This is Boba Fett. I'm out hunting right now, but if you leave a message after the beep, I'll get back to you if I think it's worth my time...
BEEEEP
Boba, it's your brother CT-5674/285 down at the retirement center. I was wondering if you could lend me a couple of credits for the vending machine. The food they give us here could best be described as crap with a side of crap with crap for dessert. Thanks, bye.
BEEEEP
Mr Fett, this is Kit Darvis down at Darvis, Darvis, Kleeborp and Darvis. I must congratulate you on your mysterious ability to be in ten different systems at the same time. All of the genetic tests came back positive. I'll do my best to get you a good deal on the child support. Bye.
BEEEEP
Bob'ika, it's Kal. I was wondering why you haven't shown up at the annual family picnic for the twentieth year in a row. Just remember, we'll be here when you need us.
BEEEEP
Fett, it's Vader. I just got a visual inbox, and well, I want you to find out who this ass belongs to and bring him to me so I can kill him in the most horrible way imaginable. I'm sending you the image right now.
BEEEEP
Boba, it's your brother Darman. Me and Etain have to leave home for a couple of days and I was wondering if you could come by and babysit the kids for us. It would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.
BEEEEP
Boba, it's Jabba. I've got an important guest coming by in a week, and I would like you to come down here to stand around looking menacing while he's here.
BEEEEP
Boba, it's your brother Ordo. Did Darman ask you to babysit? For the love of all that's holy, don't do it. Let's just say I found out the hard way why Jedi should never reproduce. You'd think that she should've hit menopause by now.
BEEEEP
The Galactic Hologreetings Company sends you Lifeday greetings from Darman and Etain Skirata and their 37 wonderful children.
BEEEEP
Boba, it's Kal. Your father was a good friend of mine. I've done my best to welcome you into my family. If you don't want to be part of it, that's fine. But, I don't appreciate you insulting those that do. By the way, what in the name of the shabla Force is a rabbit?
BEEEEP
Mr. Fett, this is Vice Admiral Thrawn. Please stop harassing me. Your attempts at capture are interfering with my command. May I point out that holograms are blue and the person in them are not necessarily so. By the way, if I was going to "Expose myself" to Lord Vader, I would've been turned in the other direction.
BEEEEP
Fett, this is Bossk. As soon as I get my hands on you, I'm going to tear you apart and eat your liver. By the way, happy 31st birthday.
BEEEEP
Boba, this is your brother CT-5674/285 again. You still haven't gotten back to me about the credits for the vending machine. I don't know how this is even possible, but the food has somehow gotten even worse. The credits would be much appreciated. Thanks.
BEEEEP
Fett, this is Dengar. Heard you were depressed, and thought you might want to join me and a few of my buddies for drinks. So, you missed. Happens to the best of us. You got to admit, Skywalker and Solo mooning you with the words Happy Birthday written on their backsides was funny.
BEEEEP
Fett, it's Vader. Thanks for solving the mystery of whose ass keeps showing up in my inbox. Forget about capturing him. Adorable little tyke, takes after his father. I remember the many happy days I spent mooning the Jedi Council... I'll go have a talk with him when I get the chance to. I've been meaning to tell him he's mine, but I haven't quite got around to it.
BEEEEP
Boba, it's your brother CT-8459/272. I heard about the care package you sent CT-5674/285 and was wondering if you would send some to the rest of your brothers here at the retirement center. I think there's about twenty thousand of us on this wing. I know the facility was designed to hold up to eighty thousand but Skippy says that they have the place filled to forty thousand above capacity. Well, I hope you can get the packages to us soon. Thanks.
BEEEEP
We are now filling your order of 120,000 hand blasters with spare power packs and 40 three-hundred count boxes of I Joined The Rebellion 100 percent cotton T-shirts. It will be shipped to the Imperial Center Clone Troop Retirement Facility within the week. Thank you for shopping at Mega Mando Mart. Remember, shopping in bulk saves.
BEEEEP
Bob'ika, this is Kal. We have to talk. What is it you hate so much about your family that you would be willing to send over a hundred thousand of your brothers to their deaths?
BEEEEP
Boba, it's Jabba. Look, can you find time to drop by some time next week to go threaten a few smugglers? Thanks. Look forward to seeing you then. Bye.
BEEEEP
Boba, it's Sintas. You won't believe what your daughter has just done. If you were around more often these kind of things wouldn't happen. I've called and told you about a million times that she needs a father figure in her life. But no, you have to spend all of your time either wandering around the galaxy or posing for Jabba. Couldn't you have taken her on at least one weekend visit?
BEEEEP
Bob'ika, it's Kal. Guess what time of year it is. That's right, it's another annual family picnic. I'd be glad if you came.
BEEEEP
Mom died while she was out getting me a birthday present. It's your fault. I hate you daddy and if I find you I'm going to kill you with a sharpened spoon.
BEEEEP
Boba, it's Jabba. How'd you like to hang around the palace for a couple of months?
BEEEEP
Fett, it's Han. Bet you can't catch me. Pbbbbbbt.
BEEEEP
Man, issues much? You'd think that someone could tell the difference between a fart and a raspberry. What was that thing about your father? Do you want to talk about it?
BEEEEP
Boba, this is Taun We. While I appreciate that you consider me a part of your family. I would much rather that you not call me Mommy and send me pieces of folded flimsiplast with glitter glued on it. The glitter gets everywhere and is nearly impossible to clean up.
BEEEEP
Fett, this is Vader. I have decided to hire bounty hunters to capture that hooligan that my son hangs out with. The pay is 100,000 plus expenses. You can even sell him to that lardass Jabba when I'm done with him. Do you want in?