Possibly the last chapter I'll ever right in the SSB fandom. Well, no, but I'm going to take a break. I have one thing planned; hopefully I'll get that underway within a month or two. This is such a stupid chapter, for such a stupid story, but I have had a blast with it. Just enjoy the ride. Thank you, everyone who has been supporting me. You're reviews really helped.

Chapter 6

"Jiggly, open the door."

Wolf knocked as hard as he could, and when that didn't work, he winded a foot back and kicked the thick wood with all his might. His ankle nearly cracked. A howl echoed through the halls. He stumbled back, favoring his now throbbing legs and snapping and cursing, claws scratching at the wood. "Jiggly, open the door or I'm going to get the chainsaw."

Locks tumbled and hinges creaked. Jigglypuff had already inflated about three times her normal size by the time she stepped aside and allowed the lupine to walk in. Wolf didn't notice as she calmly locked the doors.

"Jiggly, I'm going to ask you one very simple question. Did you or did you not attempt to kill your fellow pokemon over the course of the past few months?"

"I did," she said calmly.

"Alright, that's all I wanted to hear. Why did you lock the door?"

---

In Wolf's prolonged absence, the Arbiter had decided to taste the pasta, and found it to be quite delicious, far better than the usual MREs he usually had to eat. Even with the war over and him returning to his home planet, he lived alone, and he was an atrocious cook. He finished the leftovers before the rumbling in his stomach ceased, and went over to the refrigerator to find something else.

"Where's Wolf?" Samus asked, coming into the room.

"He went to speak with Jigglypuff about some of her suspicious behavior. He hasn't come back yet."

"Why would he want to speak to Jigglypuff?"

"I'm not sure ma'am, I imagine you are more familiar with the affairs of your compatriots than I could be."

When the phone rang, Samus didn't immediately move to get it, so the Arbiter walked over and took it off the receiver, answering with a cordial, "Hello?"

"Hey Arbiter," Wolf said.

"Where are you?"
"Look outside."

The Arbiter sighed, walking to the nearest window. "From what little I've learned about the Captain Falcon, I would guess he is going to be extremely angry when he finds out you're driving his Blue Falcon."

"I'm not driving the Blue Falcon. Jigglypuff is. She's holding me hostage. She has a gun to my head."

"Is this a joke?"

"Why would I joke about something like this? Jigglypuff, say hi."

"Hi Arbiter," said the syrupy, sugary voice, with a certain high pitch one would associate with the effects of helium. "Wolf's telling the truth. I'm holding him hostage."

"Why are you are holding Wolf hostage and driving around the mansion?"

"Because, I need respect. I deserve respect. I…"

"No, Ms. Jigglypuff. I am not referring to your actions, or your motivations for taking a hostage. I am asking why are you driving around the mansion? I could easily borrow a rocket launcher from Mr. Snake and blow up that vehicle."

"Yes, but then you would risk harming Wolf."
Samus snatched the phone away. "I fail to see the problem."

"Luv," said the phone, Wolf now talking. "Do me a favor, don't blow up the Blue Falcon. Just go find Mewtwo and Lucario and the others. I can handle this."

"Oh, because you're doing such an amazing job, getting taken hostage by a balloon."

"Samus."

"Alright," she said, shaking her head and handing the phone over to the Arbiter.

"Wolf, are you still there?"

"No, I went to go get a pizza. Are you fuckin stupid?"

"Ms. Jigglypuff. May I ask why you have taken my comrade hostage?"

"Why?" she demanded. "Why?"

"Yes, that is what I am asking." The Arbiter calmly opened the kitchen window and leapt down to the ground beneath. Off in the distance, he could see the Blue Falcon speeding along the perimeter of the mansion. She was simply driving in a circle, no plans to escape. Not that there was any place to escape to. The mansion was in the middle of nowhere. Perhaps had she stolen one of the space ships she would have had a chance, but apparently only the captain was dumb enough to leave his keys in the ignition.

The Blue Falcon was speeding along as the Arbiter took a position in its path. It didn't stop or slow, and the Arbiter's eyes couldn't penetrate the mirror sheen of the cockpit's window, and he recalled the time he had been hit dead on by a Warthog. How that had hurt, laying on the ground. His armor had taken most of the impact, but it was a long time before his hearts stopped skipping beats and his lungs remembered how to work.

It was a slight movement, but at the last moment the Blue Falcon reared ever so slightly to the left, whether from Wolf grabbing the controls away from Jigglypuff or Jigglypuff lacking the stomach to splatter the Arbiter on the windshield. But it reared aside, and the Arbiter extended a hand and gripped a protruding edge. It spun and shook violently as the Arbiter struggled to get a good hold, then shift his weight so that he was spread over the window. Cocking a fist back, he punched into the durable, shatterproof glass. It didn't shatter, but splinters appeared in the polish. He punched again, this time his fist penetrating the glass. The Blue Falcon's breaks screeched, and the sudden halt threw the Arbiter along the ground until he finally came to rest a distance away.

He pushed himself up, shaking a few kinks out of his neck and shoulders. Wolf kicked a boot through the cracked glass and climbed out as well, a bruise here and there, and minus a few patches of fur, but otherwise fine. He reached in and pulled a mumbling Jigglypuff from the driver's seat, before kicking her so hard she flew a good ten feet through the air before rolling along the ground.

"Well, that wasn't blowing it up with a rocket launcher," Wolf admitted, stumbling a little. "I think I may have internal bleeding."

"Is there a reason why Jigglypuff took you captive?"

"Of course there's a reason!" the pokemon shouted.

"Did you eat the last donut, Wolf?"

Samus, with Lucario and Mewtwo in tow, came out of the mansion.

"Its there fault!" Jigglypuff shouted, stumbling along. The Arbiter found himself wondering if she actually had bones to break. His skeleton was quite flexible and sturdy. He was bruisded, but the addition of his armor kept anything serious from breaking.

"Jigglypuff, I honestly don't care," Wolf muttered, playing with one of his dislocated fingers, letting it hang loosely out of the socket then shaking his hand.

"I've been here since the beginning," Jigglypuff continued. "I've been fighting and clawing and winning. I don't mind playing second fiddle to Pikachu, but then Mewtwo comes along and everyone loves him. Everyone cheers for him. And he's not even that good! Then he gets the pink slip, but now Lucario's here. That's why I did it. They don't deserve to be in my tournament. They don't deserve to have any fans when I don't have any, when I'm just a joke. Everyone think I'm just an air head. They aren't so smart, or strong, look at what I did! Me! I did it all! Everything!"

Wolf shook his head. Finding his blaster on the ground, he lifted it to his eye and fired, hitting Jigglypuff square in the face. "Man she gets annoying. I liked it better when she was hiding in her room."

Wolf didn't notice when Jigglypuff recovered. When he turned back, he didn't see her lying on the ground or running towards him, so he assumed she had just passed out, so flat on the ground he couldn't see her. Had he looked up, he would have seen a pink balloon dive bombing him. He only felt her when she smashed into his chest.

He flew far back, far farther than he ever would have thought possible, save if he were struck by Ganandorf and his glowy purple punch thingy. He fired his blaster forward, then up, both times the hot blast grazed past Jigglypuff's feet as she inflated higher. She dove down with a kick that Wolf barely managed to block, and landed on the ground just long enough for her to wind a fist back and hit him square in the gut. How such small, scrawny limbs could pack such a punch was beyond him, but he reeled forward, wheezing.

"Do you require assistance with the small, pink balloon, brother?" the Arbiter asked. He was struggling not to laugh at the predicament.

"Would you like to fight her?" Wolf said, backing away. The good thing about fighting her was that her style was mostly off the ground, floating so she would be about eye level with Samus. That did allow her to strike with a flurry of punches and kicks, far faster than anyone else, but the bright side was that she was the perfect height for Wolf to claw.

Strike after strike, blow after blow. For the first time Wolf realized he had never had a match with her, and was completely ignorant to her strengths and weaknesses. For the first few moves of the fight, he was overwhelmed. When a normal fighter would duck and attack his stomach or legs, she jumped high into the air and smacked his skull or yanked at his ears. When he expected her to block, she absorbed the punch and flew several feet back. Wolf didn't realize, but that was a trick. It took him moments to reach her, and in that time she had inflated to double her size. Her voice was a deep baritone now, smooth and soothingly deep. Opening her lips, she began. A soft, soothing melody, gentle, mild, calm.

Wolf stopped running towards her, and instead checked his flightsuit, at last uncovering a pair of foam balls. He yawned once and stumbled a little, as he rolled them between finger and thumb, working them into a large ball, and sticking them into his ear. It took a moment for the foam to expand and fill his ear canal. He had to slap himself across the muzzle just to stay conscious, and when that didn't work stuck a claw into his belly, the sharp pain warding off the approaching sleep allowing with a loud howl.

Wolf may never have seen fought with Jigglypuff, or even seen her fight, but Red had told him a very interesting little tidbit. Once a Jigglypuff started singing, it couldn't stop to take a breath; it couldn't stop until someone passed out, either the opponent or herself.

The earplugs didn't completely keep the soft lullaby out. The deepness vibrated through his bones and he stifled another uncontrollable yawn. Jigglypuff was at normal size now, still exhaling the song, but there was panic in her eyes as she kept up the melody. Wolf smacked himself again. He started yanking at his ear until the skin started to tear.

The Arbiter watched the absurdity of the fight, and made a mental note to never ever come back here again. At least when Samus, with Mewtwo and Lucario in tow, came wandering out, he had someone to talk to.

"What are they doing?"

"I have no idea," the Arbiter admitted. He wasn't sure who was winning. Jigglypuff was half her size, and looked something like a deflated balloon, shriveled and wheezing and still forcing air out of her oversized lungs. The Arbiter concluded she didn't have bones, only a diaphragm the size of a space ship. Wolf was bleeding from constantly jamming his claws into his body and plucking out strands of fur. Even now, he was on his hands and knees, yawning and trying to keep from rolling onto his back. The Arbiter wondered why he hadn't just ripped off both ears, it seemed to fit Wolf's style. He also wondered if he should go and aided his comrade in this battle, but that didn't seem honorable. The lines had been drawn, and only if Wolf was defeated would he intervene.

Jigglypuff turned a shade of blue before collapsing onto the ground. Once did she inflate, taking a deep breath, and the Arbiter thought that she may not be defeated. Rather, she collapsed into unconsciousness breathing several more heaving breaths before settling into a normal rhythm. Wolf managed to pump his arms in victory before collapsing himself.

"What just happened?" Samus asked.

"Apparently, it was Jigglypuff who attempted to murder the pokemon. She felt that she wasn't gaining enough respect, and by removing her fellow pokemon from the tournament would achieve it."

"That is the dumbest logic I have ever heard," Samus muttered. She squatted before Wolf, and rummaged through the flight suit, at last finding his lighter. She picked up his arm, and held the sparked flame under his leathery palm, burning the skin until he woke with a howl. "There wasn't an easier way?" he demanded.

"The question that must be brought up is punishment," the Arbiter said, checking to see if Jigglypuff had passed. "Attempting to murder your fellow Sangheili is a crime punishable by death in my culture."

Wolf shot blast into the stirring Jigglypuff. "I don't want to have to kill her. Lucario, 'Two, why don't you just beat the crap out of her until you feel you have been avenged?"

Lucario and Mewtwo looked to each other, shrugged, and approached.

---

"I got to admit, I never thought it was Jigglypuff," Wolf admitted the following day. The amount of wounds he had suffered over the past week meant that he wouldn't be competing any time soon. He was more bandaged than furred, the white wrappings a stark contrast to what little grey spilled out. He also kept passing out, the reason of which wasn't known.

Jigglypuff was worse. Perhaps letting Mewtwo and Lucario have five minutes to do anything they wanted to an unconscious puff ball wasn't the best idea but as Wolf explained, they had to wipe the slate clean. Sure, Jigglypuff was still pissed, Lucario was still pissed, but the simple fact was, most of the smashers didn't like each other. No one even cared about Mewtwo enough to push some sort of other course of actions. "Its just the way life goes," Wolf said with a keen smile that convinced Samus.

The Arbiter sighed. "Let me make something clear brother, if you ever ask me to come here again, I am going to kill you."

"Well, hopefully Jigglypuff won't try anything stupid. For a while at least. Seriously, she has her fans, I don't get why she was so pissed. And it is pretty cool for her to have taken out both Mewtwo and Lucario, she's got a brain somewhere in there. Besides, it wasn't all bad, was it? Nana seems to like you, and can you really say you don't like her?"

"The child is…interesting," he admitted. "Never contact me again, unless your life is in danger. Even then, I can't guarantee that I will come. This whole thing was just a big waste of time."

Wolf watched as the alien left through the main door of the mansion, and climbed into a small interplanetary vessel that would carry him back to his home.

"Well, that was an eventful week," Samus said.

"Yep," Wolf nodded, as he followed her back to her room. "Arbiter is right. This has all been a huge waste of time, but by god, it was fun while it lasted."