ADAM

As soon as Olivia and Meg left, Brian followed after. Laura and I quickly scrambled back to our table- luckily- Derek was there. He explained they were leaving one of the rental cars behind for us. But we weren't going to do much more partying- at all. The whole night was ruined. I felt awful. We left as not even 15 minutes after Olivia and them did.

When we pulled into the hotel- I quickly got out of the car, dashing straight to the grand entrance to the hotel as soon as my feet hit the pavement. I was stopped by a hand gripping my wrist.

I turned around, surprised to see Laura so apologetic.

"Adam I'm sorry." she started, determined but hurt. "I shouldn't have brought you down with me."

I softly smiled at her. She was right. She shouldn't have- but it's not like my free will was taken from me. She didn't force me to do anything.

"It's alright. We're on the same team…" I grinned. She tried to smile back, but she wasn't really convinced. I ruffled her short hair and dashed off again until I was in the hotel lobby.

The lobby was bright with gold light from the grand chandeliers hanging up above, paintings hung on walls, polished, shiny marble was the floor, elaborate flower arrangements in expensive looking vases. My eyes scanned past all that and instead focused in on the faces of people. No Meg. Or anyone. I headed off to the elevators…

I wouldn't let Meg go to bed without knowing the truth. I wouldn't let this terrible misunderstanding go a second longer. I didn't care if she was mad at me- furious with me- she needed to know….

And then, after that, if she's still mad…

Well then I really fucked up.

I'd just have to cross that bridge when I got to it. If I did. Preferably not…

I impatiently pushed the button to Meg's floor- my foot tapping against the carpet in the elevator. The two other guests that occupied it with me gave me odd side glances, but I ignored them.

When I reached Meg's floor, I went straight to her door and pounded.

No answer.

I was starting to worry, my breathing coming in nervous breaths, I couldn't stay standing on one foot for too long. I shifted back in forth on her doorstep- waiting for her to relieve me and grace me with the mere sight of her.

Except she never came.

I felt my resolve weakening.

No.

I thought. No...

This wasn't going to ruin it. There was no way…

I wasn't going to let something like this get in the way! Something so stupid- something that was such a huge misunderstanding…

But then it hit me- to Meg- it probably didn't look like just a misunderstanding. For a moment, I put myself in her place- what she would've seen, what it would've looked like to her replayed in my mind, of me and Laura…

Shit. Fuck me and my acting skills!

I sighed loudly and slapped my hand to my forehead- feeling like a complete asshole. I couldn't blame Meg- not that I was- but really, how was she to know I wasn't just "getting some" with Laura just for the sake of it? Since Meg and I weren't "going anywhere…"

Fuck.

I officially hate myself.

I sighed, dejectedly, and raised my hand one last time to knock on Meg's door…

Half of me hoped she'd come and answer it, another half of my prayed she'd stay inside- as away from me as she should be…

MEG

I was done crying. I sucked the tears right up- it was as if my face rewinded and the tears went backwards up my face and back into my eyes. Crying for Adam just made me feel worse. I didn't deserve this. Granted I wasn't the best person, or as straight forward with him as I should've been- but fuck that, I don't deserve this.

I threw myself down on the bed in my hotel room. I declined Olivia's invitation to stay in her room tonight. I needed to be alone. Brian looked like he wanted to too. Surprisingly to me, as we entered the hotel- his face looked much more hurt than I had ever seen it- as if his pissed, tough exterior back at the bar was just a cover up for what was really inside…

I couldn't even bring myself to say a word to him. Just like me, words probably wouldn't do any good. Nothing anyone said would help. If it didn't come straight from the mouths who caused the pain in the first place- then there really was no use.

I felt exhausted suddenly. My eyes felt heavy and burned behind my eyelids as I let them gradually slowly shut. I drifted off into the beginning of sleep- when I heard an anxious knock on my door. And then more knocking… more knocking…

I wondered who it could be. Would they get the hint and go away? Would they start shouting through the door? Was it Laura? Coming to apologize or try to explain? I didn't get it. She was my friend. I thought she was cool. She had been drinking tonight… but still.. That doesn't excuse any of it. And what about Adam?

He never touched an alcoholic drink the entire night.

What was his excuse?

I willed the knocking to stop and the person to go away… but I felt strong enough to get up and see what all the commotion was about. Maybe it was Brian, coming to talk after all?

My feet felt heavy as I treaded across the carpet and to the door. I didn't even want to look in the peep hole to see who was on the other side- I wanted to be surprised.

I opened it, and held my breath as the person was slowly exposed before.

"MEG! Let me just EXPLAIN!"

Nope.

I shut the door. Slammed it on that shitty face of their's I never wanted to see again.

I was wrong. I wasn't strong enough…

And that made me mad. Who were they to make me feel so terrible about myself? So low? After my last boyfriend I swore that would never happen again. Never again.

That's not his fault though, he doesn't know about him…

The voice inside my head reasoned in their defense.

Doesn't matter. The other voice retorted inside me- he still made me feel what he did by his actions. That's all that matters.

Regardless, I still stood frozen on my side of the door. Hearing, waiting, hardly breathing. It hurt too much almost, it was too uncomfortable. To full of effort to even keep standing…

But I stayed there. It was a test in a way- would he give up and leave so quickly? Maybe if he really did have something he felt needed explaining, he wouldn't leave. If he stayed, maybe it was a sign he was more innocent than what he appeared to be?

ADAM

My chest heaved with a desperate sob.

"Please??" I begged, my face pressed against the cold door. I felt embarrassed, humiliated out here in the middle of the hallway, surrounded by other rooms. It was shameful really. Everyone could hear me or see me if they just opened their door- and when they did, they'd think, wonder what that guy did to fuck up?

The question is, what didn't I do??

No…. I'm not a bad person. I'm really a nice guy. I didn't cheat on her, I didn't even mentally cheat on her for crying out loud! No girl has crossed my mind in that way since I even met Meg! She doesn't understand- if only there was a way for her to really see… I almost wished I could take a lie detector test- saying, LOOK! I'M INNOCENT! I ONLY WANT YOU!

I only want you.

I swear.

You have to know.

You don't know the whole story.

Please.

Let me explain…

I began to give up when Meg didn't answer- and when she slammed the door on me- that hurt. Right now, I was feeling about 2 inches tall. Meg really knew how to tear me down. But then I guess, that was what we were both good at. We were terrible to each other- only because we wanted the other.

"Meg please… I know it looks bad, I know… but could you hear me out? I swear it's not bad. I swear…. Just listen. That's all I'm asking. You can do whatever you want after that- just… hear me first." I pleaded, as softly and sincerely as I could.

I waited. For a second, my entire body stayed still. Even my heart it seemed, my breath, everything. I waited for any kind of response… when I got none, I decided to press on. She needed to know.

"I'm sure you saw Brian upset…" I started off, "and…. I think that's what Laura was going for. You see, he hurt her… and… she just wanted to get back at him. I told her I couldn't… it…. I…." I stammered, not knowing how to really phrase anything. "that's what you saw- it was just me and Laura pretending. Nothing else. Just like acting you know? You make it look like you're feeling something, when really you're not…. That's all Laura and I were doing…"

I waited again, for anything, for any kind of sign that there was a person on the other side of that door. If Meg even cared at all, if she was even a little bit curious…

After another short while, I spoke again.

"But with you, Meg, I'm not acting. Even when I should be. When I'm supposed to… I don't. in all honesty, if you want to know the truth? I'm glad we play each other's love interest. Not only is it going to be the easiest acting job I've ever had, I'm also selfish enough to look forward to every moment I get to spend with you. I'm glad for every scene it's only you and me together- I'm glad I get to spend the most time with you. I wouldn't have it any other way. Even off set- I want to see you the most. I'd be jealous if you were with anyone besides me…"

And then my own words made more sense to me- that last line. If I would be jealous, even if she was with someone on a friendship level- then what had I done to her tonight at the bar? When I was seemingly with someone in a way that was way more than friendship?

Wow.

"I've been stupid these last couple of weeks, and especially these last couple of days- and I went and ruined it tonight. Just when we were getting past all the stupid games, I fuck- I mean, I mess it up….

Can you please forgive me? Even if just a little bit?"

My knuckles rapped softly against the door, knocking quietly for one last time.

Just when I thought she really wasn't going to care- I heard the door knob turn… and I backed away from the door so she could open it without me falling in. my heart sped up, waiting anxiously for her answer. I felt as if my fate rested in her decision, oddly enough. In a way, it sort of did.

Meg looked indifferent. She was already in her pajamas. Her look of numbness and indifference might've stung more than anger or sadness. It was like she didn't care at all anymore. Didn't care about me at all…

That's what scared me. Right about now I was begging for some kind of emotion, anything! Rage, despair, jealousy! But then maybe I didn't deserve it. Maybe I deserved indifference.

I took in a shaky breath, standing there, outside her door, still very much in the hall. She made no sign to invite me in. she just looked me over. I didn't even know if I should speak.

I didn't have to. Meg spoke first.

"Fine." she said. That's all she said.

"Fine?"

"Mmhm. Fine. Apology accepted." she shrugged. shrugged. like it was nothing. Like I was nothing. Like I no longer mattered…

"I don't get it-" I started, but she cut me off.

"there's nothing to get. I heard you. I understand you. I guess I can believe you…" she shrugged a shoulder again.

She guessed she could believe me??

"But-?"

"just because I accept you apology doesn't mean I have to take you back. You still did what you did Adam. Didn't you stop to think how it would make me feel? Isn't it obvious our relationship wasn't strong enough-" she winced at that part, "wasn't defined enough to withstand that kind of blow? What was I supposed to think? After everything that had happened between us- all the rejection, the games, the pointless banter, the no touching thing, and then you saying we didn't have to touch at all just a few days ago…. What did you think I would see if I saw you and Laura? How was I supposed to know?…" it amazed me after everything she said, she was able to keep an even tone. Not even raising her voice. It was level. Indifferent. She was over it…?

I stood there, my mouth open, searching for the words to say but nothing came.

I was totally blind sided. On one hand, she accepted my apology- but that didn't mean we would pick up right where we were. Would we ever? Never again? Oh I hope not…

"But…. Laura- she was crying okay? Brian hurt her feelings and she wanted to get back at him, she wanted to forget. I knew it was wrong, I could feel it. Instinctually I knew it was wrong…! But I just… felt so sorry for her. I wanted to help her…" I trailed off, my voice becoming a whisper. I looked down, but looked back up when I heard Meg- the first signs of emotion returning to her face.

She was looking down too, at the carpet in the hallway where I stood, her hand still on the door, standing in the doorframe, her chest lightly heaved and her face broke into an expression of regret.

"Adam, stop. You're just blaming Laura for everything now."

I gasped, "MEG!" I protested, incredulous at her- I hadn't meant it that way… but I guess it did sound like I was just playing the blame game now, anything to make me not the one in trouble.

"either way, whosever idea it was, you still agreed. She didn't force you to hold her the way you did, to kiss her the way you did, to….." Meg shut her eyes and shook her head. She was so beautiful and I was fucking it all up… I could feel it now. No hope left. All gone….

Before it even started.

Amazing.

"Meg…" I took a step forward, my hand on the door now, pushing it more open. Meg shook her head more, pushing me back. Pushing me away.

"No." she stated simply.

"Let me make it up to you-"

"No."

"Please, Meg?"

"I said no."

"I said… let me make it up to you…" and before she could protest again, I stepped towards her and pulled her face to mine- almost roughly. My hands on either side of her face, I pressed my lips to hers. I faintly heard Meg yelp at the back of her throat in surprise and refusal, but I wasn't going to let her squirm away.

I moved my lips against hers furiously. I was angry. Angry at myself, angry at Meg for refusing me, and angry knowing that she had every right to be.

I knotted my hands in her hair, pushing her back against the door. Eventually, Meg stopped moving and kept still for me to kiss her. She wasn't really kissing back. I felt myself panicking… then I was desperate. Desperate and scared that everything she said was really real. She wasn't going to play games with me anymore. Of any kind. She was done. I was far from done. I wasn't about to give up- but yet I felt helpless as I pulled my lips away from hers for a brief second to breathe, before I dove back in with a new wave of determination running through my veins. I licked at her lips, she didn't open her mouth. I nipped at them, gently but she didn't respond. I wasn't going to let her go. Not over this. Not over something as stupid as me trying to help a friend and then having it backfire on me…

No…

I bit on Meg's bottom lip one last time, frustrated that nothing was working. I dropped a hand from her hair to wrap around her back and clutch her to me- I felt my breathing pick up- from both the feel of Meg so close to me and the dread that she was really through with me. What more could I do? I couldn't force her.

I moved my lips tenderly but assertively against hers one last time before I broke the kiss with a defeated, pained groan. I was panting once my lips were free. Then everything was in a haze-

I was pushed out into the hall and up against a wall, it took me a second to realize it was Meg's hands pressed up against my chest- I had never felt her so forceful- so angry, so frustrated, and yet… passionate.

Her breathing was just as erratic as mine but silent. She crushed her body to me and gripped my hair at the back of my head, tilting it the way she wanted it and molding her lips to mine. She was up against me, such a beautiful and wonderful pressure and weight to feel..

She brought a leg up slightly to wrap around one of mine. I shut my eyes as a searing, burning new touch came over me.

Her lips moved against my own like I had done with hers. So she was reacting now, huh? I barely had time to rejoice at that thought- before I was distracted indefinitely. Her soft tongue swept across my bottom lip and I opened my mouth all too willingly. I had never kissed Meg this way. As soon as I felt her tongue slide in my mouth, and caress my own, a low moan of pleasure escaped from the back of my throat, I clutched at her hips to keep her close to me, a little too hard I think, because her hand that clung to my hair pulled suddenly and hard to get even with me. She could pull and hit all she wanted to, in all honesty…

My thoughts were interrupted when I heard and felt her moan against my mouth. The sound spurred more frantic, wanting tongue action from the both of us. Her lips were so tender, so soft and kiss swollen. So tempting.

Our embrace was reduced to wet, slightly open mouthed kisses, our lips brushing and smacking against each other as Meg attempted to speak in between.

"Why… why'd you have to go… and… mess up… Adam?" my brain was in too much of a haze to fully comprehend. Her breathing was rushed, and she moved more quickly, as if getting in the last of her kisses before she had to pull away.

And then she did.

When she broke away, her face was torn. Broken into pieces of regret and pain. Her expression seemed to ask me 'why?' as if I was the one deciding to leave her. Maybe with the decision I made, I was the one to decide.

"Why'd you have to mess it up Adam?" she repeated, her eyes searching for the answer in my face. I felt her slip out of my arms, and retreat into her room.

She didn't look back.

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