*

They find a bar a few miles away, its neon beer sign beckoning to weary travelers to come, relax and drink. Dean peels into the parking lot and stops the car, looking over at Sam as he turns off the ignition, "Ready for this?"

Sam shakes his head at his brother, "We don't have to do this, Dean. You're always flirting with women anyway and I learned a long time ago not to get pissed about it. It's just who you are."

"But, that was before, Sam. Now, it's, I don't know, different. We're different."

"Not that different. Face it, Dean, you can't help it, it's like second nature to you, like breathing."

Dean's eyebrows come together, disbelieving, "So, you really don't care if I pick up someone in a bar? Or if they hit on me? It doesn't matter to you at all, is that what you're telling me?"

"I didn't say it didn't matter. I've just learned not to let it show and not to get all bent about it."

Dean scratches the back of his head, "I don't buy it, Sam."

Sam gives a frustrated sigh, "Ok, look, Dean, you want me jealous? Ok, fine, I'm jealous. If I see you flirting with anyone, I'm gonna kick their ass, ok? Is that what you want me to do? Will that make you feel better, give you what you need? Happy now? Good. Can we go home?"

Dean's lips press together in anger as he scowls at Sam, "So, what is that? You humoring me, Sam? You know what? Fuck you!"

Sam spreads out his hands, "Dean-"

"I don't want to hear it, you patronizing jerk. Just go. I'll find my own way back."

Dean jumps out of the car, slamming the door and going quickly inside without a backward glance.

Sam gets out of the car, glaring after his brother, feeling his temper rise. Shit!

He hates fighting with Dean! It makes him feel all black and cold in his stomach and nothing's right until they work it out. But, what the hell does Dean want from him? Why does he want so badly for Sam to be jealous?

The college boy in him tries to psychoanalyze his brother and get at the root of the problem but he just can't figure it. Dean knows he has Sam's love, especially after last night where Dean brought Sam back from his own private hell, punishing him with a firm hand and finding out about Sam's shameful secret. Dean knows, must know, how much Sam needs him. What else can he do to help Dean understand?

Sam gets in the Impala and starts to drive away but thinks better of it and instead, parks in a secluded spot, waiting a few minutes before he enters the bar. He slides the door open and peeks in, seeing Dean sitting at the bar with his back to the door. Hmmm, not very hunter-like. Then he spots the bartender and nods. That makes more sense.

She's mid-thirties, pretty, with brown hair and big dimples that show in her cheeks whenever she smiles and right now, she's smiling at Dean a lot.

Sam slides into the table behind them, a few feet away and he's able to hear their conversation clearly.

"What's the matter, honey? You look like you lost your best friend." Her soft voice filters over to Sam.

Dean gives a harsh laugh, "You could say that."

Dean's already finished one beer and she's sliding another one across the bar towards him, saying soothingly, "Tell Gina all about it."

Looking down into his beer, Dean mumbles, "I shoulda known better, you know? Everything I touch just gets all fucked up."

"You married?" the girl asks his brother.

"Nah but I'm with someone." Dean shakes his head, "At least I was."

"Aw, what happened?"

Dean shrugs, "I don't really know. It's me, I guess. We just got together and it's hard for me to watch...her with other guys, you know? I didn't think I was the jealous type but it turns out I am and..."

"So what, you don't trust her?"

Dean takes a big swig of beer, "No, I trust, uh, her with my life. I don't know what it is. I guess sometimes I feel like...she's too good for me and I don't deserve...her. She doesn't get jealous like I do and sometimes I wish that..."

"She would?"

"Something like that."

"Honey, you want her to fight for you? That'll show you how much she loves you, right? Nothing wrong with that."

Dean mutters, "Doesn't matter anyway. It's never gonna happen."

"Never say never, darling. I've seen lots of things in my life I thought were never gonna happen and didn't they go and do just that? She just may surprise you."

"Nah. She loves me like a brother, not like I lo-I mean, care about her."

Gina looks at him across the bar with understanding eyes, "Can't even say the word, huh? You got it bad, sweetie."

Dean downs his beer and motions with his head for another, "What I don't get is how two people can go through stuff together but that stuff doesn't mean the same to either one of them. Why is that? How can two people look at the world so differently?"

She hands him another bottle of beer and slides a shot of scotch on the bar, "On the house, darling"

"Appreciate it." Dean downs it quickly, coughing at the burn in his throat.

The bartender smiles at him, "Well, that's what makes it fun, right? If the other person thought about everything the same as you, that'd be pretty depressing, wouldn't it? Not even another point of view? Not even a disagreement? I tell you, fighting is the best part of any relationship because that's where you grow. It's your choice whether you grow together or apart."

Dean smiles at her "What are you, the Dalai Lama or something? Wise beyond your years?"

"I've lived through a lot, that's all. And I do love to jaw about things, in case you haven't noticed. Tell me, are you still with her?"

Dean looks down at his beer bottle and his voice goes hollow, emotionless, "I don't know."

Sam watches as the woman reaches over to cover Dean's hand with hers, "Sweetie, what are you doing here?"

A deep sigh raises Dean's shoulders and he takes another drink, "I guess I just want to know that someone still finds me attractive."

The woman laughs deep in her throat, "Attractive? You're the best thing I've seen in these parts in a long time. If you're interested, I'm interested and I sure don't want nothing from you other than a night of hot, steamy loving. You just gotta let me know. I got an apartment upstairs and we can be up there and naked inside of five minutes. You're the one with the girlfriend. It's your call."

Sam closes his eyes in anguish, repeating...Don't go, Dean, don't go...over and over in his head. He hears Dean's voice, low, throaty, so familiar it cuts his heart, "Well, now, that's quite an offer."

"It's on the table for as long as you're here. You walk out, I withdraw it, sorry."

"Understood and thanks."

"If it's any consolation, she doesn't know what a prize bull she has, if you ask me." Gina gives a belly laugh.

She really does have a nice laugh and, in any other situation, Sam might have enjoyed talking to her. But, not now. Now, he feels this frantic beat of his heart, this breathlessness in his chest and he's frightened for no reason at all but knows it won't go away as long as Dean is here, with her.

Dean's voice sounds like he's smiling again, "Well, I've been called a lot of things before but that's a new one. I like it. Five minutes, huh?"

"Naked and rutting like bunnies...you just gotta make the call..." the girl is so comfortable in her own skin and with her own sexiness that she's making Sam horny.

"You know what?" Dean drains his beer and slams down the bottle, "I'm calling it. There's nothing I'd like better right now than being with you, rutting like bunnies..."

"Now you're talking!" And she hollers out to someone to come cover the bar, slipping out from behind it to lead the way. Dean gets to his feet and turns around to follow and stares right into Sam's eyes.

Sam holds up a hand in a half-wave, gazing up at him with huge, sad eyes, mouth trembling, having no words to say. He just tries, with his gaze, to ask Dean not to go...unable to tell him why or what, just pleading with him to just not go.

Gina turns back, "Darling? Everything ok?"

Dean's focus shifts from Sam to the girl and then back to Sam where he studies Sam's face, tracing each familiar line, each bone and expression with his eyes.

Sam mouths the word, "Please."

Dean face gets hard, rigid. His mind is already made up and Sam screams inside his mind at Dean to please don't go!

"I'm coming." And as Dean walks past Sam, he stops, staring straight ahead and says out loud, "Go home, Sam." and then walks after the girl, out the back door of the bar.

Sam lets his breath out in a rush, his body collapsing into itself like he just deflated, and his eyes fill with stinging, salty tears. He feels them start to come out and he beats feet out of there, before anyone sees him bawling like a baby. Shit, Dean! What are you doing? Are you really going to sleep with that girl?

He makes it to the car and slams the door shut behind him, putting his face on the steering wheel and the sobs hit him hard, racking his body with deep gasping ones that come from way inside, where no words exist, where only the horrible aching hurt rips at his heart, slashing at his soul. He cries until he has no more breath and the tears are all used up, at least for now, and his chest is hitching with shallow gasps.

Where the hell did this come from? Seems Dean's right and maybe Sam does have some jealousy inside. All he knows is what Dean's doing at this moment isn't right and it's not fair. Sam's never slept with anyone, never even looked at anyone since he and Dean agreed to be together. Dean's it for him and no one else can even hold a candle to his brother in Sam's eyes. He's everything Sam ever wanted and everything he loves.

And now Dean is with that girl, probably fucking her senseless, making her whimper and cry out with how good his dick feels inside. Another sob rolls out of him...Sam knows about that feeling first hand, knows that just one touch, one look from Dean can make Sam hot and trembling. Sam rubs his face to get the images in his head to go away.

Sam knows himself well enough to know that he can't handle this and he's reach it...the end of his patience, the end of his last straw, whatever it is, he's had enough. He cannot just watch Dean flirt or go get laid anymore, it's like cutting wounds into him and if Dean does this, Sam won't be able to get past it because it's cheating, pure and simple, and that's wrong, just wrong.

Dean, so loving, so firm to him last night, helping to heal him by the punishment he laid on him, making Sam better and now, that Dean is gone, like he never was and it's all gone horribly wrong.

Dammit!

Sam's tears start to well back up again. It's pretty clear Dean doesn't love him enough that way if he can go sleep with someone else without even a second thought, knowing that he's hurting Sam so badly.

They just found their way again, together. Doesn't Dean love him? Doesn't he want him anymore? How can Dean go be with someone else, touch someone else the way he touches Sam? Those fingers, that mouth, belong to him, to Sam! No one else!

Suddenly, his anger rears up out of nowhere, flushing his face with it. Dean needs to get his ass kicked is what needs to happen! How the fuck dare he! What did Sam ever do to deserve this kind of treatment? Nothing! Absolutely nothing! He talked to a guy in a bar! That's all! And because of Dean's insecurities and frigging issues, now they have something huge dividing them, separating them, all because of Dean's need to feel attractive!

The passenger door opens up and Dean gets in the car, sitting down heavy and shutting the door behind him. Sam swipes at his eyes and looks at his hands and then out the window, anywhere but at Dean. He can't think of a thing to say to his brother that won't come out hateful and cutting.

"Let's go, Sam." Dean says quietly.

"Dean." Sam's voice comes out in a whimper, breaking. He takes a painful swallow over his dry throat, "I need to know. Did you and her...?"

*