My world stopped spinning, my head was reeling.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
Seth was not dead! He couldn't be! He just couldn't be! I fell to my knees in the stands and sobbed into my hands.
"Poor girl," people behind me uttered. But I scarcely heard them. My head pounded, I couldn't move.
Emmett scooped me up into his arms and I curled up into the fetal position against his chest. This couldn't be happening! I prayed that I would wake up and find that this had all been a terrible, terrible nightmare. That I'd fallen asleep during the game and this was just my mind playing tricks on me.
But whenever I opened my eyes, I was still seeing the world pass by me as Emmett took me to the car. It wasn't long before the news strangled me, and I fell into unconsciousness.
…
When I finally found the will to wake, I felt the softness of a bed under me.
Oh, oh, thank God, I thought to myself. It was just a dream. Just a dream…
But when I opened my eyes and saw the sobbing Leah and Sue in the corner of the room, and heard the dry sobbing of several Cullens, I knew it hadn't been a dream.
I started trashing as I screamed. "No! No, no, no, no, no!" I sobbed.
"The letter came for you while you were out," Jasper said, biting down on his lip as if trying to hold back tears, even though crying was physically impossible for him.
"Honey, we're so sorry," Esme said, sitting next to me on my bed and putting her arms around me. I soaked her shirt with my tears.
"No," I said. "He's not dead! He can't be! No!"
"I'm so sorry, Jasmine," Alice sobbed. "How did I not see this coming? I'm worthless; useless!"
"My baby," Sue sobbed.
Nayeli waddled over to my bed. She pulled herself up onto the mattress and crawled over to me. She was crying, too.
"What happen?" she asked. "Daddy okay?"
I shook my head. "No, Nana, Daddy isn't okay," I said through my tears.
"Oh," she whispered. She put her hands around my neck and rested her head on my chest. I stroked her hair as I continued to cry.
"Jasmine," Carlisle said. "We've discussed it, and we think it would be better if you… if you…"
"If I what, Carlisle?" I snapped.
"If you went to therapy," he said. "I made an appointment for you already. Do you think you'll be ready for it tomorrow?"
I shook my head quickly.
"No," I said. "I'm not going to therapy."
"Jasmine, sweetie," Rosalie said. "Therapy could really help you."
"No!" I said. "I don't need help! What are you talking about?! Seth is not dead!"
"Hun, that's kind of what we're talking about," Esme said. "You're in denial. You need help to get over this."
"No I don't!" I screamed. "I can feel it in me! He's alive, I know he is!"
"Jasmine, please," Edward said. "Whatever it is you supposedly feel, you're making yourself feel it because you don't want to admit he's gone."
"He's not gone!" I sobbed. "He said he'd never leave me! He hasn't broken his word, I know it! He wouldn't leave us behind!" I clutched my daughter to me for emphasis.
The light inside me was still burning. That was what allowed me to know he was still alive. I knew he was. I could feel it in me.
"Jazzy, please," Renesmee said, looking pleadingly at me with tears in her eyes. "You need to go."
"No I do not!" I said. "I don't need therapy!"
"Jasmine Isabella Cullen," Bella said, her voice breaking on the last word, "Sorry to be so hard on you know, but I will drag you into that therapy room myself if I have to. You're going."
I hadn't known how serious she was about that until the next day.
I'd refused to even get out of bed, so Bella, Alice, and Rosalie had literally pulled me out of the comforts of my bed and stuffed me into the shower. I was too upset to even care that they were in the bathroom while I showered. My husband, my love, had died, and my only remaining family was forcing me into therapy. I had every right to be upset. I hadn't stopped crying for hours.
They dressed me forcefully and pulled me into the car. I rode in the backseat of Alice's Porsche with Bella's arms around me. Alice and Esme rode in the front seats. Once we arrived, Bella did keep her promise and dragged me by my arm into the main office.
"Hello, my niece has an appointment here at twelve," she said to the receptionist.
"Name," the woman said, clearly bored.
"Jasmine Isabella Cullen," Bella stated. I leaned limply against her.
"You can take a seat in the waiting area, Dr. Randall will be with you in a second," she said. Bella put one arm around my shoulders and helped me over to the chairs. I sat in the middle of her and Alice and rested my head against Bella's shoulder as I continued to cry. Screaming could be heard from one of the rooms.
"NO!" a woman was screaming. "EDWARD CULLEN WILL BE MINE! HE WILL! BELLA'S GOT NOTHING AGAINST ME!"
"Ms. Stanley, I need you to calm down," a therapist was saying. The woman kept screaming.
Well. That was… disturbing.
"Oh, God," Bella muttered. "You've got to be kidding me." She turned her head to whisper in my ear. "That's Jessica Stanley. I went to high school with her. She was obsessed with Edward. Looks like she still is." I barely heard—of cared about—what she said. I scarcely cared about anything anymore. Everyone was saying Seth wasn't coming home anymore.
Baby why'd you leave me? Why'd you have to go? I was counting on forever, now I'll never know. I can't even breathe. It's like I'm looking from a distance, standing in the background, everybody's saying he's not coming home now. This can't be happening to me. This is just a dream.
Why was the song so damn accurate? It was as if it being on the radio had been an omen. But I knew this wasn't a dream. This was real, and he wasn't coming home. Alice, Bella, Esme, everyone was right. Maybe I was crazy, maybe… maybe… No. I knew Seth was alive. He wouldn't leave me; he wouldn't leave Nayeli, or Sue, or Leah.
"Jasmine," a woman called. "Dr. Randall will see you now."
I didn't move. There was no way in hell that I was going to see a shrink. I didn't need help for this. Seth was alive, he was alive, he was alive.
Bella pulled me up from my seat and handed me to the lady. She took hold of my arm and smiled sympathetically at me. I stared at her blankly as she led me down a white, empty hallway and into an equally white room. She sat me down in a chair.
"You can wait here," she said. "The Dr. Randall will be with you in just a second."
I showed no emotion, but stared at the wall in front of me. She sighed and walked out of the room, closing the door behind her. I heard a click from the door, and noticed that there was no way to unlock it from the inside. Oh, that was sad. Did she really think I would try to…? Okay, so maybe she was in the right doing that, no matter how much I hated to admit it.
There was another click and the door opened.
"You must be Jasmine," a man in a white doctor coat said as he took a seat across from me. I'd forced myself to stop crying, but I didn't bother to wipe my tears away.
"Hi, I'm Doctor Jack Randall," he continued. "I heard you went through a bit of trauma yesterday. Would you care to tell me what happened?"
I bit my tongue, but—hopefully—showed no emotion on the outside. I turned my head to the window and stared outside, avoiding Jack's careful gaze.
"Your Aunt Bella told me that your husband was declared dead yesterday," he said. "How have you been coping with this newfound information?"
I remained silent and turned my attention to my clasped hands. Jack sighed.
"Jasmine, I can't help you if you don't give me something to work with," he said.
"Who says I want your help?" I asked. "I didn't ask to come here. My family sent me here. I don't need help, and I don't want it, either."
"Okay," he said. "You spoke. That's good."
"Whatever," I muttered.
He stayed silent for a moment, searching for something in his pocket. He pulled out a paper and smoothed it out on his clipboard.
"Did your family by any chance show you the letter?" he asked. I shook my head. He put the paper in front of me.
I scanned the words on the page, no matter how much I didn't want to. The camp Seth and his division were staying at had been the object of a bombing. There were… no survivors.
My body shook, my lips trembled. I bit down on my lip so hard, blood filled my mouth. A single tear ran down my cheeks.
"Okay, progress," Jack said, scribbling something on a paper. "That's good. So, Jasmine, can you tell me now how you're dealing with the death of your husband?"
"He's not dead," I told him. "I know he's not. He… he promised me he wouldn't leave us."
"Of course he did, Jasmine," he said. "Now, can you elaborate on the 'us' part, please?"
"My daughter and I," I said. "He promised he wouldn't leave us. Seth always kept his word. He wouldn't break a promise—not to me."
"So, do you think you'll be able to go on after his death?" he asked me.
"He's not dead," I said.
"Right," Jack said. "He's not. Of course."
"He. Is. Not. Dead," I said through my teeth.
"Okay," he said, stopping the writing he was doing on his paper and pulling off his eyeglasses. His blue eyes immediately became smaller, but he was evidently trying to hide his annoyance.
"Your aunt warned me about this," he muttered, running his fingers through his hair.
"Warned you about what?" I asked. "About my supposed denial? Yeah, I'm in denial. Whatever. Go ahead and write that down, I don't care. All you'll manage to get out of me are lies, anyway."
"Anger is good, anger is good," he said, scribbling more.
"I don't want to talk about it," I said.
He tried asking me more questions, most of which I refused to answer. I tried explaining the bond I had with Seth without saying so much that he would send me to a nut house, but by the end of the session, I knew he must have thought I was insane. I was obviously one of his most difficult patients. I didn't really think anyone had the strength to keep quiet in front of a therapist, with all their mind tricks and crap.
"How'd it go?" Esme asked hopefully when I exited.
"Fine," I muttered. I grabbed my sweater from the chair I'd left it on and started toward the door. Bella and Alice jogged up behind me.
"We can keep up, you know," Alice said. I got to the car and tried jerking open the door, but it was locked. Bella held out the keys and I reached for them, but she pulled back and held them up high—higher than I could reach, what with my shortness and everything.
"You can't do this to yourself, Jasmine," Bella insisted. "Therapists are there to help you, but they can't help you without you helping yourself."
"How would you know I didn't help myself?" I asked through my tears.
"Jasmine, we can hear things, you know," Alice said, her hands on her hips.
"Whatever," I murmured.
Bella opened the car and I dove into my seat. Soon enough, Esme, Alice, and Bella took their own seats before Esme hit the gas and we sped down the highway.
I'd been crying the entire time—sobbing was more like it. "I'm literally crazy," I sobbed. "I'm actually, really crazy."
Bella put her arm around me. "You're not crazy, Jasmine," she said. "You've just been through some rough things these past few days."
"Alice," I said, leaning forward to be able to see her better. "Please, please tell me I don't have to go back there."
Alice sighed. "I'm not going to force you into that office again," she said. "No matter how much I think you need it. I'm not going to spend time bringing you down here if you're not willing to let people help you."
"That's because I don't need help!" I screamed. We were passing the 'Welcome to Forks' sign by then. "Seth is alive! I know he is! The imprint, the feel of the imprint, it's still there!"
"Of course it is, sweetie," Esme said.
"Esme, don't do that," Alice said. "She needs to understand that Seth is… well…"
"No he's not!" I said. "I'm not making this up, Alice! I know he's alive! He has to be!"
Alice sighed and threw an apologetic look at Esme. "Of course he is," she muttered.
"Ugh!" I screamed and threw myself back against the seat. I put my head in my hands and my body shook with sobs until we got home. I stepped out of the car as soon as I could and stormed into the house.
"Hey, how'd it go?" Jasper asked when he saw me. I turned my head the other way and stomped up the steps.
"What happened?" he asked someone—more thank likely Alice. I didn't stay within hearing range long enough to hear a response.
I was about ready to run into my room and throw myself facedown on my bed when I turned my head to Nayeli's room subconsciously. She was standing in her crib—that she was really getting much too big for—and peering out at me. I sighed and changed my direction. My daughter obviously needed me then.
"Hey, Nana," I said, picking her up.
"Momma," she said, lifting her hand and wiping away one of my tears. "You cry?"
"Yes, Nayeli, I cry," I sniffled.
"Oh," she said. "Why?"
I took a large breath. "I'll tell you when you're older, okay, sweetie?"
"O…kay?" It came out as a question. I knew she more than likely hadn't understood me. I sighed and buried my head in her hair.
"Momma, where Daddy?" she asked.
"He's not here anymore, Nana," I said, holding my breath.
"Not… here?" she asked. "Where is he?"
"He's…" I sighed. "In a… better place, I guess."
"But—but Daddy promise," she stuttered.
I sighed yet again. "No one can keep their promises all the time," I said.
She nodded, though the confused look never left her face. Alice suddenly appeared in the doorway.
"Aunty Alice!" Nayeli piped, though not as perky as she'd been before.
"Hi, Nana," Alice whispered. She waved at Nayeli who waved back before turning her attention to me.
"Um… the service is next week," she said. "On Tuesday."
I exhaled loudly. "Okay," I said. "I'll be ready. I hope."
"Jasmine, I'm sorry for getting so angry earlier," she said. "I just… This affected me too, you know. I lost a son-in-law. I loved Seth, too."
I nodded. "I know, Alice," I said. "I don't blame you. It's just… I don't need help." I looked into her golden eyes, praying she'd believe me. "I just know he's alive. He has to be. He wouldn't leave me like that."
Alice came forward and hugged me. "I know you feel something in you, Jasmine. I didn't doubt that for a second. What I doubt is that it's actually telling you something. You've inherited my power, I get that, but I don't think that it is truly telling you something this time. I think this is just you telling you what you want to hear."
I said, "Maybe," but I knew I was lying. Alice must have noticed it, too. She sighed, defeated.
I didn't care what Alice or Esme or Bella said. I didn't care if Seth really did… really had… Alright, so I did care, but that wasn't the point. I would keep hoping, keep dreaming, keeping searching, and maybe one day soon a sandy colored wolf would appear through the greenery of the forest. He'd transform into a human and take me in his arms. Maybe, just maybe, it could be Seth. And maybe, just maybe, he'd whisper in my ear the words, "I'm home."
A/N: One thing; I was just wondering... if someone could do me a huge ass favor and PM me so that I can send you a poem I wrote for class. I need an opinion from someone before I turn it in on Monday. My hugest fear: Having my teacher rip the paper in half and tell me it's terrible like she did to some kid last year o.o So, yeah, if someone could do me that favor, that would be great ;D
Reviews are love!