'Logan.' The Professor's voice was in his head.
'What?'
'It's Rogue, meet me in the med lab.' Logan didn't bother answering. He drained his beer and went immediately to the hidden stairs leading to the basement.
Logan arrived to find just him and the doctor there. Charles arrived five minutes later, looking like he hadn't just gotten out of bed. The machines surrounding Rogue were beeping, proclaiming to those who knew how to read them, the health of the girl in the bed. Logan presumed things had gotten worse. Rogue's face was very pale, her lips slightly blue, her chest moving too slowly up and down.
Logan looked towards Charles who was talking mentally with the doctor. Logan was irked, clearly they weren't speaking aloud in order to keep him out of the conversation. "What?" He growled.
Charles guessed the reason for Logan's irritation, "There's been a development."
"Tell me something I don't know."
"She has been deteriorating so the doctor put her into a coma to try and help her heal. Her brain activity should have slowed to that of someone in deep sleep but her brain waves indicated intense thought. While her brain is clearly active her body isn't responding to the treatments." Charles paused for breath but he saw that Logan wasn't listening to him anymore.
Logan was in stasis. His body was as still as Charles had ever seen him and his eyes were locked on the small girl in the large bed. She had been moved from the gurney after her first heart attack. The bed she was in was designed to take whichever form occupied it, and Rogue was far from the largest of their team. Charles guessed Logan was reliving when Rogue had almost died in Magneto's machine.
'Logan.' Charles spoke gently inside the man's head to bring his focus back. "There's more." Logan acknowledged him so Charles started to explain the presence he'd felt in his mind warning him about Rogue and the subsequent explorations and blockages he'd experienced. "It spoke to me a few moments ago. It seems Rogue's mutation has been returned to her."
"How?"
"I don't know. Logan wait." Charles stopped him as he reached for Rogue's hand. "I don't want you sprawled on the floor. I think it would be best if you were laying down. And the doctor would like to administer some drugs to help her out of the coma." Logan nodded and helped the doctor move a gurney next to Rogue's bed. He'd briefly considered climbing into it with her but he was afraid of what she'd think if she woke up with him in her bed.
He sat down on the edge of the gurney and took a better look at her, this kid that had him literally jumping at the chance to be drained of his life's essence. Aside from looking like she was on death's front porch, which, he supposed, she was, she looked both younger and older than her seventeen years.
Her face wasn't serene, not even in sleep, but it was still exquisite. She wasn't as delicate as Storm, or as striking as Jean, even with the white streaks in her hair, but there was something there that held the eye if one cared to look. He watched as the doctor injected something into her IV and the smell was sharp in his nostrils. He watched the machines and finally nodded. Logan thought it was all pretty stupid since in a few minutes she'd be as good as new, but he was warned mentally by the Professor to just let him carry on.
In a few minutes he was done and he left Logan and Charles to look after his patient. Charles watched as Logan took Rogue's hand without ceremony and waited. In a moment it was evident that her mutation had indeed returned. Charles was halfway afraid it hadn't and he would have to restrain Logan from destroying the lab the man was wound so tight.
Logan felt the pain and the rush he'd felt twice before and closed his eyes to it. He felt himself getting weaker but he still wouldn't let go. He felt himself losing consciousness and he flopped back onto the gurney, not noticing his hand being pried away from Rogue's.
Charles placed Rogue's hand back on her bed and did his best to make sure Logan wouldn't fall off the gurney onto the floor. He unhooked the monitors from her, leaving her IV in. He checked on them both mentally, satisfied he stripped his latex gloves off and discarded them then settled in to wait for them to wake.
Logan woke first after only a few minutes. "Is she ok?"
"She's better thanks to you." Charles told him.
"Why isn't she awake?" Logan sat up, his hung-over feeling already starting to disappear.
"I broke your contact early. I'll let you do it again in a little while but I didn't want her draining you completely or too quickly." Logan grunted in response. Charles was amused despite the seriousness of the situation. "There's something interesting about her recovery though."
"What's that?"
"Look at her legs." Logan slid the sheet aside and saw that she still had the old scars and scabs from cutting herself.
"It seems you healed her most recent injuries first."
"So the scars won't go away until she's completely healed."
"So it seems." Logan sat on the gurney again, and this time reached over to touch her arm. His eyes were focused on her legs but the scars didn't disappear before he slipped into oblivion. Charles separated them at what he thought was the right moment. As before, it took only minutes until Logan woke.
"Her scars are still there."
"Yes, but they have faded, she is almost completely healed from her suicide attempt as well as her self mutilation. However I am not sure we should go any further."
"Why?"
"She is clearly no longer in any physical danger, and I believe that a physical reminder of where she has been will help her with where she needs to go. My hope is that her physical scars heal as her emotional ones do."
"She's waking up." Logan said. "Rogue?"
"Water." She croaked without opening her eyes. Charles took a cup from next to the table and handed it to her. She drank slowly but finished the entire cup before sighing, opening her eyes and speaking.
"What happened?"
"You had a heart attack." Charles told her. She closed her eyes for a few moments as she played with the straw from her cup.
"I think I remember. Am I going to be ok?"
"Yes, thanks in part to Logan."
"Logan? Oh!" Her eyes shot open as she remembered. 'Professor. The voice, the presence, it spoke to me again.' The Professor told her he'd told Logan about it, though not that it had spoken to her as well.
"So it's back." She said aloud, they all knew she meant her mutation.
"It is." Charles replied. 'We'll talk more about it later.' Rogue nodded. "You're free to return to your room. We told everyone that you had a relapse so you are unlikely to have any visitors right away."
"Thank you Professor."
"Not at all dear. Glad to have you back." She blushed slightly as he left the lab.
"Are you all right?" Rogue asked.
"Yeah I am, you know that." There was a hint of a smirk on his lips and she smiled.
"Yeah, but I have to check you know."
"Yeah? Why's that?" Logan said perching on the edge of her bed.
"Because it's what you'd do." He didn't reply and when their eyes met she didn't drop her gaze like she would have before. "Thank you." He shrugged. "It's not nothing Logan. I know it's painful and dangerous."
"Well I figure I owe you kid."
"Why's that?"
"Because I let you down."
"It's not your fault Logan."
"Not entirely no. But I didn't talk to you, I thought I was giving you space but I was pulling away from you and everyone else. If I'd paid closer attention I wouldn't have let it get this bad." He reached for her hand but she jerked it back. He cocked his head then went to a rack of drawers. It took him a minute to find what he was looking for, by the time he resumed his spot on the bed he was able to safely take her hands.
She smiled sardonically at him but squeezed his hands back. "Thank you." He rolled his eyes and shrugged as he let go of her hands and got off the bed.
"Yeah yeah yeah. C'mon, let's go."
"Where?"
"The kitchen. I know I'm always starving after I heal." She smiled to let him know she felt the same. He offered her his hand as she climbed out of the bed. She was in a gown and when her bare feet hit the floor she did a little dance.
"Cold." She replied to his raised eyebrow. He chuckled. He tried not to notice how short the gown was as she crossed the room to get her clothing. Her skin was peaches-n-cream and instead of ruining them, her scars made her legs look more appealing in contrast. Logan shook his head as he turned his back so she could change. He stuffed the latex gloves in his pocket and wondered just where the Hell that line of thinking had come from.
"What day is it?" She asked as they walked upstairs.
"Thursday." It was just before midnight and the mansion was pretty quiet. They raided the kitchen and cooked in comfortable silence. When Rogue picked up a knife to cut a tomato she paused for just a second, then she continued on. They sat down at the island counter to eat and once Logan cracked his beer Rogue took it from him for the first sip.
"Hey! Underage. And mine." He was almost pouting when she gave him the beer back.
"Right, like you're a stickler for rules." She raised her eyebrow in a mimicking gesture. "Besides," she said taking another bite before looking out blankly into the hallway, "It's my birthday."
"Your birthday?"
"Yeah, happens the same time every year." She was being flip on purpose, it was hardly a joyous occasion.
"Marie." She blinked, he hadn't called her that in months.
"It's Friday morning right? That makes it my birthday and if I want a sip of beer I'll have one."
"But it was my beer." Suddenly they both laughed. "Happy birthday kid." He clinked his bottle with her water bottle and they both drank then finished their late-night dinner.
"You don't have to walk me to my room Logan."
"I know." He told her without pause. In a moment they were at her door and she paused, not sure what to say so she settled for goodnight.
"G'night kid." He said, then before she turned he stepped in and kissed the top of her head. "And happy birthday."
"Thanks, g'night Logan." She closed the door behind her and without turning her lights on she walked over to her bed and laid down on it. She stared at the ceiling, just thinking.
It had been reflex to yank her hand back when Logan tried to touch her though she had remembered the final gift the presence had offered her. There was a lot to absorb and she wanted to think on them but she was exhausted. Her body was as good as ever but she was emotionally exhausted and couldn't think straight.
She sighed and got up and went through her bedtime routine and by the end she was ready to sleep. She opened the window to let the cool air in and slid between the sheets of her freshly made bed with another sigh, but this one of physical contentment.
Rogue was in deep sleep when the voice came to her.
"Rogue."
"Jean?"
"It's me."
"It was you."
"What was me?"
"When I almost died, that was you."
"Yes."
"How is this possible?"
"Do we have to go over this again?" There was the sense of redness and Rogue felt the barriers in her mind open up and she remembered
"Jean where are you?" The redness faded and it was just the two of them again.
"I don't know exactly, I haven't been able to figure it out yet."
"How come you don't tell anyone you're alive?"
"I, well, I'm not sure, I just can't. I've tried getting through to Scott and the Professor for a while, I don't even know how long."
"How come you can talk to me?"
"I can't honey, I can only talk to your unconscious self."
"And I won't remember this in the morning."
"So I've found."
"You can talk to others at night?"
"Yes." Her mental voice was sad.
"You talk to Scott, but he doesn't remember."
"Yes."
"I'm sorry." Rouge felt ashamed. She had been so focused on her own pain that she'd not thought about how Scott must have been feeling.
"Don't."
"Don't what?"
"Don't feel shame, just because someone else's pain is more than yours doesn't make your pain insignificant."
"You're right. Will I remember that?"
"Your subconscious will remember some of it, but mostly you will forget unless I'm with you." Rogue mentally nodded.
"So it was you who gave me back my powers." Rogue had decided to call them that since she had made the choice to take them back.
"I was the conduit, yes."
"What do you mean?"
"I can't tell you." There was an absoluteness to her tone and Rogue knew that she wouldn't get a further explanation.
"Thank you." Rogue didn't need to explain that she meant more than just her control, which she hadn't yet tested.
"You are welcome."
"So, if you can only talk to people when they're asleep or unconscious, how did you contact the Professor?"
"I'm not entirely sure. I've been trying to break through during the day for a long time, but something always blocks me. But when it was almost too late I felt a loosening and I was able to get through for a few seconds, then I was blocked again."
"Thank you."
"You already said that."
"You gave me more than I could have asked for, and more than I'd ever wanted. I just wish there was something I could do for you."
"Just do your best to get better."
"I will." She promised. Then she felt Jean leave, her goodbye a whisper of a thought.
The morning sun woke Rogue but she decided to sleep in some more, she wasn't quite ready to face everyone and with most of the students going on a weekend field trip, she hoped to make it till Sunday afternoon or even Monday before she had to see anyone. She finally emerged from her room around ten and went to find the Professor.
She located him in his office, "Do you have some time?"
"Of course Rogue, come in." He indicated the couch and he came around from behind his desk. "How are you feeling today?"
"Better."
"You wanted to talk about what happened in the last few days?" She nodded, tears suddenly filling her eyes. The Professor brought her a box of Kleenex as her tears turned to wracking sobs. He sat next to her, his hand on her shoulder while she cried. Slowly her tears subsided. "Better?"
"Yeah. I'm sorry I don't know why that happened."
"You've had a very emotional couple of weeks, it's quite natural for things to spill over once in a while." She smiled thinly at him.
"I think that's the first time I've cried in months."
"That might be part of the problem." She contemplated that for a little while before he spoke again. "But that's for another time, I think you wanted to tell me about the presence?"
"Yes." She took a deep breath to steady herself. "I was dying right?"
"You were." The Professor explained her medical condition and confirmed that yes, she had been dying.
"The presence came to me again, it gave me a choice."
"A choice?"
"It asked me if I wanted to live or die." He waited while she formulated her thoughts, knowing that though her answer had been life, that it wasn't as simple as it seemed. "I had to think about it." She went on to tell him her thoughts over it and the reasons she made the choice she had. "But the only way for me to live was to accept my powers."
"You call them your powers now?"
"I decided that since I chose to have them back that I'd have to accept them."
"That's very mature thinking. But there's more isn't there?"
"Yes, I was given control." Her tone was guarded.
"But you haven't tested it yet?" She shook her head. "Are you afraid?"
"Yeah. What if I don't do it right? What if I hurt someone? What if-" Charles held up his hand to stop her.
"Rogue, calm down. You don't have to test it out right away. And there are ways you can practice without endangering other people. The Danger Room can be programmed to respond to your mutation so you can practice without using real people."
"I never thought of that." He smiled and patted her gloved hand.
"I thought not my dear."
"Can I ask you a favor Professor?"
"You want to know where the knife is." He wasn't reading her thoughts, simply letting her impressions flit into the front of his mind, in the manner of watching television with the sound off.
"Yeah."
"Why is that?" She shrugged, embarrassed by her reasons. The knife had been her only friend for a long time, it had helped her calm her guilt and the pain in her heart and then it had helped her let go.
"I kind of wanted to say goodbye. I thought I might bury it on the grounds." Charles considered, it was an unusual request but he supposed it made sense from her perspective. It might even be a symbolic way of letting her unhealthy behaviors slip into the past.
"I have it, when did you want to do it?"
"I was thinking today. It's my birthday and I thought maybe it could be a new start for me."
He nodded, purposely not acknowledging her birthday, there would be time for that later. "There are spades in the greenhouse." He told her as he went to get the knife. "I would appreciate you placing it deep and not somewhere anyone is likely to come across it." He handed her the knife and she took it firmly.
"I'll put it in a box, and I know just the place." She promised. "Thank you Professor."
"You are welcome my dear." She left the office. 'And meet me at the Danger Room after lunch, we'll try out your control.'
'Yes Professor.'
Rogue found the box in her closet and put the knife inside before going to the greenhouse. Spade in hand she walked to the bench where Mystique had tricked her her first week at the mansion. It took her almost half an hour to dig a hole she was satisfied with. She placed the box in the hole which was behind the bench and next to the tree it was under. She paused a moment before she started shoveling the dirt back in
She shook her hair out as she walked back to the mansion, hoping that that was the last she'd see of her old life.
A/N; yeah I know the legal drinking age in New York is 21, but eighteen fit better with the story…and please, it's not like we're dealing in reality here. Smirk