This is Darth Vader. I'm out crushing the Rebellion, but if you leave a message after the beep I'll get back to you at my convenience...
BEEEEP
Vader, it's your master. Those damned Rebels have stolen the plans to the Death Star and I want you to retrieve them. Don't start complaining. If you had destroyed the Rebels when I told you to, you could be playing with that oversized Star Destroyer you commissioned. While you're out, you may as well stop by Naboo and pick my spare cloaks up from the dry cleaners.
BEEEEP
Um, uh, Lord Vader, this is Earl down at the Imperial City impound lot. I have just been informed that if you don't pay to have your speeder removed in the next ten minutes it's going to have to be auctioned off. Sorry. Pleasedon'tkillmeitwasmybosswhosaidit.
BEEEEP
Vader, it's your master. Why haven't you found those plans yet? If you're still playing with that Executive or Executioner or whatever the hell that thing's name is I'm going to come down there an...What do you mean the caterer committed suicide? Well find another one...Where was I? Oh yeah. I want those plans found yesterday!
BEEEEP
Anakin, it's Owen. I want you to come and get your...Why no Beru, I was just calling the neighbors.
BEEEEP
Vader, the plans, find now.
BEEEEP
Hello Vader, Yoda, this is. On a secure line, I am. Trace my call, you cannot. Tell you my location, I will not. Stop prank calling you when drunk I am, I will not. Er hur hur hur.
BEEEEP
Vader, plans.
BEEEEP
Mister Skywalker, er, I mean Vader. This is Mos Espa Holovid Rentals. The copy of Roofa the Friendly Kryat Dragon you rented is thirty two years and three months overdue. Can we please have it back sometime this century? Thanks, bye.
BEEEEP
Vader, do I even need to tell you why I called. Ugh, I'm getting a headache. Find those plans before I let the cleaning droids into that infernal scrap heap you call a room. You'd think the Jedi would've trained you to be neater.
BEEEEP
Lord Vader, my name's Timmy and I'm from Kuat. My school had us do projects on our heroes and I chose you because you're big and scary and you crush all the enemies of the Empire and cut their heads off with your lightsaber. My Uncle who's an Admiral gave me your comm code to talk to you because 'I'm a highly disturbed brat who he would gladly watch get what he deserves.'
BEEEEP
Vader, stop wasting your time with that stupid princess and get me those plans. By the way, when you get back you're giving me a full pedicure and foot massage.
BEEEEP
Lord Vader, it's Timmy again. Did you really mean it? I can actually watch while you kill my Uncle? Thank you very much my Lord. I never liked him anyways, he always sent crappy Lifeday presents.
BEEEEP
Vader, did you guys honestly have to destroy Alderaan? I was planning to go to that new resort spa they just opened near the capitol, but now it's an asteroid field. Couldn't you have waited until next week? My day has now been totally ruined. You'd better make this up to me.
BEEEEP
Lord Vader, this is Captain Thrawn. I must congratulate you on your bold plan to use the new Death Star to destroy the Rebellion once and for all, and will gladly give you information that I believe to be of use. Based on my studies of Rebel urinal grafitti I believe that the attack will consist of small fighters that would most likely be able to get past the Death Star's energy shields which were designed to defend against attacks from much larger craft. They will most likely attack a point that contains some small but fatal design flaw. Best of luck my Lord. The Empire shall see victory on this day.
BEEEEP
Vader, how in the name of the Force could you let a ragtag team of Kriffing idiots destroy such an expensive piece of equipment?! Do you have any idea how much that thing cost, much less the clones that manned the damned thing?! What were you doing while this was going on, playing with yourself? Get back here so I can kick your sorry ass into the next galaxy!
BEEEEP
We destroyed the Death Star! We destroyed the Death Starr! Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha...(several hours of gloating and dancing around which included unseen to the voice only inbox many happy Rebels mooning or doing their species' versions of such)...Ha Ha Ha Ha!
BEEEEP
Hello, my name is Luke Skywalker. You killed my father. Prepare to die.