Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. It is owned by Stephenie Meyer.

Wow, that was FORMAL!

Anyways, if you haven't noticed by now, they're at the grocery store for to buy food for Jacob. Who gets hungry sometimes. Yeah. That's it.

On with the show.

Jasper's POV

This was... difficult.

No, it was more than difficult. In more ways than one.

First of all, this grocery store was full of HUMANS!!!!!!!!!! I swear to you, a family of three was standing not five feet away! And, to make it worse, they'd just come in from the cold, so their cheeks were flushed. With blood.

And to add insult to injury, the other people in this hellhole were none too happy, either. Especially the people I was with, and Jacob always gets mad when I try to calm it down, see -

"Knock it off." Told ya so. I am irritated and hassled, and so is everyone else.

We were in the junk food aisle, and Jacob was basically shoving whole shelves of prepackaged crap into the cart. Whatever happened to homecooked meals?

"They died a slow and painful death," said Edward.

I was kind of... preoccupied during this death. I bet it was a glorious one.

"No, not really." I sighed at his depressing response. Sigh.

"Hey, can I go look in the ... aisle over there?" I jabbed my thumb in the direction of a group of relatively calm people.

"Why- " started Renesmee, but Edward cut her off.

"Yes, definately." He would, undoubtedly, tell her my reason after I'd gone.

I picked up my own cart along the way to complete the facade. And so I could get some food for Jacob. The sooner we got out of here, the better.

Let's see, where was I headed? My mood steadily improved as I became nearer and nearer to the calm. Oh, the frozen food aisle.

Ah, frozen food.

Never tried it and don't plan to.

The source of the calmness was a woman and a pair of men, both at opposite ends of the aisle.

I gently maneuvered around the woman and her cart. "Excuse me, ma'am."

"Did you just call me ma'am?" she inquired sharply, her mood changing from calm to miffed.

"Ummm... yes." What was her problem, anyways?

"I'd prefer that you didn't call me that," she replied, turning back to the ice cream she had been staring at.

"Well why the h- why not?" This woman was getting on my nerves. For about half a second, I toyed with the idea of killing her, but then I stopped. She wasn't worth it.

And if I ate her, I might get some horrible, be-crabby-to-courteous-people disease.

"Well," she said frostily. "the word, 'ma'am' implies that I'm old, and do I look old to you?"

Hell, I don't know! I'm not exactly reliable when it comes to telling a person's age. For obvious reasons.

So I just shrugged.

Which, according to Ms. Crabby Pants, was not the right thing to do.

Her jaw dropped in outrage, and her eyebrows slanted like a seesaw.

"Did you just call me old?"

"No, lady, I just shrugged," I snapped impolitely. Again, I toyed with the idea of killing her, seeing her lifeless, but still kind of annoying in a deadish way, body sprawled-

Not worth it, not worth it, not worth it. Crabby disease, crabby disease, crabby disease.

Her outrage increased, and then abruptly and unnaturally turned to contentment.

Ah. There we go.

"Just leave me alone, you stupid little punk. Leave me alone," she said.

Ha, ha. I win. She got the last word, but I got to decide what those last words were. Stupid cranky lady.

I rolled my cart along the aisle, grabbing random boxes out of the freezer without lookin to see what they were.

Halfway to the end, I again noticed the two men standing together.

"C'mon, Burt," said a short, round man with excess facial hair and a lime green sweater. And plaid orange pants. Now there's something you don't see every day.

"I don't know, Gary. I'm kind of scared," replied tall man with a top hat. Yuck, top hats, I have top hat issues. I didn't even know they made them anymore.

"You won't be sorry," taunted Gary.

Burt felt uncertain. "I think we should stick to the Jell-O."

"Oh, fine." Gary was dissappointed.

The two left, and I walked over to see what they'd been looking at.

Frozen broccoli.

Okaaaay.

I was officially weirded out.

Yeeeeeaaaaah.

That Jell-O thing was based on a real thing that happened to my friend at the grocery store. I suspect it was pretty traumatizing.