Showdown

"Emmett, what are you looking for now?"

The sound of Emmett pawing through the junk drawer for the past ten minutes was grating on her nerves.

She was already on edge because Nessie, Jacob, and Seth had somehow managed to get mud from Emmett's Jeep

all over themselves, the driveway, and the front of the house, the windows…

"I need to measure something," Emmett said.

"There's a ruler in Carlisle's desk. I'm sure he won't mind if you borrow it."

Emmett shook his head. "No, I need something less rigid."

"Is the measuring tape not in the garage?"

"I need one of those soft tapes, the kind tailors use."

"I have one in my sewing box. I'll get it for you."

Emmett let the measuring tape uncoil in front of Jasper's face. He waved it.

Jasper looked up from his book at Emmett. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

"Most definitely."

Jasper set aside his book and got up. "Are you certain you'd rather not cling to your illusions?"

Emmett pfft'd. "I think Alice's sense of proportions is off. Way off."

Emmett wiggled his fingers. "She's got little hands."

Emmett studied the front of Jasper's jeans. "There is no way you're packing 7 in there."

Jasper laced his fingers together and cracked his knuckles. "How are we measuring this?"

Emmett waved the blue plastic tape in front of Jasper.

Jasper gave Emmett a patient look. "Soft or hard?"

Emmett hadn't considered that. "Hard."

Jasper nodded, and then raised his eyebrows. "Length only?"

"Hell, no!"

Jasper suppressed a smile. Emmett had walked into it this time.

Emmett smirked. Okay, maybe, maybe Jasper wasn't exaggerating too much about the 7 inches,

but Emmett knew it had to be pathetically thin if it was that long.

Emmett clapped his hands together and rubbed them. "Let's get started."

Emmett unbuttoned and unzipped his pants.

Jasper looked away as Emmett reached inside his pants.

"You could give a guy some kind of warning before you decide to whip it out like that."

Emmett rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Jeez, and I thought Special Ed was the prude.

If it bothers you so much, go to your bathroom."

Emmett closed his eyes and pictured Rosalie jumping up and down in a cheerleading outfit. On his lap.

"The only thing that bothers me is how unconcerned you are about doing this in front of another man."

Jasper pulled down the zipper on his jeans.

"It's not like we're doing it to each other. We're in the same room. That's all. Now stop talking. Your manly voice is screwing with my concentration."

The sales lady tapped Alice's shoulder. "Are you all right, dear?"

Alice's eyes became focused. "Yes." She giggled. "You caught me daydreaming. I know it's silly… "

"Not at all." The sales lady shook her gray-haired head. "This looks gorgeous on you.

You're an angel." She looked at Alice's image in the mirror. "He's a lucky man."

Rosalie glared. "I'm the one who's getting married, not her."

"It's never too early to start planning, dear." She patted Alice's forearm.

Alice was glad she'd decided to try on the elbow-length gloves.

Alice gave the sales woman a guilty smile. She pulled off the left glove and held up her hand.

"I see. And so young?"

Alice heard the unspoken question. She wished Edward was here so she could ask him

exactly what the lady was thinking.

"We couldn't wait. We're madly in love," Alice said breathlessly.

Rosalie made gagging noises.

The sales lady looked uncomfortable. "Let me know if there's anything I can do for you

dears. I'll be right over here."

"What did you see?" Rosalie asked. Her tone told Alice she wasn't really interested.

Alice skipped over to Rosalie and Rosalie leaned down so Alice could whisper in her ear.

Rosalie straightened up and rolled her eyes. "Seriously?"

Alice nodded, chewing on her lip, trying not to laugh out loud.

Emmett ran out the measuring tape and they both looked down at it: 6.5. He wrapped it around: 5.75.

He handed the tape over to Jasper and carefully pulled up his pants.

"Are you sure about this?" Jasper asked.

"Just do it," Emmett said.

Jasper ran out the measuring tape: 7.

"Damn," Emmett whispered.

Jasper smirked at Emmett.

He wrapped it around: 6.

Emmett stood up and whistled. "How the hell does little Alice take in all that?"

He pulled out his cell phone and sent Alice a message.

"She's very flexible." Jasper pulled up his pants, gingerly packing in everything.

Alice raced to her phone and read Emmett's message. Rosalie saw Alice's reflection as

she was contemplating the fit of the dress she had put on: Alice was frowning. "Is Jasper

trying to guilt you into coming home early so you can help him take care of his little—

excuse me, I mean his big problem?" Rosalie let out a throaty laugh.