Seven is More Impressive
Emmett shouted, "Hey Jasper, come over here!"
"I'm busy, cleaning and sanitizing Esme's floors."
"Okay, but… I thought you might like to know what Alice just told me in the text message I just received."
Emmett grinned when he heard Jasper at the door in under two-tenths of a second.
"Why is she sending you a text message?" Jasper looked at his own phone.
Alice hadn't called or sent him a message all day. He hadn't expected any; she and Rosalie were shopping.
"I sent Rose a pic of… you know. And Alice saw it."
Jasper leaned against the door, smirking. "Yeah, so?" He knew where this was going.
"So, she said she'd never seen a bigger one. Outside of porn."
"Really? She said that, huh?" Jasper sent Alice a message. He read her reply and chuckled.
Alice read Jasper's message: Em tells me you said his boy is bigger than mine
Alice scrolled through her messages and sent Jasper the one she had sent to Emmett: 7 is more impressive than 6.5
"What are you laughing at?" Emmett asked, hovering over the toilet bowl to see if he had finally stopped draining.
"Seven," Jasper said.
Emmett sat back down on the toilet seat. "What?"
"The answer to your question."
The hell it is! "I don't believe you. Prove it."
"What are the two of you going on about?" Esme had stopped on her way to the kitchen to help Reneesme make lunch.
"Nothing," Jasper said innocently, "just talking about horse power, right Em?"
Esme smiled, oblivious to the fact that Jasper was taunting Emmett. "Are you doing all right in there Emmett? Can I get you anything?"
"Some books and magazines would be appreciated. I've already read the one Jasper gave Nessie to give to me."
"Let me check on Reneesme first."
Emmett amused himself by counting the drips until her smelled Jacob at the door.
"Hey, Jacob, help me out and slide some sports magazines under the door. Esme forgot about me."
"I can do better than that." Jacob opened the door and tossed something inside before walking away, snickering.
Emmett reached for the package with his fingertips and pulled it toward him: adult diapers.
Reneesme, Jacob, and Seth stopped talking and stared at Emmett as he sauntered into the kitchen.
Emmett grinned at Jacob. "You're a genius. These things are great."
Jacob smiled and glanced around at Seth and Reneesme. "You…you're actually wearing them?" The three started laughing uncontrollably.
"It beats sitting on the toilet all day, bored out of my mind, when I could be out ooooh, I don't know…mudding?"
That stopped them laughing. Emmett's grin widened into a smile. "Better hurry up and get out there, kiddies… before the mud bakes on.
I parked her in a sunny spot. Just. For. You." Emmett winked at them.