Hey everyone! This is Ash and Alex. We haven't had anything for you for a while, but here we are with our longest list yet! So sit back, relax, and enjoy!
Disclaimer: Alex: Ash, my birthday is soon. I want Edward
Ash: No can do. Anyway, my birthday is first! And besides, I can't give you Edward because I don't own Twilight! Sadly….
Alex: Well, can I at least get a life size poster of Edward for my birthday?
Ash: You know it!
71 Things Emmett Cullen Does When Bored:
Force random members of the Cullen family to play strip poker
Set things on fire
Blow up cantaloupes, watermelons, and other pieces of fruit
Collect animal droppings and stuff them in the toes of Alice's shoes
Coat the keys of Edward's piano with the remaining droppings
Burn the medical records of all of Carlisle's patients
Find 75 most annoying things to do in an elevator
Do all 75
Dress up as Bella and try to convince Edward to sleep with him
Play "Secret Agent" in an attempt to find Carlisle's secret lover
Hum the Mission Impossible Theme Song while doing so
Wet pop rocks and put then right next to Edward's ear
When Edward complains pretend he doesn't know what he's talking about
Suggest that it's all those voices FINALLY getting back at him
Attempt to convince Jacob that the reason Bella wouldn't date him was because Edward had a huge man crush on him.
Dye his hair blond, carry a murse (A/N: Man Purse), and go shopping for women's clothes with Alice
Watch the Hannah Montana Movie over and over and over again
Get a singing coach
With his new knowledge, Sing Opera
Sing and dance to Barbie Girl
Change his ringtone to Sexyback
Play 'fetch' with Jacob…and Paul
And then tell them that they are good little puppies and offer them a dog treat
Force the members of the Cullen Family to play Iron Chef with him and then force the La Push Werewolves to judge
Go to a strip club
Pretend to be Bon Qui Qui at King Burger
Pour grease on Edward and Bella's bed
Make up his own version of Jingle Bells:
Jingle Bells
Edward smells
It makes Bella beg
For him to take a long shower and to shave his legs
Hey!
Jingle Bells
Edward smells
It makes Bella miffed
Now she has gone quite insane
And will jump off a cliff
Sing it to the whole family and laugh at Edward and Bella's faces when they hear it
Force the whole family to put on a fashion show
Demand that he be the underwear model
Video tape the show and then post it on YouTube
Also send a video of it to Abercrombie and insist that he is model material
Attempt to be ninja by swooping down randomly from the ceilings, scaring the crap out of the rest of the family
Cry when Rosalie tells him that watching How to be Ninja does not automatically make him a black belt
Visit a psychologist in reference to what Rosalie said
Fire the psychologist when he says that Rosalie is right
Hire himself as his new psychologist
Fire himself when it doesn't work
Go to and then fail out of medical school
Slap Edward when he says it's for the better because he would have made a crappy doctor
Buy out all the lingerie in Victoria's Secret
When the cashier asks who the lucky lady is, he cries out "GOD WHY IS EVERYONE SO SEXIST THESE DAYS!!!!"
Steal Alice's Porsche and paint it tie-dye
Then Write Peace, Love, 60s on the sides
Cross out the Apples on all the laptops in the house and then poorly draw a pear on top
With permanent marker
Replace all of Edward's music with heavy metal and punk (and a few 60s tracks too!)
Have sex with Rosalie on Edward's piano
While he's playing it
Constantly change his emotions while around Jasper
Then laugh at him
Tell Esme that he's having a gay affair
With Carlisle
Make her promise not to tell Rosalie
Steal all of Rosalie's bras and then hide them in Edward's drawers
Show Bella (without revealing who did it) then laugh at her shocked/horrified expression
Start keeping a diary with confessions of his love for Bella
Leave the diary out in places where everyone can see it
Offer to pay Bella money if she strips for him
Purchase a fairy princess outfit
Wear it around the house
And to school
Buy a bunch of stuffed animals
Then try and change them
When it doesn't work throw them out the window
Ask Rosalie if she thinks he'd look sexy with layers
Demand the whole family take him to the zoo even though he's been told time and time again that it's a stupid idea
Hide under Carlisle and Esme's bed and when they start getting it on, pop out from under, look annoyed and yell "HELO! I' M SORRY TO INTERRUPT BUT SOME PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO SLEEP HERE!"
Have an affair with a giant squid
Go on FanFiction
A/N: Its our longest list yet! Yay! This was insanely fun to write and I hope it was insanely fun to read. So if you liked it, press that magic button and REVIEW!
Love,
Ash and Alex