DISCLAIMER: I don't own any characters, places, etc.

**Author's Note** Sorry I haven't uploaded in a while! I hope you all like this new chapter, it took me a while to write this one since I think I had writer's block lol. But anyway, I hope you all enjoy it anywayss!! :D
Review kindly :)

There was still a few days left of sweet freedom before I'd be forced to go back to school. That meant no more late nights watching Bella sleep, no more roaming around on the reservation half naked, and no more doing whatever I pleased whenever I pleased. School was basically a prison, and I don't really know why I bothered going back. But, I knew my dad would be disappointed if I dropped out now, I knew how important the tribe was to him, and learning the tribe's language. I could at least humour him.
I had to admit that Bella had given me hope today, she'd smiled at me, she'd hugged me, she'd laughed with me. She'd been completely normal, just the way I wanted her to be. But at the same time, I wished she would show a little remorse for the pain I knew she was going to inflict on me. I tried not to think about that, though, since right now I was trying to just enjoy the fact that Bella was alright with me being around. I'd phased back now, and I was sitting in my bedroom. It was good to have time to reflect on my thoughts without having to reflect on everybody else's as well. I didn't want to think about the conversation I'd had with Seth and Sam, just thinking about it made me scared.
What if Bella would be like Leah? What if she'd stay depressed and broken forever, and she would never let herself forget the bloodsucker? What chance did I have?

I tried to stop these thoughts. I didn't want to be like this all of the time, I wanted to be happy, and cheerful, and hopeful that someday, hopefully soon, Bella would turn to me for love. She'd decide to let our friendship blossom into something more beautiful, and I could make her happy. But, by the looks of things, it didn't look as though it would happen anytime soon. I had told myself a hundred times to just give her time, like she'd asked, but it was so difficult to not be discouraged by that. I half wished she'd never kissed me in the truck, so then I wouldn't have this tiny thought of success in my mind. I'd always just accepted that she didn't want me, but now she'd made me more confused than ever. Her warm lips pressed against me, the way she'd been so willing at first. It was almost unbearable. But I had to force myself to be happy, and just wait for her to make up her mind.
Bella telling me that she had the same frightening feeling as I did had left me a little shaken. Sam had dismissed it instantly, it seemed like his fears had been laid to rest. But, I don't know, it still didn't feel as though things were over just yet. But of course, I'd be waiting. I feel like all I ever do is wait.

It was only midday but I felt like I'd been up for days. I'd spent most of the morning with Bella, which was great, but now there was nothing left to do in the afternoon. I just wanted to go back to her, just hang out with her all afternoon, watch a movie or something, but I really didn't want to crowd her. I wanted to phase and chase down a bunch of bloodsuckers and rip them to shreds but, I couldn't do that either. So instead, I decided to rummage around my room until I found some ratty old school books, whipped them open. I was only halfway into deciphering what I'd written down as the homework I'd never intended to do when I gave up. My mind couldn't focus on that, on anything in particular, so there was no real point in trying. I just lied back onto my bed, and eventually I fell asleep.

Suddenly I was on the beach again. Bella was beside me again, her head on my shoulder, her eyes closed. She was smiling softly in her dreams, so I let my guard down and closed my eyes. When I opened them, Bella was gone, but it felt strangely familiar. I felt like I knew what was happening, but I couldn't stop myself from feeling uneasy. The beach was foggy but I could see a figure standing by the shore, tall and thin. I began to run towards him when I realised I was in my wolf form. I was all alone - nobodies thoughts met mine. I stopped and looked up to see the figure again. It was Edward, standing there, smiling wickedly at me. I kept my distance from him, and I stood as still as I could.
"Where's Bella?" he asked, his voice was mocking. He scoffed before I answered, and Bella suddenly came rushing towards us from nowhere. She stood between us, looking from Edward to me, and back again.
"Don't do this," she cried. I realised then, she was crying hysterically.
"We have to," Edward smiled. I couldn't control myself then, we were both lunging towards each other - towards Bella in the centre. I was attacking, I couldn't stop myself, I would hurt Bella unless Edward got to her first. But he was attacking to, and he'd hurt her if I didn't get there first. I couldn't protect her. I couldn't stop. I wanted to kill Edward.I suddenly saw Emily's face, but she was bleeding everywhere. Her wounds were new, and I could see the blood on my human hands. In front of my eyes, Emily's face turned into Bella's, and I realised what I'd done.

I jolted awake, I was sweating like crazy and I was breathing in short pants. It was dark outside, I'd slept the entire afternoon. This dream was far worse than the one I'd had before. In this dream, I'd been the one to hurt Bella. It was me. I looked down at my hands again, but they were clean. I couldn't stop myself from shaking, I couldn't stop the horrible feeling inside of me. I suddenly realised only a slice of what Sam must feel every day when he looks at Emily. I don't think I could live with that. How was I going to hide this from Sam when I phased? I got up and wandered around the house, trying to find something to eat. There was nothing in our cupboards, so I didn't have much of a choice. I guess the only thing I could do was phase and eat something raw, I really didn't mind it. Food was food. Besides, for some reason, I didn't exactly feel like being human tonight. If nobody else was phased, being in wolf form would be a lot easier - I wouldn't have to really have to face any problems I had. I left the house and phased, running nowhere in particular, wasting the night, until I found some animals. I enjoyed the silence that greeted me, and tried to forget about my human problems as I attacked.
I realised mid-meal that I wasn't too far from Bella's house. Right about now she was probably having her own nightmare, and she'd wake up screaming. I just wanted to ignore the fact that I was human for a little while, but I couldn't stop thinking of Bella. Maybe I'd give it a while, and I'd go to her house and listen to her dream about me again. Maybe that would sooth me. But the very thought of Bella sent a shiver through me again, and I saw her horrible disfigured face, just like Emily's.
I decided not to go to Bella's and instead went home, and found myself sitting up watching infomercials on low volume. There was nothing else to do. I wasn't tired now, I wasn't hungry. I still couldn't get the nightmare out of my head, I felt like this was beginning to become a repetitive thing. I wasn't looking forward to Sam hearing my worries on it, I didn't want him to get upset any further. The way Seth had mentioned it earlier was enough to annoy Sam, I couldn't imagine what he'd think if now I was dreaming about it all. I felt terrible.

When I woke up, I was still on the couch, and it seemed to be mid-morning. I could hear someone cluttering around behind me in the kitchen. When I looked around, dad was attempting to make breakfast quietly, but failing.
"Dad?" I called to him to get his attention. He looked around, and smiled.
"Oh, sorry Jake, I didn't mean to wake you," he said quietly. I shrugged and got up. I half stumbled into the kitchen and pulled down a bowl from the top shelf he'd been trying to reach and handed it to him.
"It's alright dad," I replied. What else could I say? He looked up at me, and he looked concerned.
"I'm worried about you, Jacob. Even though you all got the vampire, you've still be sleeping uneasy, leaving the house in the middle of the night -"
"I'm alright, I'm just having trouble getting back into my normal sleeping patterns," I explained. That wasn't the half of it. He just frowned.
"Then why are you leaving in the middle of the night?" he asked, but something told me he didn't really want to know the answer. I shrugged again, and sat down at the kitchen table with him while he ate his breakfast slowly.
"Just blowing off some steam. Don't worry," I tried to convince him, but, he still looked concerned.
"Does this have anything to do with Bella?" he asked. Ha, where do I start? This had everything to do with Bella. But I wasn't exactly going to tell the old man that. Knowing him, he'd tell Charlie, who'd tell Bella, who'd accuse me of rushing her, and then I'd look like the bad guy.
"Not a thing," I answered. He didn't seem convinced, but he didn't press the matter. That was probably the better option. I suddenly felt as though nowhere was safe. I couldn't sleep without having nightmares, I couldn't phase without greeting the concerns of the rest of the pack, I couldn't see Bella without dying a little bit inside - I couldn't even wake up without being interrogated. It wasn't vampires or monsters that was scaring me, it was myself. I felt myself shiver again, that thought terrified me.

I figured school was creeping up any day now, I still wasn't exactly sure how long I had to be free. Although, thinking about it, maybe school would be a safe haven from my thoughts. As much as I hated it, it might be good for me. I collapsed back onto the couch and fumbled around for the remote, but I couldn't be bothered watching television. There wouldn't be anything good on at 10:30 in the morning, anyway. Besides, I don't think television could distract me. Suddenly the feeling of foreshadowing doom was all figured out, was all in place, was all me. Well, it wasn't exactly me, but I felt like it was. I couldn't escape my own thoughts, and maybe eventually, I'd hurt Bella because of it. That was what the dream meant. I didn't want to think that way, but, it still scared me. No, I was just letting these dreams bother me more than I should.

I got up and went outside, phasing quickly. I needed to talk to Sam, I needed him to talk me out of my nerves. His voice met mine, as usual, and I felt relieved.
Why nervous? He asked. I'm surprised I'd managed to keep all of that from spilling out.
How's it going, Jake? Embry's voice shocked me, and I forgot all about my problems. What was Embry doing phased?
Sam caught me - I was just heading over to Quil's when he phased, and convinced me to stay phased a little longer. Besides, Quil was probably with Claire anyway. Embry explained. I guess he was right about Quil, and, as Sam had suggested, it was important for us to phase every now and then. At least then we wouldn't get old.
That's not the point, Jake. Anyway, you were… worried? Sam seemed a little cautious, and suddenly my mind replayed every memory I had tried to repress. And Sam saw it all. So did Embry, I suppose. They saw the dream, they saw Emily's bleeding face turn into Bella's, they saw Edward laughing at me, they saw it all. Neither of them thought anything, and I let my own shamed thoughts spill out again. I felt so, so sorry.
It's okay, Jacob. Sam thought quietly. I watched his own thoughts think over it, as did Embry's, and I tried to ignore it.
You're overreacting. It was just a dream, you can't control it. Sam told me. He was right, but I still felt bad.
Jacob, you need to relax. Embry cut in. Maybe they were right - maybe I was wound a little too tight.
You're not wrong, Embry sighed. God, I had really become Leah, now. I was worrying my brothers over nothing.
It's not nothing - but it's not as terrible as you think, Jacob. I'm glad you came to me. Sam replied, sounding tired suddenly. I suppose they all must be a bit sick of my problems by now. Take a chill pill. Embry half laughed, and I couldn't help but laugh with him. I guess I was being really stupid, after all. I really did need to relax. Maybe I'd head down to Forks and see Bella, that might make me feel a little bit better about everything. I could focus on the real Bella rather than the Bella in my nightmares.
Just don't freak her out, we don't want you getting worse. Sam half joked.

I got to Bella's house then, and phased back, feeling a little nervous to speak to Bella. Even though Sam had put most of my nerves at ease, I still couldn't get the image of my nightmare, of Bella's hideous face out of my head. I wasn't sure if I could even look at her the same, without fear. But my feelings towards Bella overrode my fear, and I found myself knocking loudly on the door. I waited a few moments before she answered, looking flushed.
"Hey," I said, not sure what else to say. My dreams hadn't done Bella justice - she was far prettier in real life, which made the nightmares seem a little more distant.
"Oh, hey Jacob," she smiled, standing aside and allowing me in.
"Did I interrupt something?" I asked, and she grinned bashfully. Okay, with that reaction, I really needed to know. I couldn't help but let my thoughts go a little crazy and imagine Bella in all sorts of -
"Just, uh, looking up a few things," she replied, going a light shade of red. She turned her back and walked into the lounge room, but I followed her.
"Such as?" I pressed. She just shrugged.
"Well, native American languages?" she said quietly, taking a seat. I felt myself laugh. Was she serious?
"So, decided to do my homework after all?" I joked. I had been so terrified to come over here, for so many different reasons, and she'd been spending her time looking up native American languages. I was officially far too serious.
"No, I was just curious," she smiled, and I slumped down onto the couch beside her. I wanted to put my arm around her, but maybe that would ruin the great vibe we had going.
"Well, offers still here if you want to take it," I grinned, half wishing she really would do my homework. It would save me from doing it. Not that I was even planning on doing it at all.
"Shut up," she punched me, but I didn't feel it, and I just laughed. She was so cute when she was annoyed.
"You love it," I let slip, but she just smiled. As much as I regretted those words, at least her reaction wasn't half as bad as mine. Her own smile faded when she saw the look on my face, was I honestly that easy to read? I never imagined so, but maybe I'd been wrong.
"What is it?" she asked, looking concerned. It seemed like everyone was so worried about me these days, now even Bella was as well.
"It's nothing," I tried to shrug it off, but she just stared at me.
"Jacob?" she put a hand on my bare arm, and I swallowed hard. She really didn't want to hear this, and I really didn't want to talk about it. In fact, I wasn't sure what I was more worried about discussing. The fears I had from the nightmare, or the real feelings I had for Bella. But of course, being with Bella made me want to discuss her feelings, not my fears.
"It's still, too soon, right?" I asked uncomfortably. She shifted, and took her hand back. Bad sign.
"I'm still," she swallowed, and looked away. "I'm still, broken." Her voice was a very low whisper, it made me feel as though she was trying to hide it, like she was ashamed.
"I know," I heard myself say. That wasn't exactly the most comforting thing to say. I put one arm around her, trying to be comforting, but she sort of shrugged me away.
"I miss him, still, Jacob," she said, glancing over at me. She felt so far away, I wanted to hold her, but she would just move even further away.
"I know," I said again. Did I not know how to say anything else? But I think I was just numb, waiting for the reaction, waiting for her to tell me that this, us, is never gunna happen. My whole body was shaking, I'd told myself over and over again that I was ready to hear it, but I wasn't.
"I don't know if -"
"You say my name in your dreams, Bella. Not your nightmares," I cut her off. I couldn't believe I'd just said that - well, I said it so fast I was hoping she didn't understand, but seriously! What was I thinking? She just looked confused, as though she didn't understand.
"What?" she asked, suddenly looking angry. Crap.
"I mean, well, when we were still protecting you, I heard you, or well, we heard you, say my name. We thought you were in trouble, but -" I rambled on, stopping myself before I said anything else stupid. She bit her lip and looked away.
"Are you serious?" she asked, embarrassed. Well, at least she wasn't angry with me?
"Yeah. Sorry," I said. I should at least try to sound like I feel bad. I moved a little closer and put an arm around her, this time she didn't shrug me off.

"Do I really, Jake?" she asked, looking up at me, looking like she might cry. I nodded, not sure what to say. "I dream about him, too, though."
"You have nightmares, Bella. That's different," I told her. That must have sounded cruel, but I didn't really want her to choose a blood-sucker that had abandoned her over me.
"I know," she replied. I realised then that she was crying, oh God, I didn't know how to deal with Bella when she was crying. She was just too confusing!
"Bella, it's okay," I tried to soothe her. I gripped her tighter and pulled her body into mine so she was sitting uncomfortably on her side on the couch. I could feel the wet tears on my shoulder, and I felt her reluctant hands slide up across my back as she shifted her body and held herself close to me.
"I'm so sorry Jacob," she cried, and honestly, I couldn't believe I was getting off the hook so easy. She'd been weird with me for trying to push her into making a decision, she could have been angry at me for spying on her, but instead she was the one apologising. I'd even stopped her before she had a chance to reject me today. But here she was, crying on my shoulder, telling me she was sorry.
"No, Bella, it's alright," I told her, not really knowing what else to say. She suddenly looked up at me, tears still streaming down her face, biting her lip. She looked so perfect, so beautiful, even though her eyes were puffy and she was all wet, I just wanted to kiss her. I suddenly felt as though Bella was a spider who'd created some beautiful, heartbreaking web, and I was the naive fly, buzzing around, lured towards my demise.
I really was like Leah, more than I wanted to be.

"Bella," I breathed, staring at her. I knew this was probably crossing the line, I knew this would probably just make her angry, I knew this was a terrible idea. But I had to ask.
"Yes?" she opened her eyes wide, the tears had stopped, as though she was waiting for it. She knew it was coming, and she already knew her answer.
"Can I please kiss you, Bella?" I asked, my voice was so quiet I wondered if she'd even heard me. The whole moment seemed to be in slow motion, because she seemed to just look at me. I watched her open her mouth just a little bit, like she was about to say something, but nothing came. I couldn't imagine how pathetic I must look, basically begging her to say yes. She sort of looked like she was going to say yes. But when she didn't move away from me at all, I wondered if she hadn't heard it at all. I saw her lips move, but I didn't hear her words. She must have realised because she tried again:
"I don't know," she whispered, and I felt my heart break all over again. I knew that would be her answer - there was never a direct no. She had to sugar coat it for me, but I suppose that made it worse.
"Please," I felt myself beg. Beg like the pathetic dog I was. She glanced away then, down, away from me. I wanted to force her to look at me, force her to kiss me, force her to see how good things would be if we were together. I knew she needed me, but I needed her just the same. She didn't understand that.
"Jacob -" she tried to protest, squirming in my arms. She tried to pull away, and I had no other choice but to let her. Forcing her to stay would only make things worse for me - even though I wasn't sure how much worse it could get at this point. I'd probably just made things weird again.
"Bella," I said, but there was no point in trying to convince her. This was a losing battle, she was already on her feet and walking to the other side of the room away from me. She didn't look at me, she kept her back turned to me, and it sounded as though she was crying again. Should I apologise? I stood up and followed her, placing my hands on her shoulders. She didn't push me off her, but she didn't turn around either.

"Bella, I'm sorry," I whispered, moving my head down so I was beside her ear, and I felt her left hand creep up to rest on mine.
"I just need time," she replied, her voice croaky. Time, time, time. Everyone needed time. I was sick of time. Anymore time taken and she'd be dead. Okay, maybe that was a bit of an exaggeration, but I felt like this was taking forever. And I felt like at the end of all this time, I'd still be left alone without her. She'd still choose the blood-sucker over me.
"I know. I'm sorry," I said again. I knew all too well.
"Me too," she said. I wish I could see inside her head, I wish I could tell exactly what she was thinking. I wish I could just make her see how much she meant to me, how much she tormented me when things were like this.