Author's Note: For this one I decided to do Han Solo's smuggling days, and for the fun of it, I decided to have him be the guy to get anything and send it just about anywhere. And, I do mean anywhere.
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Hello, you've reached Solo and Chewbacca shipping, If we can cram it into our ship, we'll fly it anywhere. For a reasonable fee of course. Leave a message after the beep.
BEEEEP
This is Londo Molari of the Centauri Republic. I want you to transport something called a Polka Band from a small planet called Earth to our Colony on Ragesh Three. I want to surprise my nephew.
BEEEEP
Hello, I am called Chrestomanci, I want to get something cute, fluffy, and unique for my daughter Julia's birthday, but don't have the time to go shopping. I was wondering if you could find something suitable for me and watch it for a couple of days. I'll just pop over when I'm ready to get it.
BEEEEP
Roar! Huff, Huff, Chuckle, Gurgle Roar!
Translation: Your Mother was a hampster, and your father smelt of elderberries.
BEEEEP
This is Ambassador Molari. When I say a Polka band, I mean a Polka band. I don't care what you think of them. The lead singer of the "Rock" band you brought, who I might add is addicted to a variety of narcotics, decided to give his audience a "Golden Shower". My nephew's naming day is ruined, and I blame you. I think I'll send the associates of an acquaintance of mine to go after you, instead of invading the Narn Homeworld as I had planned.
BEEEEP
E.T. Go Earth. See El-i-ot. Give Plant.
BEEEEP
The present for my daughter was entirely unsuitable. Furry handcuffs were not what I had in mind. I'm only going to give you a third of your commission. Remember, if you need me, just say Chrestomanci three times and I'll come. You'd better hope that my services aren't on par with yours when I do.
BEEEEP
This is Captain James T. Kirk of the Starship Enterprise. I'm throwing a party next week, and I need 15 cases of Romulan Ale, 6 cases Klingon Blood Wine, 500 Andorian sausages, a rubber hose and a mallet. I need them all by Friday at the latest.
BEEEEP
This is the Doctor, where the hell is my TARDIS? This is just a Police Box you idiot.
BEEEEP
This is Elrond of the High Council of Elves. I need a ring transported to a Volcano in the land of Mordor and tossed in. Payment given on proof of destruction.
BEEEEP
I am Arthur, King of the Britons, and I am seeking a Holy Grail, the French took ours.
BEEEEP
I need you to bring a blue Police Box to the location I gave you last month. Send the bill to the Doctor.
BEEEEP
Hello, this is Colnel O'neal, I need you to go to the coordinates given below. You will find a large stone ring with symbols on it somewhere on the planet indicated. I want you to bring this ring back to Earth. Please do it fast, If you don't there might not be an Earth to deliver it to.
BEEEEP
This is Elrond again. I didn't hear from you, so I sent a bunch of idiots out to do the job you were supposed to do. If I have another job, I know who not to call.
BEEEEP
Solo, this is Jabba, I've got a job that even you can't mess up. I want you to bring me a load of Glitterstim from Kessel. Do you think you could handle that?