Chapter Five: Falling Apart

(One day earlier)

It was almost dawn by the time that Sho and his friends reached their destination. He had instructed Toshi and Shinji to wait in the car with Kei whilst he made sure that it was safe for them to venture inside.

The apartment that Toshi's friend had let them use was situated in one of the poorer parts of the city and the building itself was part of a block that had been earmarked for redevelopment. This, however, was not taking place until next year so they were safe there for a while.

Once he had checked all of the rooms, Sho pulled the drapes across all the windows and then went back down for his friends.

Mercifully they hadn't been followed since but Sho knew that they couldn't take the chance that someone might recognise the car and ordered Toshi to get rid of it.

His friend had offered some mild protests at this but Sho was not in the mood to argue and thus he had eventually complied.

Kei still hadn't woken up, a fact that was worrying Sho terribly although he tried to hide this. He carried the vampire inside and immediately went through to one of the bedrooms. There was little furniture and only one of the two rooms contained a bed with a mattress. Sho laid his friend down on the bed and made sure that he was comfortable before going through to the kitchen to get himself some water and to light a cigarette.

"How long do we have to remain here for?" Shinji asked, also joining his brother.

"I don't know," Sho admitted quietly, "A few days I guess. We'll talk about it in the evening."

"You mean when Kei wakes up," Shinji answered, a little bit spitefully.

"Nii-chan," Sho said with a sigh, "What do you have against Kei? He's been very good to us over the years."

"He's a monster," Shinji grumbled, "I'm sorry Sho but I don't trust him. He could turn on us."

"He won't." Sho snapped back, suddenly angry with his brother but knowing better than to start a fight.

"Yeah whatever," Shinji sighed and moved away, back into the front room.

Sho let him go. Instead he looked around the small kitchen, taking in the brown wallpaper that was peeling off the walls and the water stains in corners near to the ceiling. They couldn't stay here long-term. They had to get out of the city and then…

"I'll protect you. All of you."

Kei's words again came to the forefront of his mind and Sho couldn't help but wonder what the vampire had planned and even now if he were capable of carrying out his plan. Sho had seen Kei weak before but never like this. What had he meant by 'I can't'? Why couldn't he feed? Sho just didn't understand and he suddenly felt angry with Kei for putting them all through this. He needed Kei's strength, they all did. Without him they didn't stand much of a chance. Sho hated to admit this but, as skilled as he was with firearms, he could not fight an entire gang alone.

Then there was Kei himself. Sho loved Kei and wanted so much more from the vampire than he dared to divulge but Sho was beginning to realise that he didn't know Kei at all. He had failed to see the warning signs; he had failed to find the reason why Kei had suddenly given up on life. As far as Sho was aware nothing had changed. They were living as they normally did and enjoying hanging out with their other friends and pulling jobs together. They were getting on okay so why the sudden change?

They didn't talk much about feelings, for most guys tended not to, but Sho thought he had a good measure of Kei's personality by now and that they could understand each other without ever having to resort to words. Kei always knew what Sho was thinking or feeling and could read him better than anyone but when it came to Kei himself… Sho just didn't know. True his stronger feelings for Kei were the reason why he had put some distance between them but he had not verbally said anything different, he had simply stopped initiating too many embraces that was all. Sho knew that Kei didn't return his feelings and so he didn't want to risk losing their friendship over his. He would rather have Kei in his life as a friend than not at all but, at the moment, it was looking as though he would lose him anyway.

This very idea shook him to the core. Sho couldn't lose Kei. If he did then he might as well give up now for he knew with certainty that he just couldn't survive without Kei. Even if, by some miracle, he managed to escape Chan and his goons, Sho just wouldn't be able to carry on without Kei in his life. When he had first met Kei, his life had seemed dark and hopeless. Kei had brought back a little of that hope. No matter what happened, Sho would always need Kei.

Swallowing hard, Sho went back through the bedroom and found himself kneeling down beside his friend. He did not look at all comfortable in his sleep. His skin was chalk white and every so often a small tremor would shudder through his weak form. His expression was troubled and his breathing was much too light for Sho's liking.

As much as Sho hated to admit it, he'd never fully understood Kei's curse. He knew the basics but he didn't understand why Kei had to breath. Was it a reflex action instilled in him from his human past or was it a necessity to vampire, too? He didn't understand why the blood that Kei drank had to be human or even how he had come to be turned. The only inkling that Sho had ever been given was during an event that happened when he was fifteen.

Kei had already left for the night. It was the middle of December and had been snowing hard. The four of them had sheltered in the abandoned building that they called home for days now but hunger had finally forced Kei out to feed. Shinji was asleep and Toshi was playing a handheld computer game that he had found in a dustbin a few days ago.

Sho was restless. Kei had been gone a long time now, over a couple of hours in fact. In the recent months, Sho had taken up smoking. It was a habit that he had picked up from the vampire and, although Kei had tried to discourage him, he eventually gave in and now supplied the teenager with the occasional packet of cigarettes. Sho had just smoked his last one and had been rifling through Kei's things in the hopes of finding the silver cigarette case that the vampire kept his supplies in. Unfortunately, it looked as though he had taken it with him and Sho sighed in annoyance at this. He had, however, found a couple of notes and decided to nip to the store down the road and buy some. Already Sho was getting tall and he was confident that he could purchase them and, in any case, the storeowner rarely questioned whom he sold them to.

Annoying that he was going out, Sho slipped through the gap in the broken masonry before Toshi could voice any protests; for Kei hated them going out alone.

Sho, however, being a typical brash teenager, had thought he was invincible and walked down the street with a confident swagger but mindful of being quick lest Kei return before him. He hated to worry his friend, especially as Kei took great pains to ensure their safety.

To get to the store he had to pass beside a couple of back alleys that, during the day, were fine but at night it was a local hangout for would-be robbers and murderers. Sho, however, was unaware of this and made the mistake of passing too close to one.

His cry of surprise was muffled by a rough hand that clamped over his mouth as he was hauled bodily back into the alley. He was slammed hard up against the wall as a coarse voice snarled in his ear: "Money. Now."

Terrified, Sho handed them the few crumpled notes that he had but it was soon clear to him that they thought he had more. A decisive and painful punch knocked him to the ground and a sharp kick in his stomach ensured that he stayed in the snow, gasping painfully as the ringleader knelt down beside him.

A cry escaped his lips as hands roughly searched him, turning out his pockets and scattering the contents, which included a lighter and a few bits of paper, into the snow. Then he was hauled to his feet again and pinned back against the wall.

The second blow to his face hurt but the ones that followed were blotted out by the pain of the first. Sho vaguely recalled trying to fight back but the man was too strong and the one time that he did manage to break free the others forced him back. He was trapped and Sho was sure that he was going to die.

It was when the man raised his hand to deal Sho with the next blow that it happened. Looking up at the man's yell of surprise, Sho saw another person behind him and that person had hold of the man's wrist.

Determinedly and with seemingly little effort, Kei pulled the man away from Sho and threw him bodily to the ground. The man winced in pain and the others, three in total, immediately stepped in front of him.

Still reeling from the blows, Sho found it hard to focus and his vision momentarily blanketed. However, when it next came back into focus, the three remaining men were running for their lives. The forth was lying in the snow, still twitching slightly as Kei drank his fill.

Sho hadn't seen Kei feed since the day so long ago when Kei had rescued them from the Chinese thug and now Kei had saved his life again. Feeling foolish Sho stayed leaning back against the wall until Kei finally looked up from his meal. For a moment his eyes appeared to be glazed over but Sho knew that it was just the blood lust and that it would pass and, seconds later, it did and Kei stood, discarding the body without a second thought.

"What were you thinking?" Kei asked quietly but the tone of his voice suggested that he was furious with the teenager. "You could have been killed, Sho."

"I just wanted some cigarettes," he mumbled. Sho hated it when Kei was angry with him. The feelings that it invoked were a mixture of what a child felt to be scolded by his parents or to have an argument with a best friend.

"You don't know who might be about," Kei snapped, his voice slightly raised now. "If I hadn't have come along when I did…" Kei trailed off and Sho was stunned to see that the vampire was trembling. From the very beginning a bond had developed between them but Sho had never been sure just how much Kei cared about him until that night.

The vampire's expression then softened and he instead suggested that they go home so that he could take a look at Sho's face. Sho could taste blood in his mouth but a split lip was the least of his concerns compared to the tense state that Kei was in.

Sho had never had the chance to question Kei about that night. The vampire kept his past, especially his life before he was turned, a mystery as though it were too painful. He only spoke of it when he felt so inclined but his reaction to what happened that night was enough for Sho to start wondering again.

Looking back now, his suspicions were that Kei was attacked once before, too, and that it had brought back some painful memories.

Do you have any idea what this does to me? Being what I am?

Staring down at the vampire now, Sho's heart clenched as he recalled Kei's pain-filled words. True, he couldn't ever claim to know how Kei felt but he could see the self-imposed suffering and felt that as much as Kei did. Sho knew that he had no right to demand that Kei feed when the vampire clearly wanted for all this to be at an end but if Sho could only somehow make him see that there was much still to grasp on to by living, that each day did not have to be a constant torment for the both of them.

As Sho mulled this over, he felt himself becoming more and more panicked. Kei was so ill and he just didn't know what to do for the best. He knew that forcing Kei to feed wouldn't help for the vampire would only resent Sho for it and he knew that no amount of begging and pleading was going to work this time.

I can't…

Sho did not think of himself as an overly romantic person. Indeed, being a typical guy, he wasn't the type to wear his heart on his sleeve and neither was Kei but Sho had always wanted to meet someone one day and when he had realised that he had been living with the person that he loved all along, Sho's emotions had been all over the place.

Inevitably, he had thought of the obvious, that he was human and that Kei was a vampire and that one-day he would die, thus leaving Kei alone. This fact pained Sho, even more so because there was nothing that he could do about it, only Kei had that power. More than once in his life, Sho had contemplated what it must be like to be immortal and have all eternity stretching out in front of you. Of course, as he had gotten older and saw Kei's pain, he realised that even the immortal weren't free from suffering and even Kei could die, albeit only by his own choosing.

Sho had wanted to act upon his feelings for Kei for a long time but he was also afraid that it might make things worse somehow. He was not of the illusion that he would confess his feelings and that this would make Kei want to start feeding again. If anything it would hurt Kei more so Sho had kept his silence. It was only over the last few weeks that he was finding it more and more difficult to do so. Especially now when he was seized by moments of desperation and fear.

"Kei?" He was drawn from these thoughts when he heard a soft groan coming from the vampire.

Although his eyes remained closed, Sho could tell that he was now conscious. Kei's fingers dug tightly into the blanket beneath him and his head turned to one side, the frown on his face betraying his pain.

"Kei?" Sho repeated, moving closer still to the bed and tentatively reaching out to touch Kei's arm.

This touch was enough to force his eyes to open. His gaze remained locked on Sho's face until, gradually, his trembling ceased and his expression relaxed.

"W-where are we?" He asked, his voice surprisingly steady despite his pain of before.

"We reached Toshi's friend's place," Sho explained quietly, knowing that worry leaked into his voice even though he tried his best to force it down.

Kei nodded and pushed himself up into a sitting position. Swallowing hard, Sho knew that he had to approach the subject that was causing them both so much pain.

"About before… I'm sorry, I shouldn't have pushed you," he began, "but I don't understand… I don't understand why you can't feed."

Kei turned his head away, his voice steady and almost unfeeling as he replied: "You wouldn't. You're human."

"You say that as though you hate me for it," Sho accused sadly. "I'm just trying to help you."

"I don't hate you, you're being melodramatic."

"Then what is it? Why can't you feed?"

"It doesn't matter. What matters is protecting you and the others."

"And how can you do that if you're like this?"

"I can manage," Kei answered determinedly, "I have before."

"That's not good enough."

"Well it will have to be."

Sho leapt up as his fear and concern for the vampire went spiralling out of control. "Why are you torturing both of us like this? Why are you forcing yourself to the point of collapse? If you truly wanted to die then you'd have gone and done it by now. There is another reason for this and I just don't understand what that is!"

Kei sighed and shook his head, almost sadly, although his eyes remained as unreadable as ever. He did not speak and, in his haste to gain a response, he reached forward and grasped the slender man by the shoulders. Kei's skin felt cold beneath his fingertips and to Sho he felt even frailer at this moment. It was agonising and he couldn't shake the feeling that Kei was slowly slipping away from him.

In a reverse of roles, he found himself pulling Kei to him, holding onto him as though he might disappear at any given moment.

Stay with me… I'm scared and I need you… I love you…

These feelings were such that he couldn't bring himself to voice and when he finally found it within himself to part them, he could already feel Kei's arms moving up to around his shoulders and then a soft hand entangling itself in his braids, whilst the other laid flat against the side of his neck, feeling the pulse there.

"Kei?" The name almost died on his lips when he saw the expression on the vampire's face. It was the look that Sho had only seen a couple of times before; the reverence that Kei portrayed right before a feed.

Hope surged within Sho as the vampire leaned forward, replacing his hand with his lips, his tongue flickering out and tasting Sho's warm skin. He was frightened, this he couldn't deny, but if he could help Kei… he forced all his fears down and simply waited, allowing himself to relax into Kei's arms as he awaited the inevitable.

However, it was not to be.

At that moment the door crashed open but Kei, having heard the soft footsteps outside, had moved before Shinji could figure out exactly what might have been going on.

The hunger in Kei's eyes faded and was replaced by a look of utter dismay and self-loathing when he realised just how close he'd come to feeding on the one person who meant so much to him. He opened his mouth to say something but Shinji got there first.

"I just came in to say I'm leaving. Now."

"Leaving?" Sho repeated, "What are you talking about? You can't leave, Nii-chan."

"Why not? We're sitting ducks here, Sho. We need to get out of Mallepa now. If we wait until nightfall then we're just throwing away the lead that we have."

"No," Sho shook his head, "you can't Nii-chan."

"Why not?" Shinji repeatedly challenged. "Would you try to stop me?"

"Yeah," Sho said without hesitation, "we have to stick together."

"You'd be with me if it wasn't for that monster," Shinji glared reproachfully at Kei, who was looking increasingly agitated by the passing moment.

Without saying another word, Sho grabbed Shinji by the arm and forced him from the room. He dragged him down the corridor and to the front room, before shutting the door behind them. He had, had enough of Shinji's attitude towards Kei and Sho was furious that his brother seemed prepared to make his feelings so well known to the vampire.

"Nii-chan, stop it," Sho started, cutting over Shinji's anger at being treated like this. "I know you're scared but we have to wait until dark. Kei can protect us and--"

"Protect us? Look at him! He can barely stand! I know you feel some kind of misguided loyalty to him but I'm thinking about what is best for us. We have to get out of here whilst we still have the chance. Surely even Kei can see that?"

"Kei has a plan--"

"No," it was Shinji's turn to cut Sho off now, "I'm not waiting around any longer. I'm going and you can't stop me."

The fear of losing his brother was almost paralysing and Sho, in his desperation, felt his anger flaring to the surface once again. "What if you're caught? They'll force you to reveal our hideout, too. You'll get us all killed! Don't be so stupid and just remember that this is your fault to begin with!"

"My fault?" Shinji snapped out, now equally as furious as Sho. "You're the one who shot Xiong. Your hot-headedness got us into this mess if anything."

"You're the one who can't live through the day without his hit."

"And why do you think that is?"

"I don't know," Sho was forced to admit quietly and he felt a pang at Shinji's tone. He hated fighting with his brother and he missed the old Shinji so much. Ever since he had started using he had become a different person. Shinji used to be someone whom Sho admired and wanted to be like but now when he looked at him, the man looking back was pitiful and, at times, Sho hated him for abandoning him for the drugs.

"Well let me tell you then. It was you. You forced me to turn to this."

"Me? Nii-chan, I don't understand…"

"We were fine; you, Toshi and me. I looked after us well enough and then he came along."

"Kei? He saved our lives, Nii-chan. Kei looked after us."

"He took you away from me. I became obsolete in your eyes. Because of my leg I couldn't protect you anymore but you'd already found someone else for that hadn't you? Even now you'd choose him over me any day. I can see it in your eyes. You'd rather be with him right now than have this conversation with me!"

"Shinji, please--"

"The truth's hard to hear isn't it? Well let me tell you something else. Do you think I haven't noticed the way you look at him? It's very obvious that you're in love with him and that sickens me. I'm leaving and you can't stop me. In fact, I don't want anything more to do with either of you. Ever."

With those words, Shinji stormed from the room and, moments later, Sho heard the door of the apartment slam shut but Sho didn't make a move to stop him. He couldn't move. Shinji's words had cut deep and he could even feel tears welling up in his eyes although Sho stubbornly did his best to force them back down.

I don't want anything more to do with either of you. Ever

Stunned and hurt, Sho looked back down the corridor and at Kei's room. He wondered if the vampire had heard any of this. He hoped not, for Kei's sake. In the past, Sho would go to Kei now for reassurance but right now he felt almost guilty for wanting Kei's comfort.

Fumbling in his pocket for his cigarettes and lighter, Sho realised that he was trembling and it took him a couple of minutes to light one of the sticks. He was about to put it to his lips when the front door banged again.

"Sho? Kei?" Toshi burst into the front room, looking panicked. Appearing not to notice Sho's pained expression, Toshi continued, "I've just had a text message from Son. Chan's goons were round at his place and roughed him up really badly. They were looking for us."

You're the one who shot Xiong. Your hot-headedness got us into this mess if anything

"Sho?" Toshi prompted when his friend didn't respond to this news at all. "What is it? What's happened?"

"Shinji's gone," Sho answered him whilst trying to keep his voice steady.

"Gone? What do you mean gone?"

"He's left. He's going to try his luck on his own."

"He'll be killed!" Toshi's eyes widened with horror. "Chan's men are all over the city, that's why dumping the car took me so long. I have to take several detours on my way back here. When did he leave?"

"A few minutes ago."

"I'm going to look for him," Toshi surprised Sho by answering and he was already halfway back out the door before Sho could process this action, "Stay here with Kei. I'll call you when I've found him."

"Toshi--" Sho began to protest but his friend was already gone.

Even now you'd choose him over me any day

Sho felt numb. He felt as though he could hardly breathe. All this… it was his fault. He was to blame for everything and this time, when he felt tears building up in his eyes, he did nothing to stop them from falling.

Kei was shaking as he listened to the argument between the brothers. Just moments ago he had been overcome with horror at what he had nearly done, how he had nearly fed from his best friend but now his agony ran much deeper. Despite Kei not having much time for Shinji, he couldn't stand the idea of Sho losing his brother and that he was somehow to blame for this was more than he could take. Everything was falling apart around them. He had looked after all of them, they had become his family and now that family was breaking up and all because of him. Perhaps it would have been better if he had just left that day? Kei just didn't know. He felt so weak and yet he still couldn't bring himself to feed. Each time he tried he just thought of all the people he had killed and all the suffering that he had caused. It had been the same for Luka, too, at the end.

It was beginning to become too much for him, Kei knew. He'd had enough now. His plan to save Sho had been a very simple one. Sho couldn't take on Chan and survive but Kei could. He was confident that he could get close enough to kill the man and his closest allies. The others were weak-willed and would find a new leader, one who cared little for Chan's disputes. It was ironic how Kei lamented so upon the dead that he had fed from but he had no qualms about killing if it meant ensuring that Sho had a future.

This was why he hadn't told Sho of this. It was, in truth, a suicide mission and Kei didn't want his friend following him. Recent events, together with Shinji's revelation had been too much for him. He had been selfish; it was now time to let Sho live his own life. Kei should have known better than to think that he could live happily among people and befriend them. Luka had tried and it had ended up costing Kei everything. If Sho was dying, Kei wasn't sure if he could stand by and watch the man he loved fade away. History would repeat itself and, eventually, Sho would be the one who was left on his own.

"The truth's hard to hear isn't it? Well let me tell you something else."

Shinji was still ranting but Kei now tuned this out. He couldn't stand to listen to it anymore. He knew that he should probably intervene yet he couldn't bring himself too. Moments later his heightened senses told him that Shinji had left the apartment. The scent of Sho's tears were strong in the air and Kei wanted to go to him but this time he did not. For now he was the selfish one.