Mistakes

Rum and Beer (part two)

Shawn POV

I think that some part of me has always known I was in love with Gus. It explained a lot really, like why I couldn't date black girls because it was too close to kissing Gus. Or why I blushed everytime Gus would casually talk to me in the locker room in his boxers. And eve the reason why I'd stare at Gus long after he'd fallen asleep at sleepovers.

And here I was again staring at that familiar face from across the gym. Gus was trying to finish his essay as the final minutes of the test went by even though I could see he'd already filled out an entre esay booklet). Even now having been fully aware of my unnatural obsession with my best friend for three years, I still couldn't keep my eyes off of him.

But I pushed the thoughts of him in my arms to the back of my head as I stood at the sound of the bell indicating the end of the test. I walked over to his desk as he frantically finished his conclusion paragraph.

"Mr.Guster," I said in my best impression of Mrs.Parks, our American History teacher, "The exam has ended, please put down your pen," I said in my high-pitched voice. Finally he put the final period on the paper and looked up at me with a brilliant smile, my heart melted.

"Grover Cleveland! Could there have been an easier essay topic? I know everything about him!" he said triumphantly.

"And is that a good thing?" I asked, "We need to find you a hobby… how does water polo sound?" I asked as we began leaving, "Or fencing? Oh! Oh! Those Lumberjack competitions!"

"Shutup Shawn, I'm proud of my knowledge of Grover Cleveland," he said giving me his annoyed look that gave me butterflies. Things were worse then usual today. We left the gym and a group of girls called me over.

"Hey Shawn!" called a girl named Angie who had been my most recent flirt. I came over feeling guilty for leaving Gus and decided not to get caught up in a conversation.

"Hey guys," I said.

"There's a party at Ron's tonight… I thought maybe we could go together," she said flipping her re-brown hair and smiling at me.

I looked back at Gus show was leaning against the wall staring into space and immediately knew who I'd rather hang out with. "Listen I have plans. But maybe we can do something next weekend?" I said giving her my most charming smile. She bought it and gave me her number.

I knew I had no intentions of ever calling her. Shaking off the guilty feelings I walked back to Gus. "You coming over tonight? My dad has a twenty four hour shift so we could buy some beers and you could stay the night," I said.

"Yeah, sure. You didn't get invited to a party or something?"'



"Well they did," but I'd rather be with you, "But I'd rather stay at home and relax." To my horror I felt myself blush. Pull it together! To cover up for my moment of weakness I showed off the number I intended to throw in the trash at the first chance.

As we headed to the car Gus immediately bombarded me with questions about the test and which essay topic I had chosen and son and so forth. I offered to drive which turned out to be a bad idea… I kept on glancing over at Gus at the wrong times and nearly got us killed once or twice.

Finally we pulled into the liquor store parking lot and was glad Gus wasn't in eyeshot anymore. Things were really bad, far worse then they had been in a while. Normally I was good about keeping my feelings under control but today I couldn't keep him from my mind.

I picked up a bottle of rum and a six pack of corona not even thinking about the price because Gus was all that I could think about. Christ, I'm hornier then a 14 year old boy that goes to catholic school right now…

We got home and I put the beers in the fridge. "What do you want to watch?" I called from the kitchen while I could see him lounging on the couch.

"I don't care, bring the beers in," he said changing from New to Richard Simmons.

We eventually settled on Ferris Bueller's day off which was far funnier after a few beers. Gus was one of those people who found everything hilarious has he got drunker, I watched as he almost peed himself when they pushed the car out of the garage (which really isn't that funny).

An hour later the beer was one and I could feel the affects already. Gus had adjusted himself so that he was lying across the couch, his head partially in my lap and continued to laugh at anything and everything. I started to realize the danger of the situation… I was tipsy… Gus was very close and incredibly drunk… And he was just so fucking adorable. I had to use all of my self restraint not to take him right then and there.

The beer made his smile brighter, his skin smoother, and every word that came out of his mouth made me fall in love with him even more. Gus was a lightweight and therefore much more drunk then I was. By the time the second movie had ended it was one in the morning. Gus had only moved closer in this time.

The credits began to roll and Gus sat up before snuggling up against me, making me lightheaded.

"I'm sleepy," he said his voice muffled in my sleeve. I suppressed a whimper stuck in my throat, the result of how adorable he was. Part of me wanted to stay like that, just let Gus fall asleep in my arms and maybe in the morning I'd smell like him. But I knew it would be weird for both of us to wake up sober and so close.



"Come on sleepy head, we should go upstairs," I said trying to help Gus up but he only wrapped his arms around me and gave a groan of protest, nuzzling his head deeper into my neck. It took all my might not to get aroused and I managed for the moment. "No really Gus, get your sleeping bag and go upstairs."

I stood while gus was still on me causing him to fall off of the couch. He grabbed the half empty bottle of Rum and his green sleeping bag, all the while muttering angry things under his breath. When we got to the room and settled down he cheered up again… and started drinking again.

I began to silently curse myself for having a sleepover with the guy I hadn't stopped thinking about all day, on top of that I bought booze for us. I didn't trust myself, not at all. Gus had been rambling strange things for an hour or so. I told him to stop drinking but he wouldn't listen.

Out of nowhere he started giggling again. "You remember when we put those up?" he said, his slurred speech barely decipherable. He was pointing at the ceiling. I saw what he was talking about, the glow-in-the-dark stars on my ceiling.

"yea, how old were we when we put those up?" I asked.

"I don't know…. Third grade?" he said.

I was talking like normal but in reality I was just fantasizing about all the things I'd like to do to him at that very moment… things I'd never say in public.

Suddenly things turned serious and Gus was staring at me with those chocolate brown eyes looking so innocent and lovable. "You're my best friend…" he said. It was true of course but it wasn't something you said to someone everyday. At that moment I realized how much I cared about him when all of my emotions welled up at once. He hadn't broken eye contact and the intensity with which he looked at me made my heart ache.

Why can't you love me? I thought to myself, I wish I could say those words but I just couldn't. "You're my best friend too Gus," I love you, was what I really was saying to him at that moment, I love you, and I always will. I tried to tell him that without speaking and felt like crying knowing that I'd never have him.

It was then, when I wanted my best friend more then I ever had before that my please were answered. Like a miracle from the gods when I needed it most, Gus kissed me.

At first my mind went completely blank when I felt that tantalizingly quick kiss. Then it began to work furiously.

I could kiss him back, live my fantasies and pray he would feel the same way sober. Or he could laugh it off, pretend like it hadn't happened and risk years of regret of missing my opportunity. But if Gus loved me back then he may never get the guts to do anything about it again. On the other hand I had no idea how much self-control I had with a few beers in my system… and if I did anything to Gus and it turned out he didn't feel the same way… well he didn't want to think about he consequences.



In that moment as Gus looked at me anxiously I thought for just a moment, that he felt the same way… maybe we could be together. Gus began to stand and I had to decided. What I didn't know was that I was about to make the biggest mistake of our entire friendship. I cleared my mind of all worries and allowed myself to enjoy this moment while It lasted. I grabbed his wrist and pulled him back into a kiss, an amazing kiss. I gently pressed my lips against his over and over again and finally slipped my tongue into his mouth, tasting my love for the first time. I poured four years of passion into that kiss and let out a soft moan in his mouth.

Gus's reaction was different then I expected… he deepened the kiss and moved closer to me. He placed both hands on my thighs and kissed me so fiercely that I actually felt intimidated. I lost control of myself.

I debated in my head for atleast five minutes before I finally ripped my apple jacks t-shirt off and threw it across the room. Gus wasted no time before roaming my bare chest… I think I knew it was going to far but with every second of passion I dug myself into a deeper hole.

I took control, flipping Gus onto his back. I was straddling him and began unbuttoning his shirt. I should have known it was too good to be true.

I don't know what made him come to his senses but before I knew what was happening he pushed me off looking disgusted and angry. Immediately I regretted every moment of the past hour and tried to keep from panicking. He stormed out. I thanked the lord that I had his keys and my kieys in my jacket which was in the corner.

I sat on the bed trying to calm myself down as the panic began to set in… What the hell did I just do!? I could have ruined our friendship… the only thing that really mattered to me. I began to feel nautious as hell and held my stomach. I tried to figure out what to do… Gus would be back momentarily for his keys and I couldn't let him go when he was this drunk.

"Deep breaths…" I said out loud trying to follow my instructions. "Just don't give him the keys."

Damnit… Damnit… Damnit… was the chorus going on in the back of my head. I stood to grab my jacket with the keys and shoved both sets in my sock drawer. Damnit! Damnit! Damnit! I sat back on my bed willing myself not to kick something. Damnit… Damnit…. Damnit… I ran my fingers through my h air nervously waiting in foear for gus to realize he had no keys. Damnit! The door opened then slammed downstairs. Damnit… Damnit… Damnit… I stood.

I stood on the balcony at the top of the stairs. There he was, staring daggers at me… I wanted to cry… I honestly wanted to cry. But I had to keep my composure… just don't give in and give him the keys no matter how badly you want to be away from him right now.

"You're not driving," I said my voice completely contradicting how I felt.

"Oh yea, give me the keys!" his speech was slurred but he was sober enough at this point to put up a good fight (verbally of course).



"No Gus, I'm not going to let my best friend get himself killed," I said trying to hide my panic.

What he did next just nearly broke my heart. He laughed… he laughed in my face and spoke so harshly that threatening tears began to well up in my eyes. "Best friend?!" he shouted. "Would you do what you did to me if you were my best friend?"

"What I did to you!? Newsflash Burton!" I couldn't think of anything to do except return the bitterness, "You kissed me!"

"Here's a newsflash for you Shawn! When your hammered best friend kisses you, you don't take that as the signal to sleep with him while he's too drunk to do anything about it!" Gus was screaming and every word made me feel sicker and sicker.

I was starting to lose it. I didn't know how much longer I'd be able to hold down my vomit, and hold back my tears. "Wha- Who said anything abo- I would never sleep with you!"

"Oh yeah? So you were just stripping down to compare chest hair? And that bulge in your pants was my imagination I suppose?!" My heart fell, so he knew everything that had happened. There had been a tiny ray of hope that maybe, just maybe he only remembered the kiss.

"I was drunk! You were drunk!" I said trying desperately to reason with him.

"Drunk or not Shawn, it doesn't make up for the fact that you would have raped me had I not stopped you."

Rape? The one word seemed to bring the whole scenario to a whole new level of dirty and wrong.

"What kind of sick bastard rapes his best friend?" he asked looking at me like I was the dirtiest thing he had ever seen, "I'll sleep on the couch," he said, leaving.

I stood there for a moment looking at the place Gus had been before running back to the bathroom to throw up the bile I just couldn't hold down anymore. I wiped my mouth and looked at my pale face in the mirror. Tear tracks ran down either side of my face and my eyes were bright red… I didn't remember when I started to cry, but I started… and didn't stop, not for hours. I lay in my bed thinking over Gus's words and hating myself more with every waking second.

I would never rape Gus… I thought to myself… but hadn't I already proven that wrong? I lay on my bed, the tears falling freely now. Hadn't I already taken advantadge of him and liked it? Gus was absolutely right, I was a sick sick bastard.

a/n: Laaaame ending but the next chapter is going to be better. It's gonna be Gus POV the next morning,

Review and I'll update faster : I probably shouldn't bribe you guys but whatever