The Maxims of the Rich
Ten lessons and rules one should know about Ouran Academy...
A/N: What is this? An update? I apologize, this story was on hiatus for a few months. I will definitely finish it; I'm just short on ideas for chapters seven and eight.. Anyway, most of this was written a few months ago, but I picked the idea back up. It's so interesting to see how my writing changes as time goes on. So stay tuned, and thanks for reading!
All characters © Hatori Bisco
Lesson #6: It's easy for the Host Club to forget that Fujioka Haruhi is a girl.
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A pair of twinkling brown eyes gazed up at her, blinking, between the ears of a large rabbit. "Haru-chan, Haru-chan!" the voice emanating from behind the toy exclaimed. "We have some new cakes today! Would you like to try them with me?"
Haruhi sighed, feeling a tad guilty in disappointing the eager face of her senior. She responded with an apologetic, "I don't know, Honey-senpai, I'm not very hungry…" A hand crept to her middle and rubbed her lower abdomen absently.
Honey may have been the first one to spot it that day. The senior's winsome, childish exterior was sometimes so at odds with his uncannily perspicacious nature that most people tended to underestimate his abilities. His eyes lingered on Haruhi for a second longer before he rested his chin atop the stuffed rabbit's plushy head.
"It's double-chocolaaate!" he crooned with a hungry grin. "Are you sure?"
After a moment of internal debate, Haruhi extended her hand with a sigh. "Well, just a small piece then," she acquiesced. Honey handed her a porcelain plate and fork with a little bubbling giggle.
Mmm, Haruhi took a tentative bite, chewing slowly. She lowered her fork and prepared to sink it into the spongy cake once more. This is actually quite g—
"Alright everyone, it's time to change!" Tamaki's loud voice cut into the club room. "Our costumes are here, and it's just in time for Halloween, too!" He beamed at the boxes that were being rolled in to the third music room by the D-class students.
"Don't tell me we're doing vampires again, Tono," the twins griped as they eyed the cardboard cartons suspiciously. Tamaki chuckled and shook his head, shimmering blonde hair falling across his eyes.
Kyouya spoke on his behalf as he jotted down notes in his data book. "Oh no," he replied. "We never wear the same costumes twice. That's something that commoners do." Haruhi glared darkly at the vice president while Tamaki softly scolded "okaasan" for not respecting their daughter.
"Anyway, I think this theme will be popular. It's from a well-known American series called the Addams Family," Kyouya continued after adjusting the angle of his glasses. At the word family Tamaki's blue eyes began to sparkle with an aqua ebullience.
"Ohh, a family cosplay! I should let you decide the themes more often, Kyouya!" he exclaimed, with obvious zeal. He and the others went over to open the boxes with their names printed on them, humming to himself: "Mamagoto, mamagotooo…"
"As if I haven't been doing that all along," Kyouya muttered under his breath, spectacles glinting in the light.
--- --- --- ---
Mori opened the doors to the third music room that afternoon, eyeing the female designators who were waiting outside.
"You rang?" he asked flatly.
The girls blushed as he let them in, commenting on his dashing butler uniform and parted hair.
The third music room had been transformed into something that remotely resembled a Victorian funeral home. Kaoru, who had donned a pigtailed wig and dark dress was holding hands with is older brother ad welcoming the customers. Somehow Hikaru still managed to look attractive despite the striped monochrome shirt and shorts that clashed brutally with his hair color. The guests fawned over Honey, who smiled at them from behind a veil of straw hair, hat, and glasses.
Tamaki rubbed the mustache under his nose irritatingly and fiddled with his black hair, miffed that his daughter had now become his mother.
"You look absolutely adorable, Grandmama!" Honey proclaimed as he passed by Haruhi's table. There was a little hole in the upper portion of his costume where the cake disappeared into, like a vacuum, never to see the light of day again.
Haruhi attempted to push some of her frizzy hair away from her face. "Thank you, Cousin It," she replied dryly. Her antiquated dress was a pale gray and hid her washboard, A-cup chest rather fashionably. Honey took his cake and dashed away to find his real cousin.
On the far side of the room, the guests were having a hard time tearing their gaze away from Kyouya, who had at first been uncomfortable at donning such a tight outfit. The attire became a little more bearable, however, once he realized the merit it attracted. Besides, he felt kind of pretty.
"Kyouya-san, are you…Morticia?" One of the attendees asked him timidly. She was finding it difficult to speak with the black velvet dress clinging so lasciviously to his every muscle and contour. Kyouya brushed back long hair and gave a nod.
"I used to watch the Addams Family as a kid!" the girl gushed, gaining more courage. Her friend nodded. "But I'd always thought that they were too scary…"
"Au contraire," Kyouya smiled politely, fulfilling his role as the data provider, "The Addams Family was a group of polite, if strange people. They were just misunderstood by the majority of society."
Before the girl could admire his intelligence Tamaki had rushed to the Shadow King's side, grabbing his black-gloved arm frenetically.
"Kyouya, 'au contraire!'" he swooned. "That's French!" Kyouya resisted the urge to roll his eyes.
"Oh, mon ami! 'Tish!" The girls began to fiercely squee as Tamaki made a show of pretending to kiss every spot of "mother's" arm.
--- --- --- ---
The Addams Family theme was going pretty well…until about an hour into the club, when something went dreadfully wrong.
"So Haruhi-kun wants to be a lawyer?" Kanako inquired as the girl next to her sighed in admiration.
"Mm," Haruhi responded, nodding and sipping from a cup of black tea. She set the cup down on its saucer and smiled compassionately. "I want to follow in my mother's footsteps."
"Is Haruhi-kun a lot like his mother?" the other one asked. Haruhi blew a strand of fake grizzly hair out of her eyes. The wig really was bothersome; she had almost inhaled the fake bangs along with her tea twice already. As the strand flew up into the air, it dawned on Haruhi that she needed to make a trip to the restroom.
"Yes, a little," she answered to her guest. "Now if you'll excuse me, ladies, I will be right back." She rose sinuously and turned to leave, but a shrill cry stopped her and made her whip her head around.
"H-Haruhi-kun!" the girls stammered, eyes wide and fearful. "Are you hurt?"
"Huh?" the brunette blinked incomprehensively. The rest of the club had stopped whatever they had been doing and were regarding her with unreadable expressions. Kyouya's eyebrows raised, a typical sign that he was aware of the situation, but he merely pushed his glasses up and remained silent. Tamaki made a little 'urk' noise in the back of his throat and his complexion began to take on a florid tone.
"What's wrong?"
"B-blood!" Kanako pointed with a shaking finger at the seat of Haruhi's dress and chair.
Already having a pretty good idea of what had happened, the host cast her eyes downward. Sure enough, the whole bottom of Grandmama's outfit was wet and red, not to mention that the seat her chair was stained as well. She surveyed the mess and stifled a groan. It had come unexpectedly today, without any notice. Haruhi knew it would have arrived in a few days anyway, but so soon... A lace of panic shot through her; how would she explain this?
Tamaki, although idiotic at times, was no arrant fool. He realized immediately what had happened, and was sifting through ideas in his mind of how to cover it up. It was easy during club hours to forget that Haruhi was in fact female, and that females had certain things to worry about that males did not.
He hurried over, ready to calm Haruhi's guests but unsure of what to say. Tamaki's mind was completely blank. Perhaps he would soothe the ladies with his words of love. Yes, anything, would work. Just as he opened his mouth a new voice cut into the shocked silence.
"Hee, Happy Halloween!"
Silence befell the Host Club for a hovering moment before anyone spoke.
"..."
"Honey…kun?"
Yes, the one who had spoken was Haninozuka Mitsukuni. Somehow, he had procured a bucket of paint, waving around a red-soaked brush in his hand.
He pushed up his Cousin It costume, smiling gleefully. "Ne ne, were you guys scared? Didja think it was real blood?"
Tamaki caught on and laughed vociferously. "Yes, your poor, adorable faces looked so scared!" he trilled. "We didn't mean to frighten you that badly, dear ladies! Come take refuge in my warm arms if you're scared—I'll protect you!"
"However, it was a fitting prank for Halloween," Kyouya remarked, also playing along amusedly. The twins didn't really know what was going on, but they pointed and snickered anyway as Haruhi slipped away amongst the laughter and relief.
--- --- --- ---
"I owe you thanks, Honey-senpai," Haruhi said humbly to the tiny senior once the club had ended. Her expression was one of mild embarrassment, cheeks tinted with a dark rose blush.
"Mm-mm!" Honey mumbled through a mouthful of pumpkin pie. "Don't mention it, Haru-chan!"
"Ah…" the younger host trailed off, frazzled. She looked towards Mori, who was seated by the window, reading stoically as if nothing had happened. Just how deep was Honey-senpai?
"Haruhi, you are dismissed from the club so you may go home and change," Kyouya called from his table, not looking in the least bit perturbed. Perhaps it was because he had an older sister, and this was nothing that he hadn't already seen before. That was coolhand Kyouya for you.
Tamaki, and the twins, on the other hand, looked as if they were being forced to swallow raw briars and needles. They watched the female host shrewdly, afraid to speak. The menstrual cycle was a mystery to them, and they silently debated on whether or not to speak to her, lest she be irritated.
Before leaving, Haruhi shot a glance to her left and right to ensure that no one else was in whispering range. She leaned in and murmured, "Um, if you don't mind me asking, how did Honey-senpai know?"
"Silly Haru-chan!" Honey giggled, playing with his stuffed rabbit's floppy ear. "No one thinks twice about the double-chocolate cake!"
End.