DISCLAIMER: Everything of any worth belongs to Paramount.

NOTES: Episode Add on For Endgame

Part 10 - Nor to the victor go the spoils...

Chakotay woke, breathing hard, his clothes drenched yet again in sweat. He pushed the blanket off his legs and swung them to the floor, leaning forward and letting his spinning head settle before he stood. When the room stopped floating around him, he stood and padded over to the replicator, ordering a large glass of ice cold water, then another.

It was the fifth night in a row that he had woken from that nightmare. He couldn't even really remember what the nightmare was really about, just the pervading sense of suffocation that closed on him tighter and tighter until sheer panic woke him a terrified fright.

He drained the second glass of water and ordered a third. The dreams might have been elusive, but the subject wasn't he realised. They had started when he had started seeing Seven, and they had been getting steadily worse over the week as their relationship had developed. Chakotay knew without a doubt that the dreams and the cold sweats were a bad omen. He had never been one to be unsure of his feelings, or one to doubt his commitments and beliefs, but his sub conscious mind was definitely trying to tell him something. If the subject matter were anything other than his relationship with Seven, he thought that he would have padded barefoot next door in his night clothes and vented his thoughts to Kathryn. To any one else it would have seemed strange at two in the morning to go parading into the captain's quarters in their pyjamas, but to he and Kathryn it was normal. They had been using each other as a sounding board in such a manner for years.

But considering the odd turn his relationship with Kathryn had taken, he thought it better that he stay put. He slumped down on the couch, resting his head backwards.

Yes, things had taken such an odd turn of late. He had been flattered when Seven had invited him out on a date. Considering she was half his age, it had done him more than a world of good. After the disasters that had plagued his attempts at relationships in the last ten years, it had felt good to be with someone who wanted simple things out of life. The fact that she had as dark a past as he had, had been alluring for him. Whilst he was with her, he no longer felt that he was on the outside of life and society.

But if he was honest, it was a feeling that had soon dissipated. Seven continued to be pleasant enough company, but it seemed harder and harder to find conversation. And there was nothing harder than trying to make conversation with someone who didn't know how to make conversation. He had spent so many evenings with Kathryn that he found it hard at times to be around people who couldn't anticipate what he was thinking. Little things that came as second nature with Kathryn, he found he was having to repeat again and again with Seven.

But despite his foreboding, he found that every time Seven tried to pull away from him, he was fighting to get her back again. Pleading with her to give their relationship another chance. And he had no idea why. Part of him was lonely, he knew that. But he had always been on his own, it was nothing new to him. But he didn't think that he would keep returning again and again like this to her when it was starting to feel so wrong to him…

The lights in his bedroom burst to full brightness and the comm told him to wake. He reset the chime, suddenly realising that if all went well today, this would be the last time that he ever did that.

Kathryn Janeway sat in her quarters, the lights low, a cup of coffee slowly going cold in her hand. She had heard Chakotay wake with a stifled scream again as he had the few nights previous. She had been tempted to go to him, but had then found herself wondering what had caused him to cry out and had stopped herself mid way. It would have been embarrassing to say the least if she barged in on him and Seven.

So she had just listened. And part of her was still waiting for him to show up at her door. Truth was she missed their time together. She had tried to be supportive of him in his new relationship with Seven. But she thought that she had only succeeded in driving a bigger gap between them. They hadn't spent time together in ages. And after today they never would. If all went well they would be home before dinner. She had no doubt Starfleet would send them in different directions. Crews had rarely stayed together long term since the days of Kirk.

Kathryn had never realised just how much she might miss them all. She had spent many years with these people, often good times but sometimes bad ones. She hand never really realised just how much she would miss Torn's sarcasm or B'Elanna's temper. She already desperately missed Neelix's company, his warm manner and calm, patient advice. They had become closer of late than she had thought they ever would.

When she and Chakotay had first suffered their differences, she had found a surprisingly kindred soul in Neelix. His kindness had won her through many a lonely evening that she would normally have spent with Chakotay.

She knew Neelix had found it difficult at first when they had spoken after he had left. He had been so sweet in his trying to preserve her unvoiced feelings about Chakotay; it had touched her warmly. But she had reassured him that his coaching of Seven was fine by her. Seven needed a mentor, and the Doctor's recent confessions to her had left her sadly wanting of someone in that area.

Now if everything went well today, he would be coaching neither of them again… they would be home, apart from each other for the first time in seven years. …

The Borg ship exploded. Billions of pieces of metal and debris spewed forth with the quickly stifled flames. And out of it flew a tiny little ship. But not any little ship.

" Sorry to surprise you admiral," Captain Kathryn Janeway addressed the comm screen with a tightened throat. " Next time we'll call ahead."

She watched the faintest of smiles grace Owen Paris' shocked features. Beside him, Reg looked like he was fit to burst.

Owen had said something to welcome them home, but she barely heard it. She had turned to share a moment of triumph with Chakotay as she had done many times over the last seven years, but he hadn't been next to her like he usually was. She had turned to look for him, hoping that he would perhaps be near Tuvok, as he sometimes was in a fire fight, keeping track of the situation and ready to take over should the need arise. But he hadn't been their either. She found him looking lovingly into Seven's eyes and she had wished at that very moment that one last Borg ship would appear and blow Voyager into a billion pieces and her with it. She felt her chest tighten uncontrollably. Her throat clenched and her eyes burned as if laced with acid. She forced herself to smile as she heard Tom's daughter cry out with her powerful Klingon lungs for the first time, and she felt pride as she watched the new father dash from the bridge. She turned to her first officer.

" Mr Chakotay, the helm."

'Mr Chakotay, the helm' was all that Chakotay had needed to know that things were not going to go well with Kathryn. He hadn't really expected her to leap into his arms, but he had to admit he had expected something. A call to join her in her ready room perhaps, where her excitement would get the better of her and they would hug and he would finally get the gumption up to do what he had always wanted to do. Kiss her. But his daydreams rarely dovetailed with reality, and he instead had found himself being coldly ordered to the helm. He took the seat, worked the controls, wishing desperately that he could turn to look at her. In a minute he would, he told himself, despite Seven despite everything, in a minute he would look.

But that minute never came, and before he knew it, he was landing the ship on the Presidio.

When all the pomp and circumstance that had surrounded their return to the Alpha Quadrant had died down, Chakotay felt a familiar sense of calm wash over him, felt the safety of the silence.

Silence.

He had never realised just how much noise there really was aboard Voyager, let alone the hubbub that seemed to follow their every move now that they were home. Aboard Voyager there was always some noise or sound, mechanical or organic that accompanied the ebb and flow of daily life. The pace of life since they had returned home was chaotic, and carried with it all the accompanying voices, demands, orders and reprimands that the situation demanded.

Silence.

It was something Chakotay never realised that he missed so much until now. He stepped on to the veranda of his new home, and looked out over the bay, darkly onyx now and dotted with the firefly like reflections of the city lights on the changing tide. The night was not cold, not even cool now that the month was changing from July to August. They had been home three months, even managed to squeeze in an adventure or two during that time. Over the last month though, Chakotay had been aware that they were all starting to drift apart. Daily meals and comm calls had become weekly, then more intermittent. Every one was moving on he thought, as he leaned on the railing and watcher the bay. The family that he had become so fond of that it pained him, was fast becoming no more.

The first casualty as it were had been Seven, more particularly, his relationship with Seven. He had stood in the astrometrics lab pleading with her to give their relationship time, but it was a plea that he really hadn't felt was the truth. When she had told him that she wished to explore the wider options that a life on Earth offered her, his ego had been a little bruised, but his heart was far from broken. In point of fact, he had been relieved.

Not long after Tuvok had departed home for treatment, B'Elanna had left for Borath, Tom and Miral in tow. He had felt B'Elanna's absence more keenly than he did Seven's. B'Elanna was like his sister, perhaps more his sister than his sister was. The kind of un judgemental, unconditional love, patience and understanding that she had given him was something that he had never thought that he would experience in life.

Which lead him to the other woman in his life, he thought as he leaned down onto railing, resting his head on his arms. That was what he missed so much about Kathryn, someone who he could spend time with out the need to perpetually fill the room with small talk. He had spent many an evening with Kathryn, simply reading or working on something. They had adopted different ends of the couch years ago, not long after there enforced stay on New Earth, and often adjourned together after dinner to work.

All that was gone now, he thought. He hadn't seen hide nor hair of her after they had been debriefed. She had disappeared into Starfleet Command offices and no one had really seen much of her since. Last he heard, she had taken over command of the situation near the Romulan neutral zone as the newly minted Admiral Janeway.

When Seven had called it a day on their relationship, he thought that now there would be time for them. He had long harboured the belief that when they got home, Kathryn would finally be able to discard some of the barriers between them, and they would finally have a chance.

She had hinted as much, the admiral from the future who had turned up on their proverbial doorstep. She had come to see him the first night she was aboard, fairly flying into his arms as he greeted her into his quarters.

" Admiral ?" he asked, nervously, his arms flailing awkwardly at his sides as he looked for some place appropriate to put them.

" You have no idea how good it is to see you," she finally answered, pulling away from him a little.

" Its seems that you think its good, " he replied a little cheekily, and returning his grin, Admiral Janeway disentangled herself from around him.

" Never was very good at keeping my emotions in check," she grinned, taking a little step away from him.

" Doesn't sound like the Kathryn I know," Chakotay argued as he gestured for the Admiral to take a seat.

" Yes, well…." Janeway pursed her lips, a look of annoyance spreading over her lips that Chakotay found familiar add oddly comforting," Lets just say that I won't always be the ice queen and leave it at that shall we."

" Ice queen ?" Chakotay echoed.

" I overheard Tom and Harry calling me that once," Janeway replied, and at Chakotay's alarmed look she waved his concern away," oh it was years ago, even by your calendar."

Chakotay asked her if he could get her anything, as much to ease his own unease as to be a good host. He found the situation slightly odd, talking so freely with the older version of his friend, but he also found it incredibly easy. He had already slipped into familiar banter with her.

" I never thought you liked tea," he noted as he offered her the steaming mug and took a seat on the opposite end of the couch.

" I used to hate it," his guest confessed," but a certain first officer that I know kind of talked me into it."

" Well he was obviously either a very good officer or a very brave man," Chakotay chuckled.

" I admit, the fur did fly a little," Kathryn smiled," at least until I got over the withdrawal period."

" Now that is the Kathryn that I know," Chakotay sighed.

" She's changed hasn't she," the Admiral asked of herself.

Chakotay nodded.

" You have to be patient with her, " the Admiral smiled, " and have faith."

Chakotay nodded, but it was a belief that he didn't think he could really follow. So much had changed between him and Kathryn now, the old comfortable ways seemed long gone. It wasn't until Kathryn's older self had stood and kissed him gently on his cheek, a kiss that said that if time and space and circumstances were different, the kiss would have been so much more. They had parted and then before he really had time to think it all over they were home. He and Seven amicably and eagerly parted company and he had trudged his way through long boring days pre-occupying his mind with whatever he could.

And then, as all the great adventurers that he had read about would say, he got the call.

He hadn't realised it would happen, but when it had, it had been as close to a sense of going home that he had ever felt. They had given him command of Voyager, the only place he had, strangely, ever called home.

Captain Chakotay had weathered the first few storms of command and tomorrow was due to receive aboard his new first officer. Not that the man needed welcoming aboard. Voyager had been Tom's home for a few more days than it had been his. And word had it that he couldn't wait to get back there after his sojourn on Borath.

So Chakotay had taken the night off, beamed home and indulged in a rare treat. He leaned on the veranda of his balcony, lamenting the missed opportunities of his life with a beer in hand. The view was beautiful, the beer was cold, but the Captain was lonlier than he had ever been.

Admiral Kathryn Janeway, that was the Admiral Kathryn Janeway who belonged to the here and now, looked across the bay, her coffee mug in hand.

She could hardly believe sometimes that she was looking at the real San Francisco Bay, resplendent in its Bridges and waters and iconic penal landmarks. Janeway had realised on many an occasion that it had been a long time since she had spent any length of time in San Francisco, probably no longer than a few days at a time since she had graduated the Academy. Now, after years dreaming of it, she was home.

But despite all the right landmarks, all the right people, it wasn't the home that she thought it would be. It was her pride that caused it, she knew that. His relationship with Seven was over, at least so she had heard. Part of her had been elated. The way had been cleared. She just hadn't been able to see her way to it.

The biggest problem with Kathryn Janeway, was Kathryn Janeway, she thought as she stared across the bay. Her pride now created new excuses that her sense of duty had before.

She loved Chakotay, she knew that. Without reservation. But she just couldn't swallow her pride right now to be with him. It had nothing to do with Seven being younger, at least she didn't think it did.

Kathryn sipped her coffee and watched the lights in the bay. Her counterpart had told her so much during her visit, but Kathryn's thoughts then and now latched onto the ache her heart had felt when her older self had told her that Seven had died in the arms of her husband Chakotay. Husband. Somehow, Kathryn had always thought that when she heard those words, the connection of husband to wife would be made through her. It had never occurred to her that he might marry someone else, that he would want to marry someone else. The bond that they had had was never spoken much off. It had been comfortably unspoken between them. Or at least it had been.

She had rather thrown herself into her new job, heading up diplomatic relations with the Romulans. She had been the logical choice for the job, the Starfleet brass had told her, because her absence from the quadrant during the last seven years had meant that her credibility, and more importantly, her political standpoint, hadn't been marred by the Dominion War and the vacuum of power that swept in behind them after they were defeated. She was neutral.

Neutral. Funny word.

But somehow it just about summed her up right now. Neutral was how she felt. Or didn't feel in reality. She didn't feel anything anymore, she realised.

Over the last three months she had gone from muted elation at being home, to quite unhappiness, to downright loneliness. The odd thing was that she had never felt lonelier than when she heard Chakotay was available again. Since then she had felt nothing.

Like tonight for example. She was waiting for her adjutant to put through a call to the Enterprise. She knew that she should have been elated to speak to Jean-Luc after all these years. They had always gotten along well, introduced by Will Riker to each other, what must have been nearly fifteen years ago. She should have been filled with a sense of excitement at catching up mixed in with a little dread at having to order the ship to the neutral zone in somewhat mysterious circumstances. In the real world, her mixed emotions would have been tempered with a little professionalism and the mix would have carried her through the day with ease. But she felt nothing.

She had realised things had changed, almost regressed, when she had woken this morning and found herself unconsciously pinning her hair up into the bun of steel. She hadn't worn that bun for over five years. It had been Chakotay who had encouraged her to let it down a little. He had been mortified when she had cut it short, but she had humoured him by growing it back a little.

" Admiral ?" the gentle voice of her adjutant prodded her.

" Yes, Ensign ?" Janeway almost jumped as she was pulled from her memories of Chakotay's face at her new hair style.

" The call, ma'am," the Ensign replied nervously. She was not long out of the Academy, still awed by the presence of a living legend and a little green around the edges, but Janeway had found her to be an excellent administrator. She might not ever get herself into some of the scrapes her boss had, Janeway smiled faintly as she nodded understanding, but she would never fall victim to her in tray.

" Put it through here, and then get the hell out of here and see that young man of yours," Janeway muttered. There were days the young adjutant reminded her so very much of how young Harry had once been. The difference between the young ensign whom she'd brought on board and the confidant, experienced Lieutenant reflected the lifetime of changes they had undergone.

Kathryn seated herself behind her desk, catching her reflection in the darkened screen. Her breath caught suddenly as she realised that it was almost like looking into the face that had confronted her in the corridor and told her that everything she had believed in was falling apart. The implied message had been that if Kathryn wanted to fix it, then Kathryn had to do something about it. But she just couldn't.

" Admiral Janeway," the even tones of Jean-Luc Picard chirped, drawing her from her day dreams.

" Hello Jean-Luc," and with those words, she slipped into the cultivated persona she had crafted for herself, issuing orders to send her friend into what obviously was going to be a trap of some kind.

The Romulans wanting to talk, was nothing new. The Romulans wanting to talk and actually sticking to that, well that would be unprecedented if it were true.

Chakotay had watched Kathryn for a week. It seemed some things never changed. Kathryn had quickly adapted to the mission given her and had wasted no time in establishing her routine. He was loathe to bother her at home. He knew how much a safe sanctuary to retreat to meant to her. If be barged in at home and pushed thugs too far for her, he would take that sanctuary from her and that was something he just couldn't do.

So he waited for her morning coffee run. At least if it went badly, he thought, he could claim it was an accidental meeting. Taking a deep breath he entered the café and sidled in beside her in the queue, much to the annoyance of a lieutenant- commander from Research.

"Morning Kathryn." He smiled as he slid in beside her.

"Commander," Janeway replied, startled, barely catching her breath before the come did herself, "Sorry I mean Captain".

Chakotay looked self consciously to me extra pip on his collar.

"My apologies also. Admiral now I see."

Kathryn couldn't waste a gentle smile. He had always known her thoughts on promotion to the desktop brigade.

"The damn brass caught me unawares. They got me."

"So is it congratulations or commiserations?" Chakotay asked grinning.

"Both"

Chakotay authorised payment for the coffee and followed Kathryn to the table she always took with the view of the bay. They sat quietly taking sips from their drinks, admiring the view and surveying each other. He noted the hair had gone back into the bun of steel. Even after all these years and all the different hairstyles it still pained him that she kept her beautiful red hair trussed up.

" So how's Seven ?" Kathryn asked finally, her voice a little harder edged than she had intended.

She noticed Chakotay bristle ever so slightly. He looked better now, healthier than he had ever done. A shot of grey had crept into his normally dark hair, which was shorter now and brushed forward over his forehead as he had done once on their mission to 20th century LA and was prone to doing on Voyager when he went boxing. She had to admit it suited him.

Drawing his own thoughts from Kathryn's red hair, he listened to her awkwardness as she spoke. He had expected something to be said, but nothing so forthright. He looked up at Kathryn, watched her face remain stone-like, flat and featureless. Her eyes seemed cold. Part of Chakotay was grateful that at least they weren't filled with abject hate and disdain. Other parts of him felt hollowed by the absence of the woman he had come to know and love on Voyager. He forced a broad smile.

" I think you know the answer to that," he said, a hint of playfulness in his voice trying to lighten the heaviness between them.

" I had heard rumours, "Kathryn began lightly.

" All true," Chakotay grinned, cutting in with a chuckle.

Kathryn smiled ever so slightly and Chakotay felt his heart leap. He smiled at her as they sipped their coffee quietly.

" What happened ?" Kathryn asked eventually.

" I happened," Chakotay sighed, " When I stood on that presidio parade ground when we got home, it felt like waking up from a dream."

Kathryn nodded, as if part of her deep inside understood how rare and privileged their cosseted little life in the Delta Quadrant had been. The reality of the change to the sometimes mundane nature of life in the Alpha Quadrant was very much like ripping oneself from a dream.

" It was like I suddenly realised what an idiot I had been," Chakotay continued, feeling as comfortable and open with Kathryn as they had ever been over the years," It was like realising I had had a mid life crisis."

" It was a very beautiful mid life crisis," Kathryn offered in.

" But a lonely one," Chakotay replied. " You know what they say. You don't realise what you have until you don't have it anymore. I was used to a familiarity in my life. I missed it when I was with Seven."

He hoped that Kathryn would read between the lines of what he was trying to say. He had come here to declare his love for her, but he was no love sick fool. He had to be sure he was certain before he potentially ruined everything was good and decent about his life.

" I think a lot of peoples lives changed when we got home," Kathryn muttered," People like Tom and Harry have thrived, or in Tom's case, re-thrived back here. Others seem to have lost their way."

" You ?" Chakotay asked, concern creeping into his voice.

Kathryn nodded.

" I guess I should be lucky that they didn't keel haul me and toss me out to pasture. And the job they have given me is crucial and the neutrality that our time away has given me is critical to the process but…."

" Its still not a Starship," Chakotay cut in.

" Its not Voyager," Janeway corrected.

" Its still in the family," he offered her by way of compensation.

" And that's the only thing that stopping it hurting a damn sight more than it already does," she smiled at him. " I have never been prouder of you than the day they told me you would get Voyager, Chakotay. Don't ever think my own personal sour grapes will detract from my pride in you, and in Tom and Harry for what you managed to achieve, and what you will achieve on that ship."

" I'm sure we would all happily drop a grade to have you back," Chakotay offered, a few seconds of silence passing before he added," I know I would."

He thought he caught a look out of her peripheral vision, but if she had darted a look towards him, she had hidden it well. If there was ever going to be a time, he told himself, now was it. But before he could open his mouth to tell her, Kathryn began to speak.

" The past is the past, Chakotay," she muttered," and we can't go back in time. Some things are meant to be a certain way. Voyager is in very capable hands and you have a whole new career in front of you."

Chakotay began to feel his heart slam nervously in his chest. There was something about the look in Kathryn's eyes, the finality of her words that began to ring alarm bells in Chakotay's head. It was the same withdrawn look she had had in the Void, when she had wanted nothing to do with the bridge, the ship or him.

" Kathryn ?" he asked, drawing her attention to him," What about you ?"

" I'll be fine. I have a mission to accomplish and you know what I am like when I get my mind set on a goal," she replied, but there was no grin or chuckle of humour that would have usually followed her self-deprecating humour.

" We'll always be here," Chakotay offered, taking the plunge and reaching out his hand to take hers." I will always be here."

Janeway snapped her hand from his.

" Thank you, Captain, but I will be fine. And you have your own mission to worry about."

There was a finality and sense of completeness about her words that told Chakotay everything he needed to know. He had been wrong in coming here. The Kathryn he had known and love was gone, buried beneath a cultivated air of admiral hood that Kathryn had created. He desperately wanted to know why she had changed, but his greatest urge was to run. The last vestiges of pride he had told him to stay.

" Actually," Kathryn said finally," I was about meaning to talk to you about something."

Chakotay heard her words faintly, though he was unable to look away from his mug as she spoke..

" I have a mission for you," Kathryn said flatly, the same face of pure business that she had showed when she had first met him, when he had been merely her first officer, a long way from being her dearest friend and confidante.

Chakotay tried to keep his face neutral, forcing a smile that he didn't feel.

" A mission ?" he echoed dumbly, wondering how for all their hope, they had ended up back where they began.

" Yes captain," Kathryn replied formerly, severing their ties to each other even more in as basic a manner that she thought even sweet natured Chakotay couldn't misinterpret.

He didn't.

Nodding briefly, Chakotay listened to his orders. Deep inside, he felt as if what gave him life seemed to knot up. He gritted his teeth, his jaw tight with emotion and forced the urge to run away.

" Your orders Admiral ?" he finally asked.

Kathryn entered her apartment and slumped into the chair. She had felt the tears welling up from within her as soon as Chakotay had curtly acknowledged his orders and left without another word. They began to fall now, silently, as she played the scene over and over in her head again.

She had felt the first happiness she had known in a long while since they had gotten home when he had approached her and called her name. The same sense of security and comfort that she had felt everyday as they had sat beside each other on the bridge of Voyager washed back over, filling her with something that she hadn't realised she was missing so desperately, the warmth and peace of a friend.

However she desperately wanted to maintain distance, keep their relationship purely on the professional. She had known for a long while that she was a changed woman compared to the one he had known aboard Voyager. It wasn't the same kind of depression that she had felt through out her life on occasion, many bouts of which it had been only Chakotay who could rescue her from it. She was fairly sure that the last few months on Voyager, when her relationship with Chakotay had taken a different turn had played some part, but the reintergration into life in the Alpha Quadrant had been the final nail in the coffin. They had pinned the admirals bars on her uniform that day it felt, and had taken away what made her her. Day by day she had watched herself disappear in the mirror, replaced by the bitter jaded woman who had infiltrated the hub and infected the queen enough to get them home.

She winced when she remembered the look on Chakotay's face. He was one of her oldest, dearest friends now. He had in all truthfulness been nothing if not completely honest with her ever since they had known each other. It was that honesty that had led him to separate from Seven and that honesty that had brought him to her seeking a life together that they had once had. A life that it seemed they both realised they missed desperately. A life in a little cabin in the woods. A life together.

But she just couldn't bring herself to say yes to his unspoken question

It was her, she knew that, not him. She had twisted herself into the same bitter warped figure she had promised Chakotay that she would never be. She was nothing like what he would remember her as. She was twisted by the events that had gotten them home, twisted by the events that had taken place when they had gotten here. She had twisted her own feelings about Chakotay. She loved him desperately and until today she had thought that they would still have a chance together. But as he offered her life, she realised that she couldn't take it. If he stayed with her as she was, he would end up hating her.

There was a time when she would have said that she and Chakotay understood everything about each other, their faults as well as their virtues. Over time and years of surviving together that understanding had deepened readily driving them when they were down, encouraging one when things got brighter. They had had their fair share of fights, arguments and disagreements, but they had never ever hated each other. If they pursued the relationship when she was filled with such negativity and pessimism that jaded part of her soul would rub off on him, and he was too good for that

That was why she had to send him away…

Kathryn Janeway was actually relieved when Praetor Shinzon did double cross them. Not that she had wanted to see the Enterprise attacked, nothing of the sort, but the fact that the Romulans hadn't changed one bit in her absence was comforting. As the situation revealed a splinter cell government prepared to talk, so the situation became ever more precarious out there, and it gave her a more than welcome chance to bury herself in her job again and thoroughly absolve her of the need to examine and deal with her own feelings. The others had tried to contact her lately, as they each began to hear of the new project she was involved in. She knew that soon Chakotay would try to contact her again, to try one final time as he checked that she was ok. With the Enterprise damaged and limping its way back to space dock, there was a need to put a presence back in the neutral zone to help stabilise the situation. She had spoken with Jean-Luc Picard, debriefed him on his actions in the neutral zone and they had both agreed that Will Riker was the logical choice to return and lead the mission, be the lead captain in the task force that she had planned…

William T Riker, captain of the USS Titan entered his ready room and slumped behind his desk. He understood now why Captain Picard cherished the time so much when he had been able to escape from the bridge. The position of first officer was notoriously busy one, and it had kept him challenged for the best part of fifteen years on the Enterprise. But he had never really appreciated just how much busier the captain must have been. Will's desk was piled high with reports, reports on reports and reports of reports on reports. He groaned loudly as the door chimed.

" Come in," he sighed.

Will heard the doors open and foot falls as someone entered.

" Funny," the gentle voice called over the stacks of padds, " I have a desk that looks just like this."

Will looked up with a grin.

" Well, I'll be," he chuckled as he pushed away from the desk and walked around, had extended, " what the hell are you doing out here."

Chakotay grinned as he returned Will's handshake.

" Apparently, you are to be in charge of a task force."

" So they tell me,"

" Well, I'm your taskforce."

Will shook his head slightly, a knowing grin spreading across his features.

" I thought she was supposed to be your friend," Will asked as he ordered up two teas from the replicator.

" So did I," Chakotay nodded ruefully, thanking Will for the drink.

Captain Chakotay knew exactly why they were here. His proposal to Kathryn hadn't gone exactly the way he had hoped. She hadn't flat out rejected him in so many words, but a posting to the opposite end of the galaxy was a fair sign that he had taken a step too far. He hadn't had chance to get hold of her again, to apologise and find out what was going on. it was obvious that she wasn't well. He had seen that look on her face before. He had barely had time to ask B'Elanna to keep an eye on her before his ship was ordered away.

It was funny, he thought, as he stood in front of his old friend Will. They had survived all the plagues of biblical hell on the way home. They had been attacked, violated assaulted, embroiled in wars and beaten to hell on more occasions than he could ever count. But they had always had each other. The crew had been his family. Kathryn had been his life. They had kept each other sane, even when they were infuriating each other to distraction. Now that they had gotten home, things seemed to have fallen apart. What had kept Kathryn sane in the Delta Quadrant was now driving her into seclusion. What had kept them together was now driving them apart.

But if Kathryn thought that Chakotay was going to let a posting to the opposite end of the galaxy stop him, then she didn't know him as well as she thought. He wasn't about to give up on just one no. Sometimes he thought, remembering old times, you had to save Kathryn from herself. As soon as this mission was over he would get back home the fastest way possible. He would sort out whatever muddle was rattling around Kathryn's head and then he would make sure she damn well listened to the proposal he had to make.

Knowing Kathryn, she wouldn't, but Chakotay was a man of almost infinite patience. He would just keep on asking until she saw sense. With a wide smile, he returned his attention to Riker.

" Well, " Will grinned as he gestured towards the stacked piles of padds, knowing that in time his friend would tell him what was causing that silly grin on his face," there's certainly plenty of work to do. The quicker we get this done, the faster we can all get home."

" Where do you want to start," Chakotay grinned, as he sipped down his tea and reached for the first stack.

I know everyone was expecting the happy ending to come in this chapter, but I decided that was what everyone does...so I am going to have a stab and an original (in the loosest sense of the word) chapter next ...hopefully the pay off will out way the frustration.