Remember December

Chapter 7

Cuddy could barely fathom the speed at which the exhilaration and reckless abandon of the past month had come crashing to a bloody thoughtless end. When she closed her door in his face two nights ago, she was enraged. She had promised herself that she wouldn't become too attached to him, but when he told her that he thought they should stop seeing each other, she died a little bit inside and realized that she had become far more than 'attached.' No matter what spin he tried to put on it, what he was doing was walking away from her, plain and simple. Oh, but not before suggesting that they sleep together one last time. Of course, House didn't see it that way, he thought that he was protecting her. Cuddy didn't care. If you really want to be with someone, she rationed, you find a way to make it happen.

Cuddy rolled over in her bed around nine pm on New Year 's Eve when the sound of the phone shook her from her reverie. It was probably House again. He had called a few times in the past couple of days but she didn't answer. She didn't want to talk to him, because she didn't want to fight with him, or listen to him trying to convince her yet again why they shouldn't be seeing each other.

Cuddy let her answering machine pick up and closed her eyes, when she heard his voice. "It's me again." He was irritated by her avoidance. "Pick up….Cuddy. pick up. Look I get why you're mad, but—damn it just answer the phone. Cuddy? It's New Year's you know. You promised me that we could watch the ball drop together…" He waited a few more seconds before hanging up. Cuddy closed her eyes and rolled back over to face the wall. She dozed off; she wasn't sure for how long but woke to the phone ringing again. She threw the covers off of her and stomped over to the phone.

"What?" she said as she snatched it up and held the receiver to her ear.

"Lisa?" It was Jenny, a friend of hers from the dorm. Over the last few weeks Cuddy had almost forgotten that she had friends apart from House.

"Sorry," she stumbled. "I was sleeping."

"On New Year's?"

"I guess I haven't been feeling too great."

"Hmm. Well if you can shake yourself out of sleep long enough to get dressed, a bunch of us are going out tonight. They're having this New Year's thing at that place on ninth, cheap drinks, lots of people."

"I don't know Jen, I—"

"Unless of course you have other plans," she paused on the other end of the line, "with Greg House."

"What?" Cuddy was almost instantly more alert. "Why would you think that—"

"Oh, just talk," Jenny said sweetly. "Jack told us that you guys broke up and he said that you and House…you know…and then there was that fight at Jacks house before Christmas."

"Well he lied. Jesus, just because I don't want to date him anymore, he thinks it's got to be because I'm a slut."

"Hey, forget about him. Come out with us tonight, it's gonna to be fun."

Cuddy nodded. Yes, she decided, she had to get out of this room. "I'll meet you there," she said.

Half an hour later Cuddy was lining up shots of tequila on the bar. Her friends had scattered almost as soon as they had arrived and Cuddy found herself surrounded on both sides by guys she had never met before, buying her drinks and egging her on. Cuddy looked up at the TV. One hour till midnight. She threw back each shot in succession and the guys roared. She felt a wave of dizziness and motioned to the bartender for another round. The loud music, Billy Squier's masturbation anthem, and the flickering lights above her head, gave a feeling of euphoria, Cuddy wasn't used to. She tossed back two more shots before she finally saw what she came for. Jack was seated in a corner booth with his arm thrown over a sturdy looking blond girl, who from the looks of it had four or five drinks on Cuddy. She smiled, and dropped her glass back onto the bar. On unsteady legs Cuddy made her way over his table.

"Well hey there, baby!" She spouted with a phony smile. "You know I've missed the hell out of you." The blond looked from Cuddy to Jack and Jack frowned sliding out of the booth and taking hold of Cuddy's elbow.

"What the hell are you doing?" He said in a low and angry whisper into her ear.

"I could ask you the same question?" She hissed at him. "If you are upset about the way I treated you, you have good reason to be, but you deal with me. You have no right to make my private life public speculation."

Jack tightened his grip on her arm. "You don't want your private life to be a spectacle then you shouldn't have brought onto my back porch."

"Hey, man!" One of the guys that had been seated around Cuddy called out to Jack. "Let go of her dude." He and another of his friends approached Jack and spun him around to face them.

Jack glanced back at Cuddy. "Jesus, you're worst than I thought. You get bored with Greg already and move on these muscle heads?"

"Yeah right," another new voice, Cuddy turned and found House had come out of nowhere and stepped up behind them. He slapped a hand down on one of the frat guy's back. "If I were doing her, there's no way she'd get bored with me as quickly as she did you, Jack. I know how to keep my women satisfied." House smirked and the frat guys laughed. "I got it from here, dudes. Thanks." The guys exchanged a look, but shrugged and then headed back over to a new circle of girls matriculating at the bar.

House turned to Cuddy. "Come on you little lush," he said with a smile that was almost stern, and extended a hand to her. "Let's get out of here." But Cuddy shoved his hand away.

"I don't need you to rescue me House." She shoved past him and headed for the exit. House shook his head and turned to follow her, but Jack grabbed his arm.

"She said she didn't need you to play hero tonig—" House spun back around before Jack could get out his sentence and pushed him back against the wall. Jack stumbled and was caught off his guard long enough for House to slam his forearm into Jack's neck. House leaned in close and brought his lips to the other man's ear.

"You stay the fuck away from her, you hear me? I don't want another word about her to come out of your mouth, and if I hear anyone even insinuate that you've been spreading rumors about her…" House paused and leaned in just a little bit closer. "You remember your little stunt with that girl in Chicago? Remember I bailed you out then and kept your secret? Keep playing this game and I'll make sure that everyone knows what you did." House leaned back to face a stunned and silenced Jack. He shoved him once more for good measure and then took off once again after Cuddy.

When he caught up to her in the parking lot she was fumbling for her car keys. "You're kidding me right?'

Cuddy spun around to face him. "Stop following me."

"I'm not," he said, suddenly feeling defensive. "I heard Jack would be out here tonight. I…I only imagined that you might come looking for him." Cuddy's chest rose and fell as she looked him dead in the eye, and he smiled at her once again, deciding that angry Cuddy coupled with drunk Cuddy was a pretty hilarious sight to be sure. "Doesn't it kill you how well I know you."

Cuddy finally fished her keys from the bottom of her bag and moved to get into the car, but House stopped her with a hand on her wrist, taking the keys away from her. "Don't be stupid Cuddy," he said dragging her around to the passenger side and shoving her inside. He walked back around to the driver's side and slid in beside her.

House started the car and pulled out of the parking lot. Cuddy leaned her head on the passenger side window and pressed a hand to her forehead. House frowned. He almost reached out to squeeze her hand but decided if he did, she'd just end up yelling at him again.

"I think maybe I drank a little too much," she said softly.

House chuckled. "You think?" She nodded, but didn't say anything. "I've been trying to call you; you didn't answer."

Cuddy didn't mover or open her eyes. "Have you changed you mind about us?" She asked him.

House shook his head. "No. And I know you know I'm right. But I would settle for a happy medium. You don't have to cut me out completely."

"I don't want to talk about this now," she said. House glanced over at her. She was squeezing her eyes tight and rubbing her temples. Her face had drained of color and House worried that if he didn't get her home soon she was gonna hurl.

"Fine," he said.

Once he pulled the car in front of her building, House got out and opened the door for her. She stood up on shaky legs and grabbed his shoulder to balance herself. "Thanks for the ride," she said, letting go of him. "Now go away."

House laughed, and slipped an arm around Cuddy's waist to catch her as she almost went down after tripping up the curb. "I drove your car here," he said. "My bike is back at the bar. I have to spend the night. You can take me back in the morning."

Cuddy narrowed her eyes. "Can't you just take a cab?"

"On New Year's Eve?"

She frowned. "Fine you can stay. But no funny business."

"Furthest thing from my mind," he said dropping his hand down to cup her ass. Cuddy swatted him away.

"Knock it off," she said, stumbling as House guided her up the stairs toward her floor.

"You love it," he teased her. As they moved through the halls, people were shouting and celebrating. One room's door was left wide open and House caught the TV showing the final countdown to the New Year. House took out Cuddy's key and unlocked her door as the shouts from the hallway sung in unison 10-9-8-7…

House opened Cuddy's door and took her hand, pulling her inside. He shut the door behind them and locked it. When he turned back to Cuddy, she was standing directly in front of him. "Happy New Year," she whispered.

Without hesitation House twisted his hands into her hair and pushed his lips down on hers. She met him with equal intensity, groping at his neck and shoulders, tugging on his shirt, and pulling him toward her bed. House kicked off his shoes and pulled her waist to his, silently cursing himself.

He ran his tongue over her lips and kissed her jaw line leaving a trail up to her ear. "I want you so much, you have to know that."

Cuddy nodded, and raked her fingers across the soft leather of his jacket, and pushed it off his back, letting it fall to the floor. They fell into bed in a clumsy tumble, laughing and kissing. House pushed her dress up over her thighs and stomach, lifted it over her shoulders and tossed it aimlessly across the room. He let his hands roam over her bare skin and traced patterns over the lace of her bra and panties. He stood up and took off his jeans and t-shirt and watched her watching him, smiling, crossing and uncrossing her legs. House laughed and leaned over her, situating himself between her thighs. She reached up again to meet his lips and they rolled over one another, Cuddy eventually coming out on top, cradled in House's arms. Her hands, unsteady but uninhibited by the alcohol, played over his chest and found their way down to the bulge in his boxer shorts. Cuddy licked her lips and smiled down at House.

"Why would anyone want to give this up?" She asked. House closed his eyes. He pulled her to his chest and wrapped her in his arms, hugging her tight.

"They'd have to be insane," he agreed. Cuddy smiled and laid her head on his chest as he stroked her hair. Several seconds later her breathing leveled and House rolled his eyes. She had passed out. He looked down at her to see her lips still pressed against his chest and her hand resting on his stomach. He dropped his head back on the pillow and exhaled. This is not going to work, he thought. Once you get a taste of Lisa Cuddy, you can't go back to just being friends. He was stupid to think that they could.

House had not been asleep for very long when he was woken to a pleasant sensation below his waist. Cuddy was stroking his stomach with delicate fingers, playing across the trail of hair on his abs and waistband of his boxers. He closed his eyes took a deep breath, in his sleepy delirium he couldn't tell if she was fully awake or not, but his burgeoning erection was pressing into her thigh with growing intensity. He rolled away from her as best he could but she still trapped half of his body beneath hers and moving away simply gave her better access. She raked her nails across his waist and he groaned. She hadn't spoken or lifted her head so he decided it was possible that she was still asleep. He laid a hand on top of hers stopping her. She wiggled beside him a little but still did not say anything. He closed his eyes again. He could smell her hair and feel the hot caress of her skin locked in his arms. His erection pushed and protested against the harsh fabric, and Cuddy whimpered a soft moan as she curled her fingers into his. He could feel his own heartbeat threatening to shatter his ribcage and only imagined that with her ear pressed to his chest that she could feel it too.

He surrendered at once and moved his hand and hers down past his stomach and into his shorts. She felt him jerk at her touch and immediately locked onto him, yanking his boxers down just enough to free him from his confines there. House tossed his head back as she worked her hand up and down his shaft, rubbing her thumb over the tip and the bead of lubricant that had formed there. She massaged him slowly and deliberately; she tipped her head up and pressed a wet kiss to his throat. He let out a tortured growl and locked one hand around her neck, the other on her hip, pulling her on top of him.

Cuddy opened her eyes for the first time since being pulled out of sleep. She straddled his waist and searched the dark to find his eyes staring back at her. His eyes were pleasing with her and Cuddy reached between her legs pushing aside her panties and guiding herself onto him. House sucked in a deep breath and rocked his hips beneath her. She hovered over him as he reached behind her, snapping off her bra and letting it fall. He stroked his hands over her breasts and made her whimper and she moved over him, in a rapid rhythm. House slid his finger tips over her sides and down to grip her waist. He grinded against her and leaned forward, catching her lips, his tongue hot tangling with hers.

There was a sense of disbelief in their actions this night. A dreamscape. Neither of them wanted to speak for fear of breaking the spell, yet the deep and aching moans and cries were enough to keep them anchored in the moment. In the morning they would question: did this really happen?

Cuddy lifted herself off of his chest and braced her hands on the headboard in front of her. She rocked her hips and House wiggled beneath her, his mind and heart racing. Her cries for release became more desperate with each downward thrust, until House wrapped his strong arms around her, his fingers digging into her lower back until the last siren call came and they both collapsed into one another.

House clutched her tight to his chest and buried his face in her hair. Their breathing was harsh and shaky. House swallowed a knot in his throat and tipped her chin up to look at him. He smoothed her hair and locked onto her penetrating grey eyes. And then he whispered to her words that seemed to come from somewhere outside of himself, raging off his tongue and smashing through his lips before he could stop them…not that, in that moment would he have even cared to. It was a ragged and rare moment of honesty. One of the last the two would share for quite some time.

A few hours later Cuddy opened her eyes to the morning sun streaming through her window. Her head was spinning and her stomach churned when she realized that House was no longer next to her. She rolled over and saw him sitting in a chair across the room tying his shoe.

Cuddy pushed a hand through her hair. She feared that if she tried to stand too quickly she would vomit. "Hey," she said.

House looked up at her, his face stony. "Hi," his flat greeting cut her, and she suddenly wished she could go back to sleep and try this morning again later. "I was going to head down and see if I can get a cab to take me back to my bike. " He wasn't looking at her.

"I can give you a ride…"

"No," he said. "Just go back to sleep." He finished tying his shoes and stood up reaching for his jacket that was in a crumpled heap on the floor. Cuddy pulled the sheet over her chest and scooted into a sitting position.

"House?" She looked up at him as he turned to leave and then suddenly stopped. He turned back around, still avoiding her eyes and sat down on the bed next to her.

"I'm sorry," he said. "You were right. We can't be around each other anymore."

"You're going from, we should still see each other platonically, to I want nothing to do with you anymore?" Cuddy shook her head confused. "I thought that you'd changed your mind," she was looking up at him, hurt evident all over her face, but he continued to hold her at length. "After last night, I thought—"

"Last night was a slip, Cuddy, and it can't happen again. This whole thing is getting out of hand. Every time I get near you all I can think about is when is the next time I'm gonna get to touch you." Cuddy reached out to take his hand but he pulled away clearly shaken. He stood up and started to leave, but Cuddy stood up wrapping the sheet around her and grabbed his arm spinning him around to face her.

"Do you remember what you said to me last night, House?"

He swallowed and then looked at her directly for the first time that morning. "Yes," he whispered. "And I meant it."

"Really?"

"Yet another reason why we shouldn't be together right now."

"That doesn't make any sense—"

"Do you feel the same way?" Cuddy started at him, confused. "Would you honestly say that you are ready to risk our careers for this?" He motioned between them. Cuddy didn't answer she just looked away from him. "Because that's exactly what it would come down to. We have something really special that could be instantly torn apart by any number of things. If Jack doesn't do it, Somer's would, or some random girl that I've pissed off by not calling her or some jealous undergrad who wonders why you get opportunities that he doesn't. Or even us. What happens if we risk everything for this thing and then you find out I'm not the guy you thought I was?"

Cuddy shook her head. "It sounds like this is more than you just wanting to put things on hold for a while until this class is done." The light in the room had suddenly become very bright, assaulting her senses.

"I don't know," House said. "I don't know what happened, Cuddy."

She pressed her hand to the side of her head and squeezed her eyes closed tight. "I feel dizzy."

"It's called a hangover," he sniped, suddenly itching to be away from her, before he made another accidental confession, he couldn't take back. He took a breath and then grasped her hand and led her back to her bed and helped her under the covers. He went into the kitchen and ran some water into a glass and brought it back into her bedroom. "Drink some water and go back to sleep. I'll call you later, okay."

But Cuddy wasn't listening. Besides the violent thuds and ringing in her ears, Cuddy could only hear one thing. House's voice. I don't know what happened, Cuddy.

She closed her eyes and pulled the covers tighter around her. As she heard the front door slam closed she ignored the tears that had already started to slide down her cheeks.

A/N: This chapter and the next one to come have been very sad for me to write...I can imagine they may be pretty sad to read too. But I keep reminding myself that I am writing their past to explore how they got to where they are now...which as I see it is a place of enuding love and trust built from a complicated history of heart break and recovery (corny?)....this is just to say that it is going to get worst before it gets a little better before it gets worse again before it starts to get better...but I hope you'll keep reading anyways :) reviews?