A/N: Sorry, sorry sorry sorry. It took me forever to write this, I kinda got stuck...and I'm not 100% happy with it, but meh. Leave me lots and lots of reviews and tell me lots of lovely things =D ha.
Carlisle PoV
Our lips did not crash into each other with a force that almost knocked me off my feet. I was not overcome by passion so intense that I urgently ripped the clothes from my back and peeled the towel off her lovely curves. We did not tear at each other's clothes or allow our hands to frantically roam each others' bodies in search of something to quench our sexual thirst. It was no cliché; it was not what had been described to me before as a first kiss.
Though, I was not a pubescent young man any longer. I was almost 200 years old…and Esme was 24. When you think of it like that, it does sound a little sick.
For once when I touched her, my mind did not go blank; it had the opposite effect. I felt everything I knew I should feel, I felt love, acceptance, want, desire, happiness, anxiousness, fear, determination, commitment, trust and respect all at once. My mind was flooded, saturated with memories and thoughts, wishes and desires, fears and every other thing imaginable. She made me feel alive again. As if by sharing this one kiss, she transferred her life to me.
I was instead, overcome by the purest love imaginable. I decided there and then that I would never hurt my Esme in any way, shape or form. She would always consciously be given the right to decide what happened in her life. I would never give up on her, never stop following and protecting her. I was hers', fully. But I would not pressure her into giving herself to me.
I had waited so long for my little corner of heaven that I would do anything to hold onto it.
I thought life was good before, but I had been wrong, I just didn't know how much better it could get. I knew then that if Esme were ever to be taken away from me, life would not be worth living.
A thousand shock waves coursed through my body. Knowing that Esme wanted me the same way I wanted her was the best feeling I had ever known.
I let my hand rest lightly on the right hand side of her neck. On her scar. My scar. I moved my hand slowly to brush a stray piece of her wet, caramel hair back behind her ear. She nuzzled her head into my neck and I felt her warm breath caress my skin.
"Carlisle" she sighed. "I didn't know you felt-"
"I love you. I always have, from the moment I set eyes on you, laid there so helpless in front of me, I needed to look after you, to protect you. I still feel that need Esme, and I think I always will." My emotional outburst shocked me a little, I had opened my mouth without fully knowing what I was about to say.
My lips deceived me and let out the feelings I had been trying to hide for the last few months. But when Esme had said that she had feelings and emotions, when her eyes bore into mine for that brief moment, I knew that I had to act on my feelings. I wanted to act. I needed to show her that, so did I; and really, what did I have to lose? Esme was such a kind soul that even if she did not feel in any way inclined to me, then she would deal with the situation more than graciously.
"I love you too" was all she said. She lightly pecked my neck and I felt a smile curve her lips.
I rocked her child-like in my arms and enjoyed the smell of her hair. It was a mixture of honey, summer air, falling rain and oddly enough, fresh pillows. I chuckled to myself and she returned the gesture; I felt charged. As if all my existence I had simply been running on an almost empty battery.
Esme stirred in my arms and gently took a step away from my embrace. I physically felt as though a part of me had been ripped away. I shook my head lightly at this alien feeling and smiled broadly. She giggled and patted my shoulder playfully.
"How very rude of you, Dr. Cullen" Esme cocked her eye-brow then burst out laughing. I knew the gesture of seductiveness was foreign to her.
I did not allow my amusement to become evident within my facial features. I plastered my best serious look onto my face and drummed my fingers on the side of my chin in fake concentration.
"I just wanted to check that my patient was feeling ok. You haven't breathed in a while…" I added with the most innocence I could muster.
Her giggle had my mouth moving into a wide smile unconsciously and I half-cursed my body for reacting to suddenly, without warning; until I realised that I liked not having all the control in the world.
I felt for the first time, that I could let go, be myself completely and actually enjoy acting how I wanted around another person.
Esme PoV
Too right I hadn't breathed. My mind was finding it difficult enough to muster enough strength to form coherent thoughts, let alone the concentration it would take to make myself breathe. I feared that if I allowed myself to move, then the animal in me would take over and I would pounce on Carlisle and accidently bite his face off. Not good.
After our little…encounter, (I giggled outwardly at the thought) Carlisle had excused himself so that I could get dressed; being as I was still barely covered by a bath towel. Usually the idea would have been too mortifying to bear, but my head was so far up in cloud nine that I dismissed my worries.
I danced and flittered around the bedroom happily. I imagined I was a butterfly, all I had to do was flap my wings and I would be able to take off and a fly. It felt as though that might be possible at the given moment. My mind composed itself as I reached for the handle on the wardrobe.
I seriously was in need of some new clothes; all I came into this life with was the bloodied, mangled shreds that covered my equally repulsive body. Carlisle had dashed out to get me a few basics after my transformation, taking longer than the trip itself to prep Edward about looking after me.
Edward. My heart felt on fire again. My smile faded and I hung my head in shame. I had literally been widowed less than 24 hours ago and here I was throwing myself into a steamy scene in the bathroom with Carlisle. My son had ran away, ashamed of himself, lost, confused and upset…yet here I was dancing around lightly as if nothing had occurred. The latter plagued my mind much more than tiny flicker of guilt for Charles did.
I yanked the doors open, ripping the left one completely off the hinges by accident. I still hadn't completely mastered controlling my strength; sometimes I got a little carried away and pre-occupied, then things went wrong. I had already accidently tore several of Carlisle's books up by merely attempting to turn the pages.
The wardrobe was full. My brow furrowed in confusion as I stared intently at the wrack of clothes displayed in front of me.
"I, I stopped off at a store on my way home from the hospital the other day. I wasn't sure what size you were, or what types of things you like…I mean, I don't really know about these things, so I apologise if-" Carlisle stammered from behind me.
I snapped round to see him leaning awkwardly against the door frame, fumbling with his fingers as his spoke. I wondered how long he'd been watching me, but felt myself enjoying knowing that he had.
"Thank you, very much Carlisle. What a lovely gesture." My words brimmed over my growing smile. "I think I've broken your wardrobe though" my voice hitched slightly and his eyes quickly scanned the room until he found the door slumped on the floor.
He chuckled and shook his head in an amused gesture.
"It happened a lot with Edward in the first few weeks. I've had to dress him a few times before; he'd tear all the buttons off his shirts trying to get them on. But you know how moody and stressed he can get if he doesn't get his way." I could tell that his body instantly shuddered at the thought and name of Edward.
Carlisle sighed, his intense gaze found my eyes as he stepped forward to caress the skin in-between my shoulder and neck.
"I am sorry for speaking to you in the manner that I did earlier. I had no right to take my anger and frustration out on you, Esme." He truly looked ashamed at himself.
Why, I had no idea. I was the one who had acted inappropriately, putting my own selfish feelings before those that should have been my main priority.
"Carlisle, it's fine, I was the one who-"
He glared for a second then re-arranged his features to a more neutral expression. "No, don't you apologize. You did nothing wrong Esme. I do not wish to sound patronising, but you are very young. You have only just started out in this life of ours and you are coping astonishingly well. I, on the other hand, have no excuse for my behaviour. You were correct in re-addressing the thought of how Edward is feeling in my mind." His beautiful lips darted open and closed frantically, though I understood every word.
The idea that only a few months ago my human ears would not have been able to hear, let alone comprehend, his actions and words completely fascinated me. Once again my train of thought wandered off into its own dimension. I figured the lack of concentration and focus was a typical and normal thing for new-borns, still, it annoyed me to no end.
"It's ok, don't worry" I soothed.
Carlisle sighed and lowered his head as if defeated to rest it on my shoulder. I reached up to brush my lips against his forehead. As he breathed out I felt his warm breath drift along my skin and shuddered in pleasure at the unfamiliar sensation.
Edward PoV
I had so much more room to think. Although we could never physically tire, I felt awake, alive, as if I had an abundance of energy that exceeded what I could ever imagine when only drinking animal blood. I pushed my legs faster and soon I failed to even feel my feet hitting the floor.
I flew through the forest at such a speed that made me wonder if it was possibly the best feeling in the world. I felt the speed empower me; there was definitely nothing that could compare to this feeling, nothing I'd experienced anyway. I could feel that monster's blood run through my veins and I wanted more.
My feet slowed instinctively as I edged nearer to the end of the canopy of trees around me. With my senses heightened, I could smell the human blood pumping through the bodies over two miles away. I pressed on until the deafening sound of beating hearts filled my ears and almost consumed my thoughts.
The animal took over. It felt as though I'd flipped a switch in my brain and suddenly the adrenaline rushed to my head. I swallowed four times to get rid of the venom pooling in my mouth, to no avail. I knew what I needed. This time I would not deny myself of what was truly mine. We were created this way for a reason.
I stalked down the street for a few minutes, trying my best to set a near human pace for myself. I took the alleyways because I didn't want to see a person and attack them without thinking about it. I had promised myself that I would only use the worst of people, those who deserved to be dead, to quench my thirst.
I stopped breathing because every few seconds a fresh wave of scent would hit my nostrils and it was difficult to restrain myself. My eyes darted from face to face, trying to match the internal voice to the person. I lurked down the alleyways watching people pass me by from the shadows. I was a true predator, but nothing else mattered than getting their blood.
I searched the minds of dozens of people, but found nothing sinister. The need was getting stronger, several times I had to stop in order to compose myself; it had been less than twelve hours since I last had a taste of human blood and already my entire body craved for more.
This was much more difficult that I expected. But then I heard what I was looking for. My stomach almost lurched at what he was thinking of doing to his wife when he got home. The drink-induced fuzz that clouded his thoughts clearly had an affect on his body. The man staggered past me, dragging his left hand against the wall to support himself.
Ee's a fucking weird one. I don't know what ee's looking at…maybe I'll 'ave to sort 'im out…
My allowed my teeth to show fully, it helped to capacitate my growing grin. The irony was so potent that I was certain I would have normally fallen about laughing.
I barely had time to think before I was on the move.
My feet moved from underneath me. I didn't even have time to see his scared expression as I slammed him against the wall and dragged his body to the floor, crawling on top of him like a feral animal. I'm not certain whether the impact of the smash killed him, or if it was simply blood loss. Either way, he didn't last long.
Too soon I was pushing his drained corpse away from my arms. I hadn't even checked to see if anyone else was around before my teeth were submerged into his delicate skin. Luckily we were alone, though I realised I had no idea what to do with his body.
A/N: Yeah. Tell me what you think. I hate the fact you guys make me beg, btw lol. I've got waaaaay more hits on this story than I have reviews. Seriously people, just leave a few words. Tell me how to improve and the aspects and parts you liked or disliked the most if you have time. Thanks for reading =)