I don't own Pirates of the Caribbean. At all. In any way, shape or form. I don't even own a copy of any of the DVDs, for heaven's sake.
I got this idea from Ask A Ninja Special Delivery 7 and 7.5, which I also don't own- though it would be fun if I did. Poor penniless me.
In case you're wondering, yes, I did copy this from the first 'Chapter'. Deal with it.
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Unfortunately for the ninjas, Elizabeth, and the general populace of Port Royal, Elizabeth didn't fall to her death. Instead, just as she fell, the crow's nest of the ship that Captain Jack was currently in the process of pilfering, the Daring Daffodil, swung underneath her and caught her after a disappointing fall of only ten feet. Mind you, the landing wasn't exactly comfy, but nevertheless, she was still very much alive as the ship began to sail away.
"Oh, bother," commented Elizabeth upon finding herself still living. Shortly thereafter, Captain Jack realized that they had accrued a little extra baggage and sent Jeremy and Norman up to fetch it. Captain Jack soon wrung Elizabeth's name and position out of her. "Well that complicates things. I could've just put out to sea if you were a scullery maid who decided to try her hand at flight; as it is, I'll be accused of taking you hostage, so now I'll have to go back," he sighed. "Oh well, I guess I'll just have to think of something else; I always do," he informed her as he turned the ship back towards the harbor.
Elizabeth pouted all the way to port. However, for the second time in her life, no one seemed to care. As they drew close to the dock, Captain Jack saw something that, to him, was rather disturbing: British redcoats standing in nice orderly rows, waiting for him. At least, he assumed that they were after him. He checked behind him, just to make sure that there wasn't some pompous dignitary in his wake. No such luck.
Captain Jack sighed. "And it was such a pretty boat," he lamented. Oh well, I guess I'll just pick up another one later. And if not that, there's always Rent-A-Canoe, he consoled himself as he spied one along the shoreline. But now, to the problem at hand. He swung the Daring Daffodil neatly to dockside and had Jeremy and Norman drop the anchor.
"That was fun!" exclaimed Norman. "Yeah, let's do it again!" agreed Jeremy. "Eh, sorry, lads. I'd love to, but I have to be going right about now. Maybe some other time," apologized Jack. "While you're waiting, maybe you could do something about the name of this rig. It's positively sissified," he commented, tapping the life ring hanging on the rail that was block-lettered, H.M.S. Daring Daffodil.
While the two guards considered this, Captain Jack vaulted over the side of the ship and onto the dock. But only just barely. I've got to work on my parking, he told himself. The ship was a good five feet from the dock. Any farther and the Captain would've landed in the drink! He turned his attention to the troops who were waiting for him.
"Excuse me, good sirs," he addressed them, bowing slightly. "But would you mind making a path, here? I have some pressing business to attend to, and would be much obliged to you," he informed them. If there was one thing that he had learned about the British, it was that they absolutely couldn't refuse a polite request. Murmurs of, "Oh, sure, " "Of course," and "Make a lane, boys," were heard as the soldiers squashed themselves together in order to make room on the crowded dock for the pirate.
Once he had passed through, Captain Jack turned back to Port Royal. Upon entering the streets, he again promptly got lost. "Hmm, where to go," he mused. He wandered in and out of several stores and homes, pilfering small objects as he went. This didn't bother the good folk of Port Royal that much; they had seen stranger things. Norrington making his morning run in sweatpants, for instance. (Yes, sweatpants were invented then, but they were so expensive that only rich people could afford them.)
Finally, he saw the sign for the smithy. Even more importantly, he saw Will Turner leaning on a table near the window, sighing sappily while he gazed at an autographed drawing of his sweetheart, Elizabeth. Upon recognizing the girl in the picture as the one he had so recently rescued from imminent death entirely by chance and pondering the vast gulf of position between herself and the lad before him, he realized that he had just happened upon a way to secure a watercraft.
He entered the smithy and addressed the love struck youth. "Excuse me, lad, but I couldn't help but notice that-" he was cut off as Will swung a sword in his general direction. "En garde!" cried Will, striking a heroic pose. Captain Jack blinked and proceeded to stare at Will for several seconds. Then, he spoke again, "You're English, aren't you?" Will considered this for a moment. "Well, yes," he conceded. "Then why are you talking in French? That's positively silly, mate! Not to mention the fact that France and England are practically sworn enemies. What kind of Englishman goes around spouting phrases in his enemy's language, I ask you? You really ought to be ashamed of yourself," chided Jack.
Will was wounded deeply by this admonishment. His face puckered, and he began to sniffle and give off a high-pitched whine. In a few seconds, he had graduated to an all-out bawl. After several minutes, a ninja with highly sensitive ears couldn't take it anymore, and he stumbled out from his hiding place, hands over his ears in pain. "Would you please stop that?" he asked politely.
Will was so shocked that he abruptly stopped his caterwauling. "Thank you," sighed the grateful ninja, whereupon he suddenly disappeared, choosing to hide this time literally in the woodwork. A few minutes passed. Finally, Will came up with a stunning observation: "Well, that was odd." "Was it?" asked Captain Jack curiously. "A man dressed all in black just appeared and disappeared out of thin air! Of course that's odd!" exclaimed Will. Jack pondered this. Then, he turned to Will. "You need to get out more," he admonished. This utterance garnered the captain a reproachful look from Will.
"Just because I can't remember ever being anywhere but in a nursery somewhere, on a ship and its wreck, on another ship, and on this island doesn't make me an idiot," Will cried indignantly. "You're right," interposed the captain, "that's not what makes you an idiot." "Precisely," Will continued glibly. "Just because I haven't set foot outside Port Royal in thirteen-some years and have no idea how to do anything except fencing and blacksmithing doesn't mean that I can't take on the world and win! Any good novelist will tell you as much!" he concluded triumphantly.
"So why did you attack me at random as soon as I entered?" queried the captain, casually switching tacks. (No, really! It's a blacksmith shop; they've got all sorts of little metal gadgets like nails and tacks and things. Will had arranged some tacks in the shape of a flower on a little scrap of board. Captain Jack was busy rearranging them in the shape of a smiley face, under which he had tacked out a highly secretive message to the ninjas. What it looked like it said was, 'Hello, ninjas!' but the way he spaced the tacks actually gave the ninja code for, 'Help, I'm being held hostage by idiots!")
"Oh, I just do that. Keeps people on their toes and makes me look dashing," informed Will. "So… It's not because I'm a pirate?" Jack asked carefully. "You are? I've always wanted to meet a pirate. In fact, I could use one right now. You see, I'm trying to elope with the governor's daughter," Will explained. "Ah, yes. I met her. You may be a little late; some other fellow just proposed to her," Jack told him conversationally. Will looked fit to break into another tantrum.
"But not to worry," Jack hastily added. "When I met up with her, she was either trying to fly, escape, commit suicide, or some strange combination of two or more of those options. I think she prefers you, though I can't imagine why," he concluded. This pacified Will. "So, do you have a ship that we could elope on?" he asked, excited. "Well, about that: you see, I'm kind of between ships at the moment. I'm afraid we'll have to borrow one of the Royal Navy's lovely vessels," Jack explained. "Oh," said Will. "Well, that won't be hard. It's just a matter of leaverage. And I have a bit of that because I'm great friends with the governor," Will smiled confidently. Jack blinked. "Excuse me… But did you just say, 'leaverage'?" "Yes," answered Will. "Are you sure you're British?" asked Captain Jack carefully.
It was then that the soldiers burst in. The Captain of the Regiment strode forward and thrust his sword out before him in the direction of Captain Jack, barely missing several quite innocent ninjas. He accosted the Captain with, "Fiend! Vagabond! Rapscallion! Knave! Brute! Drifter! Sayer of, 'Ni' to old women! -" "What?" interposed a bewildered Jack. "… I don't know, it's just what came to mind. Stop interrupting my tirade," the Captain of the Regiment ordered. "Sorry." "Apology accepted. Where was I?" "Eh… 'Drifter'." "Ah. Yes. Umm. Ship-stealer! Thief of Small Worthless Objects!-" "Not all of them were worthless…" "Stop interrupting!" "Sorry…" "Hmph. Chicaner! Prevaricator!-" "Are you done yet?" "Getting there; I'd be done by now if you didn't insist on interrupting all the time! Lawyer!-" "Now that's crossing a line! Plus, it's not true: I've never even attempted to pass the bar!" "Stop it! You're under arrest!" the Captain of the Regiment finally spat.
A few moments of silence followed this proclamation. Finally, Jack asked, "Eh… …Why?" "I should have thought it was obvious." "Of course it… isn't," clarified Jack. "Remember when we made a lane for you back at the dock?" asked the Captain of the Guard plaintively. "Eh... yes?" "You didn't say thank you."