Chapter Three: Love, Sex, Pain, Confusion, Suffering

(Lyric in title is from the song Confusion by Alice In Chains)

"What the hell did I just do?" Nathan said, running a hand over his face.

Nathan knew what he did, of course. He pushed away Daisy right before she managed to pull off his pants.

"You're Nathan Scott." Nathan said to himself. "You did this all the time when you were with Peyton, so why not now?"

There was a chuckle from the corner of the room. It wasn't Dan's, Nathan knew that. It was bubbly.

"We weren't in love, Nate."

Nathan suddenly sat up, his head rushing as he saw…

"Peyton?"

Peyton nodded, a slight smile on her lips.

"You're-"

"Dead? I know," Peyton laughed, acting like nothing was wrong. "But that's not the reason I'm talking to you."

"I'm seeing things." Nathan closed his eyes, and counted to three.

"One…"

"What the hell are you doing?" Peyton said, annoyed. Nathan's eyes snapped open, and she was now sitting in front of him, head titled to the side.

"Waiting for you to disappear."

"We don't have time for these games, Nathan." Peyton stood up, hands on her hips.

"Fine!" Nathan said angrily, throwing his hands up. "The maid is gone; I have nothing better to do. Talk away."

"What happened to you?" Peyton frowned. "You're just like before."

"Before? When, exactly? Before Haley, or after she left when she kissed Chris?"

Peyton glared at Nathan. "You're not doing this to hurt Haley, are you?"

"You never were that smart." Nathan muttered, crossing his arms and resting his head on the headboard of his bed.

"Nathan." Peyton said sternly. "I'm dead, do you realize that?! I can't believe you'd be so selfish to dismiss the fact that life is too short. Make things right, or I'll be back."

And just like that, she was gone.

Lucas stared down at the cell phone, in awe. He couldn't believe Peyton has been signed on this whole time, never mind that the phone had four bars. Larry had probably charged it, but was afraid to look through it.

Lucas was quick to reply, his jaw clenched.

PSAWYER23: Who the fuck is this?

DYTIWWA: Now, now, Lucas! Don't get feisty with me. You know you'll pay for it. Save yourself the torture. Your little friend had to pay for it; do you want your life to end too?

PSAWYER23: Don't you dare talk about Peyton like that. I asked you who this is, are you going to answer me? Or are you just a sick fuck that likes to kill people that don't deserve it?

DYTIWWA:I didn't kill the girl. And believe me, Lucas. Peyton deserved everything she got- brought it all upon herself. And trust me, I know. I've been here every step of the way; I've seen her bony ass try to skank up Tree Hill. I wonder if it's contagious, actually. Nathan with that maid, you with Brooke AND Peyton… Even your mother has been whoring it up between Andy and Keith.

PSAWYER23: Nathan and a maid?!

DYTIWWA: Wow, thought you would get pissed that I just called your mother a whore. Guess not. Apparently, you think sleeping with three guys isn't that bad. After all, you have slept with what, two girls since the beginning of Junior year? Who knows if you slept with curly-q. I bet you'll beat your mother's record by age twenty-three… No, no. Nineteen. I'll take bar skank for five hundred, Bob!

PSAWYER23: I swear to God, when I get my hands on you, you're going to regret this. If you're not going to tell me your name- because you are a coward- tell me what you know about Nathan and this… Maid. Did he cheat on Haley?

DYTIWWA: Wow, Lucas. How out of touch are you? Nathan and Haley have been over for exactly a month, to this day. She ended at the jail. Heartbreaking, to say the least. Definitely causing me to tear up. But on the bright side, Nathan's moving on to some maid, which is hilarious. You'd think he'd go for the more adventurous approach- steal a school bus and make out with some girl while driving, but instead he took the boring road and just settled for the bed... But let me tell you something: Nathan's not the only one moving on.

PSAWYER23: Are you talking about Haley?

DYTIWWA: Haley's a whole different bundle of secrets for another day, Lucas. I'm talking about Brooke.

Lucas stood there for a second, now down the street. He looked up, all around him, paranoid. He was so into his conversation with this person that he didn't even realize he had moved an inch.

PSAWYER23: What about Brooke?

DYTIWWA: Just that she's closer than you think. And that other people are in on her secret.

DYTIWWA is no longer available.

"Coward!" Lucas suddenly screamed out on the empty street, hoping the person heard him. The scream made his voice raspy. "God dammit." Lucas whispered desperately, looking up at the sky.

He knew he was now, more than ever, indubitably alone in this one.

Haley was on the touch, her hair tied up in a messy bun with strands falling out around her face. She didn't glance up at Brooke when she walked back into the living room, peering attentively at the book in front of her.

"What's that?" Brooke said, and Haley glanced up, putting her pen behind her ear. She was getting used to Brooke's chattiness, but couldn't ignore the fact her voice was still hoarse and wounded.

"Seven Habits of Highly Effective Teens by Sean Covey." Haley lifted the book up so Brooke could see the cover.

"…Why?" Brooke said, digging into her crackerjack box. Haley stared at it for a second as Brooke pulled out the prize. It wasn't a plastic bracelet, but a small plastic lion.

"U-Uh… For Health. Extra credit." Haley cleared her throat uncomfortably, reaching over for the assignment guidelines.

"I have to write a report about the book, a page describing each habit and how teens can factor them into their everyday life-"

"Boring." Brooke rolled her eyes, pressing madly on the remote to find something to watch. "I don't understand why you're doing extra credit, anyways. You don't need it."

Haley shrugged.

"Do you even have health?" Brooke put down the remote after findng a show. "Why would you be doing work for a class you don't have?"

"It's not for me."

"Doing other people's work?" Brooke looked over, her eyebrows knotted. "What have you done with Haley... And how much are you getting paid?"

"It's for you." Haley frowned, looking down at the book to avoid Brooke's stare.

Brooke took a deep breath.

"And why would you do that?"

Haley hesitated, fumbling with a pen.

"I never told the principal you dropped out of school. I told him you'd be back soon enough and that you'll do the work at home... Which I've been doing and handing in for you." Haley said guiltily, hating the fact she was lying to all the authority at Tree Hill High.

"But I won't be back, Haley!" Brooke's voice was so shrill and ruthless it surprised Haley.

"You need to be in school, Brooke! Have you forgotten you're four months pregnant? Have you forgotten that you have a baby on the way and you're living in an apartment with only one room and you need to have a decent income to support said baby? Or do you just want to ignore the fact?" Haley yelled back, but her tone didn't quite meet Brooke's.

"Screw this." Brooke mumbled angrily, standing up and yanking her coat off the back of the couch.

"Where are you going?!"

"I have a doctor's appointment with Doctor Rockford and she's expecting me to come before she closes up." Brooke was now pulling on her shoes.

"It's not until one, Brooke. You have an hour." Haley reasoned, but Brooke rolled her eyes and grabbed her keys.

"Better being there than here. Don't do anymore work for me, got it? I'm not going back to Tree Hill High. Ever."

Haley watched Brooke storm out of the apartment, slamming the door shut behind her. With a sigh, Haley continued to write the report.

She wasn't going to give up on Brooke.

Lucas walked to the cemetery, a gloomy feeling washing over him. There was a flower stall on his way there, which Lucas planned on stopping by.

"A bouquet of…" Lucas paused, looking over the menu and prices. He felt a sharp pain in his stomach as he read. Roses.

I'll follow you and make a Heaven out of Hell, and I'll die by your hand which I love so well.

"Guess three months can change everything."

"Sir?" The man said, breaking Lucas out of his trance. Lucas cleared his throat uncomfortably.

"Sorry. I'll take a bouquet of yellow daises and a bouquet of purple tulips with baby's breath, please." Lucas said to the man, who smiled at him and quickly rang it up, putting the bouquet quickly together.

Lucas wanted so dearly to go back to that time, not to run from Brooke because he was so selfish. He would have stood by her and now he didn't know where the hell she was.

Lucas made his way to the cemetery, knowing the way to Keith's grave by heart. The flowers he placed there a couple of days ago were withering slightly, so he replaced them with the daisies.

"Hey, Keith." Lucas whispered, kneeling down in front of Keith's grave with the other bouquet in his hands.

"Still haven't found Brooke. Hope you're doing well... Wherever you are." Lucas sighed, still staring at the Keith's grave. He wished so desperately Keith was still here, that he had came in time that night…

An icy cold breeze blew through the cemetery, sending chills up and down his back. It was odd because for a December day, it was reasonably warm for the season. Lucas simply smirked at the grave, taking it as a sign.

"Thanks, Keith. Say hi to Peyton for me." He reached out to touch the cold stone before standing up and walking to Peyton's grave.

Lucas placed the tulips in front of Peyton's grave, which wasn't too far from Keith's. "Hello, Mrs. Sawyer." Lucas pulled out a long tulip from the bouquet and leaned over, placing it in front of Anna Sawyer's grave.

Lucas turned back to Peyton's grave, an ache in his chest. "I'm so sorry." He said helplessly, feeling at fault. He could have jumped in front of Peyton, why didn't he? Why didn't his impulses react quicker?

"Brooke is too, I'm sure…" Lucas trailed off, looking away. He plucked a dandelion out of the ground, twirling it around between his fingers.

"She would have been here during the funeral, but she's just- Well, I don't really know how she is. Should I even be talking to you about this right now? The last thing I wanted to do was disgrace your memory, Peyton." Lucas raised the dandelion up to his mouth, taking a deep breath.

Not caring how childish it seemed, Lucas made a wish with all his strength and blew.

"Nathan!" Dan's voice bellowed through the house, and Nathan lazily ran a hand over his face.

"What?" Nathan called back, his voice weary from thought. There was no reply. "What?!" Nathan now shouted. He sat up on his bed, waiting.

Dan finally opened the door. "When I call your name, I expect you to come." Dan hissed, and Nathan laughed.

"Who died and made you king?" Nathan retorted, a smug smirk on his face.

"Do you really want me to answer that?" Dan asked, and the smirk fell from Nathan's face.

There was a moment of silence when Dan cleared his throat. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that."

Apologizing? This made Nathan look up at him oddly.

"There's a Christmas banquet being held for all the basketball players and cheerleaders two hours from here. I would like for you and your brother to come. You both will be strong contributions to the team." Dan said, leaning against the doorframe.

"I haven't had a decent conversation with Lucas in months."

"So?"

"He's never going to do it, Dan! You killed- He hates you."

Dan shook his head. "Correction. He hated me. That is, after you convince him to tag along. If you don't do this for me, and you can trust me on this, you will be back in jail."

Nathan watched Dan leave the room, and he sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

Brooke waited in the clinic, her leg bouncing up and down nervously. She hated doctor's appointments, there was always a chance someone could see her. Even with her hair tied up and oversized sunglasses.

There were two women leaving the clinic- Mrs. Smith and another woman for the Booster's Club.

"I heard the poor girl is pregnant." Mrs. Smith whispered to her friend while signing out.

"It's a shame. She made a good cheerleader. I wonder who knocked her up." The other one snickered, and Brooke froze.

"I heard it was Lucas Scott. A girl heard her and that little Haley girl- you know, Nathan's wife... Or ex-wife- talking in the girl's bathroom."

This made Brooke's heart speed up. Who heard her?!

"It's a damn shame, if you ask me. The girl had potential; you know she wanted to be a fashion designer? Just like Karen, she got abandoned by a Scott boy."

Brooke refrained from allowing tears well up in her eyes as Mrs. Smith glanced over at her friend.

"She is like Karen- not showing her face. She's a weak coward."

The subject now changed.

"When do the buses arrive tonight for the Christmas banquet? It's in a town two hours away, isn't it?"

"Seven sharp, the kids have to be there at 6:30 to go over rules and regulations." Mrs. Smith said, checking her watch.

"That's a bit early, you think? All weekend, our babies won't get to open their presents tomorrow. Christmas morning without my boy..." The woman choked up slightly.

"Over half the team- including the cheerleaders- has absentee parents. They'd rather be with each other than no one…" The two women were no longer in hearing distance as they exited the clinic. Brooke sat there, stunned.

How dare anyone say that she was weak, never mind a coward? Brooke Davis was no coward, if only they knew what she was going through-

Don't play a victim, you're pathetic! You're stronger than that, than them. They're catty and I'm ashamed that you'd let them get to you like that. Frankly, I'm ashamed of everything you've been doing- hiding, moping… Everything. Lucas wants you back, so stop wasting time and put your life back together!

Brooke could have sworn the words that just went through her mind weren't hers, but she didn't want to think of the other possibilities. She brushed a stray piece of hair out of her face and waited anxiously, erasing the brief image of her former blonde best friend out of her mind.

"Ms. Davis?" The nurse called, and Brooke glanced around before standing up and hurriedly walked to the nurse's side. What the nurse said then made her freeze in surprise.

"Right this way, my dear. Today you will find out the sex of your baby! Aren't you excited?"

Lucas returned home, his mother no longer outside. In fact, all the lights were off and his mother's car wasn't in the driveway.

"Took you long enough." A low voice greeted him before he even got up the porch stairs, followed by the swing creaking.

"Nathan?" Lucas was surprised, almost thinking he wasn't seeing Nathan. "Weren't you in jail?"

"I got out." Nathan said casually, hands stuffed in his pockets. Lucas couldn't help but question in his mind on what terms he got out- and how. He was supposed to be doing up to a year.

"Are you going to the banquet?" Nathan asked suddenly. He figured he wouldn't beat around the bush- there was no use in that. Lucas laughed as he opened the front door, stuffing the keys in his coat and allowing Nathan inside.

"The Christmas banquet? Come on, Nate. I haven't played basketball since…" Lucas trailed off, preferring not to end that sentence.

Nathan shook his head, trying to make himself come across as ashamed. Frankly, he didn't care. He didn't care about anything.

"Let me ask you a question." Nathan said, and Lucas nodded, walking to the kitchen. "What did you used to do when you were stressed?"

Lucas took a deep breath. "Talk to H-" Lucas cut himself off. Haley was the first person that would come to mind, but Nathan was standing next to him.

"Talk to Brooke." Lucas answered, and Nathan shook his head. "What if Brooke wasn't there? What then?"

"Then I'd go to Peyton… Or you."

Nathan laughed out of spite at that, and shook his head again.

"What if you had no one to talk to?"

"I'd play basketball."

"Theoretically speaking, if you had no one to talk to, what would you do if you were angry?"

"Basketball."

"Sad?"

"…Basketball."

"Excited? Happy?"

"Listen, Nate-" Lucas cut off impatiently. He didn't need a lecture.

"No, you listen!" Nathan shrill voice in turn cut Lucas off. "You want your life to go back to normal?"

Lucas took a deep breath, and nodded his head just once.

"Then you have to start where it all began. And that is basketball. I'll see you at Tree Hill High at 6:30."

Nathan flashed a grin at Lucas, who still wasn't sure. He wasn't going to let him protest, though, and walked out the front door.

Brooke opened the front door to the apartment, and Haley snapped her book shut, shoving it under her notebook.

"How was the doctor's appointment?" Haley asked, and Brooke sat on the end of the couch. She put her head in her hands. "Brooke? W-what's wrong?"

"Nothing." Brooke's voice was muffled by her hands. She took a deep breath and looked up.

"I need to fix my mistakes. With Lucas, with dropping out of school… Everything." Haley had a feeling Brooke couldn't bring herself to say Peyton's name.

"What brought this on?" Haley said, scooting down near Brooke.

"I'm having a boy, Haley."