DISCLAIMER: Everything of any worth belongs to Paramount.

NOTES: Episode Add on For Friendship One

THE FRIENDSHIP OF ONE

Kathryn Janeway entered the silence of her Ready Room and stopped briefly to savor it. It felt as good to her now as coffee. It was running a close race to better than coffee.

There were many good things about being that much closer to home. There were letters from Earth at a more regular rate. There was even the chance to physically call home.

Kathryn had had to wait 'til almost the end of the queue for her chance to call home, but it had been a call she had needed to make more than she thought she had.

She had been nervous at first, wondering what she was going to say to her after all this time. She had made it almost all the way to the Astrometrics lab before her courage had failed her. Her, for heaven's sake!. She, Captain Kathryn Janeway, scourge of the Borg, had turned about face and gone about a dozen paces back down the corridor she had just travelled before she had found Chakotay patiently leant against the wall beside the lift.

" Oh no you don't," he chuckled as he took her by the shoulders and turned her back in the direction of Astrometrics again.

" Oh Chakotay," she had wailed," Don't make me do this. I'm not ready for this."

Chakotay had chuckled again as he kept his palm pressed firmly against the space between her shoulder blades and gently pushed her down the corridor before him.

" Its your mother, Kathryn," he had smiled, faint amusement touching his face.

" Exactly," she protested.

" You've been looking forward to this for weeks," he noted, remembering how he had first hit upon this call to her mother in a bid to raise her out of another bout of depression. It had settled on her out of the blue during the Doctor's sentient rights trial. She had been surly and uncommunicative for a few days, before he had eventually taken the bull by the horns as it were and let himself into her quarters one evening. She'd yelled, he'd listened and this time it seemed to get through to her, though he seriously doubted that she was giving him the whole story. But that was Kathryn for you.

He had finally remembered her lottery chip when he had stopped by Astrometrics one evening to speak to Seven. Harry had been there speaking to his mother. Chakotay had a fair idea that Seven had squeezed him in as a thank you for encouraging her to talk to her aunt. Her sentimental side never ceased to amaze him when he considered the brusque exterior. He had decided to let her infraction go, because it had given him the idea he had needed to crack Kathryn's resolve. Despite everything though, he hadn't been able to persuade her to jump the queue. Now, during the wait, nerves had set in.

" You'll be fine," he soothed her as he guided her around the corner.

" Have you met my mother ?" she asked incredulously.

" I'm sure I'll love her if she's anything like you," he grinned.

Kathryn stopped dead and turned to face him. For a minute Chakotay thought she was going to hit him with another round of protests, but instead she reached out and laid her hand on his chest.

" Promise me you'll stay with me," she pleaded," I have no idea why this is scaring me but it is. I'd feel a whole lot better if I had some moral support."

Chakotay nodded silently.

" You'll be fine," he smiled," despite what you think, I know your mother will be proud of you."

" How'd you know what I was thinking about ?" she gaped.

" I know you," he grinned.

She looked up at him gratefully and gently rubbed his chest. Considering how much they had been at cross purposes the last few months, he found the gesture oddly personal. Odd it may be, but unpleasant it wasn't.

" Thank you," she smiled, and Chakotay took her hand to give it a gentle squeeze of understanding.

It took him by surprise when she suddenly withdrew her hand and slapped him hard on the arm.

" Ouch," he muttered aloud," what was that for ?"

" Charming your captain, mister," she laughed loudly.

She watched as his initial scowl disappeared beneath a badly manufactured look of innocence.

" I have no idea what your on about," he replied rubbing his arm.

" I'll have you know that frog marching the captain to make a comm call to her mother is not likely to get you a home cooked dinner," she noted, helping him rub some sensation back into his bruised arm.

" Thank God for small mercies," Chakotay prayed aloud with a laugh as he took hold of her shoulders and turned her again to face the direction of Astrometrics and gently pushed her forward.

Yes Kathryn thought as her mind drifted over the very pleasant conversation that she had had with her mother, there were some very good things about being almost with in reach of home.

But, as Kathryn savored the quiet of her Ready Room, she noted that there were also some inevitable downside to being within comm range. For one the paperwork had tripled, in triplicate, and was threatening to consume her desk. The second was just how much extra noise and hub bub that the extra bodies on the bridge created. Now that Starfleet wanted the i's dotted and the t's crossed properly, those little tasks that she had shaved down to the bare minimum came back to bite her with a vengeance. She had waited all day to escape to the sanctity of her office. Chakotay had given her a playfully evil look as she had handed the almost raucous bridge over to him. He, like her, had gotten used to it just being her, him, Tom, Tuvok and Harry, with the occasional visit by B'Elanna, Sam Wildman and Michael Ayala. All these interlopers in her family unit were giving her a headache.

Sinking gratefully onto the softness of her sofa, Kathryn leaned her head back and rolled it from side to side on her neck, as if releasing some of the tenseness. She had the sudden, unpleasant realization that she was getting old.

" Seven of Nine to the Captain," the comm beeped.

Reaching up wearily, Kathryn tapped her badge.

" Janeway here," she called back," Can this wait, Seven ?"

She was really hoping she could have just grabbed five minutes before she moved on to the next task in Starfleet's never ending list of things to do. She realized she was going to have a hard time fitting back into the way Starfleet worked. She had been doing too much her own way for a long time.

" I do not believe so," Seven announced over the comm," I have an Admiral Hendricks calling for you."

Hendricks, now there was a name she hadn't heard in a while. Pulling herself to her feet she straightened her uniform as she headed to the door.

" On my way," she sighed.

Yep it was definitely something new, marching to someone else's drum now.

Drums had carried all sorts of messages over the years. Often they had heralded the dawn of war. Today, Hendricks' drum ordered her on her first Starfleet away mission in seven years.

They were to seek out an old Earth probe and bring the data home.

" Sounds simple enough," Janeway commented to Chakotay as she sat beside him on the bridge and relayed her mission orders to him.

" Sounds it," he replied quietly.

Kathryn frowned a little at his quiet mood. It was strange to see him distracted. Normally she was the one to drift away with the fairies, as her mother would say.

" Come on, out with it. What's up?" she asked. " You usually love this stuff,"

Chakotay looked up from the console he had not really been reading. He knew that she had caught him daydreaming. Normally it wasn't his style; he usually saved that for the vision quest. But the recent communication with home had reminded him that his future when they got there wasn't all that certain. He had no doubt that Kathryn, despite the ups and downs in their friendship, would put up a good fight for him and his Maquis. But not for the first time lately he found himself wishing they wouldn't keep finding so many damn quick routes home.

" I'm sorry," he apologized, " I was just thinking about something. You're right, I know this stuff inside and out."

" In that case you can run the briefing," she grinned at him. She knew he hated briefings. There were days that he just wanted to get out their and explore. She knew exactly how he felt.

" Yes ma'am," he nodded, " Did they say how long this would take ?"

" Just a quick mission, a couple of days out of our way, that's all".

Chakotay nodded and made a conscious effort to bury his fears away. Turning to her, she could see the old twinkle relight in his eyes. She missed that.

" That's good," he grinned mischievously, as he stood," 'cos last time you went on a quick mission you got lost for seven years."

Janeway looked up at him, her mouth wide in a shocked grin as she tossed her padd at him.

" Oh you can talk," She countered back at him, much to Paris' amusement," Can you believe this Tom, from the man who can't manage to keep a damn shuttle in the air !"

Tom turned from his console with his hand raised in front of him surrendering.

" Keep me out of this one," Paris pleaded, nodding in the direction of Chakotay with his head," I've had enough of being his practice punch bag this year."

Chakotay grinned. It was true. He had made Paris his victim a lot this year, but the younger man had also earned his respect. They had forged a rather nice friendship, with a little help from B'Elanna

" Its not the keeping in the air I have problems with, " he announced, turning from Paris back to his friend," it's the keeping them in one piece I have issues with."

" I hope you're not going to blame my wife for that," Paris joined in adventurously.

" Hell no," the first officer smiled, " Not that brave."

He tossed Janeway's padd back to her. She had to admit, despite all the red tape and inane useless hoops Starfleet had her jump through, it felt good to have an honest to god mission again. Things were almost back to the good ole days, she thought.

" If you have quite finished," the unmistakable Borg tone asked, managing to deflate the air of calm amusement. Seven turned to Chakotay," You are late."

" Sorry," he sighed, his smile fading." I got caught up. Hover ball will have to wait."

Janeway thought that she saw Seven glower a little, but she seemed to push it away. She also saw the way Chakotay looked at the young Borg in her sports kit and she felt that sudden urge of being old again. She watched as Chakotay ushered the Borg to the turbolift

" I'll get Seven started on some scans and meet you in Astrometrics," Chakotay muttered to Kathryn as he passed.

When the turbolift doors were heard to swish safely shut, Kathryn heard Paris let out a snort.

" Get started on scans, huh," the Lieutenant chuckled," that's a new one. I'll try that on B'Elanna."

Janeway tried not to look too hastily in the direction of her helmsman. She had discovered over the years that if she sat quietly, the bridge crew were apt to chat and gossip as they would normally, sometimes even forgetting that she was there. She liked to listen now and then, finding it so much more interesting than hearing it second hand from Chakotay, even though he was a very good story teller.

" Tom !" Harry admonished from his station and Janeway reluctantly felt several pairs of eyes notice her sat there, trying to look busy in her padd.

Paris turned to note the captain, and with the appropriate level of squirm he offered a "sorry Captain."

" Quite all right, Mr Paris," Janeway noted, not looking up from her padd," I couldn't possibly guess what you were referring to."

With a grateful smile, touched with a hint of his usual playful boyishness, Paris turned back to focus his attention on his console. He silently counted himself lucky on that one. He knew better than anyone how his two commanding officers frowned upon the berating of the other.

As Janeway stepped from the Bridge to the turbolift and called for Deck 12, she felt a hollowness that she had not expected to feel when she thought of him. She had to admit that she thought of him a lot lately, and usually in a positive way. She had really come to treasure their re-found closeness. It seemed however that she had found it a little too late.

" The readings are coming from the northern subcontinent," Seven announced as she reviewed her findings for the senior officers.

" Can you localize them? " Kathryn asked, feeling slightly annoyed that their simple mission from Starfleet was turning out to be anything but.

" There are high levels of antimatter radiation in the atmosphere, scattering the probe's signature," Seven replied.

That piqued every one's attention. Kathryn exchanged silent dubious looks with her First Officer. Chakotay gave her one of his looks that said they should have expected a hiccup somewhere, that this was after all Voyager. Smothering his smile at her with a purse of his lips, he returned his attention to the screen.

" Any life signs? " he asked.

" None. "

Seven looked from her screen to Chakotay and Janeway watched as her XO looked sidelong at her with a playful smile.

Am I missing something ? Janeway asked herself.

She felt the heckles rising on the back of her neck. There was a time and a place, she thought. This wasn't it. She was tempted to ask them if they wanted her to come back in five minutes. Or if there was something they wanted to share with the rest of the class, but she thought better of it. She would be damned to hell twice over before she gave into her own jealousy. Standing up a little straighter, she turned to face her first officer.

"Assemble an away team and take the Flyer down for a closer look," she barked at him with as much professionalism as she could muster.

Before he could turn to answer his captain, she was gone. He stood staring at the space she had just occupied.

" The captain seems per-occupied today," Seven noted.

Chakotay drew his gaze away from where it admired the deck plating and looked at the ex-drone. He tried to smile gently, tried to think of her remarks as a comment rather than a criticism.

" Its out first Starfleet mission in a while," he noted defensively.

" Its your only Starfleet mission," Seven noted.

Chakotay couldn't help but laugh at her succinctness.

" All the more reason to get it right then," he grinned, and as she nodded agreement with his statement, he left astrometrics, reaching up for his combadge.

" Chakotay to Paris."

" Paris here," came the young helmsman's voice. Chakotay marveled at how Paris managed to sound guilty about something every time he answered the comm..

" I need someone who can keep the flyer in the air," he teased the helmsman," fancy a change from flying in straight lines ?"

" You bet,"

" Report to sickbay and get inoculated, then begin preflights," Chakotay ordered.

" Aye commander," his friend answered.

" Chakotay out."

That was about the last thing that had gone right, Chakotay thought as he recapped the downturn in their mission for the Captain a few hours later.

"We still can't contact the others or get a fix on their life signs," Chakotay offered as they walked.

He could tell Kathryn was angry. It has always amazed him that someone so small could walk so fast when her dander was up. He picked up his trot to keep in stride with her.

" Why didn't we detect the aliens? " she demanded angrily. He couldn't blame her considering three of her crewman were now being held hostage on the planet beneath.

Chakotay thought about asking her why she was taking this out on him, but thought better of it. She tended to fight a little below the belt when she was angry and he dreaded what she might come out with to counter his accusations. They had, after all, just managed to start talking again.

" I don't know. Whoever they are, they have antimatter weapons," he replied neutrally.

" Antimatter? " she barked back, her eyes flaring with anger.

Before he could answer, Tuvok thankfully called down to her. Boosted by a chance to actually talk to the people who now held three of her crew hostage, Kathryn took off again at a march, this time headed for the bridge. With a sigh Chakotay sped off to catch up with her.

" Our ancestors sent it three hundred years ago to make contact with other species," Chakotay offered up the explanation of the Friendship One probe, hoping to mollify the man they now harbored in their sick bay.

But it had been an explanation that seemed to fall on deaf ears as their guest found reason after reason to be skeptical of Voyager's presence in orbit.

Chakotay wasn't an idiot by an means, but it still surprised him that anyone could think that their probe had been a way to subdue the local population before they invaded it.

" I think I'm getting old," he snorted at Seven as she prepared a nano-probe treatment for Otrin.

Seven turned to look at Chakotay. He was leant against the nearest bulkhead, his arms crossed over his chest, seemingly intent on his boots again.

" Explain," she demanded.

" I didn't even see that ambush coming, " he lamented, still not bothering to look up from his examination of his shoes.

" You are prone to trusting those individuals who have not yet earned it," Seven noted.

" Gee thanks, Seven," he groaned good naturedly, but he found his spirits sinking a little further.

" You trusted Ensign Seska, yet she turned out to be a Cardassian spy," Seven noted dispassionately," Then you trusted Valerie Archer, she turned out to be species 8472,"

" I never said I trusted her," Chakotay looked up and added in his own defense, briefly wondering why he was indulging Seven in her character assassination of him.

" Duly noted," Seven continued without missing a beat," then there was Dr Riley Frasier. You trusted her and she turned out to be Borg. She used you to reactivate the neuro-electric generator on a cube."

" Yep," Chakotay added, beginning to grin mischievously as he added," what is it with me and Borg women ?"

Seven smiled and nodded defeat. She enjoyed the verbal bantering that she shared with the Commander. She often only got to chat with the Doctor. The last few months had been interesting in more ways than one as she had gotten to know the Commander.

" The treatment cycle is ready," she observed as she charged the hypospray with the modified probes.

" After you then," Chakotay replied, gesturing with his hand for her to precede him.

Kathryn had sternly ordered Chakotay to her Ready Room. If he thought her face was like thunder before the murder of Joe Carey, words failed to capture her mood now. They had all hoped that they would luck out again, come sailing through unscathed. They hadn't gotten that lucky and the closer to home that they got, the blow of such a loss had only gotten harder.

She didn't say anything about Joe, but he could see the grief barely restrained behind her eyes. Keeping his own feelings to himself, he readily launched into rescue plans with her.

What neither of them said aloud was the fact that two of the people they least could afford to lose, both personally and professionally, were still stuck on the planet below. That thought alone was enough to make them both feel twice as guilty over Joe's death.

" Bring them back, Chakotay," she called out to him as he prepared to leave.

Her voice was low and shrouded in a half dozen conflicting emotions, to the point that it sounded more dangerous than at any time he had ever known her. She had never sounded so angry before, not even when they had argued over alliances with the Borg or her less than reputable treatment of Noah Lessing during the Equinox fiasco.

" I will," he promised sincerely.

Kathryn turned to look at him, her normally brilliant blue eyes dark and hooded. They perhaps reflected the very little sleep that she had gotten since Starfleet had foisted this mission on them. She thought about telling him to look out for himself too, but that would have required a dropping of some of her self imposed emotional barriers, and she didn't trust herself to do that. Instead she simply nodded and he left. Part of her was glad when he left and she no longer needed to put on such a damn show, she thought, but there was part of her that yearned for her friend of old, the man who would have seen her despair and given her a hug.

" Oh grow up Kathryn," she chastised herself, thinking suddenly of Joe Carey never being able to hug his wife and sons, of Paris who may never have the chance again with B'Elanna if Chakotay and Tuvok didn't manage to pull this off.

Kathryn Janeway had lost people in the past. Good people. Some, like Kes, had been very close to her. Others like Hogan and Kaplan and all of the others had been well known trusted faces. But this felt different, she thought. They all had thought the same. Somehow the closeness of home now made the jeopardy Tom and Neelix were in so much more significant. They were her family now, she admitted to herself. Tom was like a brother to her, although she damn well wouldn't let him know that. They had the same up-bringing, children of admirals, the ultimate Starfleet brats. He had a way of talking to her in Starfleet speak and getting through to her where Chakotay failed with English.

Neelix, despite regularly trying to poison her with his cooking, reminded her of her Uncle George. He was the one person aboard ship with more homilies and stories than Chakotay. But where Chakotay's stories had always appealed to her greater morals, Neelix's Uncle George like tales always carried some homely practical guidance.

She just couldn't afford to lose the two of them on so many levels.

Kathryn ordered an extra strong blend of coffee, successfully raiding Chakotay's replicator account when the computer informed her she was out of rations. The man still insisted on paging her with his password changes so she could help herself. It was his way of supporting her, though she had never indulged until now. She caught sight of her reflection in the view port, and noticed the sunken dark eyes that had caught Chakotay's attention earlier.

No wonder he was scouting around Deck 12, she mused to herself, I'm getting old.

For all her self indulgence and her desperation to get her friends home, the cold reality of life after the incident had made Kathryn reflect differently on the situation. Now, instead of feeling guilty over her desperation to get her two friends home, she felt guilty over the one she had not gotten home, the one who had served her without half as much trouble as her two friends.

Janeway would have gladly gotten old she thought several days later, if it had meant that Joe Carey was still alive. She had met very few people as honest and open as Carey. He and B'Elanna had fought like hell when she had first come aboard, and more than one nose had born the brunt of it. Joe had fought hard against his personal pride to take the second man position, he was after all more than worthy of the top spot. But even he had acknowledged later that B'Elanna's robust view of a problem was better suited to the life that they led. He had supported her unfailingly since. Kathryn had not envied B'Elanna when they had heard that Joe, Neelix and Tom were being held hostage. She had stood the greatest chance of pain, the potential loss of one of her closest friends or the loss of her husband.

After the memorial Kathryn had tried to settle down with a book, but the words seemed far off, and might as well have been in ancient Bajoran for all she was taking it in. She had found herself thinking off all those she had lost along the way. Although the deaths of each and everyone of them had bothered her, there was something different about Joe's death today. Perhaps it was because they were closer to home, and she not only thought now of what she and her family aboard Voyager had lost, but what the families at home had now also lost.

She hadn't really noticed that she had abandoned her coffee and her book and wandered from her quarters until she had found her self standing out side Joe Carey's. The door was secured open and she could make out a familiar shadow moving inside.

" Chakotay ?" she half announced, half asked as she slipped between the open doors.

Chakotay re-appeared from Joe's bedroom carrying a box. He looked over at her with a gentle smile, but saw only confusion in her eyes as she eyed his box.

" B'Elanna's taken this a little hard, " he almost whispered by way of explanation," I didn't think she could do this."

Janeway walked over to where he stood. It was like looking into a mirror and seeing herself, Kathryn thought. He too had deep black rings around his eyes. His already deep brown eyes looked blacker with exhaustion and she suspected that as a deep and spiritual man, Chakotay had no qualms at shedding a tear at the futility of Joe's death.

Kathryn couldn't help but feel pride at his helping his friend. She remembered asking him years ago to make sure that he was the one who packed up her things if anything had ever happened to her. She had made him promise to get her ship home, get her stuff back to her mother, minus the things he wanted to keep for himself, and then to get the hell on with his life.

In return she had promised him to get his possessions back to his sister and to tell her the truth about his life and she had promised him that she would live for the now instead of waiting for a future that might never happen. The significance of those deals years ago seemed to really hit them both now as they stared at the box Chakotay held.

" Need a hand ?" she asked reverently, as if Joe were actually in the room.

He nodded silently and handed her the box. They had carefully wrapped the many, many pictures of Joe's sons. It seemed that after they had gotten in contact with home, Joe's wife had sent the entire family album of pictures to show Joe all those moments he had missed over the years. As they moved around the room, Kathryn and Chakotay watched the lives of two little boys pass with them. From kindergarten to grade school to the first years of high school, they smiled at the two boys growing from toddlers to young men, by way of eagle scouts, summer camping trips and a few dozen other activities that Joe's wife had taken the boys on in his absence. She had come so close to getting him back that it almost hurt, Chakotay thought.

" Impressive, isn't it? " Chakotay muttered as both he had Kathryn caught sight of the miniature Voyager in a bottle that Joe had been working on in the evenings.

" The detail's amazing. " Kathryn noted, in awe of the ever so small scale the replica was constructed in so carefully.

" Carey spent months working on it. He used to joke that he wouldn't be finished by the time we got back to Earth. "

Janeway bit her lip hard to force back the tears that welled up.

" He only had one nacelle to go," Kathryn noted painfully.

Chakotay didn't seem to have her resolve, and he turned away from the little ship in a bottle. After a minute of delicately laying Joe's thing's into the box, he turned back to face Kathryn.

" We were able to download the probe's memory core. We'll transmit the telemetry in the next data stream," he noted absently.

Janeway nodded, but she continued to stare at the little ship for a long time. Chakotay guessed that some where deep down inside her she was debating whether there was some kind of greater plan in all these deaths. Part of her hoped there was, for then the deaths would have some meaning.

" I think about our ancestors. Thousands of years wondering if they were alone in the universe, finally discovering they weren't. You can't blame them for wanting to reach out, see how many other species were out there asking the same questions," she wondered aloud.

Chakotay watched her trying to rationalize the actions of the survivors on the planet below against those of her crew. It was likely to be yet another debate that would eat her up. Drawing up close to her to provide her some comfort, he thought about her words.

"The urge to explore is pretty powerful," he offered her.

" But it can't justify the loss of lives, whether it's millions or just one," she noted back. She looked at him purposefully, hoping that he got the message she was trying to convey.

They continued to look at each other, seeming to say a thousand words with out speaking one. Chakotay was the one to finally break away. He leaned over and placed the little ship in the box, before he reached out for Kathryn's hand. She felt his hand envelope hers, felt the gentle squeeze of reassurance.

" Remind me one day never to be such a pain in the ass to you," she offered him gently, taking his hand and wrapping it across her shoulders.

" Done," he agreed as her arm slid round his waist and the slowly began their walk home.

" You're the closest friend I ever had," she noted as they rounded the corner, still locked together.

" I know, " he smiled, " you too."

" We should really make an effort to stop falling out with each other," she added.

" Agreed."

Chakotay nudged the call button for the turbolift with the corner of his box, not wishing to burst the bubble of supreme peace that he felt right now. As they waited he looked down at her, going over her words in his head.

" As friends, we should be there for each other no matter what," Kathryn continued, but there was something in her tone that made him look questioningly at her out of the corner of his eye, a smothered smile on his lips.

" Okay, what did you do ?" he demanded

" I used all your replicator rations," she burst forth instantly, relief in her voice.

Chakotay couldn't help but smile.

" All my rations ?" he echoed with a grin.

" Yep. I was having a bad day,"

" Kathryn, I had enough replicator rations to sink a battleship with coffee."

" Well lets just say that it's a good thing you like Neelix's cooking," Kathryn teased gently as the pair threaded through the doors and into the turbolift car, arms still locked around each other.

Chakotay chuckled and called for Deck 3. They travelled in silence, enjoying each other's company. Finally they reached her quarters and Kathryn slowly unthreaded herself from Chakotay's arm, feeling a little sadness begin to rise up at the loss of the warmth of him.

" You're not mad ?" Kathryn finally asked. In truth his silence had worried her a little.

But she knew him well, as he did her.

" No," Chakotay laughed, briefly leaning down to place a kiss upon Kathryn's hair," that's what friends are for."