Chapter 4
Still Don't Own Them.
Thanks to Soar for the beta job and suggestions on this chapter, and again to Sinead-Conlan and JuliaAurelia for their feedback and encouragment.
The black '67 Chevy Impala pulled into the parking lot and came to a stop in the spot in front of room 4. Dean shut off the ignition and contemplated pulling right back out again, and he would have, if he'd had a place to go.
He had already tried going a local bar with every intention of getting drunk, hustling pool and maybe finding a good looking chick for the night.
Upon arrival, he got himself a PBR and scouted around for a pool table. He smiled at a couple of girls, and was encouraged when they smiled back. The lone pool table, at the back of the bar, was taken up by two college guys, who were bragging that they would take on all comers.
Dean had figured he had hit the jackpot. He wouldn't even have to try and hustle, it would be easy pickings, but when he barely managed to squeak out a victory against a guy that he could have beaten when he was 10, he realized that his head just wasn't in the game, and since his father had drilled it into him since he was four that if your head wasn't there, then the rest of you had no business being there either, so he had left his barely touched beer on the table, picked up his meager winnings and headed out the door.
He didn't want to go right back to the motel, so he drove around for a while, then went through the drive thru at the liquor store and got a six pack. He wished he could get totally, stinking drunk, because then maybe he could shut his mind off.
It kept going back to the conversation he'd had with his dad and Sam. He really wished that Sam had found a different job. Things had gone down hill since he'd located this stupid case. Not only were too many memories coming to the surface, but now he had more to try to bury. He'd never admit how much he was hurt by the fact that Sam didn't seem to think he'd be capable of passing himself off as a teacher. He couldn't explain why this was bothering him, as he couldn't really pull it off, but he knew what was really bothering him was that Sam thought he couldn't do it. He didn't know why this was coming as such as shock. There had been signs, his reaction to Dean's homemade EMF had spoken volumes. Too bad he didn't know it was that stupid EMF that had clinched his decision to drop out of high school.
Dropping out of high school was not something he was proud of, but he'd had to do it. Didn't Sam understand that? He couldn't risk it happening again.
Finally, he couldn't take it anymore, he exited the car, grabbed the six pack out of the trunk, and headed into the room.
"...You started yelling, and I was almost arrested because I almost decked someone when they tried to pull you two apart."
"So Dean blamed his essay for CPS finding us?" Sam wondered.
Dean watched as his father nodded silently and he felt his anger grow. It was bad enough that Sam thought he was dumb, he didn't need him to know just how big a screw up he was too.
"What the hell are you telling him?" Dean blurted out before he could stop himself.
Sam and John stopped their conversation and looked up at him.
"Dean, dad was just setting me straight about a few things," Sam tried to explain.
Dean ignored his brother as he walked over to his bed. He slammed the six pack on the desk and threw the keys on the bed.
"Dean," John said, getting up and going over to his eldest son. "I'm just letting him know..."
"How much I screwed up. Why? He doesn't need to know that," Dean tried to sound angry, but there was no force behind the words. He sat down on the bed heavily and started to pull his boots off.
John saw right through his son's words to the wounded boy underneath. He had told Dean several times that he didn't blame him for what had happened, but he knew the words had never sunk in. He blamed himself for that. After the incident with the shtriga, John had made his eldest son feel that Sam almost getting hurt was Dean's fault. Ever since then, Dean had tried to shoulder the blame for anything that went wrong, whether it was his fault or not. It was just one of many things that John wished he could do all over again.
Putting his hand on his son's shoulder, John looked him right in the eye. "For the last time, Dean, it wasn't your fault."
"But I didn't listen. You told me not to stand out and I did," Dean insisted.
John bit back a sigh of frustration.
"Dean, there's a lot I didn't know," Sam said coming over and sitting next to his brother.
Dean tried to push off his father's hand. He eyed the door. It had been a mistake to come back here.
"Forget it," John said firmly, stepping in front of Dean. "I let this go on far too long as it is. You have to stop blaming yourself for this, Dean."
"You warned me," Dean said.
"It was that essay that gave me my standing among other hunters. Do you know how proud of you I was back then? Seasoned hunters couldn't solve that mystery, but my eleven year old son did," John said sincerely.
"But if it wasn't for that stupid essay, CPS would never have found us," Dean said with a shudder.
"You don't know that. The hotel manager knew I wasn't around. He could have just as easily called them."
"But he didn't, did he?" Dean argued. "It was my teacher that did it because I wrote that damn thing."
"If I had been home instead on a hunt, I would have been there for the teacher's call," John tried to reason.
"But if I hadn't turned it in, she wouldn't have been trying to call," Dean shot back.
Sam was getting dizzy at the circular argument that was going nowhere. "Dean, there's a lot I don't remember," Sam spoke up. "Can you tell me the whole story?"
"Why?" Dean questioned. "It's ancient history. Why bring it up again?"
"Because I want to know," Sam insisted. "And you know me, dude, I'll just keep asking until you tell me."
"Alright fine," Dean huffed. "I didn't follow orders, CPS found us, took us and we were lucky we got back together. Happy?"
"No," Sam said with a frown. "The real story," Sam insisted.
"That was the..."
"Dean," John interrupted. "I want you to tell me the story too."
Dean looked at his father like he was crazy. "You were there. You know how badly I..."
"Dean Winchester, if you finish that thought, I'm going to put you over my knee. I don't care how old you are," John admonished. "I want you to tell your brother this part of the story, but what I want you to do is tell it as if you were someone there watching it. You can't put yourself down in any way."
Dean made the mistake of looking at his baby brother, who was flashing those damn puppy dog eyes at him.
"Alright," he said sharply.
--
1990
"Sammy," Dean said to his seven year old brother. "Dinner."
"Coming," the little boy said as he dropped his pencil where he was laying on the bed, working on something for school, and took his place at the table. "Skabettio's again?"
"Just eat it," Dean mumbled as he served himself some Spaghettios and sat down next to his brother.
"When's daddy coming back? I want pizza. We had pizza at school for lunch today. It was really, really good. How come we never have pizza, Dean? Can you make some?"
"Pizza's expensive, Sammy. We get it free at school. Dad should be back late tonight or early tomorrow," Dean explained. At least, I hope dad's back soon.
His teacher was still asking about his father, and Dean wasn't sure how much longer he could stall her.
"Guess what?" Sam said excitedly.
Before Sam could say anything else, they both heard the ominous sound coming from the door.
KNOCK KNOCK
Dean froze, wondering who it could be. If it was his dad, then he would have let himself in with his key. If he'd lost it or forgot it, he'd have gone to the motel office for a duplicate. If it was Pastor Jim, or Bobby, or Joshua, the only people John would trust to pick the boys up, they would have used the secret knock and the password. It couldn't be the manager either, the rent wasn't due for another week.
"Deeeaann," Sam said impatiently. He didn't like being ignored.
"Sammy, be quiet a sec," Dean tried to shush his brother. Maybe if they thought no one was home, whoever it was would go away.
KNOCK KNOCK
"But Dean!" Sam tried again.
"Sammy, you have to be quiet," Dean said trying to keep his voice low, but firm.
Then Dean's heart stopped when he heard the sound of the key turning in the lock. He shot out of his seat and ran in front of his brother. The door opened and he felt his heart stop at the sight of two police officers, the motel manager and an official looking woman.
"Hi," she said brightly.
"What do you want?" Dean asked suspiciously, not buying her false smile for a minute. He knew who she was. It was his worst nightmare come true.
"You didn't follow orders, you're a screw up, and we're here for you and your brother," the woman said to Dean and went to grab Sam.
--
Present
"DEAN!" John growled in frustration.
"What?" he answered in an exasperated tone. "You wanted me to tell the story, so let me tell it."
"I said the real story," John replied. "I may not have been there, but I seriously doubt they said that."
"Dad also said you aren't allowed to put yourself down. Neutral observer, remember," Sam reminded his brother.
"I know what he said, I'm not an idiot," Dean shot back, unable to stop himself.
Sam frowned. "Dean, I'm sorry for what I said earlier," he said sincerely.
"But you did think I wasn't capable," Dean blurted out. Shut up you dumb ass. You don't need to deal with this.
"I don't have an excuse," Sam said honestly. "I just didn't think you liked the academic stuff. You had to be forced out the door to go to school. I shouldn't have judged until I had all the facts. Forgive me."
"Yeah, but you're cleaning all the weapons," Dean said with a smirk. He could never stay mad at Sammy.
"Deal," Sam replied.
"Dean, I want you to finish," John instructed. He had a feeling that Dean was hiding something, he didn't want to talk about, but John was determined to get to the bottom of it. "If you break the neutral observer rule again, you have to wash, wax, and completely tune up my truck."
Dean rolled his eyes but continued.
--
PAST
"What do you want?" Dean demanded.
"My name is Tammy Nickerson. I'm a social worker with the county. Is your father home?"
"He went to the store," Dean answered.
"Does he leave you and your brother alone often?" she said.
"No," Dean said firmly. "He went to the store to get milk." The young hunter was trying to keep his temper under control. He could feel Sam trembling behind him, but he was staying quiet like he had been taught. He really didn't like anyone scaring his little brother. He also didn't like the way the officers were looking around.
"What's this?" one of them said as they brought out the .22".
"It's my dad's," Dean said. "We don't touch it."
"I think you boys had better come with us," Tammy said advancing towards Dean.
"No!" Dean protested. "My dad will be back soon." He glanced toward the open door and prayed to every God that existed, and even some extinct ones, that his dad would walk through it.
"We'll make sure he knows where you are if he comes back."
"If?" Dean shot back, not bothering to keep that fact that he was insulted out of his tone. "He didn't abandon us. He's coming back with milk."
"Don't make this more difficult than it already is," Tammy stated.
"Dean, what's going on? I want daddy," Sam said starting to cry.
"It's okay, Sammy," Dean said as he knelt beside his brother and pulled him into a hug.
"Boys, come on," Tammy said leaving no room for discussion.
One of the officers went to go pick Sam up, and the scared little boy screamed and clung tighter to his brother.
"DON"T TOUCH HIM!" Dean yelled. "Please, just go away. My dad will be back soon." Please dad, walk through that door. Dean hugged Sam tighter and spoke soft, reassuring sentences to his brother. "You're scaring him. Just go away," he said desperately.
"We are not going to let you stay here by yourselves. Please don't make this worse than it has to be." Tammy insisted.
The young hunter realized that he had no choice. The two officers would pick them up and remove them forcibly if they had to.
"It's okay, Sammy," Dean repeated again. "Dad will be back soon and he'll fix everything. He's a superhero, remember?"
Sammy gave his brother a small smile, but it didn't reach his eyes. Dean could still see his small shoulders hitching as he tried to stop crying and be brave, just like his big brother was. The problem was that Dean felt like a phoney. He was just as scared as Sam.
--
Present
"Dad got us back, end of story. Now can we move on? We still have to decide what to do about this hunt."
"You're impossible," Sam said to his brother.
"What do you want from me, Sam?" Dean asked, trying once again to sound angry, but to his ears, the words just made him sound tired.
"I just want you to stop..."
Whatever Sam had been about to say, John had a feeling it wasn't going to help the situation. He could understand Dean's reluctance to talk about it, but he needed to get it off his chest. "Sam," he cut his son off. "I want you to tell Dean what you remember about that time." Maybe with a little break, Dean might be encouraged to pick up the story again.
"I don't remember much," Sam replied. He was silent for a moment as he gathered his thoughts. "I remember being scared, but most of all, Dean, I remember you being there with me."
--
Past
The two Winchester brothers sat next to each other on the uncomfortable plastic seats at the local hospital. There was an officer that sat next to them, preventing the boys from talking and trying to work out a cover story. The boys sat silently, clinging to each other, each wishing for their dad to show up and take them home.
The social worker approached the two boys, followed closely by two doctors. "Sam, Dean, this is Dr. Cooper, and this is Dr. Dennison. They are going to take you for an examination."
"I don't feel sick," Sam protested immediately. "Daddy takes us to the doctor when we're sick. Why are we here? I want to go home. I want daddy!" He lost the battle with his tears.
"We just need to make sure that you're both okay."
"Look, lady," Dean protested, wrapping his arms around Sam's shoulders. "I know what you're looking for and you're wasting your time. My dad doesn't hit us. Can't you just leave us alone? Go help somebody that needs it and quit picking on us."
"Dean," she said firmly. "I want what's best for you and your brother. This examination is going to happen, and it can be done the easy way, or the hard way. If I have to sedate you to get your cooperation, I will. Now, Sam will go with Dr. Cooper, and Dean, you'll go with Dr. Dennison."
There was no way he could let that happen. "I'll cooperate," Dean said in a resigned tone. "But me and Sam stick together."
"It'll be quicker this way," Tammy insisted.
"You mean you're thinking you can get my brother to talk and say that my father hurts us, just because he's little. He stays with me," Dean insisted.
"This is not a negotiation," Tammy said stiffly.
"Dean," Sam said in a scared tone.
The young hunter knelt once more in front of his brother. "Sammy, I promise, it's just for a little while. Just do what the doctor asks. Tell him the truth, and we'll be with dad and on our way out of this funky town," he whispered.
Sam froze at the code word. That meant that the situation was serious and Sam was not to answer any of their questions. He could do this. Dean was counting on him.
--
Soon, the young seven year old was seated on an exam table, dressed in a light, yellow gown with green frogs on it, licking a grape lollipop.
"Hi, Sammy," Dr. Cooper said coming over and sitting in front of seven year old.
"Only Dean and daddy can call me Sammy," the little boy informed him.
"I'm going to listen to your heart and lungs," the doctor told him and slipped the cold metal disk under Sam's gown. "Can you tell me about your brother?"
"Dean won an award at school for story he wrote. That's cool, isn't it? Dean can do anything," Sam said, his hero worship sincere.
"What about your dad? How do you get along with him?"
"I got a 100 on my spelling test. Dean said I was really smart. We had pizza for lunch at school. I like pizza. Do you like pizza?"
"Yeah," the doctor said and stuck the thermometer in Sam's ear. "Now tell me about your dad."
"Want to see me do a somersault? We were doing them in gym, but I couldn't get them. Dean showed me how to do it, and now I can. Want to see?"
"Another time maybe," the doctor said. "Your dad?"
Dr Cooper learned a lot in that hour. He learned that Sam liked grape lollipops but preferred green. He learned that Sam liked school and reading, that he really liked the tumbling they did in gym and he wanted to be a gymnast. He thought space was cool and really wanted to became an astronaut, and open up a library in space because he loved to read. Basically, he learned everything about Sam Winchester except what he wanted to know. The kid was good, he thought with a shake of his head. If they wanted information on John Winchester, it wasn't coming from his sons.
--
Later that evening, the dark blue sedan pulled up in front of a large, brick building.
"Alright boys, this is where you're going to stay for tonight," Tammy said to the two boys huddled together in the backseat.
"Smithville Children's Center," Sam read the sign above the door.
"You said if we cooperated with you, we could go home," Dean exploded.
"I said it would be easier for you. This is just for the next couple of days until we can get a hold of your dad."
"He's probably home right now, worried sick about were we are," Dean murmured.
Knowing there was still no choice, they followed the social worker into the building where, once again, someone tried to separate them, saying that they had a wing for boys under 10 and one for boys over 10. Dean put his foot down. There was no way they were taking Sam from him.
The two young Winchesters had thought that they had finally caught a break when a counsellor, Jill Tracy, stood up for them and said that it would be okay for Sam to stay with Dean, because she could understand the little boy being scared.
--
Present
"I can't believe that stupid woman was just trying to get me to trust her by letting me stay with you," Sam said in disgust, with a shake of his head. "So, it's my fault too, Dean. I shouldn't have told her anything."
"You didn't do anything wrong," Dean insisted. "You were seven. You had no way of knowing she was a plant."
Jill had come to see him after breakfast. She had seemed really nice and asked Sam lots of questions about his brother. Sam, thinking it was okay to talk about Dean, told her everything that Dean did for him, from helping with homework to making sure that nobody picked on him or was mean to him.
What the seven year old hadn't known was that she and the social worker had conspired to get Sam to trust her, and effectively find out what the doctor couldn't the day before. Sam was still angry, to this day, that he had allowed himself to be used like that.
"I still remember how upset you were, Sammy, when she got up to testify at the hearing. I wanted to hit her," Dean said.
"We both did," John admitted.
"Especially after her recommendation," Dean said.
John kept his smile to himself. He was pleased when Dean picked up the story again.
--
Dean shifted uncomfortably in his shirt and tie as he and Sam followed the social worker into the court room. A huge smile lit up his face as he saw his father sitting behind the table at the other end of the room. Both boys broke away from Tammy and ran to their father.
"DAD!" they both cried as they ran to their father and hugged him tight.
"Sammy, Dean, I missed you," John said as he returned the hug. He hated it when the court officers came over and made his boys sit down at the table across from them. They were so close, yet so far.
The doctors took the stand first and both said the same thing. That there was no evidence of abuse, and that both boys were healthy.
The social worker got up and presented her report, saying that while she agreed with the doctors, she didn't think that the boys should be returned to John until he could provide proof of stable employment, and a clean, safe place for the boys to live.
Then Jill got up and repeated everything Sam had told her, yet she had made it sound as if Dean was John's slave rather than Sam's brother.
"Sam is definitely a bright boy," she had said at the end of her testimony. "Both boys are. He adores his older brother, but it's my professional opinion they have too much of a dependence on each other. So while I do agree that the boys should be placed into temporary foster care, I think they should be placed into separate homes."
Sam and Dean were dumfounded. They had thought Jill was on there side. Dean made a silent vow to never trust anyone again. Sam just sat there wide eyed, looking like someone had kicked his puppy. He had thought Jill was his friend.
"Thank you," Judge Chambers said. "I'll take the reports under advisement and give you my decision in the morning.
--
The next day
"Please be seated," the court bailiff said as the judge took a seat.
"I have weighed all the evidence that has been presented, and in my opinion, it would be in the best interest of Samuel and Dean Willman to be put into temporary foster care until their father, Jonathan Willman, meets all the terms spelled out in Ms. Nickerson's reports."
"No!" Dean cried jumping to his feet. "I want to go home. Why won't you let us go home?"
"Sit down," the judge said firmly. "I understand this is a trying time for us all," she continued in a placating tone that Dean found irritating. "As I said, this is to be temporary. Mr. Willman, you will be given supervised visits and will be expected to make regular appointments with the court, with proof that you are attempting to find housing and employment, and suitable child care while you're at work. Now, with regards to placement, I am inclined to agree with Ms. Tracy's reports. Therefore, Samuel, you will be placed into the care of Andrea and Lloyd Randall, and Dean, you will be in the care of Kandace and Edward Harden. There will be an adjustment period of 3 weeks when Mr. Willman, you may call Ms. Nickerson to arrange visitation."
Dean looked stunned, hurt, defeated, angry, sad, tired, and disappointed all at once. He had failed. He couldn't believe how badly he had just screwed up. His father had warned him. Why hadn't he listened? He knew what happened when you didn't follow orders. Would he ever be able to do anything right? Not only was he being taken away from his dad, but he was being taken away from Sammy.
Sammy!
Dean turned to his brother. "What's going on, Dean?" Sam asked in a scared tone. "What was that mean lady saying? I don't want to go with the other people. I want to stay with you and daddy."
"Come with me," Tammy said holding out her hand to Sam.
"No, go away. I hate you. Dean, don't let her take me," Sam started crying hard.
Dean didn't know what to do. Everything he had tried seemed to make things worse. He looked toward his father, silently pleading for him to do something, anything. John couldn't take it anymore. He ran over to his boys, pushing his way to them, knelt down and opened his arms. Both boys jumped into them and he hugged both of them desperately. He could see Dean struggling not to cry, hell he was trying to hold his own tears back. He was losing his boys. He couldn't think of a worse hell. Mary would be so disappointed in him.
The officers quickly stepped in. John felt the hand on his shoulder and he reluctantly let go, as getting arrested was not going to help his cause. Dean, on the other hand, had no such worries. He clung to his brother with everything he had, cursing those around them and threatening to hit anyone who touched his brother. Sam just clung to Dean and cried. The two officers literally had to pry them apart. They yelled for each other and their father, and Dean lost his battle with his tears as he was led through a door and could no longer see his family.
John almost lost it when Sam and Dean were out of opposite doors of the court room. The urge to hit someone was growing stronger. He wanted to grab his boys and run and never stop. He felt the hand of his court appointed attorney on his shoulder reminding him he'd just make the situation worse if he interfered.
--
PRESENT
Dean stopped talking abruptly and got up and grabbed a beer. "I don't want to talk about it anymore," he insisted.
"Alright," John agreed. He knew Dean probably needed a break. "You can finish tomorrow. I think there's a game on now. What do you say I call in an order for a pizza and you and Sam can go pick it up, get some more beer and we can watch the game?"
"Sounds good," Dean agreed quickly. "Just none of those girly pizzas Sammy likes. I mean, pineapple on a pizza, it's just not natural."
"It's called Hawaiian," Sam defended himself. "I noticed that didn't stop you from eating it the last time I got it either."
John watched the banter and the teasing continue as the boys prepared to go get the pizza. While the boys were out, John took the opportunity to pick up the phone and make a call.
"Hey, Jefferson," he said to his hunting buddy. "It's John. Can you make me a teacher's certificate?" He paused. "Yeah, thanks. Make it in the name of Dean Newstead."
TBC
AN: This chapter didn't turn out like I thought it would. I had fully intended to have Dean talk about his time foster care, but it seemed too abrupt to skip all the stuff that came before it. I promise next chapter, you'll find out what happens.
AN: Hopefully the section with CPS sounds plausible. I couldn't find much on google, so I made it all up.
Please read and review.