DISCLAIMER: Everything of any worth belongs to Paramount.
NOTES: Episode Add on For Human Error
Part 2 - TALAXIAN TENDERLOIN IN TEN MINUTES
"Chakotay, as you might know I've taken an interest in culinary science. I'm preparing a meal tomorrow night and I thought perhaps you could attend to evaluate my work," Seven asked
"I'd be happy to," the first officer replied.
"Nineteen hundred hours? "
Chakotay smiled graciously
"I'll bring the wine and the furniture," he noted.
"Then you accept?" Seven asked, a little taken aback by his answer.
"It's a date."
Seven found herself staring at the astrometrics screen, not really noticing the stream of data that ran across it.
Her mind played that scene over and over again to her. Although she had programmed the Chakotay character, she hadn't expected him to respond so readily to her invitation. That feeling of utter surprise had stuck with her; it was something that she as an ex-drone with the knowledge of thousands got to experience so very rarely. Even after she had been admonished by Janeway and prevented from returning to her dream by her own body, the thought of her time with the Commander stayed with her.
She had picked Chakotay for obvious reasons. He had admirable qualities, she had told the Doctor, and that was the truth. He was an excellent officer, perhaps more so rather than because of his tumultuous background.
He was passionate and strong in his convictions. He stood his ground with pride, but he was as equally unafraid of admitting he was wrong or that another idea was better. On a more personal note, she had observed him to be extremely kind hearted. He was much admired by the crew. Lieutenant Torres shared a bond that was very close, and Seven had been observed that she was able to push him much further than others. He doted on her like a sister. Naomi Wildman, equally as close to Seven, also doted on him. He in return was extraordinarily patient and generous with her, often sitting with her for hours telling her stories.
All in all, he was a very appropriate choice for her. Seven had surprised herself how much she had enjoyed his company, how much it had pleased her to look upon him.
But despite all the pleasant feelings associated with her recent exploration of her human condition, Seven felt ill at ease. Scared.
What frightened Seven was just how often in the last year she had gotten pleasure and satisfaction from suspending reality and living in dream worlds.
First there had been Unimatrix zero, and Axum. She had resisted it at first, believing the feelings she had there to be a malfunction. But the ease with which she could be herself there was compelling to her, as was Axum.
Then there had been their stay on Quarra, the effects of which most of the crew were still trying to come to terms with. Seven had noticed how quiet and withdrawn the captain had become since then. Seven understood her loss, she had felt it when she had been forced to say goodbye to Axum. She had vowed never to feel that way again.
Yet here she was, creating her own worlds to live in and as of this morning, forcing herself to say good bye again. Only this time it wasn't so easy.
"Penny for them."
Seven span around, forced from her reverie by the familiar gravelly voice.
"I apologize captain," she blurted," I did not here you enter."
Kathryn Janeway gave her protégé a small smile.
"No law against day dreaming Seven," she reassured her," Not even in Starfleet."
"Lately, I believe I have been doing a little too much day dreaming, as you call it," Seven replied.
Janeway raised a quizzical eyebrow. But Seven thought it better on this occasion not to confront her with the truth. Whilst Starfleet may not have rules against day dreaming, Seven surmised, they probably had very good ones about romantic relationships with holographic representations of the first officer.
"It is a long story," Seven replied succinctly.
"Maybe you could tell it to me sometime," Janeway sighed," I could use a good story about now."
"Perhaps," Seven agreed, but she saw little chance of that happening.
Seven watched her mentor, as she idly ran her finger along the console, inspecting it every now and then for dust. Whilst Kathryn Janeway was a stickler for some things, spot inspections were more in Tuvok's purview. Her eyes were dark, obviously victim to not enough sleep and too much coffee. Janeway's usual confidant stride seemed swallowed up by more tentative steps. Running her finger along another console, the captain inspected closely for debris. Part of Seven was pleased that she had detailed that job to Icheb only a few days ago.
"Is there something I can help you with, Captain?" Seven asked, eventually.
Janeway shook her head.
"No," she replied.
The captain's lack of forthcoming information triggered one of Seven's natural Borg traits and she found herself becoming a little frustrated with the situation. Reticence was a trait that she would have associated more with Chakotay than she would the Captain. No one had ever accused Kathryn Janeway of dallying in voicing her opinion on anything. The rush of old habits to her was like a salve on her uncertain mind right now. With her usual Borg tact then, or rather lack of it, Seven looked her captain squarely in the eye.
"Then may I ask why you are here," Seven pushed.
Kathryn sighed heavily and sat down on the steps that led to the upper observation section.
"Truthfully?" Kathryn asked, and Seven nodded, a little guilty that she had not afforded her captain with the same honesty. "I'm avoiding Chakotay and Tuvok."
Seven edged closer to the captain, focusing her eyes on her console, even though she didn't see the readings. Seven had observed the gesture being used by others when they wished to talk of personal matters, the Doctor in particular.
Seven watched as the captain stared down at the deck, lost in her thoughts. After what Seven considered an appropriate time, 10.5 seconds, she looked up to address her commanding officer.
"Why would you feel the need to avoid your senior officers?" she asked.
Janeway chuckled to herself, but she was sure that it would sound more like a disgruntled snort to Seven. It was probably not the most virtuous element of the repository of human emotion to show her protégé, but it was how she felt. Ever since she had said goodbye to Jaffen she had watched Chakotay's eyes follow her around the bridge, and she had watched Tuvok follow her just about everywhere else. She knew damn well that Chakotay had ordered Tuvok to keep and eye on her at all times, purely because she had made it damn clear to Chakotay that she wanted a little space from him at the moment. She had fully expected to crawl out of bed this morning and find her chief of security sat in her bathroom, holding her toothbrush ready for her.
For a brief moment she thought it would almost be better to have Chakotay back fussing around her.
"At least I can tell him where to go when I want to," she muttered aloud.
"Captain?" Seven queried.
"Oh nothing," Janeway sighed, "I just thought that if I came in here to see you, they would assume I was working and they would stop coming to see me or at the very least stop calling me every five minutes."
Seven considered the Captain's statement.
"A logical assumption," Seven agreed," You are most welcome to 'hide out' here."
Janeway grinned for perhaps the first time in days. She could see so much of Tom and Harry's influence in Seven. It had done her good, it seemed.
"I just wish that I had had the fore thought to beam a book here," Janeway lamented.
It was a small concern she knew, but the lack of space over the last month had made her begin to long desperately for just five minutes of peace and quiet to read her poetry books. In almost a month, she had failed at every attempt to make it to the end of her Elizabeth Barrett Browning because of one call or another. It was almost becoming an obsession with her.
Seven saw the look in Janeway's eyes and remembered all those times she had tried to get close to her holo-Chakotay, only to have the real one yank her back to the real world. It had become an obsession for her too, to get just five minutes alone with her ersatz first officer.
"Perhaps I might suggest an alternative arrangement," Seven offered.
"I tried Jeffries tubes," Janeway tried to pre-empt her," Chakotay just sends B'Elanna in after me. Tried the shuttle bay and Tom appears. Sickbay is a definite no-no, even if I weren't due a physical. I thought about hiding out in the female locker room in the gymnasium but I keep expecting Harry Kim to pop out of somewhere…. and that is just not conducive to reading anything."
As she raised her hand to rub the stress from the bridge of her nose, Janeway thought she actually saw Seven smile.
"I was going to suggest something a little less drastic," Seven replied.
Janeway looked up instantly.
"Go on, I'm listening," she prodded her.
"I need your comm badge," Seven ordered, holding her hand out.
Almost blindly, Janeway followed orders, pulling the communicator from her chest and placing it in the ex-drone's hand.
And almost as she did so she felt the familiar tingle of the transporter. She reappeared in the hush quiet semi darkness of her quarters. Feeling the silence wash over her almost to the point of giddiness, she turned to see her desk computer come to life, Seven's face on it.
"Sometimes the simplest answers are the best," the Borg offered.
"Tuvok will work this out, Seven," Janeway replied, her voice sinking into a little sadness at the thought of this freedom being gone soon," and if he doesn't, Chakotay sure as hell will."
"I have removed all traces of the transport and masked the life signs in your quarters. For all intents and purposes, you are still here. Admittedly this will not fool Commander Chakotay or Commander Tuvok indefinitely, but it will serve to give you a few hours of peace and quiet," Seven noted.
"How on earth can you manage that," Janeway asked curiously," those systems are supposed to be fool proofed against tampering."
Seven seemed to think about her answer for a minute, and Janeway would swear again that the younger woman's mouth twitched into a smile.
"Let's just say the computer and I had a long conversation on the nature of Borg adaptation," Seven noted.
"Adaptation ? " Janeway echoed.
"Indeed," Seven replied," After a while the computer realized that resistance was futile."
Janeway couldn't help the laugh that burst forth from her. She reveled in the sense of relief that that one simple act had given her.
"Seven," Janeway noted when her laughing subsided," I do believe that you are developing a sense of humour."
"Perhaps," Seven replied.
Seven watched as Janeway looked at the quiet darkness around her; saw the peace that it offered.
"Thank you Seven," she finally said quietly.
"You are welcome," she replied.
"And I might not be able to lecture the computer in adaptability," Janeway added," but rumour has it I have some sway with the captain. Send the hounds my way when they start barking."
And Janeway knew that Chakotay would come barking. With out fail.
"Pleasant reading, Captain," Seven noted, and with that she shut down the comm link.
Kathryn Janeway surveyed the peace and solitude and was thankful yet again that she had decided to keep Seven around all those years ago. With a relaxed sigh, she retrieved her Browning from behind the couch where she had tossed it in frustration the other day when Chakotay had called her about something.
Damn him, she thought as she pulled the book back out. She hated his sweetness right now more than she hated anything. She needed someone to be angry at and he was making himself patently unavailable.
Realising how petty she sounded, Janeway slumped in her chair, pulling the afghan around her shoulders.
With unabash'd and unabated gaze,
Teach me to hope for, what the angels know
When they smile clear as thou dost
That was what had niggled her most she thought, the fact that Chakotay could smile, now of all times.
Kathryn had expected him of all people to understand how she felt having to leave Jaffen behind. Chakotay had seen the two of them together, had seen Kathryn move in with Jaffen. Considering all that he had said to her on New Earth, about not giving up the present for a future that may never happen, she had expected him more than anyone to understand her decision to embrace life on Quarra. Admittedly, her work satisfaction had been programmed into her, but her relationship with Jaffen had been all her own doing.
Her life with Jaffen had been everything she couldn't have here. Admittedly Jaffen hadn't had Chakotay's sense of humour or his gentle kindness, but he had loved her…
Janeway looked up from her book, slamming it shut as she did so.
"Since when do I have to make anyone and everyone in my life live up to Chakotay?" she cursed loudly, refusing to admit to her herself that perhaps her feelings for Jaffen had not run as deep as his had for her.
She didn't wait to hear her answer herself. She didn't trust herself to hear her answer. Instead she decided now was a good time as any for a soak in her bath tub, since she was pretty sure that at least for the next hour Tuvok wasn't likely to appear sat on her toilet, nor Harry from behind the pipe work. Defiantly slamming her book on the table, and with a livid scowl and a frown the size of the Grand Canyon, she headed for her bathroom.
Chakotay had expected subterfuge from Kathryn. In fact, he had been waiting for it. But he hadn't expected it from Seven and that intrigued him.
He knew that Tuvok has taken his instructions to keep and eye on Kathryn a little too literally, and was, in a very real sense, around every corner that Kathryn turned. But once he had issued the order, Chakotay had had a hard time retracting it, so he had chosen to leave it alone instead.
He had waited calmly, noticeably absent from Kathryn's field of view. It was hard for him, not being there for her. But her hostility towards him now was growing, and he reckoned he knew why.
Even if he didn't understand the details of the how's and whys of her relationship with Jaffen, the fact that they had existed at all and that he had taken her from that life was enough to put him on her wrong side right now. His being in her face would have just made things worse, he thought.
Not that Tuvok wasn't already driving her to distraction, but Chakotay's presence on top of that would have made her even angrier and they would eventually have ended up having another fight, one perhaps they wouldn't walk away from so unscathed this time.
He loved Kathryn with all he had, he admitted to himself, but it wasn't worth their friendship to be anything more than a shadow right now.
So a shadow he had been, skulking just out of Kathryn and Tuvok's eyeshot. He had managed to keep a good ninety percent of the people that wanted to see her out of her hair, but he doubted very much Kathryn saw it that way.
Chakotay had watched Kathryn's movements on his computer in his office when Tuvok reported that she was on her way to astrometrics. He didn't normally follow her that closely. But he knew Kathryn very well, and she rarely dropped by astrometrics unless she had a reason. Since that whole thing with the subspace munitions range had drifted away with yesterday's news, there had been very little for Seven to do there, let alone two of them.
After about fifteen minutes of watching the little blue dots, Chakotay worked it out, much like Kathryn had told Seven that he would. He knew enough about Borg data pathways now to know where to look, and indeed he found Seven's fingerprints, as it were, all over the waste reclamation and recycling subroutines.
It truly was the last place anyone would look for back up transport commands, unless of course you had been the one to put them there in the first place. Smiling at Seven's adaptations of his own seven year old work, he closed down his console and headed for deck 3.
When Janeway had emerged from her bathroom, she was not surprised in the least to find Chakotay sat on her couch. Her scowl returned with a gusto.
"Well I told her it wouldn't take you long," she noted tersely as she walked over to her dresser for her brush.
"If you'd have gone anywhere but astrometrics, I might have thought twice. But you've never spent more than five minutes there in the past fours years unless you really had to," he smiled," so taking voluntary stroll to hang out there today of all days seemed a little out of the ordinary shall we say."
"Fine, Inspector Clouseau, you worked it out, now do you mind getting the hell out of my quarters," she snapped back at him.
Chakotay watched her fairly beat her own hair to death with her brush. He was probably one of the few people who found her more beautiful when she was angry than he did the rest of the time.
"It's Thursday," he replied softly.
Janeway stopped mid brush and closed her eyes. She was in no mood for his weekly endeavors to ensure that she ate one decent meal.
"I don't feel like dinner tonight," she finally said matter of factly a minute later, " Raincheck?"
"And so it begins," he muttered softly.
"What?" she barked, turning to face him.
"You're shutting yourself away again."
"Whose fault is that," she spat, part of her regretting it as soon as she said it, part of her hoping it hurt him like hell. Why should she be the only one to feel lousy?
"There are people who need you, Kathryn," Chakotay barked back, his temper rising.
" Who ?" she asked incredulously, " Everyone on this ship has just been very well reminded that everyone and everything they need is thirty thousand light years away."
"So you do regret me turning up," he yelled at her, surprising himself.
He had had an idea that first day she had returned to the bridge, that she was thinking that very thought. That was the day that he had decided that hope had passed again and he had boxed away his feelings again.
" What do you want me to say," she shouted back at him," that I don't regret you turning up yet again to take me away from any semblance of peace and happiness ?"
Chakotay looked at her, eyes blazing.
" I never took happiness from you, Kathryn," he said in a voice so angrily quiet it reached her like no yell would have," I think you need to look in the mirror for that one."
"Get out," she replied coldly; resisting the urge to throw all those things around her quarters that he had bought her at him as he left.
Standing from his position on the sofa, he pulled himself up straight and tall, his face impassive, hers with a look of anger and dripping hatred watching his every move.
"Yes ma'am," he replied icily, his voice thick with danger as she turned away from him to stare out of the viewport.
His voice had been that same level of dark threat and anger as yesterday when she had wondered why Seven wasn't at her post. She could have skated on the ice that had formed between them when he answered her, not once averting his eyes from the console in front of him.
"Good question. Maybe you should ask her."
It had hurt to say the least. But she had thought at the time that he was just angry at Seven.
When Kathryn looked around from the view port again, he was gone. She heard something crash against the wall in Chakotay's quarters a few moments later, and part of her regretted what she had said and done to him. He had after all done the right thing in coming back for her, for all of them. He had done for her what she had promised to do for him and the others for the last seven years, to ensure that no one would get left behind.
But all the rational thinking in the universe couldn't seem to fill the void inside of her right now, a pit of gnawing darkness that seemed to be growing. That life on Quarra might have been fabrication, but the long buried needs that that life had brought out and fulfilled in her was very real. She had meant something to someone. Someone had been there to listen to her every whinge and regret, to comment of her plans and share in her stories. She had someone to lean on. Someone who would be there for her no matter what.
And as Kathryn Janeway placed her brush back on the dresser and straightened the collar of her uniform, she realized that she hadn't been thinking of Jaffen, and the person who had given her all those things was the very same man she had tossed out her quarters.
And because of that, however irrationally, she hated Chakotay even more right now.
As Chakotay collected the last of the glass fragments from the base of the bulkhead where they had shattered, he made a mental note to get maintenance services in here tomorrow to do something about the ink stains and sand all over the place. He hadn't intended to vent so violently, but Kathryn had hurt him more than he had thought possible, which was quite something considering the number of fights they had had over the years. He had eventually decided that throwing things in his quarters was a lot more conducive to a long and peaceful life some time in the future than throwing himself out of the airlock, which was the only other thing that he was remotely interested in doing right now.
Chakotay slumped in his chair, and looked blankly at the adjoining bulkhead between his and Kathryn's quarters. He thought of her going about her normal routine in there, when his life was falling apart in here. He had tried desperately to box his feelings away a few weeks ago; to protect himself from this, from what he knew was coming. It seemed he didn't box them away enough, because he hurt like hell right now.
Desperate for something to think about other than how much he friendship with Kathryn had fallen apart over the last few weeks, Chakotay started to page through the messages on his padd. There was one from Neelix that was so ridiculous an event to think about going to, it was probably the best place for him right now.
"Talaxian tenderloin in ten minutes," he muttered to himself as he pulled himself to his feet," Now I know she's driven me out of my mind."
Seven had been surprised to say the least that no one had come looking for the Captain in astrometrics for the entire afternoon, especially as Seven had been convinced that her use of Commander Chakotay's old back door transport commands would have triggered an alert some where.
With the captain's comm badge in one hand, and her report on the subspace munitions range in the other, Seven wearily headed of in the direction of the cargo bay. She had regenerated sporadically over the last week or so and she was tired the more so for it. An evening of prolonged regeneration had become and appealing thought to her.
"Where's the fire? " Chakotay called out to her as he trotted into step with her.
He had been surprised that it had been Seven who had aided and abetted the captain's escape from Tuvok, to say the least. He had rather thought that Kathryn would prevail on the Starfleet tendencies of Tom or Harry. It had intrigued him as well, because Seven had never been one to think outside the box before.
"Fire? " Seven had echoed lamely, surprised as she was by his approach to her. Chakotay had never willingly walked with her for the sake of walking before.
"You seem to be in a hurry," He noted
"I have to finish my report on the subspace warheads."
"The ship's out of danger, thanks to you. You've earned a break. Why don't you join me in the Mess hall? Neelix is going to give a cooking lesson. Talaxian tenderloin in ten minutes."
Even Chakotay couldn't believe he was asking her to join him for a cooking session. Seven looked at him several times before she answered.
" I'm no longer interested in cooking," Seven answered him bluntly, suddenly flustered by his attentions and wondering for all she was worth where the confidence she had felt in the holodeck with her holo-Chakotay had gone.
The real Chakotay smiled at her.
"Then come for the company," he offered, and suddenly wondering whether Seven would be frightened by his forwardness he added," B'Elanna's going to be there, Tuvok even promised to show up. It'll be fun. "
That, Chakotay promised himself silently, was going to be the first and last time that he ever admitted to anyone the possibility that and evening with Tuvok, Neelix and a pot roast was going to be fun.
Seven raised a curious eyebrow at the list of guests, much the same as Chakotay had done when he had found out.
"I appreciate your offer. Another time, perhaps," she replied.
Chakotay sighed inwardly; he had kind of liked the idea of an evening out with a laterally thinking Seven.
"You know," he began," you should try socializing with the crew a little more. It might do you some good."
From any one else, Seven thought that she would have been offended, but she saw the same glint in this Chakotay's eye, that she had seen in her own, and that was a look she understood well.
She nodded gratefully to him, as he slowly walked away. Seven idled a couple of paces, only to turn to catch Chakotay watching her. He smiled nervously at her again, before he turned back and carried on towards the mess hall.
As Seven entered the turbolift at the end of the corridor, her mind played over the invitation in her mind. Whilst not a venue or event listed on the Doctor's approved social calendar, Seven had to admit that as ludicrous as it sounded for a person of her skills and background, Talaxian tenderloin in ten minutes sounded like it would be, as Chakotay noted, a lot of fun. Straightening herself to her full height, Seven ordered the turbolift to a stop.
"Halt turbolift," she said with a smile, "Change destination, Deck 2 Mess Hall."