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Chapter Four: Soccer

Karin blinked as she stared through blurry eyes at the scene around her. She was tired, having not got much sleep last night. She fell back onto her bed and stared up at the ceiling as her vision cleared, taking in the light from her window.

She grumbled as she yawned sleepily. She would love to just lie there longer, but it was the weekend today, and the bright sunlight streaming in from her window was just begging her to get up. And she was a sucker for the outdoors, so she did.

Karin plodded down the stairs into the kitchen, where it was empty. Ichigo and the others were probably still snoring away in their rooms. Karin raised her head to face the sunlight coming in from the window beside her. Somehow… last night, she'd had such a sweet dream.

---

Hitsugaya felt like the beautiful day before him was too much for him to handle. Why… why does everything have to be so bright and happy here? He felt like yelling, what if he wanted to be grumpy and sulk about his problems?

Shouldn't it be grey and dreary and cold and blistery here? How about a thunderstorm? That would suit him so much better.

He wandered the streets of Karakura, in his gigai. Nobody paid any attention to him. There were barely even any people out this early on a weekend morning; everyone preferred to sleep in.

He was passing by Karakura park, where the grass was even and almost too green for him to bear. The sunlight caught the tips of the grass blades and turned the grass into a more golden colour. And caught in the sunshine, was a lone girl in the park.

Hitsugaya widened his eyes as he watched the young black-haired girl kick the ball around. She was alone, but happy.

Karin… he watched critically.

Hitsugaya paused uncertainly for a moment, and then began to walk towards her, softly. He stopped behind her. She sensed the spiritual pressure close to her and turned to face him.

"Hi!" she grinned, "Good morning, Toushirou!"

Hitsugaya blinked. "…hi."

They looked at each other. Hitsugaya awkwardly muttered, "You're certainly up and outside early, Karin."

"Yeah," her gaze dropped to the black and white ball at her feet. "I like the weather and the colour of the sky in early mornings like this."

…Well, I don't. Hitsugaya thought but didn't say.

He crossed his arms and stood, still watching as she absentmindedly juggled the ball from one foot to the other. Karin frowned slightly, feeling the awkwardness between them. She wanted to bring up what they had said last night; she still wanted to know what had happened to the once always-confident and calm Tenth Captain. She still hoped that one day he might confide in her and let her know.

Karin didn't say anything, and wordlessly kicked the ball to him.

Hitsugaya realized that she had moved backwards while she'd been juggling the soccer ball. He easily caught the ball under his foot and cautiously sent it back to her.

Karin didn't raise her eyes from the ball. Before it came to a stop before her, she stepped up and booted it to Hitsugaya again.

This time, the ball went much further and higher than before. Hitsugaya watched in surprise as it sailed high above him and went far away behind him.

Annoyance showed in his face. He glared at Karin for a moment and she smirked at him. "Whaddaya waiting for, Toushirou? Go bring it back!"

Hitsugaya threw another venomous look at the girl before running off to get the ball.

But although he was making annoyed complaints in his head, he realized that he secretly kind of enjoyed running across the grass like this. There was a light breeze brushing across his face, and it felt slightly refreshing, just racing across here in the early morning and feeling the sunlight over him.

To his surprise, his annoyance and earlier grumpiness fell away and he easily brought the ball back. When he got back towards Karin, he smirked at her and without stopping, sent a huge kick at the soccer ball so that it flew high over Karin's head in a long arc.

He watched with a kind of smug satisfaction as Karin scowled at the huge shot. But she ran backwards while the ball fell, not taking her eyes off the ball. When the ball came down, she ran backwards even faster, then jumped up and gave it a header.

The ball bounced off her head, into the air and then fell to the ground just metres from her feet. Karin smiled sheepishly.

Without a word, she stretched her arms out and let herself fall back into the soft grass behind her. Hitsugaya stared as he quietly made his way towards her.

Karin lay back in the grass and shielded her eyes from the sun as she squinted up at the sky. She was happy.

Hitsugaya sat down next to her and let himself glance at the sky he once loved. He sighed deeply and then lowered his gaze. Before… just running around like that and feeling the refreshing breeze around him… he'd felt more relaxed and happier than ever. But now that he'd stopped, the never-ending pain and memories of her had caught up to him, and it hurt like hell.

Karin watched Hitsugaya secretly as he stared down at the grass. When he raised his head a little and began to speak, she immediately looked away.

"…hey, Karin?" he said.

A little surprised, she answered, "Yeah?"

Not looking at her, he asked, kind of wearily, "When you have problems or things worrying you, what do you about them?"

She was still surprised. Karin blinked. "…actually… most of the time, I keep them to myself."

They were quiet for a moment.

Karin lay back, her hands under her head. "It's annoying sometimes- not telling people… but it's okay. It's not like I wanna bother Stupid Old Dad, who wouldn't understand anything; or Yuzu, who's busy enough always helping out at home and stuff. And Ichi-nii, who's obviously taking responsibility for every Hollow there is out here in Karakura. So yeah… I just… keep it in."

Hitsugaya considered her truthful words in silence.

"But, y'know," Karin went on thoughtfully, suddenly sitting up straight. "Sometimes, what I do to get rid of whatever's bugging me is take the soccer ball out to the school field and boot it at the goal a coupla times. And I'll kick it really hard, over and over, just to get the annoyance and suffering out. Like, for example, when I'm pissed off at my dad, I'll pretend the goal is his face and kick the ball in it a few times!"

Hitsugaya hid a laugh badly. …I can't believe how immature she is!! He raised his head and stared out at the scenery in front of him with something like relief in his eyes.

Karin threw a frown at him. "What?"

"Nothing… you just said it really childishly."

Karin flushed with annoyed embarrassment for a moment. She recovered and said, "Well, what do you do when you have problems or stuff worrying you?"

Hitsugaya fell into silence.

Karin was quiet for a moment, observing him.

"I… don't know." He said quietly. "It's not like I tell people about it either."

Because… if I'm having trouble handling it myself… if I'm already struggling to shoulder this torment alone… how can I possibly explain it to somebody else without collapsing or breaking down completely?

"…but it's hard facing stuff alone," Karin said bluntly, though she was referring to herself.

He looked at her, slight surprise in his tired blue-green eyes.

Karin muttered, a little embarrassed as she stared at the ground. "Ya know, I'm sure there are people who are willing to listen if you really feel like spilling," she looked up at him and smiled a small smile. "…though I think… you're already getting a little bit better, Toushirou…"

"…really?"

Karin grinned honestly. "Yeah!"

Hitsugaya did actually feel a little better. He was still weary and somewhat exhausted, and his heart constantly throbbed from the horrible rejection he'd suffered, but he knew that the burdens he'd been bearing had gotten lighter. And if he'd looked into a mirror, he'd be able to see that past the dishevelled appearance, there was a little spark of colour returning to his eyes.

"Anyway," Karin got up on her feet. "I'm gonna have to get home now. Yuzu's probably up now and wondering where I am." She rolled the ball up onto her foot and kicked it upwards into her hands.

Hitsugaya also stood up. Karin looked at him uncertainly. Then she started to turn away from him.

"…I guess I'll see ya some time then, Toushirou."

"…see you, Karin."

He watched her grin and run off from the park and down the street. And for some reason, even after she had gone, he kept standing there and gazing at the spot where she had been.

---

He felt himself losing the tight grip he had on himself. The lid on all his carefully concealed and shoved away emotions was loosening. He frowned as he weakened and let himself stare up at the magnificent sky in front of him, his heart hurt as he thought of the girl he knew he would think of.

This morning… something changed. I can be certain of that.

Apparently… I'm getting better… slowly. And inside… I feel like something inside me has lightened up, like I've dropped a little of the weights on my back. Momo… am I… slowly beginning to heal from these wounds I thought would never go?

But… Hitsugaya's icy eyes dropped from the sky and hardened at the horizon in front of him. I'm unsure…

Because… while surely something has changed within me… I feel like I'm falling. I'm afraid… because I think I might be making a big mistake.

He closed his eyes shut tightly and clenched his hands into fists, recalling the strange way he'd stared after Karin as she left.

I feel like I don't know what's happening… like I might be recovering… or I might be sinking and falling deeper than ever… And now I really don't know… if I will ever… truly be okay again.

Thanks for reading!! Hope you enjoyed the longer chapter this week!! ^_^ It was longer, right? emichii.