Disclaimer: Bleach doesn't belong to me!! _
Hiya everyone and a very very BIG THANKYOU to every single one of you!! ^_^ I'm so happy and grateful for all your support, for all your reviews and for you all to be reading my fic! Lotsa people were saying that I made them cry last chappie and man, that was deep and all that stuff. Aw thanks! I like creating stuff like that! Anyway, whoa… it seems we're getting closer and closer to the end now… wow…
So… enjoy chapter 10!! Read and review! emichii!
"So you can't love me, Karin… You shouldn't have fallen in love… with someone like me."
Chapter Ten: Crying
The expression on her face was incredibly hard to read. She didn't say anything. She was silent, her brown eyes still wide as they watched him.
He held her gaze for what seemed like the most painful moment ever.
His voice had been strong and cool as he muttered his parting words. The words were quiet and almost sympathetically soft, but Karin felt like she'd been stabbed. And now, as she stared at him, her eyes were wide and brown and almost desperately despairing.
He seemed still, almost like he was holding in his breath and his pain. His icy blue eyes were hardened and were full of his suffering, and his pale lips trembled ever so slightly.
And at last he frowned with hatred and she dropped her head and looked at the ground.
He left. And she stayed behind, her heart breaking, unable to even watch the soul reaper captain walk away.
---
I should leave. I should go back to Soul Society. I'm done here; I'm really and truly done here. I should… go home…
But his feet faltered just as his thoughts did. Hitsugaya stopped and paused for the first time since he'd walked away from the park. But he… He stared icily past the streets and in the direction from which he'd come.
Hitsugaya ditched his gigai and carefully hid his spiritual pressure. He looked back uncertainly and bit his lip. He should… go back and at least check on her… It was getting late now and the sky was a brilliant orange residing into a deep purple sky. He should go back to the park and watch her, make sure she didn't do anything stupid. He should go back and make sure she got home safely.
Hitsugaya bounded back to the park and stayed high above from her. He watched her from the safety of the looming evening shadows.
She was quiet. Karin sat there, alone on the swing, her hands loosely clutching the chains. The swing moved back and forth slowly and minimally, and her toes brushed against the ground as she swayed.
She seemed out of it, but aware that she was in a daze. Her eyes were perfectly dry and clear now, no tears anywhere in sight. But she constantly kept bowing her head down suddenly and taking in a long breath, as if to hold herself together.
It was a painful scene. Hitsugaya had to look away. The way his heart pounded so heavily inside just watching her hold it in, he couldn't stand it. So he tore his eyes away and glared resolutely away.
The thought crossed Karin's mind that she should go home. And while she walked back, she better frown and growl a bit to get her face back to normal, away from the distressed and sad little girl she looked like right now. She better get back… Yuzu would have dinner ready soon and Stupid Old Dad would be thumping around yelling at them that dinner was at seven o'clock sharp.
Karin rose slowly to her feet, closed her eyes for a moment, frowning and taking in a deep breath before she began the walk home.
---
Hitsugaya didn't understand it. Suddenly, something about her had changed. Just the other day, she'd been normal. She'd been smiling and laughing, scowling and being her usual stubborn self. The way she moved, her facial expression, everything about her showed her to be a childish and carefree school girl.
But now… he couldn't quite place it. She seemed to have changed. She seemed to have grown, her eyes showed an understanding, a maturity that wasn't there before.
Out of all the people you could have fallen in love with, why did you choose me? His eyes were sad as they watched her.
You could've… been with Jun and been perfectly happy. 'cause you're meant to be a normal kid… someone who can love freely and have no worries… just innocent childish affections… but you…
He recalled the way she had muttered the truth, unable to look at him and the way she hurt as she sat there alone on the swing.
You stupidly… fell for me.
And I can already tell… I can already see by the way you're struggling to hold in the pain…
Karin stood on the doorstep of Kurosaki clinic as her dad swept open the door.
"KARIN!! YOU'RE LATE!!"
She scowled at him. "Get out of the way, Old Man. I'm hungry."
Her voice was cool and blunt as usual and she walked right past her dad into the kitchen, not giving him a second glance.
She was perfectly normal. Nobody could see that something had changed about her.
Hitsugaya turned away from the Kurosaki household in bitterness.
Everything you do is so familiar… how you can hide it all so well…
You…
This isn't just a childish crush, is it?
He knew it. He knew it all so well. He'd been there, done that.
The reason Karin seemed to have changed during have walk home was because she'd finally realized and been exposed to the truth. There would never be such thing as a carefree childish romance for her. She'd realized now and taken the hit.
She knew it now.
What real love was. And that it hurt.
---
I should go back. I really should go back now. I've spent enough time here. Recovering? Have I… have I gotten better?
He stood in front of the closed window. The cool night air around him chilled him but it was refreshing. The moon in the sky was high and very white. The light from it bounced off the window and he studied his reflection.
Had he… gotten better?
His white hair still fell dishevelled as usual. His icy blue-green eyes were pale and his very light skin seemed even paler in the moonlight. But his face was not as thin and wasted as it once was, and the bags and bruise-like dark eye circles were long gone.
He looked better. He looked way better.
But how did he feel? He should get back to Soul Society. How much time had he spent here in Karakura, 'recovering'? He had to get back and look over his division again. He had let things get too out of hand since he began deteriorating. His squad had suffered and probably Matsumoto too.
He really should… he should go home.
But… what was he doing here?
He stood there, in such a familiar place. The night was dark and chilly, but still he was here, outside the Karakura household, outside Karin's bedroom window.
It might make it harder to leave and go back. He held the remorse of hurting her but also for leaving without saying goodbye. But why would she even want to see him again now?
Stupid. He scolded himself. He knew it, dammit. Of course she would want to see him again. She loved him. And he knew that her love was a real love because she was hurting because of him. But he didn't want to let her see him. He didn't want to hurt her.
He mustn't wake her.
Once again… he should just leave. That could save her a lot more heartache and would save him all this… guilt and… even pain.
He knew why he couldn't accept her feelings. It would hurt more. He knew that. Real love hurt. He couldn't handle it, he would really and truly break and never be the same again. But… as he carefully slid open the window, had he already changed? Was he already a different Toushirou Hitsugaya to the one who could not drag himself away from watching Hinamori's comatose self?
And yet… he hadn't accepted Karin's feelings. He couldn't.
But already, he felt the hurt and pain inside him.
Hitsugaya Toushirou silently crept inside and hid in the darkness against the wall, in his spot between the window and her bed. He stood there, illuminated a little by the very bright moon shining in from outside. He stood there silently and watched her sleeping.
And he knew he should go back, he knew he'd spent too much time here, too much time altogether 'recovering', but he was here. He… was grateful to her.
He felt better. He really did, and he told himself that, over and over. Apart from the guilt and this killing pain inside him right now, the normal suffering was gone. Ever since he'd been in Karakura, spending time with this young human girl here, bit by bit… he had felt better.
But today… earlier… she'd ruined it all. She'd finally forced him to snap, to break down, to have a meltdown and explode at her, pouring out everything that had happened to him to make him this way.
And it had all hurt. But it was over.
Like… somehow… now that it was all gone, now that he'd let loose and let go of everything, the burden and weight had somehow lifted from his shoulders. Of course… it still hurt and he'd always carry around the scars of the past but… it was as though he'd been carrying a horrible weight until now and he'd finally put it down.
In that case… he was better, yeah? Then at least… what he was here for was accomplished.
He attempted a small smile, his tired eyes settled on her sleeping face. Hey… at least… I think I made it through…
His small smile faded. It will still hurt for you for a while after today though, Karin. And even while he thought that, his own heart hurt. …But you'll get better, I'm sure.
After all… you helped heal me.
And he took a step close to her, and looked down at her, almost tenderly. He didn't understand the way his heart just thudded and seemed to ache, he didn't know why the way he looked at her was so… endearing.
He really didn't plan on seeing her ever again. No, definitely not. Sure… he was now better enough to go home, but he… he couldn't take any chances anymore.
Why… he sighed quietly. Why did she have to fall in love with him?
He opened his mouth and said softly, "…goodbye, Karin."
She was still silent and barely even stirred.
Okay. Hitsugaya turned to go. He'd been here long enough. But as he turned to leave, he felt the bitterness and the suffering inside him again. He paused for a fatal moment and turned to watch her once more, with almost desperately pained icy-blue eyes.
He realized with a start.
She was crying in her sleep.
She seemed to sob, her chest rising up suddenly, weighed down by her hurt and pain. And a tear appeared from her closed eyes and trickled slowly down her cheeks.
He could not leave. He was unable to do it.
He hardened his gaze and tried to pull himself together. It was his fault, he realized, for turning around and glancing back at her. He never should've come back here tonight. He never should've looked back. And now the pain inside him felt like it was choking him.
Karin was hurting. It was obvious, even though she was asleep. The hurt and the pain and everything that had happened today, everything Hitsugaya had burst out with, all the suffering he'd let go of seemed to hit her all at once, and the pain of rejection, of him leaving came out in the tears she'd fought so hard to hold in.
The tears fell down her cheeks and hit the pillow and her blankets with soft splashes. She sobbed quietly and he stood there, still beside her, watching.
He gritted his teeth. He can't be here. He shouldn't be here.
He mustn't wake her. He must not let her see his face tonight or ever again. He must never hurt her like this again. He must not let himself suffer again. Like the way he was suffering right now.
And he must never, ever look back.
What was meant to a quiet, peaceful, somewhat repentant goodbye turned into an escape. Hitsugaya tore his eyes from her tear-stained face, and managed to slide open the window without screaming. He leapt out of the window and refused to let himself look back, never again.
And Hitsugaya Toushirou ran from the Kurosaki household, into the dark and chilly night.
He was better, he assured himself repeatedly. He could go home. He'd be okay. Everything would be okay, everything could go back to normal.
But he found his heart falling heavily. But… what was normal?
With every heavy thudding footstep he ran, his insides twisted and his heart hurt a little more.
In her room, Karin cried in her sleep.
The window was hastily left open, and from outside, the chilly breeze crept in, making the curtains dance and flutter in the wind.
That's the end of chapter 10!! What did you think? With that last part of Hitsu thanking Karin for helping him to recover and then him saying goodbye, I thought it would be so cool to use that as the last part. And then he'd leave and it'd be the end. Tragic but fantastic, eh? And readers of my work know that I always have happy endings but there's a part of me that just absolutely admires and is in awe of sad and beautiful endings. But… obviously with the end of this chappie, there is definitely gonna be more. I'm guessing, my dear devoted readers, that there will be two more chapters before Your Bandages ends. So until then, hang on and please review!! ^_^ emichii!