Chapter 1: Home and English Class

Disclaimer: Nope. I only own them in my fondest dreams. *sobs* But if they ever go on sale (especially Sanzo) then I call 'em!

Notes: this is a strictly non-yaoi fic. Why? Because its gross that's why!

Saiyuki boys: Agreed!

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The sound of buzzing. That's what was annoying Sanzo at this moment. He had been having a weird dream about an annoying as hell muse named Fred telling them to go to high school. Then the buzzing started. It had to die.

He opened his eyes slowly and looked for the source of the damn sound. It was coming from an alarm clock that was on a night stand next to his bed. Wondering vaguely where it had come from he reached over and pushed the sleep button rather harshly. It stopped for a moment and then started again, buzzing even louder than before. Sanzo repeated his actions a little harder this time. It didn't even pause.

Sanzo snarled and reached to pull out his gun so that he could destroy that infernal contraption when he realized that he wasn't wearing his robes. He was wearing a pair of boxers that were purple with golden suns all over them…yeah.

While these boxers were annoying enough his gun being gone was most infuriating. Sanzo decided that the first person he saw that morning would die. That's when he noticed his robes folded neatly on a chair. His gun and fan were on top of them with a note. He picked up the note and read,

Dear Sanzo-chan,

Nope. It wasn't a dream! You have to go to high school this morning. Now your at your foster parents house, so this that your standing in is your room. There's clothes in your closets and I suggest that you wear some of those instead of your robes since you'll just be made fun of other wise. And please keep shooting things to a bear minimum.

with love,

Fred.

Sanzo very calmly grabbed his gun, shot his alarm clock three times and the note twice. His bedroom door flew open to show Goku, Hakkai, and Gojyo standing there wearing panicked expressions and their own specialized boxers. Goku's were yellow with little monkeys on them, Hakkai's were green and for some reason had little piggys on them, and Gojyo's were red with chibi kappas all over them. These boxers really made Sanzo want to kill someone. Bad. that's when a note fell from thin air which Hakkai caught and proceeded to read aloud.

"Dear Sanzo party, I hope you like your personalized boxers. I chose them myself. With love, Fred. Well…they are comfy." Hakkai smiled.

"Oh shut up. Why does this shit always happen to us? Why cant people just leave us the fuck alone?" Sanzo snarled going to his closet.

"I don't know Sanzo. Maybe it'll be fun…and we get whatever we want as a prize!" Goku grinned excitedly.

"Yeah. You can even ask for a chick so your holy virgin ass can finally get laid." Gojyo laughed.

"I'm wishing for a certain cockroach kappa to lose his ability to speak." Sanzo grumbled as he pulled out a purple t-shirt with black writing on the front that said, "People who think they know everything are just annoying for those of us that do." and a black hoodie along with some baggy jeans. "All of you leave now. I don't need you assholes watching me get dressed."

The other three went to find clothes in their own rooms. Once they were all mostly dressed a woman's voice came up the stairs. "Boys, breakfast is ready!"

"Yay! Breakfast!" Goku raced down the stairs while still trying to get his pants on. He ended up, very gracefully, falling down the stairs. Sanzo, Hakkai, and Gojyo watched from the top as he landed on the bottom with a thud.

"Ha! That was smooth monkey." Gojyo laughed as he slid down the banister.

"Oh, Goku did you fall down the stairs?" a middle aged woman asked as she came up to him.

Goku stood and brushed himself off. "Um…its alright. I'm fine." Goku went to stand by Sanzo instead of the unfamiliar woman. "Sanzo, who is she?" he asked in a whisper.

"I can only guess that its our foster mother" Sanzo whispered back.

"Well, come on boys. Breakfast is getting cold." she smiled. They all went foreword into a rather large dining room. Food was heaped onto plates and it all looked delicious. Goku's eyes were as big as the plates.

"We can eat this? Really? Really?!" Goku looked hopefully at the woman.

"Of course. Jeeze what kind of foster home did you poor boys come from? Honestly your as thin as rails." she shook her head as Goku piled food onto his plate.

"Well in our last home we always traveled quite a lot." Hakkai smiled to the lady as he took some bacon before Goku inhaled it all.

"I see. Well hurry up and eat or you'll miss the bus." she smiled and exited the room.

"Hey monkey! Save some food for the masses will you?!" Gojyo reached over to try and get some of the bacon.

"Shove it kappa! I got it first!" Goku pushed the kappa away harshly.

"Would you two take your asses down a notch!?" Sanzo pulled out the fan-o-doom (which he somehow fit into his jeans.) and whacked them both a couple of times on the head.

"Ah! The bus seems to be here. Lets go before we get left behind." Hakkai pushed them all out the door and they clamored onto the bus.

After a few minutes on the bus the guys had discovered something. Busses were loud. Or rather the ignorant people on them were infuriatingly loud. Hakkai and Gojyo were made to share a seat as were Sanzo and Goku who were just behind them. All of them were trying to edge away from their leader to try and be safe when the inevitable explosion happened.

That's when they heard a voice. It was horribly familiar and it caused all of them to stiffen in their seats. "Well bless mah soul. Is that you mister Sanzo?" all four of them looked up to see Hazel standing in all of his homo redneck glory.

"What. The. Hell. Are. You. Doing. Here?" Sanzo was so very close to snapping.

"Ah, well it's a most interestin' story. Ah met the strangest darn youkai the other day an he said that he was gunna send me home for vacation. He said ah was gunna go on back ta school for a day. Well ah was feelin' a bit nostalgic so ah said it sounded like a right good idea. But what on earth are ya'll doin here?" Hazel explained then asked.

"This youkai, was his name Fred?" Sanzo asked getting more pissed by the second.

"Why yes." Hazel smiled

"And you said 'home'. What do you mean by that?" Hakkai asked while trying to calm Sanzo.

"Well this is mah home town." Hazel beamed as the four guys expressions turned to barely concealed horror.

They all looked around the bus. They hadn't really noticed before but all the other children were speaking with different versions of Hazels accent. Some of them were better and some actually managed to be worse.

"THAT'S IT! FUCK NO! I'M KILLING MY WAY OUT OF THIS HELL!!!!!" Sanzo shouted, jumping up and pulling out the infamous gun.

***

It took all of them twenty minutes to calm Sanzo enough to make sure he didn't kill everyone. By that time they had arrived at school. It was a rather ugly building with tanish brick pillars out front and the words, James Monroe High School written across them. When our boys walked in there was immediate whispering about the, "hot new guys". to Sanzo the sign out front might as well have said Hell.

Hakkai led them into the office where they got their schedules. They then found that they had every class together. (its like that cause that's how it works best.) So when the first bell rang they all headed to first period English. Class didn't officially start for fifteen more minutes. Within the first two minutes after our boys had sat down they were surrounded by a herd of giggling girls.

"So where are you guys from?" one asked getting way to far into Hakkai's personal space. The youkai tried to back up but just bumped into another girl.

"Um… we're actually from China." he smiled nervously.

"You guys don't look Chinese." one remarked trying to look into Sanzo's eyes. Sanzo sat trying to keep calm with his eyes downcast.

"I think your in the wrong school cutie. Shouldn't you be in the middle school?" a blond giggled at Goku.

"I'm not a kid! I'm eighteen!" Goku glared at the girl. His glare didn't affect her in the slightest.

"Your eighteen? Really?! Your so cute!!!" she began suffocating Goku in a hug.

"So how old are you ladies?" Gojyo asked them, flirting shamelessly.

"Keep it in your pants dipshit." Sanzo growled out glaring at the kappa.

"Your hair is so pretty." one of the girls said reaching to put her fingers threw Sanzo's hair. He grabbed her wrist, none to gently, and pushed her away from himself. "Don't touch me. Ever. Any of you." he glared at all of the girls in turn.

"I would suggest you all listen to Sanzo. He has a few boundary issues." Hakkai smiled politely.

"Sanzo, help me!" Goku was being pulled on by two girls who were each trying to smother him in a hug.

"Don't fight it Goku. Just enjoy it." Gojyo grinned.

"He's mine!"

"No! He's totally mine!"

"He likes me the best!"

"I don't like either of you! Your gunna tear me apart!" Goku was trying desperately to get out of the girls grasp.

"Um, miss would you please not touch me there?" Hakkai was also trying to escape horny high school girl hell to no avail.

"So can we call you sometime?"

"Sure. Call me anytime, for anything, babe."

"Sanzo! I need HELP!!!!"

"Miss I would greatly appreciate it if you would stop that."

"Come on! Stop playing hard to get."

"HELP ME SANZO!!!!!"

"EVERYONE SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!!!!!!!" this outburst from our favorite priest was followed by numerous gunshots.

The girls all screamed and ran away quickly. This was just as the bell for class to begin rang. The teacher walked in as they all took their seats. Goku sat in front of Sanzo while Hakkai sat in Sanzo's right with Gojyo in front of him. The teacher stepped up to the front of the class.

"Alright settle down class. I see we have a few new students today. Would you please stand up and tell the class a little bit about yourselves." the teacher, Mr. Blevins, said spotting the boys.

"Must we?" Sanzo asked giving the teacher a death glare.

"Oh come on. It'll help the class get to know you." he urged with a smile.

The four got up reluctantly and stood in front of the class. The other class members starred at them curiously. Hakkai stepped foreword, being the spokes person of the group. The only problem was he didn't know what to say to these people.

"Ahem. I'm afraid that I don't really know what to say. Are there any questions that anyone has?" Hakkai gave his polite smile.

"You said earlier that you guys were from China right? You speak English pretty well. You don't ever have accents." a brunette girl said matter-of-factly.

"Ah, well we're fast learners." Hakkai smiled.

"Are you guys brothers?"

"No." Sanzo answered that one. "We have no relations except the misfortune of having met each other."

"What he means to say is, no we're not related." Hakkai shot the monk a look and he just shrugged and let out a quiet "Feh."

"I have a question for the blond guy. What's your name?" a redheaded girl asked.

"I'm the thirty-first of China, Genjyo Sanzo."

"…huh?"

"The thirty-first? What are ya'll talkin' about?" a boy asked.

"I'm the thirty-first Sanzo priest of China." Sanzo explained.

"Y-you're a priest?"

"Yes." Sanzo looked at the class like they were idiots. What was such a big deal about being a priest? Sure he was young but so what?

"I have a question for the little cute one. What's your name and what's up with the crown?" a girl asked.

"Uh, I'm Son Goku… and I have to have this." he motioned to the power limiter.

"Why?"

"Uh…cause if I don't have it I go on a bloody rampage." Goku figured the truth was the best until he saw the teacher frown.

"That's nothing to joke about young man. Now tell the class why you wear it." Mr. Blevins said.

Goku looked to his friend for help and Hakkai kindly came to his rescue. "He wears it because its all he has left of his real parents. They got it for him right before they died. He really doesn't like to take it off." he explained with his usual smile.

"Oh, go on then."

"Hey, Sanzo priest dude, will you go out with me?" a blond girl asked.

"No." Sanzo took a moment to glare at the idiot girl.

"Uh. Why not?" she asked in the snottiest, stuck up voice that she could possibly manage.

"Your annoying and you make me sick." Sanzo also found honesty the best policy. Even if it stung the person on the receiving end a bit.

"Ha! He probably wont date you because he's gay!" a very suicidal boy shouted making the class laugh.

"You think you have the stones to say that again ass-wipe?" a sound like that of a clicking gun was heard.

"Alright, you can all sit down now." Mr. Blevins rushed them to their seats before anyone was hurt by the scary priest.

Sanzo and co. sat down, Sanzo grumbling about not being able to shoot anyone. The teacher took this time to start his lecture. After a while the teacher stopped talking and told the class to each write an essay of no less than five paragraphs to be due at the end of class. The essay was on an experience that they had that affected their lives in someway.

So the class settled in and began to write their papers. Half way threw Hakkai was interrupted when the girl behind him tapped on his shoulder and handed him a note. He opened it from its unnecessarily difficult folding. The note was in pink ink and curly handwriting. It read,

Hakkai,

My name is Samantha. I was just wondering if after this class you wanted to skip 2nd period and do something fun. I promise that you wont regret it. Write back.

Sam.

Hakkai was sure that this girl didn't mean what it sounded like she did. She didn't even know him so he couldn't imagine that she would make such an offer. weren't girls supposed to be more modest? Then again there were all those girls that Gojyo had always brought home. Just to be sure he wrote back in his neat handwriting,

I'm afraid I don't quite understand what your proposing. Please specify.

Thank you,

Hakkai.

He then passed the note behind him and waited for Samantha to write back. In only a few seconds the note was thrust back to him with a huff. He read,

I mean I could do you a favor of the sexual kind. I promise that you'll enjoy it a lot. Write back, Sam.

Hakkai let out a sigh. He had expected as much. Really what were young ladies coming to these days? It was disgusting the level that they would sink to. He wrote back,

I apologize miss Samantha but I must decline on your offer. I don't know you and its against my morals to do something of that nature with someone I don't know. I really do hope you don't take this personally.

Hakkai.

He passed the note back and looked to his companions. As he expected they were also reading notes from girls of the class. All of them probably being an almost exact copy of the one he had been given. Gojyo was looking happy with his note, Sanzo was looking disgusted, and Goku was looking confused. Hakkai shook his head with a smile as he went back to his paper.

Sanzo had already read his note which was sent to him by that same blond girl who had asked him out earlier. If he had rejected her then what made her think he would want her now? People are idiots. On the note he wrote, in his almost-as-neat-as-Hakkai writing, the word NO!!!! Figuring that this sent the right message he passed the note back.

Goku, our favorite monkey, in his naïve childishness, didn't really get the note. What could the girl want to do with him? She said it was fun. What if there was food?! He was really hungry. But he had better ask Sanzo first. The note said that they would skip class. That sounded bad. So he turned and looked to his sun.

"Hey Sanzo? Can I ask you what this note means? What does she mean by fun? Will there be food? Can I go if there's food?" Goku chattered.

Sanzo gave a sigh and quickly read over Goku's note. It was almost exactly what his note had said word for word. "No Goku, there wont be food and if you want to have sex with a random girl any other time feel free. But not here. I'm not letting you skip class." Sanzo answered going back to his essay. (Isn't he a good daddy?)

"That's what she wants to do? Oh, I get it now." Goku now looked at the note in a whole new light. So he lay down the note and wrote back, No thanx. Sanzo says that there's no food. So I'm good. He passed the note back and went back to writing his essay.

Gojyo was loving high school. All these girls were hot and seemed very willing to put out. For him this was some kind of horny high school girl heaven. He already had plans with three girls for second period. But for now he just went back to writing his essay.

When class was nearly over Mr. Blevins took up the completed papers and then the bell rang. On the way out Hakkai got a glare from Samantha that almost compared with a glare from Sanzo on a bad day. Sanzo also received a glare from the blond girl whose name he had discovered was Jessica. He glared right back at the stupid whore. She was angry with him for not wanting to fuck her? He was a fricken priest goddamnit. Why did no one understand that?

"Hey Sanzo, where's Gojyo goin?" Goku pointed to where Gojyo was talking with three of the girls and looking very happy.

"Hakkai get him over here or I'm going to shoot him." Sanzo growled out. Hakkai started walking over to Gojyo, the smile he wore demanding obedience. When Gojyo spotted the brunette youkai coming towards him with that smile he quickly started looking for an escape route.

"L-ladies we should take this elsewhere." with his arms around their shoulders he tried to flee. He was stopped by a hand grabbing his hair.

"Gojyo I'd like to think that your not about to take advantage of these young women." Hakkai's smile was piercing.

"Oh come on Hakkai! don't give me that shit! All of these girls are eighteen so why cant I have just a little fun? There turning blue, man." Gojyo whined.

"Well I'm afraid that Sanzo is pretty serious about shooting you if you don't come this time." Hakkai's smile was a bit less sharp now.

"Come on ya pissy monk! How is this any of your business anyways?" he shouted to Sanzo.

"Listen cockroach, what you do on your own time is not my problem, but your not going to have a threesome now. So lets go you waist of skin kappa." Sanzo took out the fan-o-doom and whacked Gojyo on the head a few times for good measure.

Gojyo grumbled as he was dragged along by Hakkai. Why did the damn monk always have to ruin his fun? What was the harm in spending some time with those girls? He sighed and pouted.

"Cheer up Gojyo. Maybe this place serves something really good for lunch." Goku smiled.

"Shut up bakasaru." Gojyo grumbled.

"Now now , lets just get to second period shall we?" Hakkai smiled as they headed towards their destination.

**Chapter End**

Me: I think this turned out well. Guys?

Sanzo: I'd rather kill myself than go threw another chapter.

Gojyo: Why cant I ever just get it on with even one lady? Hey Holysinner, how about you and me-

Me: No.

Gojyo: Why not? *cute grin*

Me: Because I'm not that kind of girl. You should know that.

Gojyo: *sigh* Yeah.

Me: Besides, I'm a Sanzo fan. (though the rest of them kick major ass too.)

Sanzo: What?!

Gojyo: What does he have that I don't?

Me: He's pretty. *smile*

Sanzo: If you wanted to die that bad you just had to say so. *loading gun*

Hakkai: Calm down Sanzo. It's a compliment.

Goku: What about me? Am I pretty?

Me: not pretty per say. Your more on the amazingly adorable side. *sees Goku's big cute eyes and cute look and squees and hugs him.* Your too cute! Here's a meat bun.

Goku: Yay! *munches*

Me: And now I would like to offer my thanks to all of my lovely reviewers. You guys are the main reason I write. The next chappie will be up soon. 2nd period history class, joy! I would also like to point out that yeah, my school is really like this. I made it Hazel's

Home town because I'm convinced that this is where he came from. There are soooo many rednecks here. Oh and the teachers mentioned may or may not be as pissy as they are portrayed. I had to exaggerate some. But most of them actually are the way that their portrayed. Keep sending those reviews, criticism is fine but flames will just mark you as an asshole in my book…and Fred's.

Fred: Yeah!