was also aware of the look Edward gave me when he took in my expression. His face hardened slightly, but otherwise ignored me. I didn't know where Alice, Emmett, Jasper, and Rosalie were. Jerry seemed unobservant to my dilated eyes. She clung to my arm the whole time she was in there.

Eventually Speed wore off, and I could see what I didn't want to see. Sandy's face was paler. He looked like a ghost. Jerry couldn't stop weeping.

"Aunt Jerry, you've been here at Uncle Sandy's side for a long time. Why don't you take a break and eat some food?"

"He needs me."
"He's sleeping right now. Go take a break. Bella and I will stay here. We'll come and get you if anything changes."

"Are you sure? You've been here just as long as me…"

"I've helped Dad around here plenty of times. I'm used to this. Now go and take a break. You need it." She let go of my arm and left the room.

I moved my arm around, trying to get my circulation back. "Why did you come back?" he asked.

"You know why."

"That's not an answer."

"You asked me to. You're voice wasn't the same. It had a hysterical edge to it."

"How did you know I was in the wrong place at the wrong time?"

"What do you mean?"
"…in the car last night… You said that I happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time."

"Isn't that how it always starts?"

"I guess, but I don't think I was at the wrong place. I was stupid. I just wanted to have a place where I could belong. There was no question who I was when my parents were alive. When they died, my identity seemed to disappear. I didn't know what to do, or what to think. I cried more in those first few months than I ever had. I think my original friends thought I abandoned them. I refused to take any calls, and I never hung out with them. I clung to any memories I had with them.

"A year later, I was tired of feeling…empty. I wanted to forget them, but I couldn't. I couldn't forget the way my mother became sicker after my father died. The ghost face of my father haunts me to this day. I tried to take care of her, but it was no use. The day he died, she did too. The person in my mother's body wasn't the same. I guess that's why I tell people my parents died on the same day.

"I think the worst part was everyone was sympathetic. Everyone either thought all my actions were because my parents died, or they though they knew what I was going through. I hated everyone. They made it harder for me, if that's even possible.

"When Alice asked me to go to her party three years after their death, I was elated. It felt like she accepted me for me, and she didn't try to sympathize." My voice turned dark when I told him the next part. "That evening, we played 'Button button, who has the button." Little did I know that they drugged my drink with LSD. I loved the way I could see every little detail of the room. All the colors were more vibrant. If I stared at something long enough, the colors seemed to dance. Zach took care of me that night. I thought he was the best guy ever. He only met me an hour before, but he let my lay in his lap, and just relax.

"The LSD made me forget my anger and sadness. I loved that feeling, being detached from real world emotions. I was happy for the first time in a long time. I didn't know that I would become addicted to evil substances like LSD. I never blamed Alice for giving me drugs."

"You should."
"Why? She's done a lot for me. She'll give me whatever drug I want or need."

"Bella, she gave you illegal drugs. You became addicted. It's not your fault. It's just something that happens when one takes drugs. People make stupid mistakes."

"Edward, I believe getting into drugs is the best thing that's happened to me so far. I think would have done something stupider if I didn't have Alice, Zach, and the others in my life. I don't think I would be here today without them."

"Don't say that, Bella," he cried. "Don't say that. If you say it, that means you believe it. If you believe, then there is no hope for you. There has to be hope for you."

"This is my life, Edward. I'm addicted to drugs, and that's not going to change any time soon."

He turned his face away. "Do you think Uncle Sandy is coming out of the hospital?"

"I don't think so."
"He has to," I replied. "He means the world to Jerry. He was innocent. Why does an innocent have to die?"

"Bella, I've seen many things. I've seen people who don't deserve to live to die at the age of ninety. I've seen people who deserve to live die at the age of twenty. The one thing that I haven't seen is someone who looks like Sandy miraculously be cured and leave the hospital the next day." I gazed at Sandy's face. His face still reminded me of my father.

Suddenly, his heart monitor went dead. For a second, I swear I saw my father on the bed instead of Sandy. I grabbed Edward, and buried my face into his chest in order to smother the image. He seemed started, but eventually wrapped his arms around my back. Tears streamed down my face.

"Why Edward? Why did Dad have to die?" Nurses and doctors rushed into the room to try and resuscitate him.

"Shh, Bella, it's okay. Go find Aunt Jerry. She'll want to be here."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I pulled away from the family even farther after the funeral when Jerry probably needed me most. I bought drinks at bars, and often found myself in the middle of nowhere in the morning. I had no recollection of what happened the night before, but I didn't care. Actually, I preferred it.

Sometimes I would spend the night with Mike, but it wasn't the same as before.

Eventually I hated myself because I was deserting the only people who really only cared about me. Jerry needed me, but I was in no position to help her. These feelings led me to take more drugs and more alcohol.

I was failing all my classes. My teachers devised a plan for me to pass their classes. If I agreed to be tutored, and retook the tests, I could pass. They all agreed that Edward would be the best person, since he, too, lost Sandy. They thought we could support each other.

At first, having Edward around did help. After I started loathing myself, though, it didn't help at all. I frequently thought that it would be better if I committed suicide. I thought an overdose would be the best way.

One day after school, I went up to my room and took out a container of heroin. I filled the needle, and jabbed it into my veins. I immediately started to feel light headed and sleepy. I took another needle full and jabbed it into my veins. Right then, the front door opened. "Bella?" Edward called. My vision hazed, and I fell down to the ground. Thump! "BELLA!" Edward screamed. I heard him coming closer to me, but I became unconscious.