DISCLAIMER: I don't own any characters, places, etc.
**Author's Note** OMG OMG OMG! I'm back :D Hahahaha. Finally!! I managed to get another charger, FINALLY, and I managed to write some of this at work. Lols. So I hope you enjoy it, and I hope you haven't all given up on my fanfic just yet. :) Thanks for all the support while I was gone! And I'm sorry again for the wait!
Kindly review :)
Now that our mission protecting Bella from a murderous vampire was over, there was very little left to do. Even being phased just seemed like an invasion of privacy rather than a legitimate cause, since there was nothing to do besides listen to each others thoughts. And being caught thinking about Bella's sleep-talking, Bella's reaction to my forced kiss, wasn't exactly fun. I'd grown accustomed to visiting Bella at night, climbing quietly into her room and listening to her dream about me, and I think the rest of the pack phased when I did just to laugh at me for it. I knew not to go to her house before the early hours of the morning, since that was when the nightmares usually occurred. Sam stayed phased a lot, still. He often reminded us that just because this particular bloodsucker was dead, doesn't mean there weren't more out there. Another could strike at any time, and we'd have to be ready to track it. We couldn't get slack.
But I wasn't exactly thinking about that right now. Since the leech was gone, the threat was gone, I'd lost my cause to see Bella every waking hour. She'd hardly said two words to me since I told her that if she wanted to kiss me, she need only ask. It was beginning to get a bit awkward, especially since I did feel a little bit guilty that I was spying on her every night. I was trying to think of a way to fix our relationship - our friendship, I should say - and to get back to where we were before she'd kissed me. I knew I could never forget that moment, I could never let it go, but I was willing to ignore it for the sake of our friendship. I didn't want it to ruin us. She told me she needed time, but, I knew she'd be taking a lot of that. I knew that her bloodsucker boyfriend had really screwed her up, but was it really this bad? It had been months since he'd left, she was even beginning to look normal again. How much more time would she need?
It was that nightmare that really had me jittery. It wasn't the first time I'd dreamt of Bella and the bloodsucker, but this one was a lot different. It had felt so real, the image of her enjoying her death, it was all too much to stand. I tried not to think about it, but it haunted me whenever I stopped thinking too intensely. Sam had told me not to worry about it, that it was normal, that it was just a nightmare. But I couldn't help but think it was an omen, that something terrible was about to happen, something the pack couldn't handle. Something a hundred times worse than a vicious vampire bent on revenge. Sam dismissed my thoughts, but I could tell he was nervous as well. Maybe I was just like Leah, and I was strangely satisfied when I was making the whole pack as uncertain as I was. Maybe I wanted everyone to be as depressed as I was.
On Saturday night, I resisted the temptation to spy on Bella again, and instead went straight to bed. I was scared to sleep, scared to see Bella the way she was in my nightmares instead of my dreams. But I couldn't stay awake forever, and I promised myself that if I slept tonight, I would go to Forks in the morning and see her. That was enough to convince my body to give in, and eventually I was asleep.
When I woke up, it was morning, and I'd slept the whole night through without any nightmares about Bella's death, or about the terror I had predicted. It probably was all in my head, as Sam had said, and I was just being paranoid. I was used to protecting Bella from the worst kind of evil, I was used to being the hero, but now that it was all over, I was having trouble settling back into our normal teenage lives. Well, as normal as my life could get, anyway.
I got up and went outside. I phased as soon as my feet touched the dirt, and instantly Sam's voice met mine.
No spying on Bella last night? He sounded a little shocked. It had been hard for me not to spy on her last night, but I knew I had to sleep sometime.
That's right! It's good your getting some rest! Seth sounded a bit too enthusiastic this early in the morning, was there another bloodsucker on the loose?
No, Seth is just trying to stay in focus. Sam explained. I was making my way to Forks quickly, and any minute now I'd have to phase back into human form and try to talk to Bella.
It'll be okay, I'm sure she'll come around. Seth replied to my thoughts, though he did sound a little sad. I think everyone knew by now that Bella was going to break my heart.
Jacob, don't think like that. Sam responded. How could I not? It was hard to be optimistic when she had been so awkward with me.
She does dream about you. Seth pointed out. That was true, she did dream about me. "My Jacob," she says. Mine. I was hers. But, I suppose, that would just make it worse when she finally did reject me. I heard Sam sigh - God, I was like Leah.
It's alright Jacob. You're not like Leah. Make me a promise, he began, but hesitated. Promise?
If we listen to your wailing now, just promise that when you and Bella finally do get together, to keep any disgusting thoughts you have about her out of our heads too!
Seth laughed, and I couldn't help but laugh as well. But I think we were laughing for different reasons. I was laughing at the very idea of Bella and I ever having a chance to be together.
I phased back before Sam had a chance to scold me, and slipped on the jeans I'd brought with me. I heaved a deep sigh, and walked around the side of Bella's house to her front door. I knew this was going to be awkward, since we haven't spoken since that day. I knocked on the door and shifted slightly on my feet. She was sure taking her sweet time in answering the - oh. She just stared at me, she half looked like she just woke up, but she was dressed.
"Jacob," she breathed, and she looked a little shocked to see me. Last week, I would have walked in without knocking, but now there was so much tension between us. It was just awful. She smiled, and I was taken aback. Bella was smiling at me?
"How are you, Bells?" I asked. I was going to try and make this as normal as possible. She just kept on smiling, and moved aside to let me in. I walked past her, but hovered by the door that she was now closing.
"I'm good, how are you?" she asked, leaning against the door. She glanced up at me, and smiled again. I couldn't help but smile back, because now when I looked at Bella, I could imagine her saying my name in her dreams, I could imagine the soft taste of her lips, I could imagine -
"I'm good," I replied to her, to stop my own thoughts before I did something stupid like try to kiss her again. She just smiled and led me into the lounge room, and we sat down together. I felt nervous, and the fact that she chose to sit all the way on the other side of the couch just made it worse. I reminded myself that just because she wasn't all over me, didn't mean she hated me. She'd let me inside after all, she'd smiled at me. It was my name she whispered in her dreams, not the blood-suckers. He just made her scream. She seemed to be just as nervous, maybe she thought I hated her. Maybe she thought I was mad because she hadn't kissed me back, or something stupid like that. I don't know. Bella really, really confused me.
"So," she began, biting her lip. I think she was trying to kill me, because when I did look over at her, she was looking at me so earnestly, so sweetly, so perfectly, I just wanted to hold her. But I was too scared to even touch her.
"So is everything okay? No bloodsucker attacks?" I asked, trying to keep the mood light. She grinned, and even let out a small laugh.
"I wish you wouldn't call them that. And no, no attacks," she replied. I still couldn't understand why she was so protective of them. The one she loved had left her, and the one we'd killed had tried to kill her. She had no good experiences to speak of, so, I couldn't understand.
"That's good," I responded. Her face suddenly changed.
"Why, there aren't any - after me, again, are there?" she asked. She didn't look scared, but sort of, concerned. I couldn't exactly figure it out.
"No, no," I rushed. Knowing Bella, she was probably more worried about the pack's stamina, having to take on another leech so quickly after being worn out by the first. I didn't want her to worry, that was my job.
"That's good. Um, I never asked you, but was anyone hurt?" she looked terrified now, and her hands were fidgeting on her lip. She avoided my glance, and truthfully, I didn't know what to tell her. Sure, Quil had been hurt, but it wasn't exactly serious.
"Quil got, scratched, but he's healed already so it wasn't bad," I heard myself tell her. Did I just tell her that? What was wrong with me? She looked crushed, almost like she was about to cry. I felt like I had no control over my body, because I slid a little closer to her and put my arm around her, and I felt her bury her head into my chest as she wrapped her arms around me.
"Is he going to be okay?" she whispered, not looking up. I felt myself laugh.
"He's already okay, Bells. It was just a few scratches, I'm not sugar-coating it," I responded. Okay so they were pretty deep scratches, and there were a lot of them. But that meant nothing to someone like Quil. She let go of me, but pressed her hands against my bare chest, one was colder than the other but I hardly noticed. She looked up at me and held her perfect gaze, she searched my eyes for a moment, as though she was making sure I was telling the truth. I could feel my own heartbeat rushing, her hands on me, I could tell this would be painful.
I wanted to ask her, I wanted to talk about it, I wanted to get rejection over and done with, while the pack had time to waste. But I couldn't bear to say anything to her, I didn't want her to cry, or to get awkward, or to get angry. I just wanted her to be happy, so to do that, I had to keep my mouth shut.
"So, we go back to school soon, right?" I asked. What a stupid conversation, who cares about school? I think school would have been the last thing on her mind.
"Oh, yeah, I suppose. Thank God I've done all my homework," she added with a laugh, and relaxed back into the couch, taking her hands back. Her body was right beside me, brushing mine whenever one of us shifted, but she didn't seem troubled by my skin touching hers. I was glad that I didn't revolt her that much, at least.
"I haven't done any of mine, I don't even know if I got any," I responded. That was the truth too, it wasn't as though I was overly interested in school. I had my life already set out for me, and school wouldn't exactly help. She just laughed, and looked up at me again.
"Somehow this doesn't feel real," she said, suddenly. I felt my heart skip a beat - oh God, here was the talk. I struggled to swallow for a moment, and responded.
"What do you mean?" I knew exactly what she meant. She tilted her head slightly, a smile creeping up to her lips.
"I still feel like you're protecting me, like Victoria is still here. I forget that I'm safe," she said, and I heaved a sigh of relief.
"Oh," I let slip. She looked confused.
"Oh? What did you think I was going to say?" she asked, her brows pushing together. I just laughed.
"Nothing important!" I replied, grinning over at her. She just sighed, and sniffed.
"I don't know, I still feel like, there's more to come," she said. I felt a shiver go through me, and I stared at her.
"Tell me," I demanded, and she looked a little scared at my reaction. I felt my own body stiffen as I leant forward to make her talk.
"I have, just, I don't know, a feeling," she shrugged. I tried to think, I tried to clear my head, but all I could think about was my own terrible feeling, too. Even the way Sam had began to feel uneasy as well, and now Bella, too. But she was still looking at me, scared, so I tried to smile.
"Don't worry Bells, we're here to protect you. I always will be," I added, touching her arm. She looked away, and I could tell she wanted to move my hand away, but she was probably trying to spare my feelings.
"You don't have to do that for me, Jacob. I'm not worth it," she said quietly. As cruel as it sounded, I could understand where she was coming from. If her bloodsucker boyfriend ever came back, I'm sure she'd betray us within seconds, and she'd return to him. She'd betray me. But what she didn't understand was that I would forgive her, I would always be here waiting for her, I'd always love her no matter what happened. Even though I'm sure I made it crystal clear, maybe she was too ignorant to see it. No, she just didn't want to see it. I chose not to reply, but I pulled her into a hug, holding my arms around her. She softened against me, and I could smell her hair at my chin, I could feel her breath on my chest. She didn't push me away, she just let me hold her. I knew she wasn't ready for me, she wasn't ready for whatever was going to happen, but I would be. Whatever doom was coming our way, I'd keep her safe no matter what it took, even if it took my life.
She walked me out to the porch, and she pulled herself up against me and into my arms. This rejection was really, really going to hurt. But I tried not to think about it. I just wanted to enjoy this moment, I wanted to enjoy this hug from Bella. I'd have to treat every moment with her as though it were my last, because right now, I didn't trust anything.
"Be careful, Jacob," she said to me when she let me go. I just grinned.
"What do I need to be careful from?" I asked, and she looked bashful. There was nothing to fear yet.
"I don't know, your teachers?" she asked, and I couldn't help but laugh.
"How about I bring over my homework this afternoon, and you do it for me?" I asked, still grinning. She pretended to think for a moment.
"Sure," she replied.
"Any good at native American languages? Since, we're forced to learn our native tongue," I responded. That was probably the worst thing about school, since, I'm not good at learning new things, especially not languages. My dad had tried to teach me, and I'd picked up a little. But it was a dying language, and it was probably our generation killing it - we didn't have time for languages. We were too busy killing vampires.
"I'm sure I could pick it up pretty quickly," she joked.
"Well, I guess, I'll get out of your hair," I replied, and her smile faded quickly.
"You don't have to, but, you should probably do your homework," she said, and she looked a bit sad. As much as I wanted to stay, I didn't want to crowd her. I didn't want to be pushy with her, and besides, we weren't anything but friends. Friends go home eventually. I'd made her spend almost every moment of her vacation either with me, or down at the reservation, it was no wonder that she hadn't bothered to call me back a few days after the bloodsucker was killed, she was probably just enjoying her freedom. I had a feeling I'd been reading way too much into me and Bella, and I should probably just leave it alone. Give her some space. Even though I didn't want to.
I kissed her forehead and waited until she went inside before I phased. Sam and Seth met me again, and it seemed like nobody else had decided to join them. I half wondered where the others were, but decided I didn't care. I was already letting my mind wander through what had just happened with Bella, and I was glad I didn't have a large audience.
You really have to find a way to control your thoughts, Jacob. Sam told me, and I couldn't help but laugh. I wasn't sure how Sam did it, but, somehow I couldn't keep them from spilling over.
Bella is scared of something, too? Seth seemed to have been paying more attention than Sam.
She's just getting used to being safe again. It doesn't mean anything, and you shouldn't worry so much. Sam's uncertainty seemed to have disappeared, and I had to admit, that did put me at ease a little.
Do you think you'll imprint on her someday, Jacob? Seth had just asked one of those difficult questions. Instantly I felt Sam's thoughts stiffen, and he was feeling uncomfortable. Seth seemed to be already regretting the question, but I could understand why he asked. I wanted to choose my thoughts carefully, but he could already hear everything. I didn't know if I'd ever imprint on Bella. But I did know she was the one for me. I didn't need imprinting to tell me that. So frankly, I didn't care if I imprinted or not. It wouldn't change a lot. Although it would probably help me out a lot, seeing as though when one of us did imprint, the girl found us completely irresistible. It was pretty hard to ignore that amount of devotion, but I had to hand it to Bella, she was doing a damn fine job.
She's still getting over him. You can't expect her to change overnight. Sam was trying to be comforting.
Yeah I mean, look at Leah. No offence, Sam. Seth added. That was true. Leah was still cut up, and even though I didn't want to think about it while Sam could hear, her pain didn't go away overnight.
She's strong, though. Bella will find a way to be strong, too. Sam sounded uncomfortable again, and he broke my thoughts again.
I'm going to phase. If you see the others, make sure they keep sharp. He said, and soon he was gone.
I shouldn't have said that in front of him, but, it was a valid point. Seth said. He sounded apologetic, but he was right. And Sam was right too. Bella needed time, and I'd give that to her, no matter how hard it was.