DISCLAIMER: I don't own any characters, places, etc.
**Author's Note** Thanks for the reviews for this one, I feel popular already hahaha. I hope you're all enjoying it, since I'm enjoying writing it. Haha. I'm enjoying writing a Jacob POV all the time, since he's so lovely. Hahahaha. So enjoy!
Review kindly :)
Once morning broke, we relaxed a little bit. Bella was up and about, and I waited until Charlie left for work before phasing back into a human and going to her door. She answered, smiling at me. She always smiled at me as though she hadn't seen me for years. I think it killed me a little bit inside each time she did, because I knew it didn't mean I wanted it to. But I pushed that far down inside of me, and gave her a smile.
"Morning Bells," I said, stepping over the threshold and inviting myself in. She didn't complain, but followed me inside to the kitchen, where I hovered, not really knowing what to do. I didn't want her staying here during the day, but I could imagine she was pretty sick of La Push right about now. What else could we do, though?
"So are we going to your place?" she asked, her voice cracked, it must have been the first thing she'd said this morning. I tried to hide a smile.
"Sure, are you ready?" I asked. She just nodded silently, and we exited her house together. She was quiet, was she worried about the bloodsucker? Was she still thinking about her nightmare, because I know I was. I couldn't get her screaming out of my head, it was torture. I never wanted to hear that again, but it was inevitable. I couldn't exactly ask her kindly to stop screaming because it distracts me from doing by job.
I pulled myself up into her truck, and she slid into the passenger seat without complaint. She didn't look at me, and suddenly my mind reminded me why. The scene of the kiss. Suddenly the whole moment replayed itself in my head, and I wanted to make that a reality, but she looked so sad, staring out the window away from me, that I didn't dare touch her to comfort her.
"Are you alright, Bella?" I asked seriously, my hand did reach out upon it's own will, but I recoiled before it touched her arm. She looked around to me, and tried to smile. It didn't exactly come out as a smile, though. It came out more as a pained frown.
"I'm fine," she nodded. I wanted to touch her, I wanted to let her know I was here, she could open to up to me. I was her best friend, she could trust me.
"Bella…" I began, not really knowing what else to say. She just looked down, her hands were shaking slightly, and she looked a little scared.
"I'm fine, Jacob," she snapped, but she still looked upset. Not angry at all. I shrugged to myself. Girls, I really did not understand them. Especially Bella.
I started the engine and we began to drive off down to the reservation, we stayed silent for most of the ride.
"Is this about the kiss?" I asked. Stupid. Why the hell would I ask her that? She was probably just going to get angrier at me, she was probably just going to distance herself from me even more now.
"Yes," she replied, almost instantly, suddenly looking up at me. Thanks Bella, no need to spare my feelings.
"Why?" I asked. Again, another stupid question. Sometimes my mouth just wouldn't stop, even when my heart had had enough bad news from her.
"You keep calling it the kiss, but really, it -" she hesitated, her voice was getting higher and I just prayed she wouldn't break out into tears again. I couldn't handle that. "I know it was my fault."
"You kissed me," I commented, but obviously she knew that. I had no idea what she was thinking, I didn't really want to hear whatever was going to come out of her mouth next, but I must be some sort of a masochist or something because I keep coming back for more.
"I know, and I, it's because, Jacob, you're, special to me and I," she stopped, frowning suddenly, as though she didn't know how to put it.
"I'm you're best friend, I know that," I replied. I must have sounded like a child who wasn't getting what it wanted, but I didn't care. It's sort of how I felt.
"You're more than my best friend," she whispered. With that simple sentence, I wanted to stop the car, push myself onto her and kiss her all over again, but I knew that wasn't what she meant.
"I know, Bella," I replied. I wanted to understand the way she felt about me, I wanted to accept it. I tried to. But I don't know if I ever could. She loved me, but she wasn't in love with me. She wanted me, but not as a lover.
"I don't even know, Jake. How can you?" she asked, and I glanced over at her. She looked upset, I wanted to hug her, but I didn't want to scare her away. I didn't really understand her reply, so I didn't say anything back to her. What could I say. Explain it more clearly, please?Soon after we pulled up at my house, and we got out. I walked her inside, and sat her silently down at on the couch.
"Do you have to go?" she asked, looking up at me sweetly. No, I silently said. But of course, that's not what I really said. Because I didn't really mean that at all.
"My brothers need me," I explained. She smiled again, and outstretched a hand to me. I took it lightly, a little scared.
"Please be careful Jacob, if anyone got hurt because of me, I would just -"
"Nobody is going to get hurt, Bells. You underestimate us, and overestimate those leeches. We're born to kill these things, okay," I said, reaching down so I could speak to her face directly. She nodded. I knew she hated when I called them leeches or bloodsuckers, I know she hated me talking about the pack as though we were just killers. Bella was strange that way; she just accepted the fact there were a bunch of giant wolves running around La Push and Forks. It just made me love her even more; I doubted other girls would be that accepting.
"Okay Jake," she croaked, and oh no, it sounded like she was going to cry. Thinking quickly, and stupidly, I knelt down beside her and pulled her into a hug, kissing her forehead. Her soft skin made my lips tingle again, and I felt her pull in a little closer. I loved it when she did that, though it just made everything else ten times worse. She was just fuelling my delusions.
"Stay in La Push, and I'll be back in a few hours, and we'll spend some time together, alright?" I told her, reaching down to touch her face. I expected her to slap it away, but she looked so sad, I don't think she cared at this point. She was too distracted by thoughts I didn't even understand.
"Come home soon," she said, and I smiled.
"I promise," I responded, and I was out of the house without a second glance back. If she looked at me one more time with that sad little look on her face, I might just change my mind. I phased quickly, and Sam's voice met me right away.
She tried to push through, she ran into Paul and we think he hurt her pretty badly. She ran off before I had a chance to get to him. I don't think she'll be trying anything like that anytime soon.
And Paul? Is he alright? I had to admit, I was worried.
He's alright. He went home to rest. Sam responded. That's good. I think Bella probably would have melted away to nothing if she found out someone had gotten hurt.
How is Bella, by the way? Safe on the reservation?
Yeah, she's at my place. I replied. I tried not to think of Bella as I ran through the forest, patrolling, even though that bloodsucker probably wouldn't be back for a while.
Maybe, but we still have to have precautions. Sam was right. We couldn't let our guard down for a minute, otherwise Bella could be killed. I couldn't handle that.
So any news this morning, Jake? Make out with vampire girl again today? Embry's voice suddenly came. I felt my thoughts wander through the awkward conversation in her truck, and I heard Embry laugh.
Too bad! he responded to the thoughts. I growled. This was the last thing I needed. Bella had the ability to pull my heart out and throw it away, but right now, she just had her hand in my chest and she was squeezing it, tightly, hurting, but keeping it beating nonetheless.
Nice imagery, Jake. Now come on, we're supposed to be doing a job here. Sam's voice came again, and I had forgotten to control my thoughts again. I tried to forget about my personal problems with Bella for the moment, I could deal with those again when I turned back into a human. For now, I had to make sure that this leech didn't get through to hurt her.
Lets go take a look at the place Paul got her, maybe we can tell just how hurt she is? I asked, and I felt Sam beside me suddenly, leading me.
She screamed pretty intensely when he got her, but I haven't had a look myself yet. Sam explained. Sam suddenly came a slow, and here we were. There were a few broken trees and it looked like a battleground. There was scattered flesh on the ground when I took a closer look, and it looked like Paul had ripped her up pretty badly. But he hadn't gotten her, not really. She was still out there somewhere, nursing her wounds, and she would heal. She had Bella's whole life to wait. But we could wait too.
Do you think she'd wait that long again? Embry replied to my thoughts. I could tell he was restless with getting things thing, and I was too. But if I had to wait, I would.
I'll wait, I just want to get this thing. Plus it'd be nice to get a good night's sleep again. He added with a laugh.
Embry, if you're really tired, you can go home. We'll get Quil out here today. Sam told Embry. Quil. Yeah, if he's not too busy with Claire.
Burn. I heard Embry laugh.
That's not fair, Jacob. You know he's imprinted, it's not a choice. And it's not as though he's been slacking off. Sam's reasoning calmed me down. He was right. I hadn't imprinted, but, what Bella and I had was almost the same. Unfortunately, she could resist my love.
Maybe you did imprint, and, you just didn't know it? Embry laughed at me again.
Don't get upset Jacob. It will distract you. Sam told me. As always, Sam was right. We continued to patrol for a few more hours, and I heard Sam speak up again.
Go spend some time with Bella. She needs someone with her, anyway. And you need to cheer up. Sam told me, thankfully. I'd specifically been having terrible thoughts, depressing thoughts, hoping they'd let me go to see her. Not that I really needed their permission.
Go kiss and make up. Embry joked. And if you see Quil, tell him to phase.
It's alright. I'll go get him now. Sam interjected. I silently agreed, and made my way back to my place.
I phased back into a human, and the voices went quiet again. It was good to have my mind back to myself. I slipped on some track pants I had stashed outside, and hesitated. I hoped that Bella had cheered up a little.
I walked in and found her sitting on the couch where I'd left her, watching television silently. She looked a little bored with it, and as soon as she noticed me, she jumped up and grinned. She looked a little crazy, actually. What had changed her mind so much?
"You're okay," she sighed, almost breathlessly, relieved. I nodded.
"Paul had a run in with the leech just this morning while I was driving you down here, he wasn't hurt," I added quickly, seeing the look on her face.
"What happened?" she asked, she still looked worried. But I could tell she was more worried about Paul that she was about her own safety.
"He cut her up pretty badly by the looks of things. He's at home sleeping now, he's alright. But Sam doesn't think she'll try again for a while yet, and next time we'll get her." I explained, clenching my fist. I could tell she was still worried, I wanted to hold her and keep her safe myself. She stayed silent, so I decided I would put my arms around her after all. She didn't push me away, she snuggled into my further and put her arms around me, across my back. My chin rested on her hair, I wanted to stay like this with Bella forever.
"So, what do you want to do with the afternoon?" I asked, letting her go so she wouldn't think I'm getting fresh with her. Though she looked just as torn when she took her hands back, reluctantly.
"Can we do something outside, I'm sick of being stuck indoors," she smiled, and I laughed.
"Sure, the beach?" I asked, putting an arm around her and leading her outdoors. She seemed much more normal than she'd been this morning; maybe she forgot about the kiss. I wish I could forget as easily as she seemed to.
"The beach sounds great," she replied, and we exited the house together.
I had to admit, I felt a little jumpy being outdoors with Bella. I knew the reservation was safe, but it still made me feel uneasy. The fact that the bloodsucker had the guts to attack Paul in his wolf form, I didn't want to think about what she'd do if she saw me and Bella walking on the beach together, unprotected. The only way she'd make it to the beach would be through the water, though. I still didn't trust myself, yet, though. Not in human form, anyway.
Bella took my hand again, clinging onto it tightly as we walked across the beach slowly. Being with Bella made me really confused sometimes. I wanted to be just her best friend, the way I know she wanted it to be, but I wanted so much more from her. I tried to forget about the attack this morning, and I figured while my head was mine alone, I'd let me thoughts go wild over Bella. I looked at her, thinking about the feel of her lips against mine when we'd kissed, the way her lips had felt against the skin on my shoulder, and I shivered. She hadn't noticed me looking at her before that, because she gave me a confused look.
"Are you cold?" she asked. I could have laughed if I wasn't so nervous these days. I placed my hand on her face, and she looked up at me timidly.
"Do I feel cold to you?" I asked. I tried to smile but it must have come across as weak, because she looked away. I took my hand back, and I felt her let go of my other hand.
"Sorry," she muttered. Did she think she offended me? I'd tried to be pleasant. I reached out and took her hand in mine anyway. She smiled up at me, and I led her across the beach to a piece of driftwood, where we sat for a moment. Just sitting made me realise how tired I was again already. As much as I wanted to go home, lie down and fall asleep, I just couldn't. There was too much to think about. I knew we'd get this bloodsucker eventually, but the strain it was putting on Bella was really beginning to worry me. That kiss yesterday had been the perfect distraction for me, probably for her too. If only it was distracting me in a different way than it was right now.
"Don't worry about us, Bells. We'll be fine," I said, trying to be calm. We would be fine. It was Bella I was worried about. Why wasn't she?
"I'm sorry, I can't help it. I'm so worried about you, Jake. I don't know what I'd do if -"
"Bella, don't worry about me. I can take care of myself," I said, wrapping an arm around her. She was shivering, I wanted to keep her warm. I wanted to protect her.
"I know, but this is all my fault," she whispered. Was she going to cry again? I really hated it when Bella cried.
"It's not your fault, it's -" I stopped. I don't know how she'd react if I said his name. "His." I finished. She stiffened instantly, and I didn't really want to know what she was thinking. I already regretting saying it, only because it made her upset. Though she had to hear it. She kept blaming herself, but it was his! It was all his fault. He should have just left her alone.
"You shouldn't put yourself in danger because of me," she muttered. She still didn't get it. We were born to do this! This is what we're made for. I wanted to yell at her, but instead I just held her closer to me. We stayed there for a while, just being quiet, it seemed as though she didn't want to talk about it any longer.
Not long after she got to her feet, took my hands and pulled me up playfully. She smiled down at me, her mood had changed so suddenly, I couldn't help but feel confused.
"Can we go home? I'm cold," she said, and I laughed.
"Sure, let's go," I replied, taking her hand again and pulling her across the beach. We walked slowly back to my house. She was still quiet, but a lot more cheerful than before.
"Are you going to be, outside, tonight?" she asked, glancing up at me. I nodded.
"Yeah," I responded. Even though I was tired, I couldn't stay away. We needed to get this leech before I could ever sleep soundlessly again.
"Thank you Jacob. You're the only one who makes me feel safe anymore," she responded, and gripped my hand a little tighter. I tried not to think about the kiss we shared, but I couldn't help it. I wanted to kiss her again, I wanted her to want to kiss me, not force herself the way she had.
"I just want you to be safe," I replied. I didn't know what else to say, there was plenty I wanted to say, but probably nothing she wanted to hear. She stayed silent until we got back to my place, and she took her usual seat on our couch.
I sat down beside her, and she instantly put her head on my shoulder, so I slid my arm around her and rested my hand on her arm, pulling her in a little closer. I switched on the television, but I didn't bother to watch it. I couldn't help but think of that kiss between me and Bella, I couldn't get the thought of her dreaming about me out of my head. The way she'd said it: my Jacob. I hadn't had time to think about it earlier because of the guys teasing me, but now that I had my thoughts to myself, I felt a little bit embarrassed. What had she been actually dreaming about.
"Bella?" I asked, quietly. She glanced up at me.
"Yeah?" she replied. I swallowed, wondering if I should be asking her this. Should I tell her what she heard? Would she be mad at me?
"Did you know you talk in your sleep?" I asked, looking down at her. I saw her go red, and she looked away from me.
"I know, I," she hesitated, biting her lip. She didn't move away from me, I even felt her snuggle in a little bit closer.
"You say my name," I said quietly. Did I really just say that? She pulled away from me suddenly, and shot a look up at me. She looked absolutely horrified. What had I just said to her?
"No, I don't," she said, shaking her head. Though she didn't look as though she believed herself.
"You do," I grinned. She just shook her head again.
"No, I - besides, when would you have even heard?" she asked, glaring at me. I hesitated. Lie or the truth?
"I had to check on you last night. You scared us all half to death with your nightmare screaming. After you fell asleep again, I heard you. You said my Jacob," I replied. I sort of wanted to laugh, her reaction was funnier than I thought it would be. But at the same time, it was sort of sad.
"You checked on me?" she exclaimed. I shrugged.
"We were all freaked, I just had to make sure you were okay," I replied. It was true.
"And you heard me say your name?" she asked. I nodded slowly. I couldn't really tell if she was angry, or upset, or just embarrassed.
"Bells?" I wanted a reaction from her. I wanted her to say something else, explain, anything.
"Well, I -"
That's when we heard it. I recognised it as Sam's howl, and I straightened up right away. Bella stopped mid-sentence, and stared at the door.
"I have to go," I said, standing up instantly.
"When will you be back?" she asked, but I was already at the door. I looked at her, wishing I didn't have to go. But the pack had news. Sam needed me.
"I'll try to be back soon. Someone will be here to take you home anyway," I replied quickly, and without waiting for her response, I was out the door, phased and on my way to meet Sam.