EPOV
School was the most boring thing to me, but I needed it. I had ambition, I wanted to become something real big, like a doctor. I wouldn't let myself become nothing, let others walk all over me. I'd make money, be out of this shit and prove the Masen's weren't all slobs.
But, really, it wasn't all. The fact that my father was a drunk wasn't why I wanted that much a great job. I wanted one to support my future family, to live the life I've always dreamed about, to not have any restrictions.
And then, about school, there was Bella. It was the only time where I saw her, and I could judge the treatment she had had the day before. So I looked, and looked, and never found her. I saw Tanya, her stupid step sister, laughing with all her friends, not bothering with all the shit that Bella had to endure for her to be so carefree.
Hyprocrisy was the worst shit for me, and from the time I knew Bella, I knew the town was full of it. How could they not see? The bruises, barely covered with make-up, the dead eyes, the winces whenever she got touch?
They were blinding themselves, because they liked Phil. And fuck, if I was Bella, that would hurt deep. People prefered money and celebrity to lives. I knew Bella could not endure that for a long time, that one day, it would be the last, and that's why I needed to see her whenever I was at school. I wanted a proof that she was still alive.
I, myself, was barely there. I had had no time to sleep, nor to eat, so I had difficulty even staying up. I had to, it was the routine of my life, being all crap, weak, and to have to endure it. In school, I was unattainable, because if anybody talked to me, they would go the other way quickly. I didn't want to socialize, I hated everybody here.
They were too shallow, too much in there little bubble. They didn't see all the hurt that was going on around them, they didn't understand. They thought I thought myself better than any of them, that they were just a décor to my life.
And it was true. All of them were nothing to me, but Bella. Because she saw life like me, because she was fucked up like me, because she was strong. I needed her to continue, to see that even people worst off then myself could hope for a brighter future. I knew her condition was worst then mine, I wasn't being hit or whatever.
I had to supply for my father, and myself, with a night job while going at school. True, it wasn't easy, because I had no money to eat, all of it was going into alcohol for my father, or cigarettes. One meal a day was exhilirating for me.
But Bella, she had to endure the hits, the indifference of everyone around her. She had to look at her mother not helping her, to hear her bones crack. She had to come to school, even if she hadn't sleep because of the pain. Her condition was far worst then mine, so I couldn't just complain about my life, because it was kinda good compared to hers.
After 10 minutes of searching, I found her. She was a broken angel. Her lips had a big slit, and the marks of yesterday's rage was difficult to hide. Her eyes were glassy, her every limps seemed difficult to bring forward. And nobody saw it, because they didn't care looking.
She looked at me, and smiled my favorite smile. And I smiled too, because it was all I could do. She was trying to reassure me, to show me that even if her body was broken, her mind wasn't. She was still the same Bella. But how could she? The darkness was crawling inside her slowly, and I was seeing it live. She wasn't alright, she would never be again.
We had biology to begin with, and it was the only class we had together. It was the class where we would cover for each other. She was sitting next to me. Her eyes seemed in another world. It was like she wasn't really there.
Her body had difficulty staying up, and her lids wanted to closed.
My heart wanted to burst, because life wasn't fucking fair. She hadn't done anything to deserve that, she sould be in heaven, happy and free. And that's what was going to happen, because she wouldn't live enough to go to hell. She'd be an angel, surely. Maybe God's favorite. She was so pure.
And so, when lunch came, I was worried to death. Because her situation seemed much more difficult, and much more at the end than what I thought. My dad had been a doctor, before being hurt so much he became a drunk. He had been a really talented surgeon, and when I was a kid he had tought me some stuff. Maybe Bella had had a coma, and if she did, she was suppose to be in the hospital. Not in fucking school.
I found her at lunch, on a bench. She was looking straight ahead, to nothing, and her eyes were full of tears she wouldn't let fall down. Her hands were clasped tightly around her knees, in foetal position.
A burts of courage came to me, and I approach her. I took her hand, without talking, and brought her to my car. She didn't say anything, didn't question me. I could have been a fucking psycopath willing to kill her, but she didn't protest. Because she was that close to death anyway, one way or another, what's the deal, right?
I opened her door, went to my seat, and put on some music. I don't really know what it was, I didn't really care. She seemed to relaxed, and she closed her eyes, letting sleep come to her. I wouldn't sleep, I would take care of her, and when time came, I would awake her to go back to school. But I would give her this break, this little time where she could just do nothing, and not be afraid. I would protect her, for this tiny moment.
Jut when I thought sleep had had the best of her, she opened her mouth.
"Why do you do that?". It was simple enough, really, but the answer was much more complicated.
How could I tell her I wanted to protect her, even if I didn't know her. How could I tell her I felt she was the only one who could understand me? I couldn't.
"My father was a doctor, so I know your state isn't really good. Sleep, while you can." A little white lie.
Because while life had taught me to lie, life had taught her to die.
"Thanks." She went to sleep.
And she was beautiful, just like I knew. And strong, just like I saw. She seemed so in peace, in my car, with me beside her. This scenery made me hope. Maybe I could come out of this shit, maybe Bella would survive the hits. Maybe we could be friends, we could help each other out.
I sighed. It wasn't really plausible. I was going straight to hell, because I was fucking helping my father getting alcohol. Because I was fucking smoking. Because I never helped anybody, and I didn't give shit about anybody. Because I had a fucking difficult time believing in God, while having a broken angel next to me.
How could He do that? Why would He let people die, let wars kill families? If He had the power, what did He wait for?
Bella interrupted my thoughts. She was crying. It made me fucking gasped, because I had never seen her cry.
"Why don't you stop? What have I done?"
And the sobs came, and she was fucking trashing in the seat next to me.
And I watched in horror. When she could sleep, when the pain was bearable, the nightmares wouldn't let her be in peace. No doubt she was fucking tired, that she was as weak as me, she couldn't fucking sleep.
"Bella, wake up. Come one Bella!" I practically yelled.
And she woke up, and looked at me and smile. And I began to resent this smile, because it was hiding the truth. This smile was saying it's all okay, don't worry, while it wasn't. And fuck, I hated it.
"We have to go back to school, Edward…", and with that she opened the door and went to her next class.
I could have been hurt she didn't thank me, that she did as if it was nothing, but I knew better. She was fucking angry with herself for letting someone see her in her weakness. It was sure. And she was fucking shy to have let it all come down on me. And fuck, that hurt. It hurt to know she wasn't sure she could trust me, but I understood, because if I was at her place, I would just punch anybody who came near me.