Last chapter. Sorry it took longer than expected.
Unbeta'd - mistakes are mine.
Harry squints at the clock on the bedside table and then turns his attention back to Ruth, who is still asleep. She's lying on her stomach and he can't resist placing a gentle kiss between her shoulder blades, marvelling at the softness of her skin. She stirs but doesn't wake. His mouth travels along the length of her spine, leaving a trail of tender kisses. When his lips reach the sensitive spot at the small of her back, she murmurs his name. He rewards her with another kiss, applying more pressure this time, and allowing himself to taste her skin. She wriggles about and then turns onto her side, still not completely awake.
"Merry Christmas," he whispers in her ear.
"Mmm?" She reaches out to him, unsure if she's dreaming. Her hand connects with warm skin and muscle, reassuring her that the man beside her is real. "Merry Christmas", she murmurs, turning her head a little and smiling.
He gives in to the temptation of her soft lips and warm embrace.
Her fingers wander over his chest, finally coming to rest on one of his newer scars. She doesn't have to say anything.
"I got set up," he states, calmly. "By people I'd known a long time, that I trusted. They betrayed me."
She listens, in silence, as he explains what was done; the intricate web of lies, weaved so easily and without remorse; how he was deceived by people he would have given his life for, and very nearly did.
"When I got too close to the truth, they delivered their dossier of misinformation to the DG and the Home Secretary. I got arrested and questioned-"
"Interrogated," she interrupts. "By your own side?"
"Interrogated is quite a strong word, Ruth."
"But that's what they did, isn't it? I know what goes on, Harry. I know the things they do!"
He attempts to placate her. "At least I knew what to expect. And I've been through worse."
"That doesn't excuse what they did," she continues, slightly less angrily. "You've given so much, Harry."
"Too much," he replies, quietly.
One of her hands gently cups his face. "There are some things you still have, you'll always have."
"Even after everything I've done?"
"Yes."
Her faith in him is frightening and, he thinks, quite possibly misplaced. "Ruth, I murdered two men, in cold blood."
"I'm not so sure that what you did to Kachimov was cold-blooded. Wasn't it a reaction to what had happened to Adam? A way of making the person responsible pay for his actions?"
She makes it sound so reasoned, so justified, he can almost believe she forgives him.
"A long time ago," Ruth continues, "Zoë told me about a young admin officer called Helen, who was brutally murdered. She said you ensured that the man responsible would never be able to hurt anyone else again. I knew exactly what she meant."
He looks at her for a long moment. "Doesn't it frighten you, hearing these things? Doesn't it make you wonder what sort of man I am?"
"I know what sort of man you are. You're brave, honourable, decent. And prepared to defend the people and the things you love, to the death."
"I didn't come here so you could salve my conscience-"
"Then tell me about the FSB officer you garrotted," she counters, although she's terrified this revelation might prove to be the sin that is unforgivable.
"He was one of the team sent after us when we removed Connie from the holding centre. We'd already been ambushed once and only just managed to get away. He followed me into a subway, I…killed him. If I hadn't-"
"He would have killed you."
Harry can hear the relief in Ruth's voice. Despite what she'd said, there had still been a grain of doubt in her mind. A fear that he wasn't the man she thought he was.
"Yes," he says. "He would have killed me."
She's quiet for a while, lost in thought.
"I think I know why you came here," she offers, eventually. "You wanted to know if there was still something in here." She presses her hand against his chest, feeling his steady heartbeat under her fingers. "There is, Harry. Me. In the same way," she says, placing his hand over her heart, "that you're still in here."
He pulls her closer, needing to feel her against him again. "We've never really been apart, have we?" he breathes, just before his lips meet hers.
Her reply is lost in their kiss.
---
"Do you have any plans for today?" Harry questions, winding a lock of Ruth's hair around his fingers. When she doesn't respond, he gently nudges her. "Hey. Did you hear me?"
She shuffles about, nuzzling her face into his neck. "Yes."
"Yes, you have plans, or yes, you heard me?"
"Heard you. No plans."
She doesn't say any more and he assumes she's gone back to sleep. He moves, slowly, so he doesn't disturb her and carefully folds back the covers.
He's sitting on the edge of the bed, turning his shirt out the right way, when he senses movement behind him.
"Not planning on sneaking off are you?" an apprehensive voice questions.
"Of course not," he replies, shifting round to face her. "I'm going to phone Wes. I told him I'd ring him today."
"Oh, right. Sorry." She looks away from him, ashamed of her insecurity. "Is it safe?" she suddenly questions. "Calling him from here? Your location could be traced."
"It's fine," he reassures. "Malcolm's tinkered with the phone. Don't ask me to explain what he did because I don't entirely understand. But he's fixed it so that any calls I make can't be traced." He leans forward and kisses her. "I promise. You're safe."
She wraps her arms around his shoulders. "Thank you," she whispers, holding him to her.
When Ruth lets go of him, Harry makes his phone call. As he talks, he moves from the bed and walks across the room to the window. She watches him and listens to his half of the conversation, trying to guess what Wes is saying.
"I'm with a friend…a special friend…we're looking after each other." Harry turns and smiles at her. "Yes, there's been snow." He laughs. "I haven't built a snowman for a long time. It sounds like a good idea to me."
He listens patiently as Wes asks him something. "I will. And you be a good boy and help your Grandma." There's more silence and Harry's demeanour changes slightly. "I know, so do I…yes, I promise…I love you too."
After he ends the call, Harry remains standing by the window, with his back to Ruth. She waits until he's ready to face her again. He runs a hand over his face as he turns around, attempting to hide the evidence of his tears.
"Come here." She holds her hand out to him and he reaches for her.
She rocks him in her arms as he cries, knowing he will heal now that he's finally allowed himself to start grieving for all that he's lost.
---
Harry's mind is fuzzy, caught somewhere between sleep and consciousness, and he can't quite make out what is being whispered in his ear. Something about a snowman, he thinks.
"I said let's go and build a snowman."
This time, Ruth's words clearly register with him. "Crazy woman," he mumbles but without malice. The idea appeals to him more than he wants to admit.
She sticks her tongue out at him. "We can take a photo of our snowman and send it to Wes," she says, her face becoming more serious. "That's not so crazy is it?"
"No," he smiles. "Not crazy at all."
She watches him get dressed. "Tell me the rest of it," she asks, as he puts his shirt on. "Did you find the Russian sleeper."
"In a roundabout way," he says, dryly. "The plan was for the sleeper to detonate a portable nuclear bomb in central London. We needed Connie's information to pinpoint exactly where but we were running out of time. I had to take a chance that the FSB in London wouldn't know what was being planned and wouldn't want to martyr themselves, or their families, so I arranged a meeting with Viktor Sarkisiian, the new station chief. I managed to persuade him to call off his team and he did."
"And?"
"They retrieved the bomb for us. It was in Grosvenor Square. Connie defused it. Well, she got the uranium out. The conventional explosive went off. In her face."
Ruth is silent, analysing everything Harry's told her. "What about Sarkisiian?" she finally asks, certain there's something she's missed. "His superiors can't have been happy he helped you stop the bomb. How did he explain…oh my God. He had you to offer them. That's what he did, isn't it?"
When Harry doesn't reply, she moves closer to him and grabs hold of his arms. "What did the Russians do to you?"
"Ruth-"
"Tell me!"
"They took me to Felixstowe and put me on a container ship. We got delayed by bad weather so I tried to make a run for it while the crew were playing cards." He smiles, ruefully. "Unfortunately, I'm not so fast on my feet these days and they caught me."
"They beat you up?"
"They knocked me about a bit."
"Don't lie to me," she says, quietly. "I've seen the scars."
Harry sighs. "If they'd wanted to kill me, they would've done."
She knows he's right; they could have dumped him in the North Sea and he'd never have been seen again. She shudders at the thought.
"Are you sure you want to hear all this?" he gently enquires.
"Yes."
"It was still rough when we set sail for Rotterdam so they locked me in a cabin. We'd been in port for a couple of hours before one of the crew came and got me. He left me on the dockside. Then a taxi turned up and the driver took me to the railway station. When he dropped me off, he gave me an envelope with 100 Euros in it and wished me well. I got on the first train I could, liberated a mobile phone from one of the passengers and called Malcolm. Within a few hours, I was back in London."
"The Russians just let you go?" Ruth asks, disbelievingly.
"Yes. I swear to you that is the truth."
She relaxes her hold on him. "I'm sorry."
"It's OK." He slides his arms around her waist, holding her against him. "You know all of it now, I promise."
She doesn't say anything for several minutes but then finally voices a question she's been avoiding. "What are you going to do?"
"What do you mean?" he replies, clearly puzzled.
"When Christmas is over. You'll go back to London won't you?"
"I promised I'd go and see Wes before he goes back to school. I can't let him down."
"And after you've seen him, what will you do then?"
He places a soft kiss on the top of her head. "That's up to you."
The End
Thanks for reading. :)