I dunno what's going on!: U gaiz. It's a drabble series. Nothing's going on. It's just a bunch of random scenes.

But thanks for the reviews, you sexy people.

The day Noodle realized she had a crush on Murdoc was the day she thought the world would end.

Because seriously. Holy fucking shit.

She'd just – been sitting on the living room floor, legs straight out and doodling away at her current art project (a monkey), and he'd walked by her with an absent "Hey there, darlin'," and she'd turned to watch him.

Then she realized she was admiring his natural loping swagger, and her head exploded.

She'd sat there for several moments, silently pondering the universe, and then she'd gathered up all her markers and streaked to her bedroom, knocking 2D flat on his ass on her way.

Because on her list of things to never do, let the band break up had first spot, and have romantic inclinations towards Murdoc was a pretty close second.

Holy fucking shit. Holy fucking shit.

So Noodle had done what Noodle usually did when faced with a life-altering crisis, and clambered up onto her bed and folded all her lanky limbs together and held her back ramrod straight, and stayed like that. For two hours.

Well, it wasn't as if this was the end of the world. (Yes it was.) She would get over it soon; it was only fleeting infatuation. (She lived with him, and the only other crushes she'd ever had were Johnny Thunders and Adrian Brody. Deep shit was deep.) It wasn't as if there was even much about him to be attracted to anyway! (His swaaaager.) She would be fine. (Holy mother of shit, was she fucked or what?) Oh, give her a fucking break. Jesus.

She cracked an eye open to glare at the surrounding oxygen, because meditation had never failed her before and it irritated her that it would now. How inconvenient.

Mike chose that moment to leap at her from her closet, landing violently on her head and pulling her hair to keep from sliding off. Any other time and she might have accidentally kicked him out her window out of reflex, but she was too deeply and profoundly disturbed to even consider it now. Mike oohed softly at her lack of response and pulled at one of her eyelids. She sighed and pulled him off of her, relocating him to her lap.

"Mike, can you keep a secret?"

He looked at her and tried to cram three fingers up her nose all at once.

She unperturbedly captured his hand in hers and leaned closer until her forehead was almost touching his. "I believe I am attracted to Murdoc."

He tried for four.

She sighed and leaned away, gazing out her window. "This is not a good thing." She loved Murdoc, she did. But notlikethatcoughhackhackwheeze.

Maybe she did. Ever loving Jesus, maybe she did.

She stayed perfectly still for a few seconds, pondering this, and then hissed out a few expletives in her own tongue that made her feel better but didn't help much in the long run. She didn't like Murdoc. She could not like Murdoc.

He was…he was Murdoc. And she was Noodle. And Noodle and Murdoc did not go together, because Murdoc was mean and sarcastic and nasty and Noodle didn't have more than friendly affections towards mean sarcastic nasty things.

And oh, yeah; he was old.

Old as in middle-aged.

Well, if you wanted to get technical then not really, but still. Old. In spirit, anyway.

Actually it would be more accurate to describe him in spirit as a spiteful fourteen year old with a constant supply of alcohol, but still. Old.

And he was…he was gross. He was putrid and smelly and his underwear looked stupid. Why on earth would she –

Well his tongue was rather interesting.

Her neck cricked.

"Mike," she breathed, clutching him so close to her he squicked in protest. "I'm attracted to Murdoc."

This wasn't allowed to happen! Holy shit, how did this happen?

Mike squalled and shoved at her face, and she released him. He hopped over to her desk and perched there, looking at her reproachfully. She stared back, feeling for all intents and purposes like a ten year old giggling to her diary about the new boy down the street. Except she was sixteen and horrified and there was no boy down the street, there was a forty year old man who lived naked in his Winnebago.

Then her stomach rumbled and reminded her that there was no sense worrying about what she couldn't control while she was hungry. Some lunch would be nice.

She cricked her finger at Mike and he forgave her, springing to her shoulders and looping an arm around her neck. Noodle briefly tapped her fingers against her knee and then stood, heading downstairs.

She found 2D there, rummaging through every cabinet in the kitchen. She paused to watch him, then went to the pantry for some pasta. Mike leaped onto the table and skidded off onto the floor. "What are you looking for?"

He pulled his head out from between a decrepit old box of graham crackers and a bottle of olive oil, blinking at her like he'd only just noticed her presence. "'ello, Noods. I can' find me Capp'n Crunch."

She silently handed it to him from where it had resided on the bottom shelf. He beamed, gap teeth saying hello. "Thanks!"

She hummed absently and set a pot of water on the stove to boil, then hopped up onto the counter. 2D poured himself a bowl of cereal, still smiling at his fortune. She bit her lip.

"…2D?"

"Yeah?" he asked, looking up at her. His milk overflowed and spilled all over the counter. He looked at it. "Wull shit."

She waited until he had sopped it all up before going on. "Have you ever liked someone you shouldn't like? Romantically?"

He quirked his head at her, eyes crinkling up in thought. It was a rare sight indeed, and Noodle cherished it.

"Um…yeah. Yeah, there was this bird next door when I was a pea, an' – wull – " He paused as if something had only just occurred to him. "We got in trouble," he finished, nodding sagely. "Don't do drugs, Noods."

She stared at him. Then she tried again.

"But what if…you liked someone you really shouldn't," she stressed. "Not just a little girl next door."

He suddenly straightened. "We talkin' abou' 'ew?"

Huh. He could catch the weirdest things. "Yes," she admitted, because she wasn't going to get very far if she didn't.

He scratched his head and then seated himself on the counter opposite her, picking up his bowl of cereal. "Wull…wut kinda guy we talkin' bou'?"

"…older."

He choked on his cereal, spraying the floor with crunch berries. "Me?" he wheezed, eyes watering.

She waved a hand dismissively. "No, no, not you. No offense."

"Oh…okay." He settled down, picking up his spoon again. "How old?"

She twiddled her thumbs. "Thirty years or so." Give or take a few.

"Oh. Wull, 'at's not too bad," 2D said cheerfully. "Murdoc used t' get in all kinds o' trouble o'er girls 'alf his age – 'ew all right?"

"I'm fine," she managed.

"'ey…"

"Hmm?"

"'s not Russell, is it?"

"…no 2D, it's not Russell."

The rest of the day passed without incident, up until the point where Noodle went back to the kitchen for more food, and she wasn't stress eating shut up, and Murdoc walked in.

She felt more than saw him, because Murdoc was like that when he wanted to be, silent and intense and just overall unnerving with his muted dark presence. She paused just briefly. Then she continued to try her damndest to reach the Captain Crunch, which 2D had so wittingly placed at the very back of the top shelf. He probably knew no one else could reach it. He could be so territorial sometimes.

She decided she would only make things harder on herself if she just ignored him, so she acknowledged him with a level, "Hello, Murdoc."

He leaned against the fridge to watch her, scrunched face crookedly amused. "Having trouble there?"

His tone was low and gravelly, which probably meant he was in one of his exceedingly rare 'I'm relaxed and not particularly inclined to yell at everyone' moods. She wasn't sure if this helped or hindered her situation. It certainly made her back tingly.

"I cannot reach 2D's cereal," she explained. "He's put it too high up."

He raised an eyebrow, one hand reaching forward to scratch absently at his crotch. She tried not to notice that he was only wearing a pair of jeans. "'s not like yeh, Noodle-girl. Eatin' other people's cereal 'n shit."

"Proud of me?"

He cackled happily. "Fuckin' right."

She was coaxed into a small smile, and, well. So maybe there was a reason to like him. As far as Murdoc went, this was practically heartwarming.

He watched her stretch her body to its limit for a little while longer and then sighed, a little impatiently. "Sweet Satan, watching you's pathetic." He stepped forward until he was behind her and, ignoring how suddenly taut she had gone, stood on his toes to swipe it, weight pressing her into the edge of the counter and stomach leaning hard against her back.

As well as his groin. Agghhfndslka.

He handed it to her with an offhand "Here. Shit." Then he apparently noticed that her face had exploded, because he took a step back and narrowed his eyes and goodness had he been warm. A bit musky, yes, but not in a necessarily bad way. Not in a good way, but certainly not a bad way.

"You're not fucking sick, are you?" he asked roughly, looking her over. "The last thing I need is you getting sick. What've you been doing t' get sick, huh?"

"Um. Um."

He tried to put a hand on her forehead, and her fragile nerves snapped like a twig.

In retrospect it really wasn't a surprise that her response was to squeal, punch him in the stomach, and flee, but it was still embarrassing. She grabbed an edge of the laundry room door and flung herself inside. She pressed herself flat against the wall, Murdoc's wheezy spitted curses ringing in her ears. As well as the hallway.

Yeah…yeah this might not work.

She was still there, face as flushed as it went and heart very clearly telling her just how excited she was when 2D meandered in, arms full to bursting with a pile of miscellaneous garments. He glanced at her once as he sidled past but didn't ask, cramming his load into the washer. It was probably one of his most perceptive moments in memory.

Then he tilted his head, as if just noticing the steady stream of profanity coming from down the hall. Then he looked at her, her bright red face and heaving chest.

His eyes suddenly widened, and her stomach dropped. His head swiveled towards Murdoc, then back to her, then back at Murdoc. His lips parted in momentous wonder.

"Oh."