Chapter Three
His lips were forceful and unyielding on hers, but they were also warm and soft and like everything she had ever dreamed they would be. He tasted like loganberries, like a memory from her childhood, but the taste mixed with something much, much more adult. He tasted like desire.
She hadn't been prepared though, no matter how much thought she had given this moment she'd never come close to realising what an effect a simple kiss would have on her.
She could feel everything, the slow movement of his lips against hers and the hot wetness of his tongue as he ran it across her upper lip before tugging her lower one between his teeth. She could feel her heart beat under his fingers as they played across her shoulder and up her neck before settling to cup her face.
She could feel the heat of his hands, and his mouth, and his lean, hard torso as it pushed against her own. And she could feel how much he wanted her as he pressed himself into her thigh, pulling back to whisper with hot, intoxicating breath against her ear;
"I'm leaving her, Hermione."
She froze immediately and she knew he'd felt it as he drew back to look into her eyes. And what a look it was, full of passion and longing and... could it be love?
"I love you."
This time she felt her brain kick into motion, she had so many questions; How? Why? What would they tell everyone?
But of course he knew her, he always had.
"I didn't come here to talk about it, Hermione."
He spread his hands along her sides and pulled her roughly against him, delighting in the way that her eyes widened and her breath caught audibly in her throat. He greedily took in her pink cheeks and parted lips, leaning forward to trace his tongue along the contour of her jaw and groaning audibly at the feel of her shiver under his touch.
"I came here for this."
One hand began to rise and before she knew it he had skirted past her breast, letting one thumb casually graze against her nipple. She caught his eyes darken with the feel of her excitement under his touch. The look on his face, the feel of his hands, his body, his... everything, against her made her aware of her heart beating again, but this time she felt it in a totally different place.
"I came here for you."
He wound his hand in her hair and pulled her head back to bare her neck to his gaze and his lips.
"I came here to be with you."
She was trembling from head to toe now, if she felt like this now she wondered if he would have to tether her to the bed to stop her flying away, when and if they made it there anyway. Right now she had serious doubts that they would make it any further than the floor at their feet.
His hands were roaming and with a start she realised that so far she'd done absolutely no exploring of her own. How long had she been waiting for this? How long had she wondered how his body would feel under her hands? Before the 'event' he'd been a beautiful man, and she had no doubt she would have sparked at the feel of him against her, but she was only human and whatever she'd said about Tonks she would have been blind not to have noticed the improvement herself. He'd never been a slight man, but now he was even broader, looked even stronger and, if it was possible, taller somehow. Mind you that could just be his close proximity, they way he was looming over her.
She'd always assumed she would be a take charge kind of person in these situations, after all wasn't she in every other walk of her life? Maybe things would change, maybe when she was more experienced she would grab the chance to do things her way, but for now, for this heart stopping 'first time' moment she was more than happy to let him take the lead. Her head was spinning and her heart was stuttering and she knew she would do whatever he asked of her. He had been her teacher and now she was more than willing to be the student, and she had a feeling she was going to learn a lot from this man.
Still, submissive or not, she had some touching to do.
Their kiss deepened as she ran her hands up his long, toned arms, feeling him tense under her touch and marvelling at the hard planes of his chest as she stroked and smoothed her way over his shirt and brought one hand up to stroke the feathery soft hair at the top of his neck. Her back was pushing into the hard wooden door behind her and she knew she would bruise, she didn't care, why would she ever care about a little pain when this was what she earned as her reward? She was on fire and the throbbing between her legs was becoming more and more insistent, something had to give or she was going to explode.
She thrust her hips towards him, her most daring move to date, and she smiled against him as she heard him growl into her neck. His head moved up and he traced her ear with his tongue. At the same time he reached behind her and she gasped as she felt the door behind her give way.
How had he known this was the door to her bedroom? She would be hard pushed to tell anyone which hemisphere they were in, let alone outside which door in her flat.
Suddenly she felt the panic, she'd been expecting it, this had all been so natural she hadn't had time to think, but that split second when the door opened and she involuntarily stepped away from him gave her all the time she needed.
He knew where they were because he was in control, he was in control because he'd done this countless times before, with Tonks, with Witches she couldn't name and wouldn't want to. What the hell was he going to make of a virginal 23 year old? Oh Merlin, she was going to ruin everything with her fumbling inexperience and nervous fingers and he would realise she had nothing to offer him. Tonks was so experienced, she'd heard the jokes and the gossip and she knew she wouldn't be able to keep up. He was going to leave her, it was inevitable, and if that was the case did she really want to put herself in this position? Would it be better to miss what she'd lost but have experienced it anyway, or would she manage to survive if she never knew what she was missing?
She hadn't even noticed him stop, hadn't seen him gaze at her while she worried her bottom lip between her teeth, didn't realise that he wasn't fooled by the absent minded movements of her hands against his skin.
She didn't notice any of it. Not until he stepped away from her anyway, then his absence was like a bucket of cold water in her face and she looked at him in shock.
"What's wrong? Why did you stop?"
"What's going on Hermione? You were right there with me and then you disappeared. What's going on in that crazy mind of yours?"
She'd forgotten how easily he could read her, was she that much of an open book or did he just know exactly what he was looking for? She searched desperately for some way to convey what she was feeling but her tongue felt too large for her mouth and her throat was suddenly tight and dry. Merlin it had been forever since either of them had said a thing and she couldn't begin to think where to start.
He dramatically misinterpreted her silence, maybe she wasn't such an easy read after all.
"I'm sorry, Hermione. I came on too strong, I should have... I just... you felt so good... I..." He stopped and stared at her, eyes hooded with lust but looking hurt and guilty at the same time.
Say something, anything, speak for Merlin's sake...
But nothing would come, once again she'd been struck dumb in his presence. This man, a man with whom she'd found words so easy to come by, had silenced her as effectively as a gag and she couldn't think of one way of breaking out of her silence.
Instead she just stared at him, eyes wide and chest heaving, she stared at him as he ran his hands through his hair and saw his shoulders move as he let out a giant sigh. She stared at him as he scuffed his toe against her pale carpet and she stared at him as he gave her one last hopeful look before he turned away.
That was it, the sight of his back, that was all she needed. Suddenly the panic she felt at the thought of him leaving was so, so much worse than the panic she'd experienced at the thought of what she was about to do.
"Wait!"
He turned again, eyes unwavering on hers.
"Wait, don't go, I'm sorry... I, well, I'm scared, just scared, that's all. Forget it, I'm fine, come here."
"No."
Oh god, you've fucked it up, you've fucked it up.
"Please, Remus, I'm sorry. I want this, please don't leave me, please."
His gaze softened at the slight hitch in her voice and for the second time in 24 hours she felt herself trying to hold back the tears in his presence. But she didn't have the strength this time, everything had been so blurred, so fast moving, she didn't know where she was anymore and she felt one solitary tear slide down her face.
"Please don't leave me."
He was in front of her in a second, his hands grasping her arms, more bruises she supposed, but at least he was touching her again.
"Hermione, love, I'm not going to leave you."
"You're not?"
He smiled at her bewildered question and ran a finger down her face again, so soft and gentle she felt herself trembling once more.
"No, I won't leave you, if I get my way I'll never leave you."
He pulled her towards him and ran his hand down her hair.
"I didn't mean to rush you, we'll stop, I might just need to step outside for a moment, get some air you know..." He tailed off bashfully. He went to step away again but her tight grip around his waist stopped him in his tracks and he looked at her in surprise.
"We're not stopping?"
She smiled softly at him, heart singing again even though she knew she still had to explain her issues.
"No, Remus, we're not stopping, I just need to say... I don't know."
"You're scared?"
His voice was gentle but clear, it reminded her of his teaching voice, the one he would use to gently explain an issue to a student until they saw the light.
"Yes." She nodded.
"Are you scared of me?"
His question surprised her, she could never be scared of him, well OK, so she had been, for a few seconds in the bathroom earlier she'd been scared and confused, but even then she'd known he would never hurt her.
"No."
"Good, because you know I would never hurt you."
"I know."
"OK, so are you scared of what you're feeling?"
She blushed again and couldn't miss the small smirk on his face. He knew exactly what he'd been doing to her, up against that door, he'd made her burn for him and he'd felt it in every one of her shivers and moans.
"A bit." She admitted, Merlin she'd never been so economical with words.
"It's normal, pet, to feel that way. When you touch me my heart beats faster and my skin burns under your hands. I can feel my head spinning and all I know is how soft you feel under my hands and how good you smell and how I want to spend the rest of my life wrapped up in you, inside you, feeling you around me. It's amazing, and yes, I can see how it might be scary to feel yourself so out of control, but it's OK, love. I promise I'll make it good for you, I'll look after you."
And she melted at his words, he was so kind and so honest and she loved him for it. But that didn't change the fact that she didn't have a clue what she was doing and she was bound to disappoint him. He was used to better things.
"But I don't know what I'm doing." She blurted out without thinking.
"I'm scared I won't be any good, I'll disappoint you, you're used to..."
His lips were on hers before she had chance to notice the flash in his eye.
"That's what was bothering you? You were worried because you'd never done this before and you thought you'd disappoint me?"
She nodded shyly.
"Silly girl. Did you ever think about the fact that I might disappoint you?"
What?
"You could never disappoint me, Remus. The way I feel when you kiss me, when you touch me..."
"Exactly."
And she started to see, he loved her and he wanted to be with her and if the actions so far were anything to go by no one would be disappointed tonight.
"Hermione, I love the fact that you've never done this with anyone else."
She couldn't help but raise her eyebrows, it was such an unexpectedly clichéd response. He saw her look and had the good grace to look slightly sheepish as he leaned down to kiss her.
"I'm not going to lie to you, Hermione. It does give me a thrill to know that no one else has touched you like this."
He ran his hand down her neck and let it brush over her chest, leaning down to nip at her ear before he let his hand trail down her side and paused at her bottom, giving it a quick squeeze and smiling as she squealed and moved against him.
"I love the fact that no other man has heard you moan against him, or seen the way your eyes widened when you felt how much I wanted you."
She blushed again and smiled against his lips as he came in for another kiss, this one deeper then the last, promising more to come.
"But really, Hermione, honestly?" She met his eyes and her body hummed at the fire in them.
"For two long years, the thought of another man touching you has been driving me insane."