Don't ever leave
Summary: Matt and Mello one shot. Matt tries to convince Mello not to leave Wammy's house.
It was a Saturday afternoon. The sun was bright. Everything was at peace and calm. Usually on such a day, Matt would be buried in his latest game, almost inseparable from the console. There was naught a thing that could separate the red-haired male from his video games, but apparently that wasn't so with this day.
The red-haired student in question was walking the halls of Wammy house, anything but his usual chipper self. Normally, he would knock on Mello's door, that was a rule that was set under threat of death, but since today wasn't that much of a normal day, he abandoned that rule and pushed the door open, inviting himself in, his thoughts confirmed by the sight of packed bags.
Unlike the blonde, he could control his temper, but this sight alone was enough to make that control waver, and without thinking, he shoved Mello away from one of the bags in an irritable manner.
"So you were just gonna leave without telling me?! What's all that about-I had to find out from Roger-I'm supposed to be your best friend and you were just gonna leave!"
Mello, for once, didn't act out of anger. He gently pushed Matt off himself and wondered over to the set of draws in the far corner of the room. Picking out his clothes, he put them in the suitcase before moving to the closet. He pulled a shirt out and threw it at Matt. It was one of his that he had borrowed a few years ago and never thought to give it back.
He returned to the case and shut it, moving it to the door, still not talking to Matt, nor even looking at him. It was as if he wasn't there.
"Mello!" Matt shouted in protest, "Don't you dare-You can't go!" He demanded, pulling Mello's arm to stop the male insistently. His expression intent, betraying nothing but his goal to prevent the male from moving even an inch further.
"If you try and leave-I'll stop you, I will," He insisted, bringing himself in front of the door with a glare at the other, "Now give me one reason why you were just gonna piss off and leave without even mentioning it to me-Don't I at least deserve that after putting up with your bullshit all these years and being a better friend than you've tried to be," He growled.
Finally, Mello looked into his eyes. For the first time ever, he didn't hide his emotions. This would be the last time he saw Matt. He knew it. He still didn't say a word, not trusting his body to keep a steady voice. Instead he just leaned closer to Matt, kissing him full on the lips before ducking past him to drag his suitcase to the door. Placing it at the door with a sigh, he turned around and went for the second bag.
Startled, Matt was barely able to react for moments after it had happened, his eyes watching Mello wearily before he jerked his goggles down over them, glad for the comfort of hiding the only emotion he cared to expression.
"Fuck you.." He muttered quietly, "Just leave then.." He mumbled, his voice dying down to barely a whisper. "It's not like it matters right-You never had any reason to be here in the first place and..." He cut off, his throat tightening as he leant against the wall, leaving room for Mello to pass. "Just-..Why?" He mumbled, bringing his fingers to ruffle through his hair, a nervous habit of his.
Mello stopped. Standing up, placing the clothes on the bed and just stared directly ahead of him, away from Matt. "I'm sorry." He said finally. "I'm not going to explain. Not now, not ever. And you'll probably hate me for it, but that's probably a good thing." He carried on packing now, still talking. "But I couldn't tell you. Hell, I was hoping you wouldn't find out til tomorrow. When it'd be too late- Because of all the people here, you are the only one who stands a chance at stopping me."
"Like hell you're sorry-If you were, you wouldn't be doing this!" Matt muttered resentfully, "You just figured you'd leave without saying anything-Never mind I'm your best friend-No, apparently that doesn't mean anything to you or you would've said something. Fuck-I can understand you wanting to leave, I knew it would happen cause I know you too well," Matt sighed.
"I'm not happy about it-But if you wanna leave, I'm not going to stop you-You know I'd do anything you said," He grumbled, "What pisses me off, is you didn't have the guts to say anything to me-You were just gonna ditch me-How do you think I'd feel the next day when you didn't show up to class then I found out you just left?" He mumbled.
"Yeah! I get it!" Mello yelled, finally turning and allowing Matt to see the tears that were starting to build in his eyes. "You get why!? Because I'm a selfish prick, that's why! I didn't tell you because I don't want to say good-bye! I don't want to leave you behind! I-" He shook his head hand changed his sentence. "You're the only one who's ever actually given a damn about me, and I don't want to have to look into your eyes, and say good-bye, knowing full well that there's nota chance in hell I'll ever see you again!"
"You really think so?" Matt mumbled, his eyes on his feet, "I figure-Maybe, when you settle down and start doing whatever you wanna do-I could come work for you or something...I can't really stay at Wammy for the rest of my life..." He trailed off. "So-..So don't say goodbye then-We'll see each other again, I'm sure," He insisted, attempting to convince both himself and Mello.
Giving an uncertain sigh, he brought himself forward, and hugged the other, not really concerned for Mello's no touching rule. Apparently that had been broken not five minutes ago. "I promise we'll see each other – In fact..I bet on it," He smiled weakly, "And I never lose a bet."
Mello shook his head as he pushed Matt off him again, not pissed at him for touching him. He left his arms on Matt's shoulders, keeping him at arms length. "No Matt. What I'm going to do is dangerous. I don't want you caught up in this." He moved away and grabbed his bag, slinging it towards his case. He turned back to Matt and gave a small smile. "I'll miss you..." he admitted. "I shouldn't, but I will..."
"Since when did anything you got involved in, involve anything other than danger?" Matt questioned, inclining his head. "Say what you want-You won't get rid of me, Mello-I'll find you one day, and you'll owe me ten bucks," He smiled slightly, crossing his arms.
"You know as well as I do, I have the abilities to track you down-So don't be so certain of yourself, especially since when was the last time I listened to you and didn't get involved in your trouble making?" He questioned, lowering his hands to his side. "Do what you want Mello," He mumbled, "But don't think this is the last you'll see of me-So enjoy your break from me while you can," He grinned playfully.
"Matt..." Mello said with a sigh, "I'm not kidding. You can't come." He looked away, "If you follow me, if you work for me, you'll end up getting yourself killed! I'm not going to be the cause of your death!" He shook his head again and looked back at Matt. "Please." He asked, saying a word he couldn't ever remember using before. "For your own safety, just forget I ever existed." He headed to the door, walking past Matt.
"Whatever you say, Mello," Matt murmured, watching the male leave. As much as he protested toward the others words, he usually took heed of them. And usually, he followed any order Mello gave him. But since it had already been an unusual day, there was nothing wrong than following his words for now, and 'accidentally' forgetting them in the future.
Mello nodded while stood at the door. "I love you, you know." He muttered without turning around. "Have for a while. Never thought I'd be able to tell you..." He sighed again and grabbed his bags, heading for the front doors.
"Do you have to leave today?" Matt mumbled, "I promise I won't stop you from leaving-But..Can't you stay-At least for one more day?" He questioned, his hand gripping Mello's sleeve in a somewhat tight grasp, leaving room for the other to pull away, but somehow hoping Mello would stay. "Cause..If you want me to say goodbye, I'm not ready-Not to just watch you walk out," He mumbled, "Because you're the only thing I have Mello-Please..Just...One more day? Or even just until tomorrow..?"
The male cast his eyes to the ground, refusing to look at the other, "Don't leave me, dammit.." He swallowed.
Mello put his bags down and turned to Matt, a small soft smile on his face. "I'm sorry." He repeated before leaning forward and kissing the other again. "But I don't think I can..." He answered, "I can't stay with you, not after telling you that." His patients was beginning to wear thin, he wasn't used to keeping calm, and it was hard. "Now please, I have to go before I loose my cool. It's a miracle I've lasted this long."
"If you leave now-I can't keep my word that I won't come after you," Matt murmured, swallowing and bringing his grasp to the front of Mello's shirt, pulling the male into a deep kiss, struggling to convince the other to wait, wishing he'd understand the words that Matt wouldn't say, only because he knew that they'd make Mello stay, and that was the last thing he wanted. He didn't want to stop Mello from doing anything he wanted, but somehow it just seemed harder by the second.
Mello's eyes widened considerable, and for a while, he just stood there, frozen, as if not really realizing that this was happening. Slowly, his body seemed to respond and he leaned closer to Matt, letting his arms encircle the redhead's neck and waist. His eyes slid closed and he began to return the kiss. After a while though- he pulled back, looking down at the techno genius in confusion. "Matt..." Words failed him, and he just kept staring at him.
"Just tonight-Please...I don't want to lose you so soon," Matt mumbled, struggling to keep his voice even, "I'm not ready to be alone-I'm just asking to say goodbye..I won't stop you from leaving, just..Stay with me for tonight?" He whispered, "Just gimme a chance to say goodbye," He sighed quietly, "Then you can leave," He added quietly, though it was clear he wasn't really thrilled by the idea.
"But..." Mello realized he was still holding Matt and pulled away slightly, "If I stay tonight... I won't want to go." He finally managed to whisper. "I need to go now, or never." He told Matt. "This is why I didn't want to tell you! You'll make me want to stay! Fuck, you're the only one who can- so please, don't ask this of me." Mello fully detached himself from Matt, but didn't leave. "You don't get it, do you?! You should've rejected me. You should've freaked out when I confessed! Then things would be a shit load easier!"
"You think it's easy for me? Now that I know-You think I really want to let you leave? I'm trying so hard not to say it-Because I know what will make you stay.." Matt swallowed, "But I'm not going to do it, because I know you need to leave. I won't be selfish-I just thought one night wouldn't be that much to ask," He murmured. "You're acting like this is only hard on you-But once you leave I'll be alone, Mello-I don't make friends like you do. People always wanted to be friends with you, even if you didn't notice-I'm weird-You're the only friend I've got, and when you go, it'll just be me," He muttered.
"If you go now, I promise, I won't be able to let go-And I can't keep my word that I won't look for you."
Mello listened to his words, letting them sink in. Of course he knew that this would be hard on Matt too, of course he knew this. But he'd already said it, hadn't he, that he was a selfish prick. Mello sighed and leaned his head forward, resting his forehead against Matt's, slightly irked at the goggles that were in the way. "Then fuck me." Mello said, thinking that this would disgust the male, thinking that Matt would tell him to get lost. If Matt felt like he could no longer be around Mello, then he wouldn't follow, and Mello could leave now.
Matt glimpsed past his goggles, holding a steady gaze on the other male. He knew Mello well enough, it was enough of a challenge as any, and it was clear he was expected to fail, allowing Mello to leave without another word. Matt tensed slightly, an uncertain expression flickering through his eyes, "I've never.." He mumbled. Swallowing down his words, he craned his neck, catching Mello's lips in another kiss.
"Tell me what you want me to do," He whispered against the others lips, voice uncertain, but he was full of enough determination that there was no way he'd back down now.
By now, Mello's eyes were hugely wide. Matt should have got it, he should've understood. And he did. Mello could see that, he'd understood and was still... Matt was going to give up everything to stop Mello from leaving. He was going to give him his virginity.
He leaned closer to Matt, kissing him again and leading him to the bed. He should've expected this, but he didn't. Gently pushing Matt down so he was laid on his back, he hovered over him. "You're sure about this?" He asked, awe in his eyes. "You want me to stay so much, that you'd give up...that, for the sake of one night?" He wasn't sure why, but that idea seemed to work for him. Up until the point where he'd have to leave. He wasn't sure if he could do it now.
Now that Matt was giving this up for him.
Matt swallowed, his throat tight and nodded. "Yes-I just want you to stay, just a little longer-I don't care what I have to do to make you stay the night," He murmured, "And I don't mind losing it for you," He mumbled, lifting one of his hands and tracing his fingers down Mello's jaw line, his eyes taking in the sight in front of him, all of his uncertainty disappearing.
"But.." Matt murmured, "You have to leave-You can't use this as a reason to stay because I want you to be happy-And if you stay, I know you'll only regret it-And I don't want to be just a regret-Alright?" He added, his eyes fixing on Mello's own before bringing their lips together once more, kissing the other male deeply, his arm slipping around Mello's shoulders.
Mello couldn't help it. Tears fell as he kissed Matt back. This wasn't a kiss of passion, it was one of love, one of deep caring. This was a kiss of good-bye. Mello pulled away and sat up, still straddling Matt. "I can't.." He whispered, "Damn it!" He exclaimed, hitting Matt weakly in the stomach, sobs forcing their way from his chest. "This is why I didn't want to tell you! I can't leave you." He didn't even try to stop the tears that fell. "And there's no way I can have sex with you if I'm never going to see you again."
Matt winced slightly, "I don't want you to ruin your plans for me," He mumbled, "I just wanted to say goodbye-If you refuse to let me follow, I just wanted you to remember me," He murmured, meeting Mello's gaze. "I don't want you to leave-But you have to, alright? I'm not going to let you stay-You can't," He insisted.
"You have to leave tomorrow, Mello," Matt mumbled, "I know it would be easier if I told you I hated you, and yelled at you-But I want to be selfish for once-I don't want to lose you without telling you how I feel.."
"Damn it! Why'd you have to choose now to start standing up to me!?" Mello asked, weakly hitting Matt again."Why'd you have to make me love you?" those words were said slower, quieter. Mello came to a decision then and leaned forward, kissing Matt deeply. His tears mixed in with their kiss, giving it a salty taste as he thrust his tongue inside Matt's warm cavern. Telling him without words, explaining to him why he couldn't go.
Nothing else needed saying.
Closing his eyes tightly, the tears peeking at the corners of his eyes, Matt brought his arms around Mello's shoulders, his fingers threading through the male's blonde locks, his lips parting willingly as he returned the kiss, almost afraid that if he were to let go of Mello, that the male would reconsider and disappear without another word.
Parting the kiss as the need for air became too strong, Matt refused to open his eyes, his breathing slowing down and after a moment of silence, he glimpsed at the other. "Mello-I love you, even if you hate me for it, I can't help it.." He whispered.
Mello placed his head on Matt's shoulder, taking a deep breath to try and stop his tears. "I love you too." He managed to say quietly. "Can you see, why I wanted to just go. Because now I can't." He pulled back slightly and looked at Matt before leaning back down and kissing his neck. He wasn't as innocent as some believed him to be, he had had sex before. He'd had sex with men before-not often, but enough to know what felt good.
Enough to be able to get a 'rise' out of Matt-he hoped. He ran his fingers under Matt's shirt, caressing the skin gently.
"I'm sorry," Matt murmured, though, even he didn't know whether he was really sorry or not. He wanted Mello to do what he wanted, but the more selfish part of him wanted the other to stay for more than just a night. To never leave. Though, he rarely voiced that side of himself.
Groaning softly, Matt inclined his head, exposing more of his neck, as his skin grew Goosebumps under the others fingers. For a moment, he just allowed Mello to continue before he caught Mello's hand, bringing it away from himself. "No-I want to do things for you-You don't have to do anything," He insisted, bringing their lips together once more, clumsily unfastening Mello's shirt to get rid of the clothing.
Mello moaned into the kiss, those words doing more for him than any aphrodisiac could have. Kissing Matt back, he allowed him to do what he wanted. Pulling back, he laughed softly as he looked at Matt. "You want to top?" he asked, he'd never been topped before. But for Matt, he would try it. He nodded once, kissing Matt as he swapped their positions.
"Tell me if I do something wrong," Matt mumbled, more nervous than he allowed show. Almost regretful for what he'd said, he didn't want to let Mello down. After a moments struggle, Matt had disposed of their clothing, their lips connected in a kiss while his fingertips brushed over Mello's chest, straying down lower and skimming over the others length in a cautious manner, his eyes fixing on Mello every now and then, to make sure he hadn't made a mistake
Mello nodded and gasped as Matt touched him. He arched his back trying to get more friction. He was kissing back with a lot more passion than before, giving up his self-restraint. "N..Matt, don't just tease like that..." he said, "Touch me more..." He demanded. He wasn't begging (he was a vegetarian), he would never beg, but he was quite welcome to demand. Yes, that was a very 'Mello' thing to do.
Well, apparently he wasn't doing that badly at all. He could barely restrain the grin that threatened at his lips when he heard the demanding tone. Typical Mello. Even in a situation like this, he wanted to demand things. Running his fingers down the shaft, applying only the slightest amount more of pressure, Matt pressed his lips against the nape of Mello's throat, nipping at the skin teasingly, and sucking at small patches while his hands strayed, purposely leaving only the slightest amount of pressure.
His annoying Mello was a simple habit, and it was clear, just like Mello's demanding, that Matt wouldn't change it, no matter the situation.
Another groan forced its way out of Mello's throat and he opened his eyes to look at Matt. He glared when he saw the grin on Matt's face. "You're doing this on purpose." He muttered between pants, "Bastard." Pushing Matt up slightly, he leaned forward and kissed Matt deeply, distracting him (hopefully), while he managed to get his own hands down Matt's pants. Stroking gently once, he put a little more pressure on Matt's member before pulling his hand away completely.
"You're not the only one who can tease." He promised, smirking slightly as he leaned against the bed, completely relaxed. All thoughts of what was to come tomorrow were temporarily gone, leaving room only for Matt.
Matt could have laughed, had the teasing not been at his expense. "Fine," Matt huffed, pouting in a childish manner, his eyes flashing with bemusement before he brought himself down, running his tongue up the entire length in a testing manner, his fingers tracing bored circles on Mello's flesh, as the male watched the others expression in a curious manner before continuing.
"Doing what on purpose?" He grinned.
A deep groan came from Mello as his head fell backwards and his eyes closed. "This." He managed to say, panting. "You're teasing me..." he muttered. He was now so hard that his throbbing member was beginning to ache painfully. "God Matt... Just start prepping me already, or I'm not gonna last long enough to get the deed done!" He warned.
Matt smiled a little, before finally shifting his hands, bringing his fingers to slowly stretch the other, slightly more cautious than he'd been before, only due to the pure fact that he could hurt the other. "Just tell me if I should stop," He added, the uncertain tone reappearing, though he didn't make to say anything else until he'd finished preparing Mello.
"Are you sure?"
Sweat was now covering Mello's face, but he'd been silent through the preparations, ignoring the pain. Would it've killed the guy to use a little lube? Never mind. Mello swallowed a little, opening his eyes to look at Matt. He reached up and kissed him lovingly. "Fuck me, Matt. Make me feel good. Make my last memory of this place the best I've ever had." He had no doubts that the other could do it, even if he didn't find his spot during the preparation. He leaned back on the bed, looking up at Matt, ready.
Nodding, Matt pressed a hand either side Mello into the mattress to hold himself up, placing himself at Mello's entrance and with a cautious look at the male, he thrust in slowly, making sure to be as careful as he could muster, eyes surveying Mello's features closely, leaning himself down to press a kiss to Mello's lips, attempting to distract him from Matt's other actions.
Mello hissed in pain trying to keep relaxed but failing miserably. No wonder the bottom's asses were always so sore in the morning. When Matt kissed him, he was grateful, but he pulled back. Last thing he wanted to do was bite his tongue. Instead, he leaned forward and bit on Matt's shoulder, not hard, just enough to ground him.
Groaning slightly as he sheathed himself inside Mello, Matt paused for a moment, ignoring the painful, yet somehow arousing jabs of teeth in his shoulder before he finally moved, bringing himself out slowly then back in until he'd finally found a rhythm, one of his hands moving to Mello's side, brushing down it gently and soothingly.
The movements hurt, that was for sure, but underneath, Mello could feel the slight tingling of pleasure. Sure enough a few thrusts later, Mello screamed out. At some point, Matt had obviously changed angles, and had hit that particular spot. Stars danced in front of Mello's eyes as he lay gasping. So this was why men liked to be bottom? It was like nothing he'd ever felt before.
Relieved somewhat the Mello didn't seem to be in as much pain, Matt increased his speed slightly, gritting his teeth. It was definitely a whole lot more than he'd done before and he knew he wouldn't hold out as long as he'd have liked too. Bringing one hand down and wrapping it around Mello's member, he began to stroke the length, in order to bring Mello to the edge before himself.
Mello couldn't help it. Matt seemed to be hitting his prostate every thrust. When he started stroking him, he screamed-loudly. Calling out Matt's name, he gasped, "Matt- gonna- gonna-FUCK!" He tried to warn Matt what was coming as the orgasm his him, stronger than any he'd ever had before. He came long and hard, covering Matt's hand with white gloop.
Panting, Matt finally came, bringing himself out of Mello and slumping to one side of the male, his eyes closed as he attempted to regain his breath. "I..Win.." He murmured, halfway through his heavy breathing. Sure, it was supposed to be a borderline serious moment, but Matt couldn't help and have his fun sometimes.
Mello snorted and rolled over so he was curled up beside Matt. "Tell me not to go." He said quietly. "Tell me not to go, and I'll stay with you, forever." He was being completely serious. His voice was pleading for Matt to ask him, for Matt to let him stay. He knew it wasn't likely to happen, but he had to try. He couldn't just walk away from this now. Fuck Near, it didn't matter if he was better. The only thing that mattered to him right now, was lay beside him, having just made his ass incredibly sore, and sticky.
Matt frowned, he wanted too. There wasn't a thing he wanted more than for Mello to stay. Except, maybe, that Mello would be better off outside of Wammy, and that was the one thing he wanted more. His throat tightened and he glanced away, and said the thing that deep down he'd hate himself for forever.
"I think you should go."
Betrayal. That's what it felt like. Sure Mello had known that was what Matt would say, but it still hurt to hear it. Mello nodded and sat up, grimacing at the pain in his ass. Standing he retrieved his clothes and began to get dressed, ignoring the sticky residue all over his lower body. He worked in silence, getting dressed and pulling what little he had left into his last bag. He was moving slightly awkwardly.
Matt refused to turn over to glance at the other, mostly because he knew if he did, he wouldn't let Mello leave. "Bye," He mumbled, biting into his lower lip, opening his mouth to apologise, he shook himself out of it, rubbing at his eyes, refusing to show any sign that he didn't want Mello to leave, hoping that the other understood why.
All his bags were packed, and he was heading out the door. Pausing, he stopped at the threshold. "I love you." He said over his shoulder, not turning around. "And I probably will 'til the day I die." And with those words, he left, taking everything with him. His life had ended, and now began a new one.