Bad first impressions

Up in the mountains of Meridian, Phobos and his army were riding toward the capitol. Phobos stopped his horse and pointed in a direction. Tracker and Frost jumped off their horses and went off. A few seconds later they returned with Meridian soliders.

"Imperial scouts," Frost snarled.

Phobos got down off of his horse and knelt in front of the frightened men. "Nice work gentlemen. You've found the Hun army."

The army laughed while the younger of the scouts glared at Phobos.

"Queen Elyon will stop you!" He cried.

"Stop me?" Phobos asked. "Why she invited me." Then he grabbed the scout by his throat and held him in the air. "By building her cursed wall she challenged my strength. Well I'm here to play her game." Then he threw the scout on the ground the both men ran off. "Go and tell your Queen to send her strongest armies. I'm ready."

As the men ran off, Phobos rubbed his chin in thought. "How many men does it take to deliver a message?" He asked.

"One," Frost replied, holding up a bow and arrows.

Meanwhile Will was outside the army camp practicing her man voice.

"Excuse me? Where do I sign in? Ah I see you have a sword I have one too! They're very manly and tough!" Will tried to pull her sword out of its sheath, but dropped it.

Mr. Huggles fell on his back laughing. Until Will threw her shoe at him, hitting him in the head.

"I'm working on it!" Will yelled. Then she sighed. "Oh who the heck am I fooling? It's going to take a miracle to get me into the army."

"Did I hear someone ask for a miracle?" A voice suddenly cried. Will whipped around and saw Irma's giant shadow on a rock. "Let me hear ya say 'Ah'!" Irma said.

"Ahhhhhh!" Will screamed , as she and Huggles dove behind another rock.

"That is close enough!" Irma said.

"A ghost!" Will whimpered.

Irma continued. "Get ready, Will, you salvation is at hand! For I have been sent by your ancestors-" The girl stopped as she noticed Blunk's shadow making a small hand sign of her, mocking her. Irma kicked the passling in irritation. "- to guide you through your masquerade!"

Then she knelt down to Blunk and handed him a leaf. "C'mon if you wanna stay then you gotta work it!"

Blunk fanned the fire making it rise up higher.

"So heed my words, cause if the army finds out you're a girl, the penalty is death!" Irma cried.

"Who are you?" Will asked in awe

"Who am I? Who am I?! Why I am the guardian lost souls! I am the powerful, the pleasurable, the indestructible Irma!" The girl said emerging from behind the rock, revealing her true size to Will. The red head stared at Irma for a minute.

"I am pretty hot huh?" Irma laughed. Suddenly Huggles stomped on her. Will quickly stopped her horse and Irma gagged and chocked. Will knelt down to pick up the girl.

"Uh, my ancestors sent a little pixie to help me?" She asked skeptically.

"Hey I'm not a pixie! I don't do that dust thing!" Irma cried.

"You're uh-" Will said, struggling for the right words.

"Intimidating? All inspiring?" Irma asked smugly.

"Tiny," Will said.

Irma frowned, but quickly recovered. "Of course. I'm travel sized for your convenience! If I was my real size your rodent here would die of fright!" Irma said, patting Huggles' muzzle. Huggles tried to bite her. "Down fluffy!" Irma cried. Then she turned to Will. "And my powers are beyond your mortal imagination! For instance my eyes can see straight through your armor!"

Will gasped and slapped Irma, knocking her to the ground next to Blunk. Irma stood up angrily. "Alright that's it! Dishonor! Dishonor on your whole family!" She turned to Blunk. "Write this down Blunk." Then she continued to rant. "Dishonor on you! Dishonor on your rodent! Di-!"

"Stop!" Will cried. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" She sighed. "I'm just nervous. I've never done this before."

"Then you're gonna have to trust me! And don't you slap me no more! We clear on that?" Irma asked. Will nodded.

"Oaky dokey! Let's get this show on the road! Blunk get the bags! Let's move it mousy!" Irma cried.

A few minutes later Irma was hiding in Will's armor outside of camp so she could direct Will.

"Okay girl this is it! Time to show them your man walk!" Irma said. "Shoulders back, chest high, feet apart and strut! Two three! Break that bone and work it!" Irma directed as Will awkwardly walked into camp earning curious stares from the other men.

Will walked past some men who were picking their noses and cleaning in between their toes with chopsticks.

"That is so disgusting!" Will grimaced.

Irma nodded somberly. "I know, Will. But this is how men act. And you have to act just like them, so pay attention!"

Then Will came to three men. One was Martin Tubbs who was showing the others a dragon tattoo on his chest and stomach.

The first guy was a 14 year old boy with reddish brown chin length hair, brown eyes, and wore the army uniform all the men were wearing. His name was Nigel Ashcroft. (Did I get that right?)

The second was a 15 year old boy with messy brown hair, with green eyes, and wearing a uniform. His name was Caleb.

"Check it out guys! This tattoo will protect me from harm!" Martin cried.

Nigel and Caleb exchanged sly glances before Nigel punched Martin in the gut knocking him back.

"I hope you can get your money back!" Caleb laughed.

"I don't think I can do this!" Will groaned.

"It's all attitude. Be tough like this guy here!" Irma said, pointing to Nigel.

"What are you looking at?" Nigel asked.

"Punch him, Will. It's how men say hello," Irma instructed.

Will punched Nigel and he slammed into another guy with tan skin, dark hair, blue eyes, and wearing a uniform. His name was Eric Lyndon.

"Looks like you made a friend Nigel!" He laughed.

Irma nodded her approval. "Nice one. Now slap him on the behind, they like that!"

Will slapped Nigel on his behind and he jumped around angrily.

"Whoa!" Nigel grabbed Will by the collar of her armor. "I'm gonna hit you so hard it will make your ancestors dizzy!"

Eric came over and put his hands on Nigel's shoulders. "Nigel relax and chant with me. Nanuami tofu dah ."

"Nanuamitofudah," Nigel mumbled calming down. Then he turned to Will. "Ah you ain't worth me time, Chicken Boy."

As Will turned to walk away, Irma sprang up, infuriated. "Chicken Boy?! Say that to my face you limp noodle!"

Nigel grabbed Will and was about to punch her, but she ducked just in time and Nigel ended up hitting Caleb. "Oh, sorry Caleb," He apologized.

Caleb then tackled him and they began to fight. "You're dead!" Caleb yelled. Then Caleb looked up and saw Will creeping away. "Look there he goes!"

Will panicked as Nigel, Caleb, and Eric began to chase her. They chased her through a tent, but only the boys emerged as Will and Irma snickered. Nigel and Caleb almost hit the end solider who was in line for food. Eric on the other hand banged into his friends and everyone fell down like stack of dominos with the food flying everywhere. All the soldiers turned and began to advance on Will.

"Hey guys," She said nervously.

Meanwhile in a tent in the camp, Tynar and Cedric stood in the tent in front of the map. In front of them was a 15 year old boy with black chin length hair, tan skin, blue eyes, and wearing armor. His name was Matt Olsen.

"The Huns have struck here, here, and here," Tynar said, pointing to places on the map. "I will take the main troops to the Serpent's Pass and stop Phobos before he destroys this village."

"Excellent strategy sir! I do love surprises!" Cedric said.

Matt and Tynar ignored him and Tynar turned to Matt. "You will stay and train the new recruits and when believes you're ready, you will join us, captain," Tynar said, handing Matt a sword.

"Captain," Matt said in shock.

"This is an enormous responsibility General!" Cedric said. "Perhaps a soldier with more experience?"

"Number one in his class. Extensive knowledge in training techniques…an impressive military lineage. I believe Matt will do an excellent job!" Tynar said.

Matt nodded eagerly. "Oh, I will! I won't let you down! This is…I mean…Yes sir," He said bowing.

Tynar stood up. "Very good then." He turned to Cedric. "I'll expect a full report in three weeks," He said walking out of the tent.

"And I won't leave anything out," Cedric promised Matt, walking out.

Matt lagged behind a large smile on his face. "Captain Matt Olsen. Leader of Meridian's finest troops. No the greatest troops of all time! Ha, ha, ha!"

Then he walked out of the tent and saw 'Meridian's finest troops' fighting. A beat up soldier came over and saluted the General before fainting.

"Most impressive," Cedric scoffed.

Tynar hopped on his horse. "Good luck Captain!" He said. Then he and his troops rode away.

"Good luck…Uncle," Matt said.

Then he and Cedric turned back to the fighting troops. Cedric smirked. "Day one."

Matt walked up. "Soldiers!" He yelled.

Everyone stopped fighting, though Nigel punched Caleb one more time. Suddenly all the soldiers stood up straight and pointed at a crouching Will. "He started it!" They all said in unison.

Will stood up as Matt walked over. "I don't need anyone causing trouble in my camp!" Matt said, glaring at her.

"Sorry," Will said. Then she spoke in her man voice. "I mean sorry you had to see that, but you know how it is when you get those manly urges and you just gotta kill something…Fix things…Cook outdoors."

"What's your name?" Matt asked.

Will's eyes widened. She hadn't thought of a name yet.

"Your commanding officer just asked you a question!" Cedric snapped.

"I've got a name and it's a boy's name too," Will said nervously.

Irma thought for a second. "Caleb? How about Caleb?"

"His name is Caleb," Will told her.

"I didn't ask for his name! I asked for yours!" Matt said.

Irma sneezed. "Achoo!"

"Ah-Chu!" Will said.

"Ah-Chu?" Matt asked.

"Gesuntit!" Irma giggled.

Blunk laughed. "Funny joke!"

"Blunk!" Will whispered.

"Blunk?"

"No!"

"Then what is it?!" Matt asked.

Irma then thought of something good. "Ty! Ty was my best friend growing up!"

"It's Ty," Will said.

"Ty?" Matt asked.

"Course Ty did steal my TV-" She was cut off when Will grabbed her.

"Yes my name is Ty," Will said.

"Let me see your notice," Matt ordered. Will immediately handed him the notice.

Matt read it then looked up in shock. "Tony Vandom. The Tony Vandom?"

"I didn't know Tony Vandom had a son," Cedric said.

"Well he doesn't talk about me much," 'Ty' said trying to spit, but failing.

"I can see why. The boy's an absolute lunatic!" Cedric said. Caleb and Nigel snickered.

Matt walked forward. "Okay Gentlemen, thanks to your new friend Ty, you will spen tonight picking up every single grain of rice. And tomorrow the real work begins!" Matt said walking off.

Caleb and Nigel glared at Will and growled.

"I think we need to work on your people skills," Irma said.